Two pieces to what I want to talk about today. The first is I believe that all of the people who were affected by this conduct deserve this apology and that's why I'm giving it to them. You know, I understand it's important or not important, you know, as far as what you say but how you say things. So, you know, I take this opportunity just to speak from the heart.
While sober on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed.I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of sobriety for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my sober state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health
It may have happened. It may have happened. You know, I'm a performer. I push the envelope, I work in a very uncontrolled manner onstage. I do a lot of free association, it's spontaneous, I go into character. I don't know, in view of the situation and the act going where it was going, I don't know, the rage did go all over the place.
I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.
I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in. I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself.
The main reason I am here today is, it's important to me that I tell you and everyone out there, what I believe, and how I live my life. I believe that every creature on this earth, every one of God's creatures was created equal. To set the record straight:
- School shootings are not the national past time of Finland.
- The people of Liverpool England have a rich and vibrant culture. Part of this rich culture is their beautiful and not at all hilarious accent.
- Dale Earnhearts death was a horrible tragedy and not in reality "the best day of my life."
- Native American street gangs do not fire bows sideways or "gangster style". Nor do they fire bows at all.
- Hentai is not the work of "Jap Chaos Wizards" trying to steal our honest American orgasms.
- Turks do not smell weird.
- The politically correct nomenclature is "Inuit" not "Snow Asians"
- The French have contributed much to western philisophical thought and are not "Full of shit Frogs."
- Smoking does not make you cool. It does however make you hardcore.
- Iranian contemporary poetry is not "Hadji gangster rap"
- Horse semen is not a delicacy in Sweden.
- Florida contributes much to American society, and humanity in general. Under no circumstances should anyone "take all their cities, and utterly destroy the men the women and the little ones of every city, leaving none to remain."
- Just because you beat someone to death with a comically oversized dildo does not mean you can downgrade the charges from "murder" to "sexual assault".
- Nudity is never appropriate in a court room setting.
- The people of Germany are not significantly more likely than any other race to derive sexual pleasure from being pooped on.
- The government of Brazil has not trained monkeys to astroturf on video gaming forums.
- Overweight-Americans are not smuggling midgets in their skinfolds.
- Methamphetamine does not give you superpowers.
- Dick Cheney is not an "uppity cracker"
- Shia LallyoucaneatBoufet does not moonlight as an understudy for gay pornstars to support his crippling PCP addiction.
- Grey Aliens are not withholding contact with mankind because of Will and Grace.
- Refusing to drink my urine, regardless of context, does not make a woman a "stuck up bitch."
Many of you in the room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me, or worked with me, or supported me, and now, every one of you has good reason to be critical of me.
For more than a quarter of a century in public life I have shared in the turbulent history of this era. I have fought for what I believed in. I have tried to the best of my ability to discharge those duties and meet those responsibilities that were entrusted to me. Sometimes I have succeeded and sometimes I have failed, but always I have taken heart from what Theodore Roosevelt once said about the man in the arena, "whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there is not effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deed, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumphs of high achievements and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."
Finally, there are many people in this room and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your hearts to one day believe in me again. Thank you.
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