"Who the FUCK steals individual Christmas lights?!?," I exclaimed, as my lovely wife stood beside me, looking befuddled. "It isn't like they were doing anything to anyone!... except for being festive and shit!"
I was standing on my front lawn, examining a strip of large-bulb holiday lights attached to my porch. This particular string of lights had until recently been fully manned by colorful bulbs, but now was missing seven of them. Why? Who fucking knows. The point is I was pissed.
No, not pissed. Violently Pissed. Punch-some-stupid-motherfucker-right-in-the-face-for-screwing-with-my-lights Pissed. My wife took the dog inside, shaking her head.
Now as I've stated here previously, I'm prefer to blend into the crowd, to not let myself get noticed for being a Freak by the Norms that surround me. To that end, I decorated our new house with Christmas lights, just like most everyone else on our block... even though I'm a freaking Wiccan, for Gods' sakes!
Was anyone else's house targeted for this bulb-theft? Nope... Just mine, Baby! That of course only served to fuel my rage.
So, as I said, I was fairly upset about this at the time. Hell, it was just a day or so after Christmas, and here I am having to take down this strand of lights, to avoid shorting out the whole system of lights when it rained next. That was something that I simply could not allow!
I grumbled and groaned as I took that strand down, promising myself that this would be the last time I decorated our house for any holiday, not just for Christmas.
"Fuck these ungrateful bastards!," I uttered to myself. "They can go 'Trick-or-Treat' somewhere fucking else next year!"
A few hours later, as I sat watching yet another rerun of "Law & Order" (RIP Jerry Orbach), it hit me: I had been Jaked. Probably inadvertantly, but Jaked just the same.
This simple kids' prank became a Jake upon my reaction to discovering the loss of bulbs. It rose to the level of a Fucking Great Jake when I lost my cool over seven stupid pieces of colored fucking glass, meant to celebrate a holiday that isn't even mine!
Methinks I spend too much time with Norms, and not enough screwing with their minds. Perhaps I should strap a huge dildo to an inflatable Santa, then display it prominently on my lawn next Belthane?
Why the fuck not. My house is fully insured, anyway.
my christmas tree was stolen once.
he he he he he
i only needed six
the seventh one was insurance
now each room has its own nightlight
thanks shecky
Are you sure your wife didn't do it? :twisted:
QuoteTo that end, I decorated our new house with Christmas lights, just like most everyone else on our block... even though I'm a freaking Wiccan, for Gods' sakes!
Dude. You do know that lighting shit up in wintertime is a totally pagan thing to do, right? Just 'cause some asshat electrified it and slapped the word "Christmas" on it doesn't make it Christian. ;)
::sticks a nine-volt battery in agent compassion's ear and slaps a "Christmas" sticker on her forehead::
Quote from: agent compassionQuoteTo that end, I decorated our new house with Christmas lights, just like most everyone else on our block... even though I'm a freaking Wiccan, for Gods' sakes!
Dude. You do know that lighting shit up in wintertime is a totally pagan thing to do, right? Just 'cause some asshat electrified it and slapped the word "Christmas" on it doesn't make it Christian. ;)
Yeah, I know. Presents are Pagan, too... Those are the only things that keep me from feeling like I'm regressing into the Catholic-Hell of my childhood, this time of year.
The point was that most people think it's "Christmas-y" to do the lights, thus my angst. As if I ever need a reason to dwell in my angst...
Quote from: eldora_avalonAre you sure your wife didn't do it? :twisted:
There's a thought. She's just evil enough to do it, too.
Quote from: agent compassionQuoteTo that end, I decorated our new house with Christmas lights, just like most everyone else on our block... even though I'm a freaking Wiccan, for Gods' sakes!
Dude. You do know that lighting shit up in wintertime is a totally pagan thing to do, right? Just 'cause some asshat electrified it and slapped the word "Christmas" on it doesn't make it Christian. ;)
Like the pope, no really, the guy at the vatican, finagling the fir tree into a Christian symbol this year, that was hilarious. He was actually trying to get people to beleive it like it was ever thus.
O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum
Wie grun sie deine blatte
Excuse the spelling, I don't know how to do umlauts. :P
QuoteThe point was that most people think it's "Christmas-y" to do the lights, thus my angst. As if I ever need a reason to dwell in my angst...
Oh. Well, next year you could always string the lights up in a paganish pattern. Pentagram, crescent moon, "Don't touch my fucking lights you little shitheads" etc.
Quote::sticks a nine-volt battery in agent compassion's ear and slaps a "Christmas" sticker on her forehead::
Ow! Wrong hole!
:sticks a lightbulb in her mouth and makes it glow:
I don't get messed with when it comes to my decorations... Fear me, for I am the wicked wiccan of the neighborhood and I will take a crowbar to your ass!
when i own myt own house iw ill decorate my house with handgrenades and mortar shells, just so everyone knows what they're getting when they buy christmass presents each year.
you must have a very miserable life mr shecky if you get so bent out of shape over 7 individual christmas lights.
Shecky - reclaim Dec 25 for it's rightful owner...Mithras!!
I want to see Mithras decorations! Mithras cards! I want to hear little kids say "I got this wtich book for a Mithras present!"
Mithras vs Jesus?? No contest. Mithras slayed a bull and drank it's blood. Jesus? Born in a stable. Rubbish. (boo hisss)
Mithras - born from a rock!!
Show those Christers that we're taking the 25th back!!!
Sorry...i'm not in a great mood.
<gives shecky 7 lightbulbs>
that reminds me, my jw associate agrees christmass is a pagan holiday.
i disagree, claiming it for our lady as a discordian holyday, in which we placate the mad god greeedy children with gifts bought from our consumerist overseers.
QuoteShecky - reclaim Dec 25 for it's rightful owner...Mithras!!
Yeah! Celebrate Yalda instead!
or consider:
www.e-sheep.com/Saturnalia/
Cool, that's the site with Rush Limbaugh Eats Everything on it. Theres a link at the end.
Bwahaha
Quote from: agent compassion
Ow! Wrong hole!
:shock:
Great, now her husband's gonna kick my ass...
QuoteGreat, now her husband's gonna kick my ass...
Lucky for you, he's at work right now. You don't wanna be messing with an angry cyborg...
8) [/quote]
Usually a bloody severed goat head tends to keep people away from Christmas lights, though sometimes a little pile of teeth works as well.
I don't know. Pagans have always celebrated things like Solstice. But I get sick of hearing about how the Xtians stole this-and-that. No one stole shit. Things just changed with the times.
Our neighbors don't mess with our stuff. When my husband cleans his guns, he does it on the front porch. Usually 2 at a time.
It's not so much that I get mad at people who call themselves christian calling particular things christmas decorations or traditions. I understand that early church leaders took the traditions of the area and incorporated them into the new religion to get the people to go to the church. This happened all over the world at various times with various religions.
I think it is funny when there is a christmas tree in a church. I think it is funny when the pope in the vatican talks about the fir tree being a symbol of christ. I am amused, I'll leave it to Jesus Christ to be pissed. I don 't think this is the sort of thing he would have wanted. Next he'll be saying easter eggs are symbols of the apostles.
My husband, who is more devious and more logical then me, sometimes, at least, wants to know if anyone else in your neighborhood has lights like that? Maybe someone just had some burned out lights and was too lazy to go to the store and went shopping in your front yard. Ocam's razor.
QuoteBut I get sick of hearing about how the Xtians stole this-and-that. No one stole shit. Things just changed with the times.
Aye, but what gets my goat is when they turn around and attack us "heathens" for doing the same things they're doing because we're not doing them with a "Jesus Seal of Approval" or something....they don't acknowledge that they borrowed/incorporated these things from other paths. It's like they think that there was a fuckin' Christmas tree in the manger with Jesus or something....hello, ever heard of a little thing called history? Be nice!
Ah, fuck 'em anyway, who needs Christianity? That religion is the ultimate mindfuck I swear.
Quote from: eldora_avalonMy husband, who is more devious and more logical then me, sometimes, at least, wants to know if anyone else in your neighborhood has lights like that? Maybe someone just had some burned out lights and was too lazy to go to the store and went shopping in your front yard. Ocam's razor.
Actually, yes. They live about a block away, and suddenly have seven lights of differing colors among their normally all-red lights.
My wife won't let me burn their house down. Pity that.
Steal them back, but replace theirs with chocolate mice or GI Joes, or something.
Or hang up "Blair Witch"- style twig fetishes.
Quote from: SheckyQuote from: eldora_avalonMy husband, who is more devious and more logical then me, sometimes, at least, wants to know if anyone else in your neighborhood has lights like that? Maybe someone just had some burned out lights and was too lazy to go to the store and went shopping in your front yard. Ocam's razor.
Actually, yes. They live about a block away, and suddenly have seven lights of differing colors among their normally all-red lights.
My wife won't let me burn their house down. Pity that.
Your wife is stifling your creativity! She's suffocating your inner delinquent!
yes...
[creepy 70s italian horror movie voice]
kill herrr... kiiiiiiiiiiillll heeeerrr...
[/creep 70s italian horror movie voice]
Quote from: SheckyActually, yes. They live about a block away, and suddenly have seven lights of differing colors among their normally all-red lights.
My wife won't let me burn their house down. Pity that.
Dude, just go steal seven of their red lights, duh.
They might expect that. I was thinking of stealing the steering wheel from their car, instead.
Quote from: SheckyThey might expect that. I was thinking of stealing the steering wheel from their car, instead.
Or jack the car up, put it on blocks just enough so the tires are off the ground. They get in the car, sart it, put it in gear and do a Curly, it tried to go but nothing happened. :twisted:
Quote from: SheckyThey might expect that. I was thinking of stealing the steering wheel from their car, instead.
When they finally take down their (your) lights, sneak over in the middle of the night and put up new ones. Keep this up nightly until your interest or budget wanes.
christmaslights suck..
firelitos and luminarios are where it's at.
kim
Hang donuts from their fence when they're not home.
Quote from: agent compassionHang donuts from their fence when they're not home.
I saw something the other day, I think it was things to put on lights. It was Jack from A Nightmare Before Christmas. Except at my house, it is called, Jack the Pumpkin King. But putting up lights like that would be funny. Or replace their porch light with a black light or red light.
Quoter replace their porch light with a black light or red light.
Red light? BAHAHAHAA!
Quote from: agent compassionQuoteBut I get sick of hearing about how the Xtians stole this-and-that. No one stole shit. Things just changed with the times.
Aye, but what gets my goat is when they turn around and attack us "heathens" for doing the same things they're doing because we're not doing them with a "Jesus Seal of Approval" or something....they don't acknowledge that they borrowed/incorporated these things from other paths. It's like they think that there was a fuckin' Christmas tree in the manger with Jesus or something....hello, ever heard of a little thing called history? Be nice!
Ah, fuck 'em anyway, who needs Christianity? That religion is the ultimate mindfuck I swear.
Ah, fuck 'em! A good few dead snakes hanging on the front door will keep them Jesus freako-hippie-nuts away.
I dunno. No Xtian ever attacked me, well....not many. I seem to be very persuasive and have converted a few of them....so they give me a wide berth.