There's a stink about this joint, now, like the kind of stink you'd find on a battlefield were thousands or hundreds of thousands died for reasons they didn't understand...And that even the principals didn't really give a shit about. The causus belli was unimportant; it just seemed like the thing to do. Jim's ghost is back for two weeks as a contractor (to finish some R&D work), and I'd pay money to see Lilly wandering around wringing her hands and abjuring the spot to get out. However, she hasn't contracted Cain, so there the spot stays, even if she doesn't notice it.
I mean, how could she notice it? She has the gore of 3 other careers all the way up to her elbows; she has forgotten what blood smells like.
As for Jim, he's a smart guy that chose a bad way to be a schmuck. I saw him this morning. He did not look good. He looked like what ECH's old neighbors might call a "Jumbee", a form of undead that doesn't always mean harm...But does it anyway, because the dead are incapable of doing good.
The younger guys see Jim back on the property, and their eyes light up. Suckers. He's here to sit in his office and finish some calculations. He isn't back, nor is he in charge. As of yesterday, he is no longer a member of the company, with official power about the same as the janitors enjoy. No, Lilly is in charge, for the moment. The guys upstairs are letting her implode. This all seems very reckless, and the feeling you get is similar to that of those days when you realize that your life while on the highway is in the hands of the least competent driver.
It is like a horrible dream of some kind. Last week we were building the future, and this week we are the past. We are like Madam Toussad's collection. Here a waxen chemist, there an operator. No, scratch that, it's like the last 7.5 years never happened, and I am sitting in an office, staring at the man behind the curtain, the rat bastard that let us think we were accomplishing things.
You know, I bet Jim's wife feels the exact same way, only infinitely worse. All of your accomplishments are ashes in your mouth; the world has pulled back the curtain and shown its true colors. Hell. Nothing here is good, and the only things that looked good were just there to build you up until you were slap-worthy. And that slap is coming, and nothing can be the same, ever again.
This is also why those in Hell never look back, of course. Not because the contrast of the living world and where you are now is too depressing. No. Instead, because the state of your head will color those experiences as hopeless and banal, too. Some Christians define Hell as "the absence of God", and I am uncertain as to whether I agree with that. I feel that it is more the absence of Hell's inmates. You have become a memory of a person, with memories of accomplishments that just don't seem important anymore AND you can't remember why you used to think they were amazing.
Hell is a combination of bad circumstances and your bad brain. It's easy to say "When you're going through hell, keep on going," or, "There is a light at both ends of the tunnel...Where you're headed and where you came from. All you have to do is turn around." These people clearly don't understand what I am talking about.
Okay for now,
Dok
Requiem for the Future.
This all seems very depressing.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 02, 2015, 03:13:29 PM
Requiem for the Future.
This all seems very depressing.
I don't often get depressed. I am now. Not the horrible sort of depression that plagues people who have no actual reason to be depressed, other than bad chemical imbalances in the brain. No, this is the sort of depression you feel when things
have capsized.
Yeah. It always seemed that for all its faults and personnel fuckery, you did enjoy working there, in some way.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 02, 2015, 03:55:06 PM
Yeah. It always seemed that for all its faults and personnel fuckery, you did enjoy working there, in some way.
Yes, yes I did. Probably because of the chaos.
There's also the fact that I feel all at sea. All of my assumptions were wrong, in ways I never would have even imagined. I have no certainties, at least at work.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 02, 2015, 03:08:20 PM
This is also why those in Hell never look back, of course. Not because the contrast of the living world and where you are now is too depressing. No. Instead, because the state of your head will color those experiences as hopeless and banal, too. Some Christians define Hell as "the absence of God", and I am uncertain as to whether I agree with that. I feel that it is more the absence of Hell's inmates. You have become a memory of a person, with memories of accomplishments that just don't seem important anymore AND you can't remember why you used to think they were amazing.
That, that right there is really disturbing.
Great piece.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 02, 2015, 05:13:09 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 02, 2015, 03:08:20 PM
This is also why those in Hell never look back, of course. Not because the contrast of the living world and where you are now is too depressing. No. Instead, because the state of your head will color those experiences as hopeless and banal, too. Some Christians define Hell as "the absence of God", and I am uncertain as to whether I agree with that. I feel that it is more the absence of Hell's inmates. You have become a memory of a person, with memories of accomplishments that just don't seem important anymore AND you can't remember why you used to think they were amazing.
That, that right there is really disturbing.
Great piece.
We Holy Men™ aren't supposed to make things better. We're just supposed to explain them, so you CAN.
I know how it feels to lose grasp on what I thought was going to be The Future sir.
Every ideal breaks down when exposed to humans long enough. With bipolar disorder I often get the emotional ride without rational context. My only comfort has become that it will pass. Things will change. Change and adaptation are in some ways the often ungentle mercy of God to me, the essence of survival. And so hell is the point where there can no longer be change of any kind.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 02, 2015, 03:20:54 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 02, 2015, 03:13:29 PM
Requiem for the Future.
This all seems very depressing.
I don't often get depressed. I am now. Not the horrible sort of depression that plagues people who have no actual reason to be depressed, other than bad chemical imbalances in the brain. No, this is the sort of depression you feel when things have capsized.
:(
It seems like the end of an era, somehow.
What next, Holy Man?
Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 02, 2015, 04:01:23 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 02, 2015, 03:55:06 PM
Yeah. It always seemed that for all its faults and personnel fuckery, you did enjoy working there, in some way.
Yes, yes I did. Probably because of the chaos.
There's also the fact that I feel all at sea. All of my assumptions were wrong, in ways I never would have even imagined. I have no certainties, at least at work.
Slap thine face and rethink your perspective based on your own words.
By all accounts, the place is going to shit in a grand way.
You know, I always wanted the story about when that giant ball decides to go for a roll. We may all get lucky out of this yet. Start laughing and embrace great times of change. Many things may explode, but the end result could easily be better than you started.
Give me a shout if(when) it does explode, I'll get you a drink if I get the job.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 03, 2015, 09:41:14 PM
It seems like the end of an era, somehow.
What next, Holy Man?
Dunno. I have a half-dozen job offers. Word got around quick.
I am going to stay at least a month, though, and take my revenge.
Quote from: Junkenstein on March 03, 2015, 10:09:07 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 02, 2015, 04:01:23 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 02, 2015, 03:55:06 PM
Yeah. It always seemed that for all its faults and personnel fuckery, you did enjoy working there, in some way.
Yes, yes I did. Probably because of the chaos.
There's also the fact that I feel all at sea. All of my assumptions were wrong, in ways I never would have even imagined. I have no certainties, at least at work.
Slap thine face and rethink your perspective based on your own words.
By all accounts, the place is going to shit in a grand way.
You know, I always wanted the story about when that giant ball decides to go for a roll. We may all get lucky out of this yet. Start laughing and embrace great times of change. Many things may explode, but the end result could easily be better than you started.
Give me a shout if(when) it does explode, I'll get you a drink if I get the job.
Right on.