Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2015, 05:52:38 PM

Title: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2015, 05:52:38 PM
Cain lives OUTSIDE OF THE DOME, in some island nation where nothing makes sense and everyone pretends it does.  Well, at least the people who make decisions pretends it does, but not even they take themselves seriously.  Not really.  Cain does some odd form of work involving posh kids who have learning disabilities with respect to rules, common sense, and anything remotely touching on a moral compass.  Their beady little eyes roll up into their empty little heads whenever someone says anything about compassion or ethics...And most of their handlers have been chosen to reinforce this behavior, whether or not they realize it. 

What's really happening:  Cain is in Hell.  We don't know why, but whatever it was must have been pretty bad.  It is probably worth looking up who died the same day he was "born". 

It's worth noting that, like Boston, his city has a haunted subway system that doesn't obey physics or any other inconvenient scientific principles.  Rumor has it that there's a lost train that can take you from hell to Boston, though this does not appear to be a significant upgrade.  There is also a tunnel to Wales, though of course nobody uses it.

I feel that Cain knows he is damned, and doesn't particularly care.  He's an educated man, and he knows the Truth...Hell is full, and long ago overflowed into the living world like a septic tank in Kentucky.  Even if he escaped, he'd still be neck deep in shit AND he would lose the certainty of his days.  I mean, what's outside of Hell?  Texas and France.

What would YOU do? 
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: LMNO on May 06, 2015, 06:16:54 PM
Hold on... Didn't you say that Hell was Tucson?


Which means Cain is in Tucson...





Which means I give it three months before he takes over...




RUN WHILE YOU STILL HAVE LEGS!
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2015, 06:27:35 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 06, 2015, 06:16:54 PM
Hold on... Didn't you say that Hell was Tucson?


Which means Cain is in Tucson...





Which means I give it three months before he takes over...




RUN WHILE YOU STILL HAVE LEGS!

Tucson is heck.  It's where you go when you were kinda bad.  And it's (technically) INSIDE THE DOME.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2015, 06:28:15 PM
Also, I would love to have Cain as our autocrat. 

Even if he gives me what I deserve.  I'd still pay money.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Reginald Ret on May 06, 2015, 08:48:16 PM
Cain does not take over.
He gets several of his puppets to fight over the power while controlling them all.
It doesn't matter which puppets wins...
It doesn't matter if they keep fighting forever...
It doesn't matter if a violent revolution would take over, for they too will be one of Cain's puppets...

This only happens because Cain mods all his games until they become challenging even for him.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on May 06, 2015, 11:25:23 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2015, 12:30:29 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on May 06, 2015, 11:25:23 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.

He has to get the stains out.  Nigel knows more about this than I do.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 08, 2015, 09:21:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2015, 12:30:29 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on May 06, 2015, 11:25:23 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.

He has to get the stains out.  Nigel knows more about this than I do.

Shhhh

we don't  talk now.
Title: Re: Shameless Slander #4: Cain
Post by: Cain on May 15, 2015, 10:07:28 PM
 :lol:

100% accurate.  I have pretty much accepted that this is a modern version of endlessly rolling that rock up a hill, the sort of demented activity only the most cruelly inventive demon could come up, quite possibly the same demon responsible for reality TV, party political broadcasts and the popularity of crappy comic books turned into crappy movies.

When I shall find the demon responsible, I have a specially sharpened ruler waiting for him.  You learn some tricks in this business...