Club Congress
I took sip of my drink. "Well, it's like this, Katie...Until a couple of months ago, I had the dream job. Then my boss was caught schtupping the scheduler, by his wife. They were both given a chance to retire. Jim did, Lillie - the scheduler - did not, thinking she'd tough it out. She's clearly doomed, but in the meantime, she's making life hell on everyone. Then, a week ago, one of her direct reports made an insanely racist comment in mixed company. I called him on it, and he thought it was funny. Lillie had not been present, so I reported it to her per the rules. "
"Sounds reasonable so far."
"Yeah, well, the next day she tried to fire my best employee."
"Retaliation? Really?"
"Yep. And the racist got 'punished' by having to make an apology. That's it. In any case, I wound up getting a call from HR, who had not heard of the racism thing, and I called it retaliation."
"So, they're going to fire her?"
I keep forgetting how young Katie is. She still has smooth curves that haven't been smashed into jagged edges.
"No. In fact, I was called back by HR after I'd submitted a written statement, and very improperly asked to remove the word 'retaliation', and told there was no indication that such was taking place. I refused to remove the word. I haven't heard from them since, and Lillie has after a few days of quiet, stepped up her game."
"That's bullshit."
"Damn right it is. But the boss's boss has postponed his visit, the HR department all took sick days, then vacations, and neither the boss's complaint against my employee nor my complaint of retaliation has been acted on. Nor, for that matter, has the racism issue. It's like there's this huge ball of flaming shit just hovering in the sky, and there's no way to tell where it's going to land. Nobody wants to go near it."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to make it worse, of course. There's no reason I should feel anxiety if nobody else has to."
Katie laughed. "You have a habit of doing that."
"Well, I don't LIKE to..."
"Liar."
"Yeah."
I got up to go to the men's room, and to grab another round on the way back. When I came back out, some guy with a beard and deliberately crappy Italian shoes was standing next to the table, talking to Katie. Shrug. I walked on over and set the drinks down. Beardo looks at me and says "Do you mind?"
"Yeah, actually, I do."
"What, are you her dad or something?"
Katie and I laughed. I looked at Katie.
"This stud doesn't seem to be communicating well," she said, "He would like to buy me a drink, but I do not want one of his drinks. He would like to get me out of here and into something more comfortable, but doesn't seem to understand that 'I'm Gay' doesn't mean 'come cure me, big daddy'."
I snorted laughter. "Fuck off, kid, before something bad happens."
"What are you gonna do about it, grandpa?"
Okay, that's a first. It had to happen eventually. Still, it could have waited a few more years.
"What makes you think HE will do something about it, kid?" Katie asked, lighting a cigarette.
"Oh, now the dyke is going to beat me up?"
"Oh, dear. Something bad just happened," I said, leaning back in my chair.
"What?" Bearded guy looked at us, with a suspicion going through his drunken head that maybe someone WAS going to get fucked tonight. Just not the way he planned.
Katie leaned forward and burned his face with her cigarette, right through the beard. The smell was ungodly. He screamed, and put his hands to his face. Oh, look, his balls are right there, undefended. What could I do? I punched him in the junk. He staggered backward, into the arms of the bouncer, who hustled him to the gate and heaved him out onto the pavement.
He turned to us. "You two get to go out the front door, under your own power. First, last, and only warning."
"We're reasonable people," I said, standing up.
"Yes, no trouble at all," Katie agreed.
The bouncer relaxed, and said, "You guys can come back some other time. Only it's our policy that anyone involved in trouble is out for the night."
We slammed out drinks, nodded at him, and headed for the door. The people at the surrounding tables were looking at us like we were animals. Of course, the young lady's outburst earlier didn't help matters.
As we walked down the sidewalk, still giggling, Katie said "Let's go down a few blocks. There's a corner bar that serves truly cheap liquor to truly cheap people. You can finish your story there."
I shrugged, thinking that the night's insanity wasn't over.
I was right.
to be continued
wooo!
I'm fascinated to see where the flaming ball of shit ends up.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 19, 2015, 05:34:44 PM
I'm fascinated to see where the flaming ball of shit ends up.
So am I; it is STILL hovering.
Is there truly any better omen for Tucson than a shit comet?
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 19, 2015, 05:42:32 PM
Is there truly any better omen for Tucson than a shit comet?
If there is, I can't think of one.
It occurs to me that I am keeping bad company. Or the best possible company. I can't decide.
This is awesome. :lol:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 05:48:55 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 19, 2015, 05:42:32 PM
Is there truly any better omen for Tucson than a shit comet?
If there is, I can't think of one.
It occurs to me that I am keeping bad company. Or the best possible company. I can't decide.
Quick, effective action in response to trouble? And a sense of humor, too? Id say best.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 05:25:45 PM
I got up to go to the men's room, and to grab another round on the way back. When I came back out, some guy with a beard and deliberately crappy Italian shoes was standing next to the table, talking to Katie. Shrug. I walked on over and set the drinks down. Beardo looks at me and says "Do you mind?"
"Yeah, actually, I do."
"What, are you her dad or something?"
Katie and I laughed. I looked at Katie.
"This stud doesn't seem to be communicating well," she said, "He would like to buy me a drink, but I do not want one of his drinks. He would like to get me out of here and into something more comfortable, but doesn't seem to understand that 'I'm Gay' doesn't mean 'come cure me, big daddy'."
I snorted laughter. "Fuck off, kid, before something bad happens."
"What are you gonna do about it, grandpa?"
Okay, that's a first. It had to happen eventually. Still, it could have waited a few more years.
"What makes you think HE will do something about it, kid?" Katie asked, lighting a cigarette.
"Oh, now the dyke is going to beat me up?"
"Oh, dear. Something bad just happened," I said, leaning back in my chair.
"What?" Bearded guy looked at us, with a suspicion going through his drunken head that maybe someone WAS going to get fucked tonight. Just not the way he planned.
Katie leaned forward and burned his face with her cigarette, right through the beard. The smell was ungodly. He screamed, and put his hands to his face. Oh, look, his balls are right there, undefended. What could I do? I punched him in the junk. He staggered backward, into the arms of the bouncer, who hustled him to the gate and heaved him out onto the pavement.
:lol: Funny how some people think that if they just keep digging they'll come out on top somehow.
Maybe by the bolded part he had already figured he wasn't getting anything, but really, what was he expecting? What if you
were her father? Frankly it doesn't matter - insulting the family/friends/drink mates of your potential interest isn't really the best way to woo the ladies.
Not that it's terribly surprising, but if you can step back for a minute and pretend that this type of behavior is rare, it's just like....really!?
Looking forward to more. Always enjoy your writing.
WOOOHOOOO!
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 05:35:26 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 19, 2015, 05:34:44 PM
I'm fascinated to see where the flaming ball of shit ends up.
So am I; it is STILL hovering.
Excellent. If still hovering then there is still the opportunity to increase the size.
Act accordingly.
Please tell me this is how everything actually transpired, even if it isn't true.
Also, I sincerely hope there is a part 3 coming...
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 19, 2015, 09:13:42 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 05:35:26 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 19, 2015, 05:34:44 PM
I'm fascinated to see where the flaming ball of shit ends up.
So am I; it is STILL hovering.
Excellent. If still hovering then there is still the opportunity to increase the size.
Act accordingly.
Oh, it doubled in size today alone. Details to follow.
Quote from: Hoopla on May 19, 2015, 09:13:54 PM
Please tell me this is how everything actually transpired, even if it isn't true.
Also, I sincerely hope there is a part 3 coming...
Much as with the MSY series, I never pull back the vinyl. Mostly as a self-incrimination thing. Any resemblance to real people, alive or dead, is pure malice and I am not sorry in the slightest.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 10:55:11 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on May 19, 2015, 09:13:54 PM
Please tell me this is how everything actually transpired, even if it isn't true.
Also, I sincerely hope there is a part 3 coming...
Much as with the MSY series, I never pull back the vinyl. Mostly as a self-incrimination thing. Any resemblance to real people, alive or dead, is pure malice and I am not sorry in the slightest.
I choose to believe it happened just as written.
Quote from: Hoopla on May 19, 2015, 11:07:35 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 19, 2015, 10:55:11 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on May 19, 2015, 09:13:54 PM
Please tell me this is how everything actually transpired, even if it isn't true.
Also, I sincerely hope there is a part 3 coming...
Much as with the MSY series, I never pull back the vinyl. Mostly as a self-incrimination thing. Any resemblance to real people, alive or dead, is pure malice and I am not sorry in the slightest.
I choose to believe it happened just as written.
I can neither confirm nor deny that this is a wise idea.
Still really enjoying - replie when my head is not full of icepicks, adhered by naproxen and rum
Oooh, the cigarette-through-the-beard move is smoooth! I'm gonna have to remember that.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2015, 02:57:41 AM
Oooh, the cigarette-through-the-beard move is smoooth! I'm gonna have to remember that.
Apparently beard oil improves the experience.
Katie is my current short-term personal savior.
It's rare that I meet someone more impulsive than myself who isn't outright insane.
She sounds like good times! I bet she and I would have more fun than ANYONE really wanted.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2015, 03:04:04 AM
She sounds like good times! I bet she and I would have more fun than ANYONE really wanted.
:lulz:
Yeah, except violence. While you're no hothouse flower, you're a little more
civilized.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 20, 2015, 03:09:11 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2015, 03:04:04 AM
She sounds like good times! I bet she and I would have more fun than ANYONE really wanted.
:lulz:
Yeah, except violence. While you're no hothouse flower, you're a little more civilized.
I would be down with facilitating.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2015, 03:13:36 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 20, 2015, 03:09:11 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2015, 03:04:04 AM
She sounds like good times! I bet she and I would have more fun than ANYONE really wanted.
:lulz:
Yeah, except violence. While you're no hothouse flower, you're a little more civilized.
I would be down with facilitating.
:lulz:
Thing is, you'd have liked Knuckles. His violence was very rational, if you know what I mean.
With Katie, it's like a stormburst. One minute everything is fine, the next, there's fists flying and squashed testicles.