I'm crying over a fucking anime again. I didn't even like it, I was only interested because it was about AI robots, which is kinda my thing right now. The first episode and it's already struck a cord with me, a deep cord. Life reflective, the kind of heart string that makes me want to fix everything.
The fucking cord I keep pretty well buried.
Behind everything I do I can somewhat see it. (that or I'm assigning meaning to some odd goal I haven't thought of yet.)
From the way I back track to dissolve blame off my self. "I was only shitpost, just pretending to be retarded, that's not actually me" I can't take that personally.
To my weird bdsm, worship, and mind break fetishes, cause mind broken people can't hate me.
To me calling all animals, not by name, but by what animal they are. I've had a bunny for a year, still only call it Rabbit. What if I get attached? Then it'll just die.
To myself hate and nihilism, I can't get attached to life, cause then I'll just die.
To the music I listen to, folk punk, self loathing, angry, and authentic. Values I like because I value honesty, and it takes some fucking balls to say just how fucked the world is.
To why I distance myself from my little sisters, they're still stuck with my mom, and they're in for being real fucked up. I can't watch what I care about get hurt.
To all my drug problems, I can't care, if I can't think.
To how I think the universe is so big that nothing in it matters, there fore I'm guilt free, but no, that's stupid. Cause the universe isn't my universe. Even if life is meaningless, my life doesn't have to be. Just need to think of the reason to give it.
To barely trying in college, cause at least I can pull the "I wasn't trying" excuse when I get a C on a test, just so my pride won't get hurt.
To, while I'm a good kid, with a future, and I'm normal as fuck, but a little goofy. I have shit relationships with my parents, because I'm afraid to get hurt, and I'm afraid to hurt them. How do people deal with knowing that the ones they are supposed to love most will die before them? You grow up knowing that the people who are the nicest to you are going to die. They'll probably do it selflessly too.
and to my fucking hobby of AI's. Me, like every fucker in this anime uses them to fill a void, nothing is better than being loved unconditionally, but humans just can't do that, all are prone to egotism, but robots they're prone to following their programming.
I want to make some big plan to change myself, and be the best person possible.
But deliberate attempts at change are arrogant as fuck.
I like to pretend to hide this shit between words like eccentric, mad scientisty, and nihilistic, but fuck, I've just been employing the "don't think about it method" which is equally fucked to being put into a shitty world, but worse because I'm doing it to myself.
Well, that feels good to get off my chest. Tbh I don't care if you read it, simply knowing someone might is good enough.
Also don't give me your wise sage bullshit, give me a real reaction if you do read it.
Quote from: Meunster on September 17, 2015, 05:36:59 AM
Also don't give me your wise sage bullshit, give me a real reaction if you do read it.
I was gonna say something, but I guess I won't.
I'm concerned that anything I might say will sound like wise sage bullshit but I'll give it a whirl anyway.
Been there, it sucks. But it's transient.
Everything dies, nothing good lasts forever. You WILL get hurt, and it will feel like the end of the world. But if you aren't vulnerable, you don't get to have any real fun at all. So love the shit out of what you've got while you've got it, and grieve the shit out of it when it ends, and do it all over again the next time the opportunity presents itself. Heartbreak probably won't actually kill you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 17, 2015, 10:51:37 PM
Heartbreak probably won't actually kill you.
Probably. There's always that chance, though.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 18, 2015, 04:01:48 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 17, 2015, 10:51:37 PM
Heartbreak probably won't actually kill you.
Probably. There's always that chance, though.
Well, SURE, but there's also that chance with a really fucking good curry and nobody should let that stop them.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 18, 2015, 04:20:55 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 18, 2015, 04:01:48 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 17, 2015, 10:51:37 PM
Heartbreak probably won't actually kill you.
Probably. There's always that chance, though.
Well, SURE, but there's also that chance with a really fucking good curry and nobody should let that stop them.
I know I don't.
In either case.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 18, 2015, 04:31:15 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 18, 2015, 04:20:55 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 18, 2015, 04:01:48 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 17, 2015, 10:51:37 PM
Heartbreak probably won't actually kill you.
Probably. There's always that chance, though.
Well, SURE, but there's also that chance with a really fucking good curry and nobody should let that stop them.
I know I don't.
In either case.
DOIN IT RIGHT.
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
Fuck your caring bullshit.
Life is shit
We all die
So just fucking wing it. Don't stress. Don't think about it too much.
And finally, Go the fuck outside, and fucking do something.
Quote from: thin slice of MeunsterI want to make some big plan to change myself, and be the best person possible.
But deliberate attempts at change are arrogant as fuck
No. Deliberate attempts to change yourself for the better may not ultimately bear fruit, but they are the only way to do so. You're smelling your own pungent, cheesy arrogance there Meunster. It's in the first line. You want to make a BIG plan and be the
best person possible. I am telling you in all sincerity that the little changes can be the most important over time by far and setting your will to changing those is also easier to manage conceptually.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 06:11:40 AM
Quote from: thin slice of MeunsterI want to make some big plan to change myself, and be the best person possible.
But deliberate attempts at change are arrogant as fuck
No. Deliberate attempts to change yourself for the better may not ultimately bear fruit, but they are the only way to do so. You're smelling your own pungent, cheesy arrogance there Meunster. It's in the first line. You want to make a BIG plan and be the best person possible. I am telling you in all sincerity that the little changes can be the most important over time by far and setting your will to changing those is also easier to manage conceptually.
The more littlw changes I make the more little vices I pick up.
But yeah, I getcha.
You can choose your vices consciously, and create ways to scratch those itches that limit how much they annoy the shit out of everyone else.
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
Fuck your caring bullshit.
Life is shit
We all die
So just fucking wing it. Don't stress. Don't think about it too much.
And finally, Go the fuck outside, and fucking do something.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
You know, I'm reminded of the description of the Cherubim as detailed in an excellent RPG by SJ games called In Nomine. Their essential nature and function is to do just that, to care. A Cherub is thought to have nearly limitless capacity to pay attention to things and otherwise 'mind' them. When actually making use of their angelic 'attunement' power in the game they gain supernatural knowledge of at least the well being and location of whatever or whoever they are attuned to.
Allowing the attuned to come to harm at all usually has deleterious effects upon the Cherub, and this is generally how they Fall. Upon falling they become a form of "demon" called a Djinn by the writers of the Game. Djinn give no fucks whatsoever. They were giving no fucks WAY before it was cool. They can still attune to things and use that bond, but are usually under zero obligation and less inclination to give care in any way. The only restriction upon the Djinn is that they can not directly harm the attuned themselves.
Every now and then a Djinn will inadvertently attune exactly as a Cherub does and feel for the subject exactly as a Cherub would. Problem is that caring by choice or accident fucks them up just like willful apathy does to a Cherub, and Djinn have nowhere left to Fall to.
Now I'm unapologetically jacking his thread in the hope of a fun conversation, but it WAS Meunster that got me thinking about it. I tried to imagine some well meaning Campus Crusader in the depths of ardent intercessionary prayer beseeching YHVH to send a messenger into his wretched, wicked life and show him real Love and it's life-altaring power.
It all went downhill when I realized that it would likely be a Cherub that got sent (always SO willing to volunteer, those Cherubim) and that, as Meunster seems to be consciously unwilling to give a shit about himself, the Cherub would be pretty much in for getting slowly, squickily fucked right away. It might even make the horrible strategic mistake of assuming corporeal form and involving itself in Meunster's intricate, masturbatory "anti"-ego trip after mistaking it for his real personality. In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
Same here. Just not about Muenster.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 10:32:29 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
Same here. Just not about Muenster.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 09:55:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
You know, I'm reminded of the description of the Cherubim as detailed in an excellent RPG by SJ games called In Nomine. Their essential nature and function is to do just that, to care. A Cherub is thought to have nearly limitless capacity to pay attention to things and otherwise 'mind' them. When actually making use of their angelic 'attunement' power in the game they gain supernatural knowledge of at least the well being and location of whatever or whoever they are attuned to.
Allowing the attuned to come to harm at all usually has deleterious effects upon the Cherub, and this is generally how they Fall. Upon falling they become a form of "demon" called a Djinn by the writers of the Game. Djinn give no fucks whatsoever. They were giving no fucks WAY before it was cool. They can still attune to things and use that bond, but are usually under zero obligation and less inclination to give care in any way. The only restriction upon the Djinn is that they can not directly harm the attuned themselves.
Every now and then a Djinn will inadvertently attune exactly as a Cherub does and feel for the subject exactly as a Cherub would. Problem is that caring by choice or accident fucks them up just like willful apathy does to a Cherub, and Djinn have nowhere left to Fall to.
Now I'm unapologetically jacking his thread in the hope of a fun conversation, but it WAS Meunster that got me thinking about it. I tried to imagine some well meaning Campus Crusader in the depths of ardent intercessionary prayer beseeching YHVH to send a messenger into his wretched, wicked life and show him real Love and it's life-altaring power.
It all went downhill when I realized that it would likely be a Cherub that got sent (always SO willing to volunteer, those Cherubim) and that, as Meunster seems to be consciously unwilling to give a shit about himself, the Cherub would be pretty much in for getting slowly, squickily fucked right away. It might even make the horrible strategic mistake of assuming corporeal form and involving itself in Meunster's intricate, masturbatory "anti"-ego trip after mistaking it for his real personality. In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
I think you have a potential screenplay, here.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 10:36:14 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 09:55:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
I think you have a potential screenplay, here.
:)
Hm. Might just be a fair story for sure. Not sure how I'd wrap it up, but an insane angel attempting suicide and getting infuriated at being unable to do so could make a Hell of a third act turning point, probably followed by the messy and bizarrely vicious death of the Campus Crusader, but not pseudo-"Meunster". Oh no, in fact he's now the center of its TRULY limitless ability to obsess. Pass the popcorn and place a wager on how long it will take for him to nut-up and finally DO IT. It keeps leaving his web browser open on sites with plenty of proper instructions, but he just won't die. At that point it could be a horrible rom-com parody series.
The only other way to end it as I see it would be either the, notoriously difficult to achieve, obliteration of the cherub or pseudo-"Meunster" actually DOES kill himself, or get himself meaninglessly killed, leaving the poor creature an empty shell locked up in a ward somewhere, left to rot in the depths of the system.
Because of course pseudo-"Meunster" wouldn't actually attempt to become a better person. That would be arrogant.
Jesus. :eek: I'm pretty sure you could market it as a psychological thriller at that point and...
Well, I don't know if it would make money, or even gain a cult following, but DAMN.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 11:14:34 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 10:36:14 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 09:55:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
I think you have a potential screenplay, here.
:)
Hm. Might just be a fair story for sure. Not sure how I'd wrap it up, but an insane angel attempting suicide and getting infuriated at being unable to do so could make a Hell of a third act turning point, probably followed by the messy and bizarrely vicious death of the Campus Crusader, but not pseudo-"Meunster". Oh no, in fact he's now the center of its TRULY limitless ability to obsess. Pass the popcorn and place a wager on how long it will take for him to nut-up and finally DO IT. It keeps leaving his web browser open on sites with plenty of proper instructions, but he just won't die. At that point it could be a horrible rom-com parody series.
The only other way to end it as I see it would be either the, notoriously difficult to achieve, obliteration of the cherub or pseudo-"Meunster" actually DOES kill himself, or get himself meaninglessly killed, leaving the poor creature an empty shell locked up in a ward somewhere, left to rot in the depths of the system.
Because of course pseudo-"Meunster" wouldn't actually attempt to become a better person. That would be arrogant.
I've had quite a few fanfictions.
But that would be the best one yet. Fuck, I like that idea. It'd make a good tv show. First part would be the corruption and depression of the Cherub, followed by me living with a djinn who hated me, and then followed by some shoehorned redemption story finale. Where I learn that self hate fucks over people who care about me, and I should at least be cool with myself for their sake.
Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on September 19, 2015, 11:44:07 PM
Jesus. :eek: I'm pretty sure you could market it as a psychological thriller at that point and...
Well, I don't know if it would make money, or even gain a cult following, but DAMN.
I'll make this my main writing project. I'll do it to my satisfaction and see if that proves worth expanding or pitching to a production company. I may add elements from the "Widard's" universe, but in a lower key way. As a stand alone screenplay the story will have more impact.
A while back I had a character idea and jotted down something like "Barry the very sorry angel". Not sure where I left the note, but think it's on my fried computer. Was a somewhat different concept, but I thought of it and am re-purposing the name Barriel who shall take the names Barry and Becky depending on what gender it's wearing.
Then I Googled about and found out that Bariel is a thing. I wasn't surprised, all of the good angel names are taken. A bit of a celebrity as angels go.
Angel of the fourth pentacle of Jupiter
nothing worse than a name-dropping
Wizard
The second r in the name will reinforce the fictitious nature of the story and spare me the possibility of spurious but obnoxious lawsuits from the fair number of crystal-light angel hipsters that seem to be using Bariel as part of a pseudonym.
Quote from: Meunster on September 20, 2015, 12:53:04 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 11:14:34 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 10:36:14 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 09:55:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
I think you have a potential screenplay, here.
:)
Hm. Might just be a fair story for sure. Not sure how I'd wrap it up, but an insane angel attempting suicide and getting infuriated at being unable to do so could make a Hell of a third act turning point, probably followed by the messy and bizarrely vicious death of the Campus Crusader, but not pseudo-"Meunster". Oh no, in fact he's now the center of its TRULY limitless ability to obsess. Pass the popcorn and place a wager on how long it will take for him to nut-up and finally DO IT. It keeps leaving his web browser open on sites with plenty of proper instructions, but he just won't die. At that point it could be a horrible rom-com parody series.
The only other way to end it as I see it would be either the, notoriously difficult to achieve, obliteration of the cherub or pseudo-"Meunster" actually DOES kill himself, or get himself meaninglessly killed, leaving the poor creature an empty shell locked up in a ward somewhere, left to rot in the depths of the system.
Because of course pseudo-"Meunster" wouldn't actually attempt to become a better person. That would be arrogant.
I've had quite a few fanfictions.
But that would be the best one yet. Fuck, I like that idea. It'd make a good tv show. First part would be the corruption and depression of the Cherub, followed by me living with a djinn who hated me, and then followed by some shoehorned redemption story finale. Where I learn that self hate fucks over people who care about me, and I should at least be cool with myself for their sake.
I shall make myself perfectly clear. This is not going to be a work based in any way on you or any aspect of your being. It is a work of fiction and any perceived similarities between it and you or any other entities are entirely unintentional.
On an entirely unrelated note, SHUT UP!!
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 20, 2015, 01:11:01 AM
Quote from: Meunster on September 20, 2015, 12:53:04 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 11:14:34 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 10:36:14 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 19, 2015, 09:55:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 19, 2015, 07:00:40 PM
Quote from: Meunster on September 18, 2015, 11:39:36 PM
Well, that was my monthly break down. Time to go back to being an asshole.
I never cared. You do your best to make sure nobody gives a fuck, and so I oblige you.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 19, 2015, 08:28:53 PM
I like caring. It always hurts at some point, but overall it seems to work out well enough that the rewards are worth the occasional hurting like a motherfucker.
In a truly desperate attempt to shore him up, or at least shut him up for a bit, it could even disastrously decide to bed him. Months of awkward, self-degrading pity-sex that satisfied nobody and Nihilistic philosophy-wanking might even get the, by now surely unhinged and rattled, Cherub wondering what the blazes Father was REALLY UP TO.
I think you have a potential screenplay, here.
:)
Hm. Might just be a fair story for sure. Not sure how I'd wrap it up, but an insane angel attempting suicide and getting infuriated at being unable to do so could make a Hell of a third act turning point, probably followed by the messy and bizarrely vicious death of the Campus Crusader, but not pseudo-"Meunster". Oh no, in fact he's now the center of its TRULY limitless ability to obsess. Pass the popcorn and place a wager on how long it will take for him to nut-up and finally DO IT. It keeps leaving his web browser open on sites with plenty of proper instructions, but he just won't die. At that point it could be a horrible rom-com parody series.
The only other way to end it as I see it would be either the, notoriously difficult to achieve, obliteration of the cherub or pseudo-"Meunster" actually DOES kill himself, or get himself meaninglessly killed, leaving the poor creature an empty shell locked up in a ward somewhere, left to rot in the depths of the system.
Because of course pseudo-"Meunster" wouldn't actually attempt to become a better person. That would be arrogant.
I've had quite a few fanfictions.
But that would be the best one yet. Fuck, I like that idea. It'd make a good tv show. First part would be the corruption and depression of the Cherub, followed by me living with a djinn who hated me, and then followed by some shoehorned redemption story finale. Where I learn that self hate fucks over people who care about me, and I should at least be cool with myself for their sake.
I shall make myself perfectly clear. This is not going to be a work based in any way on you or any aspect of your being. It is a work of fiction and any perceived similarities between it and you or any other entities are entirely unintentional.
On an entirely unrelated note, SHUT UP!!
Cool, yeah its based off a self loathing slightly intelegant college socialite, theres thousands of those. also on the unrelated note.
There are 2 classes of people, well and those fucks who can't make up their minds.
1. The people who think and try to contribute positively when they type.
2. The people who figure if you throw enough shit down, it'll eventually stick and form fossil fuel.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 20, 2015, 01:11:01 AM
On an entirely unrelated note, SHUT UP!!
TGRR approves of this message.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on September 20, 2015, 03:36:12 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 20, 2015, 01:11:01 AM
On an entirely unrelated note, SHUT UP!!
TGRR approves of this message.
It's a simple but critical teaching for our times from a teacher far wiser than I.