An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?
I'm in an office with open-plan seating, and I sit by the door, so I'd be in a lot of trouble.
I think my first move would be to pick up the chair I'm sitting in and use it as a shield. If an orc is coming at me, I'd heave the chair at him and then run the other way.
My boss, who sits next to me, would definitely get kicked towards the orcs.
There is nothing at my desk I could use as a weapon. Closest thing would be some scissors. Best I could hope for would be to put out an eye and run. I would grab a box of push-pins and scatter them behind me like caltrops.
The survival plan would be to get to the stairwell, run down a few floors, and then hide in a filing cabinet or something. I wouldn't fuck with the elevator.
Quote from: Edward Longpork on November 12, 2015, 09:01:06 PM
An Orcish raiding party charges into your building. How do you react?
I join them.
Season myself with garlic and a nice vinigrette.
I say "here's the keys, I'll be in the coffee shop next door if you want anything."
I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 12, 2015, 10:05:08 PM
I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.
:golfclap:
Tell my co-worker this was the moment he was waiting for.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 12, 2015, 10:05:08 PM
I direct them upstairs to their audience with Little Orange. I assume they're petitioning her for something, and I don't meddle in her business.
:lulz:
Probably get bludgeoned while googling "orc attack" then refining my results to "what to do in an orc attack" and finding a bunch of unhelpful lists before I go with "orc weakness" at which point they are probably through the door.
Demand a perception check and a default IQ roll before the initiative is rolled to determine if they're Tolkien orcs or Warhammer orcs. Failing to make a distinction, I roll initiative and attempt a grapple against the closest if they and I are both unarmed and proceed to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker until I can improvise a weapon of some sort. If they are at all armed I would attempt a fighting retreat as I throw any and all of the plentiful handy objects scattered around my apartment and make a move for my windows overlooking the parking lot.
If Warhammer orcs I bend over and kiss my pinkskin, Umie backside goodbye. Even if I somehow managed to flee or even defeat them this world is now doomed to the Green Death. I'd still fight the best I could, being stubborn, but hold no illusions about victory.
If Tolkien orcs I commit totally to killing them as expediently as possible and will under no circumstances allow myself to be taken alive. If Uruk-hai I flee as per armed orcs, see above, but intend to circle around after I get to my car for a few useful items and a genuine weapon or two. Odds are very good that if they're here for me specifically I won't have to go looking for them, but I'm not leaving them alive if I can help it.
Sorry TWJ but they are obviously WoW orcs;
and so am I
Lok'tar ogar, suckers.
My reaction would be disappointment. I wanted zombies goddamnit. Is it too much to ask? :argh!:
I peel off my face, revealing that I was an orc all along, after locking all the emergency exits, preventing all the pinkies from fleeing.
Quote from: MMIX on November 13, 2015, 10:31:10 AM
Sorry TWJ but they are obviously WoW orcs;
and so am I
Lok'tar ogar, suckers.
:roll: Everybody knows Warcraft orcs aren't real.
Quote from: Don Coyote on November 13, 2015, 06:00:10 PM
I peel off my face, revealing that I was an orc all along, after locking all the emergency exits, preventing all the pinkies from fleeing.
I knew it! :argh!:
I start making killer whale calls and argue that Orcas are actually aquatic Orcs. Then start bragging about the time I killed my trainer.
I'd call the police. Watch them shoot the orcs then start tweeting "orc lifes matter "
Or run out the building to one of the 4 gun shops in my town.
Quote from: MMIX on November 13, 2015, 10:31:10 AM
Sorry TWJ but they are obviously WoW orcs;
and so am I
Lok'tar ogar, suckers.
Tfw earth is just a planet of hunters.
And one warrior.
Quote from: Meunster on November 13, 2015, 08:43:06 PM
I'd call the police. Watch them shoot the orcs then start tweeting "orc lifes matter "
:|
Reminds me. Did wow add in black humans yet? And why is no one mad about them not?
Run thru the cublicles and doors in a Scooby Doo episode style until they get tired and thirsty, proceed to drink the office coffe and DIE.
Quote from: Meunster on November 13, 2015, 08:43:06 PM
Or run out the building to one of the 4 gun shops in my town.
Only 4? i don't understand. is it just like a block long?
I'd start whooping and hollering it up, caught up in the WAAAAAGH!. Everyone else would grab the various weapon implements scattered around the store and charge them, hoping that they're not nobs and are just boyz, thus making them weaker and have fewer attacks.
Yes. Weapons. There are at least three boffer weapons, a couple bookens, a couple katanas, and a few other kinds of swords. If this guy who comes sometimes comes, he'd probably go into hand to hand with them bare knuckle, being the same size (dude is 7' 6", no lie.)
Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on November 14, 2015, 10:54:19 PM
Quote from: Meunster on November 13, 2015, 08:43:06 PM
Or run out the building to one of the 4 gun shops in my town.
Only 4? i don't understand. is it just like a block long?
2 blocks