where does the journey end? is it o.k to stop here, i am tired. offering what i don't have to give and then never showing up to give the empty box, eloquently wrapped in forgotten conversations. fuck that. there is no fucking journey. its a fucking illusion, and you never see it til its too late. i feel like air slowly pouring out of a hole in a ballon, but then that gives the illusion of slow escape. i look around and seeing fucking emptiness in everything and everyone. a huge bunch of unwatered flowers, and its starting to smell bad. someone push the fucking button for christs sake.
has it come to the point where its just chosing things to fill up time, which doesnt exist anyway, whats the point. i feel fucking sick of everything.
someone tell me a joke... :x
Ok, I have a joke for you mister.
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I am a congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
=---
Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."
8)
What's up, dude? Sounds like a rough day.
Here's a joke for you:
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: Three. One to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
How many Discordians does it take to change a lightbulb?
SINK!
:D
Um...how many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
11. One to change the bulb and 10 to bring potato salad.
8)
How do blondes car pool?
They all meet at work at 7:45.
What are the best ten years of an blonde's life?
Third grade.
Quote from: slothrop unsheathedwhere does the journey end? is it o.k to stop here, i am tired. offering what i don't have to give and then never showing up to give the empty box, eloquently wrapped in forgotten conversations. fuck that. there is no fucking journey. its a fucking illusion, and you never see it til its too late. i feel like air slowly pouring out of a hole in a ballon, but then that gives the illusion of slow escape. i look around and seeing fucking emptiness in everything and everyone. a huge bunch of unwatered flowers, and its starting to smell bad. someone push the fucking button for christs sake.
has it come to the point where its just chosing things to fill up time, which doesnt exist anyway, whats the point. i feel fucking sick of everything.
someone tell me a joke... :x
hhhmmm...
The journey never ends. Some people think death is the end, it is not. And from everything I have heard, not just the poo poo xians, it is a very painful journey if you choose to hasten your journey to that end.
We all get tired, sweetie. You don't stop, you pause for a rest. You take time away from the tiring parts of life and enjoy the relaxing parts. We all get that way. I think my mom thinks she is done. Says she doesn't want to learn anything new. So, I tell you what, I'll make you a deal. When you get to be 65 you can quit learning, too, if you want.
Of course it's an illusion, it is all illusion, no offense to the lady of that name. Time, space, we are all just atoms floating around in a particular pattern for a time, oops, oh well.
Eldora's Joke TimeWhat's worse than finding a worm in your apple...
finding half a worm, hehehe :twisted:
because having a test ell you you'r a dunamentlaist world viewer sunnuvabithc on 5/5/05/ is the m0f0x0rin shizzbizznleat!
FUCK YEAH!!!!!
Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?
They don't want anyone to think they're dancing :shock: :twisted:
i've had sex standing up, whiel dancing. does that make me baptist?
FUCK YEAH!!!!
Quote from: Username: *i've had sex standing up, whiel dancing. does that make me baptist?
FUCK YEAH!!!!
That makes you most UnBaptisty or something. What's up with the griuchy d00d in your avatar :shock:
Here's a joke. Happens to be the only one I can remember through
the years, nice and short (I'm blonde.)
What do you call two blondes hanging upside down naked?
::short intermission provided by Devil Squerrel::
::Dances a jig:: "COooooooooooOORN! It's Good for the
bawdy............. It's good for the Soul..........But if you eat it up
whoooole, It's come out whole!"
::end of intermission::
Brunettes!!! :D
QuoteWhat's up with the griuchy d00d in your avatar
That's
him.
8)
Quote from: Username: *i've had sex standing up, whiel dancing. does that make me baptist?
FUCK YEAH!!!!
No, it makes you a Hare Krishna........... Oops!
Did I say that?I'm going to hell for sure
Quote from: Demonica, Oracle of DoomQuote from: Username: *i've had sex standing up, whiel dancing. does that make me baptist?
FUCK YEAH!!!!
No, it makes you a Hare Krishna........... Oops!
Did I say that?
I'm going to hell for sure
deo shtat mean i have to dance in traffic now?
because i thought those days were over 6 years ago!
Quote from: agent compassionQuoteWhat's up with the griuchy d00d in your avatar
That's him.
8)
yes puzzlign why when i had thought i had set the aut timer deal thingambobber on my cmaera it took a picture.
adn that's my uh strong silent type face of utter concentration!!!!
It's a very cool picture!
Quote
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll
of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES!
YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up
her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,
"What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL:
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
Back to the journey thingy.
Quote from: book coverThe path is the goal
The journey is the goal. But it is not a marathon. You do not need to run your ass off. You can sit and watch. You can stop and smell the roses. You can wander off the path to look at everything from a different perspective. There also is not any one way to do it. The most well rounded, contented people, not the ones who just look like that on the surface, are those who study things from many angles, disciplines, etc. If you look around this forum, I don't think anyone has studied just Discordianism or whatever we are calling ourselves this week. It seems like an unusually large number of us have studied Zen. Many of us were brought up in some sort of Christian type system thingy. Mybe it is time to look at things from a different perspective :? for a bit, anyway.
You remind me of the Hermit in my fav tarot deck. He is not really alone. He wandered off alone, but someone else has walked this path, there are already footprints. He has a lantern, so he can see if he opens his eyes. He is at the top, so everything is downhill from here, it is easier to walk downhill. The orouborous reminds us of the cycles of life.
You are not alone, we have all been there, there is a light, you are at the worst point, it will get better.
Back to the joke thingy :twisted:
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock, knock?
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana :twisted:
the sage sat down and ordered a beer.
the waitress asked hte sage.
"you liked tired"
the sage replied "yeah i jsut walked across the world"
"wow that's far, did you see anything cool?"
"there i sno journey anywhere. say is this place serve yoruself?"
This guy goes into the bar and sees his friend there( whom never drinks). He says to the guy" what's the matter" the guy says "well I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend"
The friend says "that's awful. let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it. where's your wife?" "I threw her out!" " well what did you do to your best friend?"
I grabbed him by the throat and shook him real hard and said "BAD DOG! BAD DOG! "
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing
stories on how they died.
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,
I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I
had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died!
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both
still be alive.
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them
to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden.
While at this position, a sexy, beautiful and big breasted nude model
danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no
reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the
priests
until she got to the final priest (Carlos).
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and
fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up
the bell.
Then, all the other bells started to ring. :twisted:
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her
husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them
and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy
is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of
catch.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my
glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that..that is way more than those two
things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make
you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the
door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're
in my closet now"
d00d, like I'm sorry you're sad and stuff, but I gotta joke, heh, heh, heh,
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back
A STICK, heh, HEHEHE, heh, get it, heh, astick, heh,
Hope you feel better, life sucks, but there's still good stuff and everything, like my jokes, hehe, HEHEHE, heh, later d00d, cheer up, here's a smile for you, heh, HEHEH, heh
(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/prank/moon.gif)
Eldora, those are two of the best jokes I have heard in a long time. :lol:
Got any more? :twisted:
~BMW
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_WannabeEldora, those are two of the best jokes I have heard in a long time. :lol:
Got any more? :twisted:
~BMW
Yes I do, tons, I'll go through my email tomorrow. The really funny part is, all the Catholic jokes I get are from a friend of mine who is Catholic :shock: :twisted:
Dude, you need to join my new Cabal, it's the "Thirty Seconds before Something Happens, or not Cabal" Instead of focusing on what's about to happen, we feel it's much funner to be in the 30 seconds before something happens, when the adrenaline is rushing, and you feel like you want to puke a mac truck.
And, here's a joke for you:
What did the Leper say to the Prostitue?
You can keep the tip.
A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
Did that help at all?
Don't make me break into song to cheer you up, dude.
There is very little in life more horrific than a wicked killer clown tapdancing and singing "Tomorrow" :shock:
As exploiter of the clowntrodden, it is my duty to encourage you to do just that.
Alright. I'll start with you then. Where do you live?
In The City. Currently though, I'm in The Abyss with Erin and the Triple Oracle.
Don't be sad, Slotrop :(
How meny artists dos it take to chang a lite bulbe?
Ten. One to chang it, and nine to tell him it looks gode.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
Quote from: slothrop undead...... offering what i don't have to give and then never showing up to give the empty box, eloquently wrapped in forgotten conversations. fuck that.......
someone tell me a joke... :x
We all offer what we don't have to give and that's the joke.
It's what makes us human.
It's hard to walk in the flesh and expose your mistakes.
Good for you.
Here's a very bad joke for you.
Cheer up or Zorga will be forced to tell you one bad joke for each of her ex-husbands - and that's a lot of jokes!
"The Dalai Llama has a toothache so he makes an appointment to see his dentist.
When he gets there and enters the surgery he tells the dentist that he wants no anaesthetic of any kind for his treatment.
The dentist asked why and he replied that he wanted to - Transcend Dental Medication!"
Zorga also wants to say that Eldora is quite correct.
You may rest, but you may not stop.
Even Zorga has had to rest many many times.
Here, have some of my rum. It will get the fires going again.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a hot tub?
Stu
What do you call a guy in a pool with no arms and legs
Bob
Kinda apprapo(sp :? ) doncha think :twisted:
ummmm...rum. cheers.
i am well and truely happy now, so those jokes must be top.thanks
Oh and about the journey? We're all going insane. See ya there!
Ever hear about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner....
It comes with no attachments
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyWhat do you call a guy in a pool with no arms and legs
Bob
Kinda apprapo(sp :? ) doncha think :twisted:
yep. You've all heard the one about what the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor, right?
(Make me one with everything)
Jesus: I always knew that Joseph was my real dad.
Quote from: HughEver hear about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner....
It comes with no attachments
Hugh, that was awesome.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote from: SLOTH OR ENTROPYummmm...rum. cheers.
i am well and truely happy now, so those jokes must be top.thanks
Cheers. Zorga is glad you are well and truly happy, but here is one more joke anyway.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I am sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
The journey, the search.
1. Know what your looking for.
2. When you find it stop looking.
I wont presume to know but if I need something say an ink pen or
a sharp knife.
I can usually find these things. Then once I have found them I can
use them for what I needed them for.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People don't usually look for things when they haven't a use in mind.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you need it for? The thing that put you on the journey, search?
Just things to ask yourself if you want to.