Try out your best quips, insults, zingers & one-liners in front of a discerning audience. Find out what works and what doesn't!!!
Free Sample: "Hey buddy!! Ever thought about giving up being an asshole for Lent?"
Ever wanted to be a stand-up comedian and just didn't have the stomach for years of obscurity and soul-crushing unfulfillment? Ever thought you could write a better sit-com? Try out your best gags here!
Free sample: "Did you hear about that new Amish terror group? They come around and try and dismantle your house before sunset!"
If you have original comic material, then we want to hear it!
Quip Fight(tm) and Quip Idol(tm) are registered trademarks of The Open Bar, a Scridology company
"She's eating for two."
"When's she having the baby?"
"Oh, a year ago..."
:lol:
we have our first contestant! big round of applause for AC!!
The weirdest phone sex chat line I ever saw advertised on tv bore the legend:
Remember to ask billpayer's permission
"Mom! Can I use the phone?"
"Of course....who are ya callin'?"
"Uhh...MILF chat extreme...."
"Sure thing Billy....just remember to put some money in the porno piggy bank."
"Thanks mom!"
'i used tobe in the army, but then i got out and wen tto school, to get into law enforcemnt, but then i though thtat sucked so now i'm here to make money"
"yeah, before i worked here i was a brain surgeon, but then, i was like fuck that shit, the real money is in warehosue work..."
Unfortunately, I'm not that funny...
Quote from: D. HarmonJust remember, you can't file for unemployment just because you've stopped giving blowjobs.
Quote from: DJRubberduckyQuote from: D. HarmonJust remember, you can't file for unemployment just because you've stopped giving blowjobs.
what about being fired from a blowjob?
Quote from: Pope T.Mangrove xviiQuote from: DJRubberduckyQuote from: D. HarmonJust remember, you can't file for unemployment just because you've stopped giving blowjobs.
what about being fired from a blowjob?
Surprisingly enough, that's the one small moment in your life when you
don't suck.
"HOLY SHIT! It looks like somebody napalmed your face and tried to put the fire out with a fork! What the hell happened to you?"
To a friend that tried to do a 50-50 down some rails and ended up skidding on his face for a few feet across concrete. Fucking OUCH! I wish I had pictures to show you guys.
Quote from: LMNO
what about being fired from a blowjob?
Surprisingly enough, that's the one small moment in your life when you
don't suck.[/quote]
:lol: :lol:
big round of applause for LMNO...he's here all this week, folks.
Quote from: Open BarSurprisingly enough, that's the one small moment in your life when you don't suck.
Ba-ZING!
:lol:
:lol:
I wish I was witty :cry:
"Is that a Weapon of Mass Destruction in your pocket, or are you just happy to invade me?"
My favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
My pet turtle could walk faster than you. And he's DEAD!
Quote from: AnonymousMy favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
And I thought I was a math and science dork :roll:
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: AnonymousMy favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
And I thought I was a math and science dork :roll:
Don't roll your eyes at me, missy, just because I was retarded and forgot to log in prior to posting. STOP LAUGHING AT ME
Quote from: GeekkakeQuote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: AnonymousMy favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
And I thought I was a math and science dork :roll:
Don't roll your eyes at me, missy, just because I was retarded and forgot to log in prior to posting. STOP LAUGHING AT ME
One day someone grabbed a random jpeg that had a calculus equation on it for a joke. I made a few people pass out of get a headache by explaining what it meant. :D :P :lol:
I laugh at you as I laugh at myself. I don't know if anyone else even got the joke, hehehe
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: GeekkakeQuote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: AnonymousMy favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
And I thought I was a math and science dork :roll:
Don't roll your eyes at me, missy, just because I was retarded and forgot to log in prior to posting. STOP LAUGHING AT ME
One day someone grabbed a random jpeg that had a calculus equation on it for a joke. I made a few people pass out of get a headache by explaining what it meant. :D :P :lol:
I laugh at you as I laugh at myself. I don't know if anyone else even got the joke, hehehe
I laugh at you as you laugh at me as you laugh at yourself. I expect a full demonstration on my desk by Monday. Show your work.
I don't show my work, I do it all in my head :P
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyI don't show my work, I do it all in my head :P
You're cheating. I'm reporting you to the Dean.
Quote from: IntoxiChristQuote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyI don't show my work, I do it all in my head :P
You're cheating. I'm reporting you to the Dean.
screw that, i'm reporting you to the GOVERNOR!
(http://img63.imageshack.us/img63/6760/184126oe.jpg) (http://www.imageshack.us)
I am adopted. My mother gave birth to one child who died shortly after he was born. So when some smart ass asked me if my mother had any children who lived I look them right in the eye and say NO and wait to see how long it takes for them to look away embarassed and confused like. It's funny to me and that's all the counts :twisted:
WE HAVE NO DEAD SIBLINGS BUT WE ARE ALSO ADOPTED, WE ARE SORRY SHIT WAS GIVEN TO YOU, AND WE HAVE ALSO STARTED REFERRING TO OURSELVES AS WE. BUT SORRY, YES, WE ARE ALSO ADOPTED, WE LIKE BEING ADOPTED, OUR REAL PARENTS STILL DO NOT HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER SO WE ARE GLAD WE GOT ADOPTED BY MORE OR LESS COMPETENT HUMAN BEINGS. GOODBYE NOW, AND VERY GOOD RESPONSE CUTE FUZZY LITTLE
GNOME GIRL?
BGP.
tha quips need some work. just sayin'
8)
WHY DID YOU BAN HIM?????
Quote from: Jeb BushWHY DID YOU BAN HIM?????
WHY
DIDN'T YOU BAN HIM?
Quote from: The Open BarQuote from: Jeb BushWHY DID YOU BAN HIM?????
WHY DIDN'T YOU BAN HIM?
WHY
SHOULD I BAN HIM?
Quote from: LMNOQuote from: The Open BarQuote from: Jeb BushWHY DID YOU BAN HIM?????
WHY DIDN'T YOU BAN HIM?
WHY SHOULD I BAN HIM?
FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
[southpark ripoff]
You're so fat that when people walk by they say, "GOD DAMN! THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!"
[/southpark ripoff]
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: GeekkakeQuote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: AnonymousMy favorite QUIP: Every particle effects every other particle everywhere.
And I thought I was a math and science dork :roll:
Don't roll your eyes at me, missy, just because I was retarded and forgot to log in prior to posting. STOP LAUGHING AT ME
One day someone grabbed a random jpeg that had a calculus equation on it for a joke. I made a few people pass out of get a headache by explaining what it meant. :D :P :lol:
I laugh at you as I laugh at myself. I don't know if anyone else even got the joke, hehehe
you stole my quip! and my QUIP as well (my new avatar is fairly QUIP now that i think about it)
Quote from: Fnordiscordia[southpark ripoff]
You're so fat that when people walk by they say, "GOD DAMN! THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!"
[/southpark ripoff]
[still with southpark]
he's not fat! he's big boned!
[southpark]
*random man walks by*
"GOD DAMN! THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!"
[/southpark]