Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Literate Chaotic => Topic started by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on December 23, 2005, 02:24:45 AM

Poll
Question: STORIES ARE FULL OF SEXXIES
Option 1: YO MOMMA votes: 3
Option 2: YAY SHORTBREAD! votes: 6
Option 3: tissues are for SNOT votes: 2
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on December 23, 2005, 02:24:45 AM
for children and whatnot!

THE GREAT STORY OF ...Um.....STUFF

once upon a time there was a llama........llama is a funny word...llama llama llama llama llama llama llama! heh heh. pantaloons is also funny, but takes more time to type so i will not repeat that one. how are you today? i'm good. i like coffee. and bean sprouts. you probablly dont know what those are. that is when a jet plane crashes into aborted bean fetus, which lands in a nuclear war zone and grows into a beautiful ballerina! hooray! then you stirfry it. and buddha rejoices. the world is full of calm until peter jackson looks at kim jong il's hair and makes a movie about it staring nicole kidman as a porn star and my right sock as the hair. the movie gets a huge reputation before release, but millions are dissapointed when they realize that there is actually a plot and they have to pay attention. they revolt and pop the US secret supply of kettle corn, killing dick cheney, who is brought back to life with botox and chicken livers, creating a super human power who cannot be defeated! the world is in chaos as dick runs the world and eats small children for breakfast. but luckily he is killed by his one weakness: constipation. thank you, thank you! here's my buisness card! call me for your next bat mitzvah!.......wtf ?

TEH ENDING
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Schizzy on December 23, 2005, 02:37:58 AM
Wowza!  You can be my nightmare anytime Fred.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Schizzy on December 23, 2005, 03:29:16 AM
Reminds me of that time the frog ate that carcass of oatmeal and nearly blessed its backpack.  I can just see it now: even the purple monkey oblivious to the new insights of a carnal pineapple Armagedeon.  Almost twisted St. Friday into a dizzy that day, for the trainwreck truly knew what it was doing.  Damn hazard therapy.  Gotta love it.  Funny how people wonder if zombies are ever really truly dead.  Especially in the pit of the snake God: Flowerpuff Rodentia.  Never knew those Joneses.  I could outpipe them another day or then... or zen... that zen... Funny who the Troll flows, beneath the bathtub tiles we hide.  We seek, only to find the idiot God of piss ants.  Are we all not?  "Bob" haunts me in the mirror.  "Eris" haunts me in bed.  Gotta love the innuendo of future times already gone by into beauty... of nonsense that is.  Pure nonsense.  Or is it?  Rodent.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Baron Von Stevenstein on December 23, 2005, 03:50:15 AM
this storie makes me happie on teh inside
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Rev Thwack on December 23, 2005, 04:11:38 AM
Fred, you and I need to get together sometime to write a book of children's bedtime stories.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fizzwitz Glorypoop on December 23, 2005, 04:16:19 AM
I would so buy a book written by Fred.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fizzwitz Glorypoop on December 23, 2005, 04:16:48 AM
And Thwack, too. Though I've never read any of his writing.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Rev Thwack on December 23, 2005, 04:17:32 AM
look further back in the literate chaotic archives for my little storytime posts.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Schizzy on December 23, 2005, 04:37:37 AM
I love Fred (with a gun to my head).
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on December 23, 2005, 04:41:30 AM
hehehe >=)
good plans
Title: Re: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: LMNO on December 23, 2005, 02:19:11 PM
Quote from: mian tiao Fredfor children and whatnot!

THE GREAT STORY OF ...Um.....STUFF

once upon a time there was a llama........llama is a funny word...llama llama llama llama llama llama llama! heh heh. pantaloons is also funny, but takes more time to type so i will not repeat that one. how are you today? i'm good. i like coffee. and bean sprouts. you probablly dont know what those are. that is when a jet plane crashes into aborted bean fetus, which lands in a nuclear war zone and grows into a beautiful ballerina! hooray! then you stirfry it. and buddha rejoices. the world is full of calm until peter jackson looks at kim jong il's hair and makes a movie about it staring nicole kidman as a porn star and my right sock as the hair. the movie gets a huge reputation before release, but millions are dissapointed when they realize that there is actually a plot and they have to pay attention. they revolt and pop the US secret supply of kettle corn, killing dick cheney, who is brought back to life with botox and chicken livers, creating a super human power who cannot be defeated! the world is in chaos as dick runs the world and eats small children for breakfast. but luckily he is killed by his one weakness: constipation. thank you, thank you! here's my buisness card! call me for your next bat mitzvah!.......wtf ?

TEH ENDING

I would so see that movie.

LMNO
-Thinks Nicole Kidman needs to take more roles combining porn and socks-for-hair.
Title: Re: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Shibboleet The Annihilator on December 23, 2005, 04:02:23 PM
Quote from: mian tiao Fredfor children and whatnot!

THE GREAT STORY OF ...Um.....STUFF

once upon a time there was a llama........llama is a funny word...llama llama llama llama llama llama llama! heh heh. pantaloons is also funny, but takes more time to type so i will not repeat that one. how are you today? i'm good. i like coffee. and bean sprouts. you probablly dont know what those are. that is when a jet plane crashes into aborted bean fetus, which lands in a nuclear war zone and grows into a beautiful ballerina! hooray! then you stirfry it. and buddha rejoices. the world is full of calm until peter jackson looks at kim jong il's hair and makes a movie about it staring nicole kidman as a porn star and my right sock as the hair. the movie gets a huge reputation before release, but millions are dissapointed when they realize that there is actually a plot and they have to pay attention. they revolt and pop the US secret supply of kettle corn, killing dick cheney, who is brought back to life with botox and chicken livers, creating a super human power who cannot be defeated! the world is in chaos as dick runs the world and eats small children for breakfast. but luckily he is killed by his one weakness: constipation. thank you, thank you! here's my buisness card! call me for your next bat mitzvah!.......wtf ?

TEH ENDING

Someone needs to start writing children's books.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: hooplala on December 23, 2005, 05:48:48 PM
I love this story.
Title: Re: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Toots on December 23, 2005, 07:25:28 PM
Quote from: mian tiao Freddick cheney, who is brought back to life with botox and chicken livers, creating a super human power who cannot be defeated! the world is in chaos as dick runs the world and eats small children for breakfast. TEH ENDING

This is a true story.

I would also go to see that movie. Can we replace Nicole Kidman with Rene Zellweger? She is great at gaining/dropping weight for movies, and judging by the food themes in this feature she seems to be a great fit.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 23, 2005, 09:35:35 PM
hell no!

Nicole Kidman is infinitely more horrifying, due to her size 27 head being situated precariously on top of her size zero body, giving her the appearance of being some horribly mutated carnivorous bird-thing.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fizzwitz Glorypoop on December 24, 2005, 03:32:31 AM
I used to think she was really hot but I don't so much anymore.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on December 25, 2005, 04:55:09 AM
teh happy b-day jesus story!

Once ther was a chicken monkey. This is like,Ķ.monkey flavoured cafeteria chicken. One day the chicken moneky (named Nigel) flatulated along the highway singing about peanuts. Suddenly a Raptor came out of the bushes and bit his fucking head off! Jesus cheered, but the Raptor got violently ill. This was probably not from Nigel, but the large amount of horse shit and vodka he had previously consumes. Anyway, so he threw up all over his girlfriend. That,Äôs fucking SICK. So she castrated him! Jesus cheered. But then this really hello spikey Beaver came outta nowhere and did some irish step dancing. It was cool. Jesus cheered.  The end thanks bye
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Baron Von Stevenstein on December 25, 2005, 05:01:26 AM
haha chicken monkey :)
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on December 25, 2005, 05:04:01 AM
Quote from: Ignotum per Ignotiushaha chicken monkey :)

yes ps everyone he help with sthe story yaaay wooooot
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Subtract Eight! on January 02, 2006, 04:02:29 AM
Jesus cheering innately requires some opening of the armpits of holyness, contrary to a whack of popular films an action had just occured that would rerender many common conceptions about the torsal and limbic movement of the Messiah.

lol wut a poor fucker!
dat sterpid no name brand ketchup smoother oughta' go smoke a doobie in a hellhole heaving with happy hairy hens.. lol  fucker...
fucker...
lol lol

lol lol
lol
lol

lol
haha
lol ol l

Light fuzzy slick pink is so fucking badass.
Title: Bedtime stories by Fred
Post by: Toots on February 02, 2006, 08:30:48 AM
I report that I have read this story and it is great bedtime story. I am now going to bed. Yay!!! Chicken monkey barf and castration=the literary geniuses.

Thank you Fred!!! Also good night.