Thank you for tuning in, faggot.
Welcome to Into The Night With Salazar And Friends, first online chat show. Chat show host is something Enrico has always wanted to be ever since he was knee-high to a maggot, and he thinks this is why he wanted to be Generalissimo . . . so he could go on Salazorian television Channel One every night and whisper sweet nothings into the crotches of the people.
Finally, Enrico can creep into people's bedrooms at night without police being called.
(rimshot)
Thank you, thank you. You faggots are all too beautiful.
Shecky, how you are doing today? Enrico sees your mouth is full currently. You should let the producers get back to work.
(rimshot)
Our first guest on the program is PD.com's own LMNO. He is the most recent moderator, the nemesis of John Paul Fartre and is expert on mythology in Films and wrote thesis on Calibos in Clash Of The Titans and the difference between he and Achilles. Sounds deep.
LMNO, tell Enrico, what did you think of Brad Pitt in recent mytho-film Troy?
Well, your Excellency, let me start off by saying how wonderful it is to be here, and I,Äôd like to personally thank you for not torturing my family to death with an eyebrow tweezer, as you implied the other night when you first invited me onto your show.
Now, as to your question: Senor Pitt manages to pull off a feat not matched since the great Rock Hudson adventures of yesteryear. Inasmuch, he cuts a dashing pose, making women swoon, and exhibiting the classic signs of Hollywood stardom (such as the stunning feat of an apparent complete lack of acting skills). And while this is impressive I itself, he does so while, the entire time, he,Äôs completely queer. I tell you, I wouldn,Äôt mind slathering his torso in pig butter and having myself a bit of a sit-down, if you know what I mean.
Enrico certainly does. Few people realize how closely related cannablism is with matter of lust, you, of course, do. This is why Enrico didn't torture your family with tweezers. He knows you will do it yourself, you saucy beast.
Now. For a serious mythological question. Who would win in fight?
Calibos? (http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/4180/calibos8ui.jpg)
or
Brad Pitt? (http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/6057/images8sh.jpg)
Are we talking Fight Club Pitt, or True Romance Pitt, here?
Is good question.
Enrico was thinking more of Pitt when he was in episode of Growing Pains and played narcissistic rock star who yelled at little Ben Seaver.
(http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/4098/pittgp4di.jpg)
Enrico really wanted to see Calibos chew his anus that day.
And if not Growing Pains, then Interview With Vampire for completely pointless contact lenses.
Ah, and let us not forget his immaculately wooden performance in "Meet Joe Black"...
But at least he did look good in a Tuxedo...
I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry, Enrico was lost in thought for a moment.
Talking about? Ehhgghhhh . . .
(looks through blue note cards)
Ah. Yes. Fight.
Who would win in fight?
Vern Troyer, a.k.a Mini-Me
or
Prince?
I'm sorry.
What does this have to do with the predominance of Jewish Mysticism in the belief systems of the Third Reich?
Isn't that why you asked me to be here?
Then you are not aware of Mini-Me being both a high ranking Kabbalist in Hollywood and the American leader of the neo-nazi party? Shame, LMNO. You will receive lashes for that. Licorice or regular?
In episode of Surreal Life were Troyer is drunk nude and pissing in a corner he can audibly be heard to mumble "Here I sit, in the truth, pissing somewhere between kether and malkuth".
Is true.
And, Enrico feels he should mention that any further deviation from the asked question will result in a short walk to the back of the studio which will end with a happy ending for ONE of us. Take that any way you choose.
Now. The question.
Who would win?
Um....
You would.
This is correct answer.
Enrico would first kick Troyer into a garbage can and quietly explain to him that Kaballah is for intelligent celebrities like Ashton Kuchar and Britney Spears, then Enrico would slice Prince's face with razor imbedded in toe of boot and make him play Cream over and over again until he dropped dead.
Now THAT is a party!
(rimshot)
Ok. LMNO, one last question. On topic this time.
Why in movies like Clash Of Titans and Troy they do not depict your goddess Eris? Does she even exist?
Simply put, she is embedded in the films.
For every thumprint impression you see on the Kraken's head, for every time you see the camera crew during the Trojan Horse scene, for every disappearing giant scorpion, and for every strange tingle in the groins of heretofore "straight" men that happens when gazing on the blond locks of Brad, Eris is there.
...Can I go now? These cuffs are starting to chafe.
Yes yes. Get the fuck off Enrico's stage.
Is almost time for next guest. Shecky, how you doing over there? Did I put the straps on too tight today? You seem quiet.
(muffled moaning)
That could go either way. Enrico will leave you to stew in your own juices for a while.
The next guest is a man who has more anger than even Enrico himself, sometimes known as Scribe but always known as fabulous, Cain! Welcome faggot!
This thread makes me happy.
But where are the Lesbian transsexual hookers taking DNA Lie-Decector tests to prove to Jerry Springer they didn't sleep with ther brother's boyfriend? Thats the reason I came here!
The lesbian transexual hookers mostly make up Enrico's audience, but once Enrico gets around to interviewing Princess Eris Von Tartarus it will come full circle.
So. Cain. Tell Enrico. Why do you hate Mormons so much?
They burnt down my village when I was two years old. They sold everyone still alive into slavery and then sowed the ground with salt. I will never forgve them.
Or were they Moomins? I can never remember....
Moomins is just as bad as Mormons. Strangely the Mormons did the same thing to Enrico's village, but he was plannign to do it himself anyway, so it didn't bother him too much.
You're not from Sindi on Salazore, are you?
In a nutshell, Cain, please tell our viewers why you would or would not be a Scientologist, and remember that the answer "For all of L. Ron Hubbard's ascots" has already been used by that treacherous weasel Baron von Hoopla.
I think I passed through Sindi once. I was "backpacking" (on the run from Peruvian bounty-hunters after I stole some artefacts). Do they still make that horrible little purple drink there?
What does it pay to be a Scientologist? I mean, science is interesting and all, but if I have to study it all day I'm not doing it for what lab technicians get. I have a lifestyle to maintain.
Do you mean the biggest drink in Salazore "Purple Piss" as in 'My heart bleeds Purple Piss', or the second biggest drink in Salazore the "Flaming Moe"?
And I don't know how much science you work on as a Scientologist but you certainly become an expert on psychiatry and whatnot. As for pay, I am not certain, I hear you pay them.
Still interested?
Oh, now you've done it! Google ads, for Scientology! Everywhere! AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And yeah, I think its Purple Piss. It certainly tasted like it.
Enrico invented that drink.
[Offstage]
...After getting severely beaten in the kidneys, I suppose...
Look what you did though! The Scientologist ads are here. That means...they are WATCHING US!
Also, did you really have to add 4 shots of Absinthe to that drink recipe. I know it gives it extra kick, but when I had a drinking match...well...lets just say it was a while ago and I still get random hallucinations...
Oh the people farther down the couch think they can interupt conversation, eh?
Yes, actually. Enrico was worked over by his uncle Chuckles one morning, went to take a leisurely piss afterwards, and saw the vision of Purple Piss . . . it would be half Wild Turkey, four shots of Absinthe, one shot of lighter fluid, one tongue of bat and one ounce Purple Rain.
Question from the audience--
Enrico, my cousins and I travelled from Kansas for three days just to see your show!!! We slept outside the studio all night on the sidewalk to make sure we get in.
OMG I LOVE YOU Enrico!!!! (Points to t-shirt with picture of Enrico's anus in a big pink heart)
Ummm, OMG you are so gorgeous, it's making me nervous, now I don't know what I was going to ask.
Ah, yes...how do you get your mustache looking so fine?
(makes a clearly visible crotch "sweat" stain ala Fergie from BEPs and sits down)
It depends on the day, my fine little conch shell.
On Mondays Enrico usually rubs his face all over pillow with tears streaming down face, this makes mustache stand up slightly.
On Tuesdays Enrico will trim with tiny scissors and then use mustache wax.
On Wednesdays Enrico usually wakes up hung over in a slut's apartment, on these days he tosses some salad and the mustache takes care of itself.
On Thursdays Enrico will usually talk to his mustache hor about three and half hours about religious matters, this wilts the mustache.
On Fridays the mustache is excited for weekend and dances all day. Is distracting.
Now.
Any more questions from audience before gas is pumped through ventilation?
No? Good.
Alright. Next guest is someone Enrico knows ALL too well. In fact he has roadmapped her vericose veins many many times. She clocks in at 7'6", weighing a stunning three-fifty, and has teeth like a jack o' lantern.
Enrico is of course speaking about his second and forth wife Diabo Salazore!
Come on out Diabo. Is not a trap.
(peaking out from behind curtain)
How Diabo is going to know you is not il monstro? Is Enrico not supposed to be crispy bacon? If I can't trust Enrico to burn in hell even, how do I know this is no trap?
Enrico explained that already elsewhere. He will not go into it again on the set of chat show you filthy boar, now please be a lovely kitten and haul your wide load onto this delicate green velvet couch.
Is nice.
You want drink? One of Enrico's sponsors is Riunite.
Yes, fine. Couch is nice. What is the white stains crusted on cushion? Enrico have one of his famous sheep humping party?
I bring my own drink. Rubbing alcohol with twist of ruffie, you want?
Enrico would not drink something you gave him if he saw it poured from Scarlette Johansen's nipple himself.
Too many times, Diabo. Poison me once, shame on you; poison me twice, shame on me. Poison me three times and I nail your esophogas to fucking wall. No joke.
Anyway, let us talk nice. Is chat show. Is for light entertainment.
How is your charity work going anyway you ignorant slut?
Well Enrico, thanks for asking you maggot infested piece of thai curry puke.
Charity work is tough business, but Diabo knows dedication to work you love make it worth it.
I have terrible back pain from chasing American sluts after bars close to bring them to back alley sterilization clinic. You'd think they would be easy to catch because of high alcohol intake and being tired from giving bathroom blowjobs, but they still run fast!
Lucky, Diabo always brings cattle prod.
Hard work, but for the good of humanity and easy access to passed out poon, Diabo do it, she no mind.
(moves closer to the desk and puts hand on Enrico's thigh)
Quote from: Diabo SalazoreWell Enrico, thanks for asking you maggot infested piece of thai curry puke.
Charity work is tough business, but Diabo knows dedication to work you love make it worth it.
I have terrible back pain from chasing American sluts after bars close to bring them to back alley sterilization clinic. You'd think they would be easy to catch because of high alcohol intake and being tired from giving bathroom blowjobs, but they still run fast!
Lucky, Diabo always brings cattle prod.
Hard work, but for the good of humanity and easy access to passed out poon, Diabo do it, she no mind.
(moves closer to the desk and puts hand on Enrico's thigh)
I believe you deserve to be stabbitied.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Diabo SalazoreWell Enrico, thanks for asking you maggot infested piece of thai curry puke.
Charity work is tough business, but Diabo knows dedication to work you love make it worth it.
I have terrible back pain from chasing American sluts after bars close to bring them to back alley sterilization clinic. You'd think they would be easy to catch because of high alcohol intake and being tired from giving bathroom blowjobs, but they still run fast!
Lucky, Diabo always brings cattle prod.
Hard work, but for the good of humanity and easy access to passed out poon, Diabo do it, she no mind.
(moves closer to the desk and puts hand on Enrico's thigh)
I believe you deserve to be stabbitied.
Please to try. Diabo will tear you apart with teeth, like a focking tiger!
(From Smoke--LMNO)
Who let Hugh in here, he isn't on until later.
Who is doing security around here?
Sorry, I was passed out behind the curtain. He rushed out to say that, then dissapeared again.
Security?
You should have thought of that before you hired a bunch of Tequilahadeens to do your security.
Diabo, you will be stabbitied. And you will learn to like it, beg for it, crave it with every cell in your zombified body.
Enrico will fix you later.
And Diabo, is good to know you are doing your part to make this world better. You are like Eva Peron, except with compassion.
Hey, you guys.
I found Che Guevara hiding out in a Nepalese monastery smoking ganja and eating crackers. You want me to haul him back to the Americas?
*boos Hugh off the stage from the audience*
Eva Peron was an ignorant slut, I dig up her skeleton, suck on her rib and spit at remains of her face!
Irreverend, please to bring Che back! Enrico, we could have orgy with Che like old times. (licks Enrico's face)
That was Che's double, Diabo. Che had no penis.
And thank you Fizzy. We will talk to you soon. You should go to the green room and so lines.
He smokes ganga now? He was never so much fun when Enrico knew him. He was all the time showing up in Salazore trying to incite a revolution . . . but what he failed to remember is that he who controls the supply of Chef Boyardee controls the people.
Bring him in Hugh, but do not bring him onto chat show. He is no fun.
For straight record, original Che used to have penis, until I rip it off in one hot night of meth-twister. He say spin, so I spin!!
He cry like a little baby: "Mi espada! Mi espada!!" Boo hoo hoo. Like a little commie baby. I laugh till I cry. "Hey doctore, why you no sow it back on?" But he only cry and cry.
He was no fun for orgy later on anymore. That's why I hire his double Enrico.
(moves closer to Enrico's face)
Enrico, why your breath smell like dingo ejaculate?
That question answers itself.
Diabo. Is it not true you have a new book to plug?
Ahh yes, of course, the book. Otherwise I no agree to come so clos to you, your face at this closeness makes blindess seem like a heavenly dream! (whispers: but in private, you know I love you Enrico you sweet ass buccanneer, you)
My book is coming out next week! Is a lightening fast 980 page read, titled "The Truth About Ben Wa Balls: How I Fisted My Way from Salazore to The White House."
A lovingly detailed chapter is spent discussing your Syphillis of course, Enrico. I also dedicated the book to you if you see. (Points to dedication in book: To Enrico, the glorious faggot of Salazore. Sorry to hear you were paralyzed from the neck up. Rot in hell, yours always Diabo.)
You gave me the syphillis, Diabo, why shouldn't you recount it in detail?
(rimshot)
Thank you, thank you. That's little Mo Tucker on the drums there, folks.
And Diabo, Enrico is so saddened, that 'paralyzed from neck up' comment bordered on the genuinely amusing. If you do not have your complete lack of humor, what will you have?
What is Enrico asking? Of course you will still have your unimaginable body-odor. Peoples at home be glad you aren't sitting next to her.
Can you smell her from down there at the end of the couch, LMNO?
::has disappeared::
See what your stench did? Now LMNO has dissapeared.
Trainwreck.
Anyway, that was Diabo Salazore talking about her book Ben-Wa Balls something or other. Let's hope it will rake in millions of dollars and Diabo can afford to have one of those new face transplants. There will still be the problem of the rest of her body, but one step at a time.
Who is next?
(consults blue note cards)
Our next guest is - you OK Shecky? You look off-color. Moreso than usual.
(rimshot)
No, Mo, Enrico is serious. Shecky has stopped breathing.
Anyway.
We will return after a short message from our sponsors.
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<stabs the android.>
<steals his horn.>
<disappears.>
And, Enrico is back.
Shecky, how you feeling now?
(Shecky's body does not move)
Ehhhh. This may not be good.
On a brighter note Enrico's next guest is a future presidential candidate and the smartest motherfucker he knows personally, sometimes known as Fred, good friend Noodle!
Come on out Noodle!
...hello..or somethngs
um....yeah
>_>
Fred, your hair is looking fantastic. Have you been working out? Where do you buy your clothes?
Ehhh.
(consults blue note card)
Ehh, you look younger and younger.
Fred, tell Enrico's viewers what would make you good presidente for American peoples. Better than orangutan.
Thanks Enrico. you also look great, espcially since you were supposed to be dead. o_O
I would make a good president because i fucking say so! sure, every presidential candidate says that...but...um...im cooler! YEAH
also, i would be WAY BETTER then an orangutan because i shave more often. stupid hairy fuckers. and i dont smell bad.
I BATHE VOTE FOR ME
see?
Yes yes. Is good.
And death thing was part of insurance scam . . . in case of fire Enrico's son got shitloads of money . . . now Enrico is back and Little Tono is nowhere to be seen.
Enrico is sure he will turn up. If the metal detectors are set for body hair.
(rimshot)
Anyway. Fred. Anything else you would like to say?
yes. come the revolution, I WILL FILL YOUR PANTIES WITH OLD GRANDMAS AND THEIR MEAT LOAF! TAKE THAT BITCH!!!!
also. please support the eat the whale campaign.
ITS THE PATRIOTIC THING TO DO
Enrico cannot wait until his panties are filled with grandmothers. It will be so much easier than chasing after them all the time.
Thank you Fred for being guest on show. Can you stick around on couch, or do you have plane to catch?
thanks for having me, enrico!
i'll hang here. couch looks nice
hey d. honey. turn the tv up! that noodel chick is on enrico's show.
Anything for you sweetcheeks.
Alright my little hemorrhoids, Enrico needs to pause for station identification, and to get a few more words from our sponsors . . . and while that is going on Enrico thinks he will serve a little of this fantastic Riunite on ice to all his guests . . . here you are Fred . . . remember, Riunite on ice is nice.
SWEET...free drinks...i should live here
Hi.
Broken noses. Shattered shins. Cracked skulls.
What do these three phrases have in common? The answer? Fun.
I, Baron von Hoopla, will kick the living shit out of anyone you need beaten up, for a very small amount of money. After all, I'm from Canuckastan, a couple measly American dollars can keep me clothed and fed all winter long.
I don't promise you that I won't be sneaky about it, in fact I almost guarantee it. Nothing is more gratifying than running from a dark alley holding an aluminum baseball bat. The best part? I've never even played baseball.
That's right. I'm a shit-kicker, and proud of it.
You want me to work for you? Email baronvonhoopla@hotmail.com and title it SHITKICKER.
Talk to you soon.
That is Enrico's type of sponsor.
Alright, back again.
Shecky has been taken to hospital on Fred's advice. Thank you Fred, Enrico is sure Shecky will thank you later. It must have been clam dip served in green room.
Anyway. Enrico's next guest is an old friend, he has been a revered for a long time, and he has recently been upgraded to a god . . .
Please give a warm sloppy welcom to the Good Reverend Roger!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarThat is Enrico's type of sponsor.
Alright, back again.
Shecky has been taken to hospital on Fred's advice. Thank you Fred, Enrico is sure Shecky will thank you later. It must have been clam dip served in green room.
Anyway. Enrico's next guest is an old friend, he has been a revered for a long time, and he has recently been upgraded to a god . . .
Please give a warm sloppy welcom to the Good Reverend Roger!
Thanks for having me, you sexy beast. So, what's on your diseased little mind?
Enrico has been told that in your youth you were a proffesional wrassler, is this true?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico has been told that in your youth you were a proffesional wrassler, is this true?
Yes it is. I was an extra, one of the guys that takes a dive for the big name dudes. I got tired of that, and threw "The Iron Actuary" into the crowd, so they threw me out, after giving me a turbo-wedgie with my wrasslin' tights.
I'll kill them all for that, one fine day.
Enrico used to wrassle under name of Mustachio Souvenier. Is long tedious story.
What was your wrassling name?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico used to wrassle under name of Mustachio Souvenier. Is long tedious story.
What was your wrassling name?
Benito Mussol...hey, who's the babe on the couch?
Is little Fred.
Fred.
Wake up.
Is Roger.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarIs little Fred.
Fred.
Wake up.
Is Roger.
Naw, let her doze. I think it's cute, the way she's throttling your sound guy in her sleep.
He deserves it.
When Diabo was on he tried to fix sound to make her not have screeching hog voice. Lying to public should only be done by politicians.
Can you stick around on couch Roger?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarHe deserves it.
When Diabo was on he tried to fix sound to make her not have screeching hog voice. Lying to public should only be done by politicians.
Can you stick around on couch Roger?
Sure. Your sound guy is turning me on.
You don't have a garbage bag, a wet suit, and some salsa sauce handy, do you?
Who do you think you're asking??
(rimshot)
Again Mo, Enrico is serious.
Ok Roger Enrico will get you the items you desire as we go to a word from our sponsors.
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Welcome again to Into The Night With Salazar And Friends my little scrotums, it has been much too long.
Thank you, thank you . . . stop. No, really, stop.
(pulls out revolver and brandishes at audience)
ENRICO SAID STOP!
Is better.
Is new year, and time for resolutions. Enrico decided this year that he should try to stop being so goddam gorgeous, and so motherfucking smart. Is bad for other peoples' self esteem. You cannot be this fantastic through work alone, you must be born with Salazar genes, sluts.
Which reminds Enrico, his own brand of blue jeans will be out this spring, they are called BlueBall Bluejeans, and the slogan is "Nothing inseminates between me and my BlueBalls."
Enrico's first guest is one of the producers of Into The Night, is also the casting agent, and has been mistaken as your humble host on many occaisions by many peoples . . . not to be confused with Baron Von Stevenstein, please welcome Baron von Hoopla!
Thanks Enrico.
It's a little strange to be sitting here on this side of the couch.
Why? Because people think you are Enrico?
No. Because I spend most of my time now paying people to come sit here and put up with your abuse.
And now here I am. Glutton for punishment.
Glutton Enrico can attest to. He has seen you in the Champagne Room at the Brass Rail. Like Oprah at an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord.
(long pause)
Fat Oprah jokes? Is that what the show is already coming to?
::applause::
Quiet, faggot.
The reason Enrico brought you on show was to let everyone know there is genius and then there is lackluster talent. You, poor Baron, are lackluster talent, while Enrico is true genius. Please to be stopping your silly writings, nobody is reading.
Also. Your member. It would embarrass Jiminy Cricket.
(rimshot)
Thank you Mo.
Mo, come on. Use some discretion.
Listen Enrico. How many years did you sleep on my couch? For free? How many times did you clog up the sinks with your preternatural body hair? How many times have I had to bust you out of lynchings?
And for what? This type of abuse in front of all of my peers?
It's just . . . I try and I try and . . .
For the love of Petey, clam up you miserable little jellyfish. Enrico was just ribbing you. Is like Dean Martin Roast. You know?
Like this Dean Martin roast style joke:
What is worse than being Baron von Hoopla?
Sigh.
I give up. What is worse than being Baron von Hoopla?
NOTHING!
(rimshot)
Ha! Is too good. These jokes, they bring a tear to Enrico's glass eye.
Alright, fuck this.
(stands up and pulls off microphone)
You're on your own you twisted old freak. Good luck getting guests without my help.
(stalks off stage)
Hehehe.
That took longer than Enrico expected. Little fucker is toughening up.
(turns to audience with cloying smile full of gold teeth)
And with that, sluts, we will be back after these messages. Please do not go away or Enrico will hunt you down. Is true.
(http://www.dudehisattva.com/applause.jpg)
And we are back.
Enrico's next guest has been promoting fart jokes and French all over PD.com for the last couple weeks, Enrico is of course speaking about Jean Paul Fartre!
Come on out Jean Paul!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAnd we are back.
Enrico's next guest has been promoting fart jokes and French all over PD.com for the last couple weeks, Enrico is of course speaking about Jean Paul Fartre!
Come on out Jean Paul!
Bonjour, bonjour. Very happy indeed to be here chez vous.
A Kabbbbbbbbalist salute to all!
JPF
Enrico is going to tell you upfront that he doesn't speak French. Not even tiny bit. Even common phrases such as "Au contraire" Enrico will reword as "No, slut, Enrico disagrees."
So. Your casual french usage will go nowhere with Enrico.
Now. Tell Enrico why flatulance makes you giggle so. We all let out floofs, why should it be funny? Is there not ugly people we could be mocking instead?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico is going to tell you upfront that he doesn't speak French. Not even tiny bit. Even common phrases such as "Au contraire" Enrico will reword as "No, slut, Enrico disagrees."
So. Your casual french usage will go nowhere with Enrico.
Now. Tell Enrico why flatulance makes you giggle so. We all let out floofs, why should it be funny? Is there not ugly people we could be mocking instead?
Go nowhere? C'est dommage. I don't know what you mean mais ca ne me derange pas.
The flatulence, she is my connection to the Divine. I have researched the Cabalah and have elimated all mystic and occult references to numbers and letters and have replaced them with smells. You see, early Cabalah was based on smell, the OLDEST sense, you see? Once you get to the original meaning, the world becomes clear as glass as a result.
It was very surprising to JPF that people do not fart more to see into future and decode god's gift to the man. I once farted and saw thee lotto numbers for next 2 weeks. I am now rich philosophe as a result. For those practising old/archaic ways, movies and music are necessary to supplement income. Is a shame, yes? Worst of all are those that really think Cabalah with numbers tells them anything of use. I teach it to my child (3 yrs, merci) and he laughs all the day. But when he sits on 'throne', he is very serious for he sees future in his olfaction.
JPF
Again with the french. It sounds like you are trying to scrape peanut butter off top of your mouth. Why no try a language with some class, like Salazorian . . . listen "Egatzo slug murnoneevo blat".
Now, THAT is poetry, faggot.
Strangely, though, shit is used in Salazore as method of telling future. Depending on how many nuts are in there can tell a lot about where you have been, and where you are going.
Do you like Ken better? Or Barbie?
::offstage::
Booo! Get off the stage!
DOESN'T GET THE JOKE!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAgain with the french. It sounds like you are trying to scrape peanut butter off top of your mouth. Why no try a language with some class, like Salazorian . . . listen "Egatzo slug murnoneevo blat".
Now, THAT is poetry, faggot.
Strangely, though, shit is used in Salazore as method of telling future. Depending on how many nuts are in there can tell a lot about where you have been, and where you are going.
Do you like Ken better? Or Barbie?
Barbie is less good because she stays away from dairy and legumes - cannot see future well from her flatus.
Ken: she's anatomy like that partial-alphabet's..... non-existent.
I enjoy your talk of nuts. Tell me how nuts can help us see the divine. I know is your show but please forgive.
A salute to your nuts!
JPF
Quote from: erotic::offstage::
Booo! Get off the stage!
DOESN'T GET THE JOKE!
Enrico, who is this dumb-dumb? Why does he talk like goon all the time?
Perhaps we should count the letters in his post to tell us mysteries of the universe?
Back to the dumpster, partial-alphabet loser. Chao!
JPF
p.s. where were we, Enrico?
Wait your turn slut. This chat show is run like Salazore was in Enrico's heyday, with an iron fist in a velvet glove.
Where were we?
Yes. Ken and Barbie. Enrico hates them, they live in aparment next door and are all the time having swingers parties without inviting Enrico. Is just rude.
What you said about Enrico's nuts?!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarWait your turn slut. This chat show is run like Salazore was in Enrico's heyday, with an iron fist in a velvet glove.
Where were we?
Yes. Ken and Barbie. Enrico hates them, they live in aparment next door and are all the time having swingers parties without inviting Enrico. Is just rude.
What you said about Enrico's nuts?!
Yes, slut must wait turn. Tell your mom to make you lunch.
Oh, if K+B do not invite to parties, flatus must be forced upon them. I can show you how to gas-attack others.... is simple use of hammer and tube.
K+B? It's a sign from god.
JPF
Enrico was telling you to wait your turn, slut.
And, believe Enrico when he tells you he knows all about gassing people. It was a hobby as a child.
So. Should we set up a ring and allow you and LMNO to bitch-fight?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarShecky has been taken to hospital on Fred's advice. Thank you Fred, Enrico is sure Shecky will thank you later. It must have been clam dip served in green room.
*Shecky Enters stage left looking like he's been dragged through a dumpster backwards*Shit, sorry Enrico. The hospital held me overnight for observations. And it was clam alright, but not the dip...
*lets loose a small burp that smells suspiciously of vomit and Diabo Salazore*It was more the bearded variety...
Uh, God, I need to lie down...
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico was telling you to wait your turn, slut.
And, believe Enrico when he tells you he knows all about gassing people. It was a hobby as a child.
So. Should we set up a ring and allow you and LMNO to bitch-fight?
He is the bitch, yes.
JPF
Yes, lay down there next to Fred, and thank her for saving your miserable life you beautiful faggot.
Answer, Fartre.
<enters.>
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO JIMMY KIMMEL?
<leaves.>
Jimmy Kimmel is too busy banging Enrico's old girlfriend Sarah Silverman, but Enrico dumped her when he realized she had a thicker mustache than he does.
So Enrico took over Kimmel's spot. Coming tomorrow: Girls on trampolines!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarYes, lay down there next to Fred, and thank her for saving your miserable life you beautiful faggot.
Answer, Fartre.
Your nuts and the future. What happens when you have 5 large nuts and poop is 5 inches long?
JPF
Quote from: Enrico SalazarJimmy Kimmel is too busy banging Enrico's old girlfriend Sarah Silverman, but Enrico dumped her when he realized she had a thicker mustache than he does.
That is correct, sir!
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Enrico SalazarJimmy Kimmel is too busy banging Enrico's old girlfriend Sarah Silverman, but Enrico dumped her when he realized she had a thicker mustache than he does.
That is correct, sir!
She had that waxed. Mike Tyson told me last week when the Tequilahadeen mistakenly took Las Vegas hostage.
Fartre. Have you been smoking chalk?
You make less sense than Jimmy Carter after being attacked by a mutant rabbit.
(presses button on table near couch)
Dammit!
These fucking trapdoors never work right.
Shecky, would you kindly escort Fartre off stage and give him his parting gifts?
*passes out*
Quote from: Shecky D. Albino*passes out*
No more chalk for you.
Shit.
Ok, Enrico will do it himself.
Ladies and dobermen, Enrico's chat show will be back after a few words from various sponsors of dubious intentions . . .
Come, Fartre . . . come back stage . . .
(stands up in the audience)
What is happening? Why are all these people talking? Is the whole world going crazy????
(starts sobbing) Enrico, I love you. Enriiiiicooooooooooo!!!!
(faints)
Quote from: Toots(stands up in the audience)
What is happening? Why are all these people talking? Is the whole world going crazy????
(starts sobbing) Enrico, I love you. Enriiiiicooooooooooo!!!!
(faints)
No more chalk for you either.
ATTENTION!
THIS SHOW HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY THE TEQUILAHADEEN FOR WAY TOO LONG. AND NOW OUR HOOKAHS TELL US THAT WE MUST NOW TAKE THIS SHOW HOSTAGE.
WE ARE SORRY FOR THE INCOVENIENCE!
<disappears as hoods are forced over audience and crew members and the new hostages are hauled off.>
Have no fear, my loyal hemorrhoids, Enrico's boys are always stationed just off stage, and around the doors. Razor wire is wrapped around studio, for your protection . . .
There is nothing to fear, we have been doing this since Hugh was still clutching mummy's tittie.
Is cute though, he is getting good.
Keep it up and you might get interview.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarHave no fear, my loyal hemorrhoids, Enrico's boys are always stationed just off stage, and around the doors. Razor wire is wrapped around studio, for your protection . . .
There is nothing to fear, we have been doing this since Hugh was still clutching mummy's tittie.
Is cute though, he is getting good.
Keep it up and you might get interview.
<reappears.>
All your audience members now belong to the Tequilahadeen Hostage Department. For release, please apply to our customer service office for recitification and notice of our demands.
<disappears.>
(pats Hugh on the head)
Oh, Hugh, you could be a Salazorian yet.
All the audience members signed waivers before being admitted, the show is not responsible for any mishaps whatsoever.
Take them all out if gives you an erection.
Quote from: Enrico Salazar(pats Hugh on the head)
Oh, Hugh, you could be a Salazorian yet.
All the audience members signed waivers before being admitted, the show is not responsible for any mishaps whatsoever.
Take them all out if gives you an erection.
No. The Tequilahadeen usually just brainwash them and turn them loose to society at large. Does this frighten or gratify you? Sometimes we just give them to Special Agent Hoshiko, who does Eris knows what with them involving poptarts and guacamole.
But we will take the hostages out if it gives YOU an erection, or even it helps your election.
Enrico has said it many times before in the past: sex and death are the same.
Please do so, the ratings can only go up, after all in America violence is good, it is sex that is bad.
Soon we will change that.
When IS Hoshi showing up anyway? Enrico has so many questions to ask the little muffin.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico has said it many times before in the past: sex and death are the same.
Please do so, the ratings can only go up, after all in America violence is good, it is sex that is bad.
Soon we will change that.
When IS Hoshi showing up anyway? Enrico has so many questions to ask the little muffin.
She comes and goes as she pleases, as all Erisians do.
We can shoot some of the hostages, but shouldn't we be a little more creative....and if we are going to do the massacre-thing, we'll need more camera coverage.
Perhaps we should wait until sweeps for more coverage?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarPerhaps we should wait until sweeps for more coverage?
This works. We have warehouses to "store" them until the right moment.
Enrico likes the sound of it.
Ok, NOW we go to words from our sponsors, and remember motherfuckers that Riunite on ice is real goddam nice.
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Is hard to find good upstanding sponsors such as these.
Well, we are back. Enrico's next guest is one who could be the spawn of Hugh himself . . . Zurtok Khan!
Welcome Zurtok. Tell Enrico, how hard is it for you to get out of bed in the morning?
Enrico, my dear friend and fellow faggot, I must say that it is very difficult for me to leae my bed in the morning. Mostly because my boyfriend ties me to the bed posts at night. Then he cums and falls asleep without untieing me. I am sure you know all about these sorts of things. Are you not the one who invented the Salazorian Organ Pleasure (a position which I have still not had the pleasure of!) Position in late 1974?
Is true. It was when Enrico was inventing that position that he discovered the male g-spot. Was a good day. Dr. Joyce Brothers has never forgiven Enrico for that discovery.
Your boyfriend, is his name Fartre?
No no Enrico, his name is Jack.
He is not french. Have you not noticed that french men have very small penis's? The kind that would make guinea pigs embarrassed to leave the house without pants on.
Enrico has only known two french men in his life, as bizarre as that may sound. The first was Pierre Trudeau the Canadian Prime Minister, and believe Enrico when he says that the French Pig was hung like a donkey. Of course he wasn't from France, so mayb this is explanation.
The second was one of Diabo's lovers, and he had no penis at all when Enrico saw him. This could be because Diabo cut it off, which she is wont to do, but it also could have been the penis sucking back into cavity - this haas been known to happen to all of Diabo's suitors at one point or another.
How often do you bathe?
I bathe when ever I may find a good looking man (such as yourself) to bathe me.
Would you like to bathe me, here and now?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears that Enrico has gone off to see his favorite officer at the local house of correctional facilities.
We will be back after these messages from our sponsers.
*masterbaits on Enrico's chair*
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*raises head slowly from arm of couch*
...Whafuh?
..Whoozle?
We Back?
...I needuh drink...
Do not worry Zurtok, Enrico had not left, he merely had to excuse himself behind couch for a few minutes. Sometimes these itches, she needs to be scratched, yes?
Shecky, just relax, you must work WITH the hooch, not against it.
So. What is in news today?
Mr. Charlie "can't-get-enough-poonani" Sheen and Miss Denise "tennis-balls-for-titties" Richards are finally, officially getting goddam divorce.
Quote from: The AudienceAwwwwwwwwww
Is true. Is true. But, on bright side this will give Charlie more time to indulge in his first love. Murdering prostitutes.
(
rimshot)
Yes. You like that, ehghh? Heh heh heh. Also. Will allow Denise to return to her former career . . . as speed bumps on Universal Studio lot.
Quote from: The AudienceBooooo . . . hissssssssssss
Please. Nicole Richie has more talent than that leather bag.
Quote from: The AudienceBooooo . . . hissssssssssss
Phah. Goddam Hu
gh. Killing my audience and then filling it the audience from Ellen DeGenerate show. Enrico will peel off his skin for this indignity.
MONOLOGUE IS OVER!
We will return after station identification. During which time Enrico will have entire audience shot and replaced with new audience. Swine.
Alright! You! Faggot in front row! Follow Enrico!
Into The Night With Salazar And Friends is brought to you by www.principiadiscordia.com
Not affiliated with Mal2 or Robert Anton Wilson.
Also not affiliated with the Church of Scientology.
Also not affiliated with the Bavarian Illuminati, which do not exist.
Also not affiliated with the Easter Bunny, which does not exist either.
Thank you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
::curtain comes up::
::enter LMNO, stage left::
::staggers::
And another thing!
If you -hic- you try laying some silly guilt trip on my becasue of what I did to the poodle, you gotta -hic- gotta -hic- gotta 'nuther thing comin', mishter man!
::Collapses on couch::
It should be obvious that Enrico's next guest is an old favorite on the show. He has more gold records in shower gargling than any other fucker Enrico knows, and not only that he is a Cat's Cradle champion.
Welcome LMNO.
::drools on couch::
You told Enrico backstage that you were a monkey trainer in your teens.
How did this effect your love life?
::lifts head::
Wha-?
Monkeys? Where!? Where are the fucking monkeys!
God-fucking-DAMMIT! If I se another goddamn sister-raping monkey, I'll fucking beat it's fucking head in with a fucking shovel & eat it's fucking brains with a fucking rusty fucking spoon, goddamn it!
Where's my fucking drink, you fuck!?
Now THIS is more like it!
Have a sip of Riunite on ice, which is quite fucking nice by the goddam way, and recount what the monkeys did to you sister.
Get that fucking pussy drink away from me, slime!
Where's my bourbon! WHERE'S MY FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING BOURBON!?
I don't have a sister... Who said anything about a sister? Wha- Where the fuck am I?
Who the fuck are you?
WHY ARE YOU HUMPING MY LEG!?
What you mean 'why'? Why wouldn't Enrico? Look at that leg. It's taut, lithe, hairy and long. It is common knowledge that this is a fucking fantastic leg. They should mould your leg from rubber for dogs they way they mould Jenna Jameson's yonni for pigs everywhere.
But, this insults to Riunite Enrico will not stand for. Next to Wild Turkey and Isopropyl 70% is best drink in world, and when it comes to romance and fucking, is best drink of all. You sexy swine, if your drunk grin did not fill Enrico's pants so full you would have your ribs opened for you.
Move down the couch, faggot. NEXT GUEST!
Enrico's next guest is a animal trainer for little kiddies pets and is going to bring a few of these exotic treats for our amusement.
Shecky, get that poking stick ready.
Please welcome to Enrico's show Eldora!
:walks in with a wolverine on a leash:
Hey, Enrico, my glorious faggot, how are you this fine day!
He will be much better once alone with LMNO alone in green room, but so far so fantastic my lovely little wormess.
That is a fantastically ugly specimen you have there. It looks like Enrico's last common law wife, but smells much better.
Does it bite?
Well, in order to avoid any lawsuits we pumped him full of valium, but they can be rather nasty. This little guy only weighs about 40 pounds, but wolverines have been known to fight a grizzly over food. Hey, that's just like your last common law wife too, isn't it :lol:
Is true.
And we had to do the same valium trick with LMNO, and look what happened to the poor faggot.
Grizzley Bears eh? So that hog who was in movie Grizzley Man should have kept wolverine with him?
Who would win in a fight, a wolverine or a tasmanian devil?
Um... I liked it better when it was enrico that was humping my leg. Could you get theis fucking thing off me before i fucking puke all over it?
::turns a sickly shade of green::
The point was for you to puke all over it. What kind of show you think this is?
Sorry Eldora, go on, who would win?
That's hard to say. I would definitely say the wolverine, they are scrappy and determined, just like my friend Enrico. Tazmanian devils are feisty, but they lack a focus, like some of the people who post around here. I pray to Eris for them to find their way.
:whistles:
:cute young man comes out with bird:
Thanks sweetie:wink:
:slaps young man's ass:
:young man takes wolverine offstage:
Enrico, this is an African grey parrot, his name is Butch
Butch: Enrico, my glorious faggot
I taught him that especially for your show.
::in a moment truly worthy of slo-motion photography, LMNO spews an enormous amount of suspciously blue, viscous material all over the wolverine, with Eldora receiveing much of the splatter off the poor drenched beast, who is still pumping away furiously at LMNO's calf::
:whistles:
:young man comes out with pampers diaper wipes, extra large bin:
For crying out loud, alpha d00d, since when can't you hold your liquor, really. The wolverine has had more than you and all it did was make him horny :roll:
GORGEOUS!
Now, that is being sent to the Emmys for consideration.
Hoopla, get out here and collect this pile of bile, vomit and Head and Shoulders! Earn yer goddam keep!
What a horribly ugly bird that is, Eldora . . . and it speaks such beautiful poetry. Is strange.
The national bird of Salazore is the Turkey Vulture, a truly resplendent specimen. Tis bird is horrid in comparison, yet can speak, and the vulture cannot.
Is this bird possessed by demons?
*comes out in rubber gloves with a bucket*
BRRFFFF!
*runs back offstage*
::wipes mouth::
It wasn't the liquor... Musta been all the smurf blood.
Dammit, enrico! YOu said those fuckin smurfs were fucking fresh!
Hey, Enrico can only go by what Gargamel tells him.
Not that I know of, but since it has been staying at my house, I would not be surprised. He can say a lot of words and can identify a lot of things.
Butch: That guy is drunk. Sloppy drunk. No excuse.
Yes, LMNO seems to be having problems today. Very uncharacteristic of him.
Turkey Vultures are very adaptable. They have taken up residence in a hospital near where I live. Scares the crap out of people, which alone makes all the Discordians want to protect them.
Hey! Is that bird starting shit with me?
Fuck you bird. Why don't you go feltch an iguana, or something.
AND WHERE'S MY GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING DRINK!?
::falls off couch::
Enrico has a surprise for you too, Eldora.
(pulls scorpion from shirt pocket)
This is Dildo, he is Enrico's scorpion. He speaks too, come on Dildo, say what Enrico taught you . . . come on . . .
He is a little shy. Must be the lights.
Come on Dildo, speak to Eldora . . .
UROKKNOI!
(tosses scorpion to ground and stomps it)
He was always quite stupid.Enrico has a surprise for you too, Eldora.
(pulls scorpion from shirt pocket)
This is Dildo, he is Enrico's scorpion. He speaks too, come on Dildo, say what Enrico taught you . . . come on . . .
He is a little shy. Must be the lights.
Come on Dildo, speak to Eldora . . .
UROKKNOI!
(tosses scorpion to ground and stomps it)
He was always quite stupid.
*brings LMNO a bottle of bourbon and a straw*
hmmm, there seems to be an echo in here. Too bad about Dildo, I miss him already. You did know my birthday is in November, didn't you? :evil:
Thank you Baron. I fear the only way to deal with LMNO today is to keep him quite drunk :twisted:
::sluuuuuuurp::
Enrico did not know that, but will write it in his diary backstage. Menatl note - Eldora likes dangerous scorpions.
Yes.
Would any of you mind if Enrico sang a song now?
::sluuuuurp::
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico did not know that, but will write it in his diary backstage. Menatl note - Eldora likes dangerous scorpions.
Yes.
Would any of you mind if Enrico sang a song now?
I have a fondness for dangersous men, er I mean people, no, I mean, arachnids. :twisted:
Sing to your haert's content, my little Liberace!
Thank you, lovefist.
Ahem.
What would you dooooooooooo if Enrico sang out of tune,
Would you attempt to assassinate him?
Lend Enrico your rears and he will become intimately acquainted with them
And he'll try not to slip the whole salami in.
Oh, Enrico get by with a little grope from his friends
Mm, Enrico get high with a little dope from his friends
Mm, gonna tie up Hoshiko with a little help from his friends
(coughs violently into bloody tissue)
Oh, Enrico hasn't tried to sing since that duet with Brooke Shields on the 1984 Bob Hope Christmas Special.
Into The Night With Salazar And Friends will be back after a word from the sponsors.
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Enrico, my darling, WAKE UP YOU FAGGOT!!!!!
I have another appointment, so I really must be going. It was so nice for you to be able to see me and all, but I must be going. Try to do something with alpha d00d, this is really kind of sad. I hope he feels better. What do you give someone after they've eaten bad Smurf?
Cocaine.
::sluuuuurp::
-hic-
(crawls into studio audience with singed hair and one eyeball missing, right leg is a bloody stump below the knee)
ENRICO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Tequilahadeen....they took us all.....but I....I escaped....for you...just for you....I LOVE YOU ENRICO!!!!!!!!!!!
(shits pants and faints)
Erisu Akbar!
\
(http://www.spokesmanreview.com/iraq/images/040704_weap.jpg)
Is all music to Enrico's twisted ears.
::sluuuurp::
What's that fucking smell!?
It could be the excess vomit, it could be Enrico's boots, or it could be Tootsie. She seems well done.
Tootsie, you alright?
OH MY GAWWWWDDDDD!!!! ENRICO TALKED TO ME!!!!!
I'm okay. That leg was no good anyway, club foot. Who needs it.
I LOVE YOU ENRICO!!!!!!!!!!! (barfs)
(http://www.filthythemovie.com/images/jbpics2_jen_puking_in_toilet.jpg)
Is ok. Vomitting is sexy. Is second only to roofies in Salazore as a method of picking up.
Vomit does not seem to have same reputation in America. Does nobody perform the Fountain Of Love here??
Shecky, you would know about that . . . Shecky, have you been drinking LMNO's hooch? That's for guests!
::sluuuurp::
You want a feedbag instead of that straw LMNO?
(rimshot)
I'll give you a fucking feedbag, you syphillis-ridden maggot.
::sluuurp::
(a tear drips from Enrico's glass eye)
Sniffle-snork . . . is like he is festering from Enrico's own loins . . .
Enrico is so proud.
*groggily*
Whu... hey everybody. Ya'll just get here?
Yes. See how Eldora is sitting beside you so quiet with the grey fugly parrot, and LMNO is barfing up Cap'n Crunch cereal, yes the show is just starting, faggot.
You look cute when you just wake up.
Flattery will get you everywhere, sir.
Where's the Scotch?
James Doohan died you insensitive prick!
How dare you piss all over Scotty's grave!
All right then... Where's the rum?
Or did Harry Belafonte die too?
Fuck, what does a guy gotta do to get a drink around here?
Belafonte is dead too? No more bananas?
Is sad day, viewers.
Here, Shecky . . .
(pulls flask from fake compartment in heel of boot)
Have a sippy-sip.
You have plans for weekend, sidekick?
::Sluuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppp::
::ppppp::
::ppppppppppp::
Yeah! MORE FUCKING DRINKS, MOTHERFUCKER!
*takes a very large drink*
You're looking at it.
Hehe. Good boy.
Enrico is planning to go see smoochy movie, BrokeBack Mountain. He hears it is delicious.
I hear it was originally called Stroke Cack Mountain, if ya know what I'm sayin...
*slaps Enrico on the back*
Weren't you a cowboy once?
Enrico has ridden bare-back many many times, if that is what you mean.
Being so goddamn candid makes you tough to zing, broseph.
That's what I love about ya!
HEY OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hehehehe, you know what Enrico loves about you?
Pierced genitalia?
You got it, cupcake.
Enrico has been meaning to ask you, whatever became of Big Bruce, your 'legal guardian' when Enrico first met you? He was the one who tattooed LOVE and HATE on your fingers, is he not?
Um. Actually Big Bruce is the nickname for my johnson. Remember. You thought of it.
You feeling okay?
No.
Enrico is feeling woozy. Must be that damn parrot. Perhaps you wouldn't mind jumping into Enrico's white van and picking up some Pepto, a quart of Stolichnaya vodka, some Slim Jims and the new issue of Celebrity Skin?
Thank you. Go.
(turns to audience of one)
Is good to have a sidekick.
Don't go away. We will be back after these messages from the sponsors.
I SAID I NEED A FUCKING DRINK, GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER! WHERE'S MY FUCKING DRINK!?
Butch:Where's my fucking drink?
Now, you've done it, the bird is picking up bad language as well as a drinking habit :evil:
(opens other heel and produces yet another flask)
Here, slut.
Enrico will be back.
::sluuurp::
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BREAKING NEWS HEADLINE
A statement has been made by the Discordian Tequilahadeen and has just come off the Reteurs News Agency:
We have taken the American imperialist puppet "Barbie" hostage and will force her to drink this bottle of Jose Cuervo, at gunpoint, unless our demands are met. That is all we have to say at this time.
(http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/v/a/iraq_hostage_barbie.jpg)
More on this breaking story as we get it.
Enrico, you glorious faggot, why have you not invited me to come speak on your show again?
I am very displeased with you, so I will now reveal your dirty little secret to the world!
Enrico is the leader of Discordian Tequilahadeen!
Spiritual Leader, Guru and Sacraficial Lamb in Case of Bad Things, lets be accurate.
We all know its Fnordiscordia who is the power behind the lavish and ever so slightly tasteless throne. I just like to make things go BOOM, so they gave me some silly title like Chief of Operations or something to get me out of the way.
Is Barbie wearing macrame?
Fucking shoot her.
Consider it done.
(http://www.creepyminds.com/picture/bloody%20barbie.jpg)
We have a better hostage anyway.
(http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/u/a/iraq_hostage_bush.jpg)
Man am I good or what?
Looks like Dubya.
Fuckin shoot him, too.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoIs Barbie wearing macrame?
Fucking shoot her.
It's either knitted or crocheted.
It is. We're keeping him for a special occasion though,
The best time I ever had with a doll was when my brothers and I shoved fireworks up Barney's big purple butt and set them off. He was like Goatse Barney afterwards.
:twisted:
Quote from: CainSpiritual Leader, Guru and Sacraficial Lamb in Case of Bad Things, lets be accurate.
We all know its Fnordiscordia who is the power behind the lavish and ever so slightly tasteless throne. I just like to make things go BOOM, so they gave me some silly title like Chief of Operations or something to get me out of the way.
Are you calling me Spiritual Leader, Guru and Sacraficial Lamb?
Cause, dude, I ain't no Jesus.
Of course not. I meant Enr!co
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoIs Barbie wearing macrame?
Fucking shoot her.
It's either knitted or crocheted.
Um... thanks?
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Eldora, Oracle of AlchemyQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoIs Barbie wearing macrame?
Fucking shoot her.
It's either knitted or crocheted.
Um... thanks?
Well it wasn't macrame :lol: What kind of hippy are you, anyway :twisted:
Enrico and Shecky used to barbeque hippies . . . was fun in good old days. Many backpackers came through Salazore . . . this is when Shecky was Minister of Defense in Salazore.
Ooh - I'm surprised you mentioned that - that's what got Del Mar's leather panties in a bunch, wasn't it?
Is true.
Del Mar was looking for any excuse though. He first complained about Enrico spending 50% of budget on whores and pills. Is stupid, that is budget of every world leader.
Probably could have cut that price in half if you had used some of my girls.
You know all too well that American whore will not do certain things Salazorian whores will do all too willingly.
Is like apples and bowling balls.
That's what you were hinting about earlier, with the 'Fountain of Love?' comment?
Hinting? Enrico thought it was painfully obvious. Puke. Vomit. Semi-digested foodstuffs. Barf. The Technicolour Yawn.
Enrico will not be so vague next time.
HEY OH!
Heh, "technicolor yawn".
Quote from: Heh, "technicolor yawn".
A fine Australian term. 8)
Quote from: CainQuote from: Heh, "technicolor yawn".
A fine Australian term. 8)
Stolen from bad American teenage party movies, you filthy dingo.
I'm pretty sure it was used around the turn of the 20th century down under...it sounds like something the Cockney's would say that got transported over with those criminal degenerate Londoners.
Quote from: CainI'm pretty sure it was used around the turn of the 20th century down under...it sounds like something the Cockney's would say that got transported over with those criminal degenerate Londoners.
Nonsense. Englad is black and white (especially London and Liverpool). They wouldn't know "technicolor" if it bit them on the ass.
I'm thinking the term 'technicolour' wasn't around until actual invention of technicolour movies.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaI'm thinking the term 'technicolour' wasn't around until actual invention of technicolour movies.
We have ways of making you spell "color" correctly.
Should I also start spelling night without a 'gh', or doughnut without a 'gh'? Or perhaps theatre with an 'er', or some other such nonsense?
We should really drop the U embargo against the USA...it was a long time ago, we burnt the White House, there's no need to make their spelling funny too...
I like the U, it makes me feel exotic.
You did?
It's still there.
Quote from: CainWe should really drop the U embargo against the USA...it was a long time ago, we burnt the White House, there's no need to make their spelling funny too...
Quote from: Baron von HooplaShould I also start spelling night without a 'gh', or doughnut without a 'gh'? Or perhaps theatre with an 'er', or some other such nonsense?
I smell...
REGIME CHANGE!And high time, too. We have allowed you common-wealthers to have your way for far too long. You've become
uppity.
TGRR,
Thinks you'll be laughing out the other side of your mouths soon enough.
My mouth's only got one side.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: CainWe should really drop the U embargo against the USA...it was a long time ago, we burnt the White House, there's no need to make their spelling funny too...
Quote from: Baron von HooplaShould I also start spelling night without a 'gh', or doughnut without a 'gh'? Or perhaps theatre with an 'er', or some other such nonsense?
I smell...REGIME CHANGE!
And high time, too. We have allowed you common-wealthers to have your way for far too long. You've become uppity.
TGRR,
Thinks you'll be laughing out the other side of your mouths soon enough.
Hell, I'm laughing like a drunk hyena right now!
Quote from: agent compassionYou did?
It's still there.
I think bits of it got set on fire. War of 1812.
Quote from: CainQuote from: agent compassionYou did?
It's still there.
I think bits of it got set on fire. War of 1812.
Remember when the Brits could burn a building down
properly?
Quote from: CainMy mouth's only got one side.
So far.
Quote from: Baron von Hoopla
Hell, I'm laughing like a drunk hyena right now!
There'll be no hyenas, come the revolution. Lotsa vultures, though.
But, then again, they don't laugh.
What now, Canuck?
Will there be beer?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: CainQuote from: agent compassionYou did?
It's still there.
I think bits of it got set on fire. War of 1812.
Remember when the Brits could burn a building dwn properly?
Hell yeah! Francis Drake FTW!
Quote from: CainQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: CainQuote from: agent compassionYou did?
It's still there.
I think bits of it got set on fire. War of 1812.
Remember when the Brits could burn a building dwn properly?
Hell yeah! Francis Drake FTW!
He was nothing without the hurricane!
Lies! Lies I tell you!
Quote from: CainLies! Lies I tell you!
Cold hard truth.
If not for that hurricane, Drake would have been beaten like the family mule.
Is embarrassing.
Camera was left running all night. Enrico apologizes for chatter about Drake . . . only good Drake is Drake's Coffee Cake. Which is one of sponsors of Into The Night With Salazar And Friends . . . chewy delicious and delectable - words describing Enrico? Yes, but also accurately describing Drake's Coffee Cakes. The official in-between-meals snack.
Welcome back, faggot. We will return after the following messages . . .
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Hiya. Welcome back to the show.
Enrico is, uh . . . in a delicate position in the men's john right now . . . so in his place we are going to bring in a celebrity psychic, the Amazing Salazippy!
Come on out, Amazing Salazippy!
Greetings, glorious faggot!
Prepare to be shocked amazed and aroused my Salazippy's strange and unusual psychic powers!
Shit, Salazippy . . . ya sound a lot like Enrico.
Really? Never heard that before.
Forget it.
Let's move on.
Alright, the Amazing Salazippy will be receiving the answers to the questions we have written on these 4x5 blue notecards, sealed in envelopes by Fluffy the Bunny herself. Say hi, Fluffy . . .
Quote from: Fluffyfffffttttttttttttttttttttphhhhhhhhhhhh!
Alright, Salazippy . . . here is the first card . . .
Thank you, Shecky . . .
(holds card to head)
Alright . . . Salazippy is getting something . . .
Getting something . . .
The answer is "Pussy Willow".
Pussy Willow?
Is true.
(rips open envelope and blows inside)
And, answer is . . . "How do you introduce a vagina to a Weeping Willow?"
(rimshot)
HEY OH!
Next envelope, Salazippy?
Alright . . . answer is . . .
Answer is "A broken bong, Baron von Hoopla and Shecky D. Albino"
A broken bong.
Baron von Hoopla.
And Shecky. D. Albino.
Yes.
(rips open envelope and blows inside)
And, answer is . . . "Name a leak, a geek, and a sexual freak."
Shit man, that's painfully bad.
Last envelope, Salazippy . . .
Alright. Thank you Shecky.
Last envelope.
(holds envelope to head)
The answer is . . . "Clean air, health care, and freedom"
Clean air.
Health Care.
And, freedom.
this is a television show?
tell them to save the forests.
Fuck off, David Gnome.
(rips open envelope and blows inside)
And, answer is "Name three things you will not find in United States Of America."
(rimshot)
Ouch.
Hope you have an armored limousine, Salazippy.
And with that, Into The Night With Salazar And Friends will be back after words from the sponsors.
And remember to buy Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat.
Do you have a problem with gnomes?
Is this what you would like to see happen?
(http://eur.i1.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/i/uk/pr/w/w79.gif)
Call us at Gnome-Be-Gone. We will grab those gnomes, throttle them, and sell their parts on to lighting fixture outlets, the way it should be.
Call us at 1-800-DEAD-GNOME - we'll take care of the rest.
Statement from the Discordian Tequilahadeen.
Hail Eris, all Hail Discordia. Praise be to all Discordian Jihadis, for today we swear formal alleigance with the Unitarian Jihad. The Discordian Jihad in Bushlandia declares an Erislamic Fatwa against the forces of DUMB and DOOM.
Furthermore, we have slain today one of the Greyfaced infidels. Brave Tequilahadeen assassinated this morning the festering corpse of Richard Nixon, a most devious undead creature, on the outskirts of Fat City. This grevious blow will most assuredly hurt the forces of destructive order.
Kallisti!
The preceding statement was heartily endorsed by Generalissimo Enrico Ritzibottom Salazar.
(http://img235.imageshack.us/img235/3185/salazar12xw.jpg)
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Coming this fall to pee dee dot com: A whole new season of "WHAT NOT TO WEAR!" Starring:
LMNO!
(http://img122.exs.cx/img122/9305/pwned2ma.jpg)
and
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Quote from: DJRubberduckyComing this fall to pee dee dot com: A whole new season of "WHAT NOT TO WEAR!" Starring:
LMNO!
(http://img122.exs.cx/img122/9305/pwned2ma.jpg)
and
DJRubberducky!
(http://www.geocities.com/kilbia/scridhatsmall.jpg)
What's wrong with engineer boots?
TGRR,
Wears engineer boots.
My point exactly.
Well, what's wrong with the Cthulu hat, other than I never pictured him as white, I dunno why :?
Looks like a regular ol' albino octopus, really.
Quote from: eroticLooks like a regular ol' albino octopus, really.
It's pronounced Al-bee-no.
Attention:
The Tequilahadeen have had to make some budget cuts these past few days. So I am sorry to inform you that all of the hostages will be let go. We are sorry to have to do this, but we really can no longer afford the overhead in this tough economy where even apartments now cost more than nuclear missiles.
Does that mean we will buy more nukes though?
Quote from: CainDoes that mean we will buy more nukes though?
Hell yeah. We could as well execute the hostages, but that takes time and money. I figure we just let them go. Afterall, we have thousands of the fuckers and they do take up a lot of space and food.
Alright sluts, we are back.
Is Friday, is Friday 13th, very lucky day in Salazore. And we are lucky to have guest with us today who is going to be proud momo soon . . . PD moderator Malaul!
Welcome Mal . . .
Hello Enrico
thanks for having me on
::sluuuuuurp::
::hands LMNO a napkin::
Dont slurp your soup.
They make bourbon soup?
::over bright smile::
Sure they do silly
Oh.
::sluuuurp::
In Salazore is a delicacy.
So, Malaul. You are having baby. At what point do they place the baby inside you?
They?
:?
I only remember there being me and one other person there at the time
but you never know...
he he he
You know, the baby peoples.
well, I guess in some situations that more than one man might be present, but for me it was just one man...
it was about 5 months ago now
Is there something in spacific you wanted to know?
Is there standard procedure for inserting little baby? Or is it a person by person basis?
Is all very fascinating. Enrico loves the little babies. He would love to meet the octopus who brings the babies to the man who places them inside. Is magic, yes?
:shock: :shock: :shock:
Uhmmmm
yeah
there is a "standard procedure" I guess you could say
uhmm
::squints::
Octopus?
IVe never heard boyfriends called that before, but I guess my man would fit that discription...
During certain times it does feel like hes got 6 exta arms ::evil chuckle::...
but
wait
do you think an Octopus realy brings the baby into the mother or soemthing?
:?: :?:
::sluuur--
Wait. It doesn't!?
--uurp::
This is standard Salazorian story for how babies are made, yes. There is a large oyster on bottom of ocean who gets angry and pops out a baby on New Moons, the octopus takes the baby, and swims to surface, then squishes onto land and wriggles to where mothers who have sent out purchase orders in triplicate to Salazorian Government offices and then gives baby to the mysterious baby person who, with the assistance of octopus somehow find the secret door on womens and places baby inside.
The next day she has baby.
Is happy day for all.
Is close?
Did I miss out on the Ocotopi?
Aw man
that stinks!
and here I thought I hadda have SEX to get pregnant!
I wanna refund!
Sex?
For baby?
Is sick.
you aint kidding
sex is like stickin your finger up somebody elses nose!!*
But yeah sadly, sex is how you get babies
I betcha LMNO has some good
ah hem
educational videos that you can watch to get a better understanding of how it works
but you know, L might even have a video that has octopus in it...
Maybe all these years of AMerican education have brainwashed me,,,
*sarcastic - Mal loves the sex, she just wanted an excuse to use that line
. . . . . . . . . . . . Enrico has never been speechless before.
But that is truly disgusting.
Enrico will never play with a baby again.
So, Mummies . . . what is difference between baby's mummy and egyptian mummy?
moisturizers and fashion of course!!
Ahhh. That makes sense.
When you see Karloff Mummu he needs moisterizer.
Shecky, did you know that about babies?
. . . . Uh, yeah, sorry E.
It's pretty much necessary info in my line of work.
Is very disturbing.
So, what are octopussies for?
::sluuuuurp::
Quote from: Enrico SalazarIs very disturbing.
So, what are octopussies for?
Hmmm
for James Bond movies I think....
Quote from: erotic::sluuuuurp::
>:D >:D >:D >:D
Enrico met Ian Fleming once. He farted in middle of a sentance.
That takes class.
Well, with that, Enrico must break for words from sponsors. Thank you Malaul for coming on and completely shattering my view of babies. Is hard, but is for best in long run.
Is very scary to think that Enrico's little ones came from himself somehow . . . none of them look like him . . .
Anyway. Can you stay on couch Malaul, or do you need to catch plane?
I can stay if you like
Beautiful.
(turns to audience with a grotesque leer)
We'll be right back.
You're watching Into the Night. Nominated for 9 Emmy's, 5 Grammy's, and an astounding 13 Toni awards.
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(http://img428.imageshack.us/img428/6753/diabo5on.jpg)
Diabo Salazore is thought to have escaped Salazore and smuggled herself in to the U.S. or Canada in a crate of poisonous snakes.
She is a known sexual predator, canibal and carrier of 55 known sexual diseases, some existing within her only.
If you see her please consider her armed, dangerous and horny. Please do not approach her as she is known to disarm men and women with one hand.
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/me loves this thread
Quote from: Malaul/me loves this thread
Same here.
*Applauds wildly - just like the prompt sign says to.*
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Glad to be alive?
Do you have hope for the future?
There's something wrong with you.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
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Teh staff of PD.com would like you to know that teh opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily teh opinions of any of its victims.
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8)
Okay, we're back. But we have a little problem. Enrico, diva that he is, is refusing to come out of his dressing room until his demands are met. I've tried reasoning with him, but he's already into his second flask of Aqua Velva, so he means business.
Bear with me, people. The following are the Generalissimo's demands:
1. Air kisses only. He doesn't want his quarter inch thick layer of pancake make-up to smear.
2. No direct eye contact.
3. A large bowl full of red M&Ms (the ones that supposedly give you cancer) on his desk so he can offer them to guests.
4. A spider monkey named Cha-Cha.
5. Four hookers: one blonde, one brunette, one redhead, and one comatose.
6. That little dwarf that looks like Mr. T.
7. A Tonka helmet with the words NRA A-OK stencilled on the front.
8. A rusty metal bucket filled with K-Y Jelly.
That's all...for now. Let's see what we can do, everybody.
Be careful out there...
*plunks a bucket of K-Y onto the desk*
Will that be enough? 8)
*struggles in with large rusty bucket of K-Y, sees AC's, and struggles back out*
(peaks out curtain)
FIVE WHORES! TIFFANY-AMBER THEISEN ISN'T DOING MUCH!
*sighs*
Fuckin prima donna...
*builds a large hallway in the middle of the forum*
*hands Shecky a pack of hot dogs*
Sorry, I couldn't find five whores on short notice, but this should approximate the effect fairly well.... :wink:
Here you go, I had an extra Tonka helmet anyway and we always spray paint NRA A-OK on ours, so it's all set.
::AC rearranges the letters on the helmet to spell ANORAK::
Heh heh heh
:twisted:
Quote from: Shecky D. Albino*sighs*
Fuckin prima donna...
You aren't the real Shecky, you imposter.
(opens curtains again)
Shecky?? Is this true?
Are you not the Shecky who Enrico's momo took in like one of her own piglets?? Are you not the Shecky Enrico cut the throat of in effort to make blood brother?
Are you not the Shecky Enrico had first three-way with only to find out when lights came on that woman had run for the hills hours earlier?
Are you not the Shecky who poisoned Del Mar's daughter on the night of her wedding just so Enrico could dance with the corpse at her funeral in front of her betrothed, Enrico's brother Stumpy?
Are you not the Shecky who kneeled behind President Carter so Enrico could push him back over you? And then you puntured his trachea just for kicks?
Are you not the same Shecky who pretended to be a white-supremist on the Geraldo Rivera show and then threw the chair at him breaking his nose?
Are you not the Shecky who snitched to Woodward and Bernstein?
Are you not the Shecky who brought crystals into vogue in the 80's?
Are you not the same Shecky who started Heidi Fleiss on her road to stardom?
Are you not the Shecky who, impersonating Enrico, stabbed Sammy Davis Jr. in the eye and then told him to tell people it was a car accident?
Are you not the same Shecky who convined Roseanne Barr to gain weight for the comedy, and then once fat convinced her she would never make it fat?
Are you not the same Shecky who taunted Bob Dylan into going electric?
WELL?
ARE YOU, OR ARE YOU NOT????
I'm the Shecky who you owe three grand for the extended use of the company whores.
Now pay up you greasy little shit.
(turns to the audience)
It's the real Shecky.
(turns to Roger)
Now. Who is this false Shecky you speak off?
The Shecky who owns http://www.pthppt.com/
And, of course, there can only be one Shecky on the innernets.
Damn right. I suggest they fight to the death for the title.
I'm already assembling the cage.
I'm going to challenge Baron Von Stevenstein as well. Too damn close if you ask me.
I hope Roger is spending his time wisely, tracking down all the other Rogers on the innernets, instead of worrying about this double Shecky problem.
Surely if they make contact though, they'll asplode because of the paradoxes?
Shit. I never thought of that.
We'll need plexiglass then too, yes?
Yup. And external cameras, for the re-runs.
I'm on it.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaI'm already assembling the cage.
I'm going to challenge Baron Von Stevenstein as well. Too damn close if you ask me.
I hope Roger is spending his time wisely, tracking down all the other Rogers on the innernets, instead of worrying about this double Shecky problem.
Is this that "sarcasm" thing I've heard so much about?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Baron von HooplaI'm already assembling the cage.
I'm going to challenge Baron Von Stevenstein as well. Too damn close if you ask me.
I hope Roger is spending his time wisely, tracking down all the other Rogers on the innernets, instead of worrying about this double Shecky problem.
Is this that "sarcasm" thing I've heard so much about?
(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/gay.gif)
(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/lol.gif)(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/fag.gif)
We are back. Welcome glorious faggots. Enrico loves you all.
Shecky, were you pumping nitrous oxide into the studio again?
Shit, sorry. I accidently rested my bong against a ventilation duct.
I wondered why I've been sleeping on the couch for a week.
LMNO has been sleeping under it since show began. Is sad.
Shecky. What you did on weekend?
And I wondered why I have such a radical case of the munchies.
Radical is word not used nearly enough.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarRadical is word not used nearly enough.
And "bitchin'". Classic.
Is true.
And also tubular. Sounds so dirty.
I invented the word "bitchin." 8)
Can't take the credit for "radical", though.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarLMNO has been sleeping under it since show began. Is sad.
Shecky. What you did on weekend?
What or Who?
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
Uh . . . who.
No, wait.
What.
No. Who.
Yes, who. Not what.
What? Or where? Wha?
It's MY TURN to run the camera!!111
Tipper Gore stopped by for pizza and Riuniti on Saturday.
Let's just say that afterward she wanted to tattoo "Explicit Content" on my inner thighs.
grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
(http://www.bonusround.com/book2-4/images/pflag-tipper1.jpg)
*psssssst! Enrico is under the podium!*
Wow. Almost didn't recognize her without the metal stirrups.
Or the muzzle?
She's such a whore. (chuckles)
How was your weekend, E?
Exhausting to say least.
Were you trying to pick up women at the annual Salazar Family Reunion again?
That would be an abomination of nature!
So, yes, Enrico was.
So how'd you do?
Let us just say that cousin Mariosa still look like she have sasquatch in a leg lock, if you catch Enrico's meaning...
*tugs at collar uncomfortably*
..uh...gotcha.
UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
All right, glorious faggots! Into the Night will return after a few messages.
Shecky, hand Enrico bong.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAll right, glorious faggots! Into the Night will return after a few messages.
Shecky, hand Enrico bong.
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Are you bursting with energy?
Do you often find yourself running around screaming at the top of your lungs?
Does THIS look familiar to you??[/size]
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
Then come to Tootsie's Primal Scream Lounge.
Now in our brand new location at 23rd Fenderson Ave and Raw St.
Where we all get to scream our heads off , because goddamnit we like it.[/color]
Quote from: TootsAre you bursting with energy?
Do you often find yourself running around screaming at the top of your lungs?
Does THIS look familiar to you??[/size]
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
spidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspidersspiders
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
Then come to Tootsie's Primal Scream Lounge.
Now in our brand new location at 23rd Fenderson Ave and Raw St.
Where we all get to scream our heads off , because goddamnit we like it.[/color]
That'll be $30.
Here you go! (hands TGRR $30)
Just think, if this show goes into re-runs, you'll be rich, RICH!!!
Is your mama fat and ugly? Send her away to the Academy of the Fat and Ugly where she will learn valuable skills such as Sumo cannibalism and fatal staring contests. At the end of the school season (probably just a few hours away), she will be scouted on a field trip through Juan Soylent's meat factory, after which you will never have to see her again. Just call 1-800-FAT-UGLY to dispose properly of those "gotta go" relatives.
Quote from: TootsHere you go! (hands TGRR $30)
Just think, if this show goes into re-runs, you'll be rich, RICH!!!
And if a frog could fly, it wouldn't bump its ass on the ground.
And, just for old time's sake:
Got a problem? Bring it to the Friendly People. People touching people. People rubbing against people. People developing the nuclear first-strike capability to incinerate people. Sound like a flash in the pan? lt's gotta be: you don't settle for less. You don't have to. You're you. And you've got needs bigger and more earth-shaking than your grandfather could've dreamed. How do we keep bringing them to you, year after year, bigger and better?
By using the technology of tomorrow on the consumers of today. The Now People. People on the go. Going from Smart Shopper to New Low Value in the time it takes to dial our number. And you know which one that is! Call now won't you? For more of what you've come to expect from us. Style. Mood. A certain dependable kind of image. An image of the way you'd like people to be. Passive. Pretty. White. As white as the complexion of our finest women, grown right here by our special process. As white as the hair of God, white as it was in life! As white as the blank sheet on which we write your mind. Who are we?
We're the Happy People. Happy to live in a world of images. Images of war. Family. Crime. Fun images, that help rinse away unsightly self-images, so you can get away from the privacy of your own home. After all, aren't you what everything's here for? You're what we're here for. That's why we made everything! That's why everything made you. And that's why you made us. Who are we?
We're the Money People. People who take your money. No more money hassling! But what about little Dickie, you sap What's little Dickie gonna do, when you're working late, and Wilma's minding the fort, and Sis is in and out? Put away those straps and buckles: Dickie's safe with usl (He's even learning to speak again, our way.) Safe with the people who know what it is you want from a world. Simplicity. Reliability. A world you can go to, without worrying about whether your money is safe.
You know, when we first got into this business we didn't know much more than you. Like you, we thought there was a world out there: a world of value. A world that needed meaning. Love. Beauty. A world that needed a better product. Uh-uh. There's just you. And you want to know something. You want to know just exactly what it is you're suppposed to do. You don't care why, just so long as it's the right thing. lt's natural. Everyone wants to do the right thing. But sometimes it's hard to 'know just what the dght thing is. Let's say you're black. And you've just lost your arms and legs defending U.S. interests in Afghanistan. You come home, and get thrown in jail for life for beating up four white cops. You want to know: just exactly what is it l'm supposed to feel?, We can't give you all the answers. But we can help flesh out your fantasy that there are some. At our labs, we use only the finest homemade ingredients. Love. Children. God. And the purest blend of money your needs can buy, grown right here by our special process! A process in use since our first Mom and Pop operation. Who are we?
We're the Normal People. The most normal. people in the world. But not quite as normal as you. Why? You're unique. It's natural: everyone's unique. But you stand apart from the crowd: you're normal. Normal as a typical herd of Sea Cow. Normal as an exploding stellar nebula. Normal as the world in which we live. And what could be more normal than that? Certainly not the competition! How do we stay so far out in front of the pack? By building a racetrack-decoy ideology with the pick-up of a domestic, and the maneuverability of an import! Who are we?
We're the Information People. The people who provide you with the information you need, to help you through your busy day. Information about divorce. Inflation. Drug abuse. Information vital to your survival, because information is the most important part of our world. In fact, it's the only part. Information like light. Living things. Information between neurons. Fast-breaking genetic information, information you'd be hard pressed to do without! Information you simply can't get anywhere else, at a value no one can underprice.
Let's try this little test. Compare. A glass of the, leading competitor's product. Our product. You can see the difference. Now some people would say, "This glass is empty." But other people would say, "This glass hasn't been filled yet, but when it has, I'll like what's in it!" Those are the people we're looking for. The people who look on the bright side. The people who want to like things. And that's what life's all about, isn't it: liking?
You want to like as many things as you can. You want to have as many things as you can. It's natural. Everyone does. But not everyone feels that way. Some people don't want to like things. The people who aren't good enough to have them! People from unfurnished countries. People who have smudged skin. People who have sex with males. The people who want to ruin everything. They want the things you like, but they're not willing to do the work you need to have done to get them! When they do your work, and they get them. They just use them for their own purposes. But you don't. You don't say "my purposes." You say "our purposes." And who are we?
We're the Big People. The people who wear three-piece suits. The people with important eyebrows. The people with sticky voices like this, voices which soothe worried minds in a world in which everyone thinks their own thoughts. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone thought your thoughts? Because let's be honest. Sure you want to be unique. It's natural. Everyone does. But you also want to be right. Until now, that meant a lot of time-consuming prayer and back-breaking contemplation; put away that neocortical washboard: no more working your neurons to the bone! Thanks to us, what was once a reality can become a dream.
You see, we're old-fashioned. We want to go back to the old days, the days of white people, before women. The days of owning, and building, and having. Having things clean, and big, and smooth, and fast! Return with us now, won't you? To a world where people did whatever they wanted, and minded their own business. A world where everything had a purpose: yours. The world you meant to make, before the Negative People took over. The people who say no, and bad, and stop, and different, and small. The people who are negatives of you, and you know what color that is! The. people who want to start by tearing down, instead of starting like us, by building up! Who are we?
We're the Communication People. The people whose talk is strictly state-of-the-art technology. It's disposable. Reversable. Reusable with almost any brand of idea, including our deluxe line. Yours. Sound costly? Put away that semantic checkbook! Now communication can be yours for a fraction of what it cost Grandpa. Why clutter up your world with a lot of hard-to-percieve subtleties? You either like a thing or you don't. And in your case, it's the former. That's why we like you. And that's why we're always looking for quicker; easier ways to tell you so. Slogans. Jingles. Logos. Ways of reaching out and touching you, the way you want to be touched. Slightly. Who are we?
We're the Real People. The people who make you real. So real you can almost see yourself! More real than you've ever been before. But then, you've never been at all, before us. In fact, nothing has. And not even very much of that. Not even this sentence. Because when we say disposable, we could mean Just about anything! Who are we?
We're the Other People. The people other than you. People so other we're opposite, yet so people you'd never guess we weren't the real thing! People who are almost you, but couldn't quite make the pre-season cut. People who are a little more than you, because we make the things you know you ought to be making. Things like money. Revolution. Art. Love. Things the Negative People told you were more important than what you're making now. Us. People so other we're even other than each other. So other we're even other than ourselves: you. Because you're one of us. How do we know? Nowadays there's a little more involved than just counting the arms and legs, as Grandpa did in his day! Nowadays we're a little more scientific than that. But the original formula still remains the same: you see them; they make you; you join us.
Still skeptical? Try this simple test. Look at me now. Notice anything? Now you know how we feel. Separate. Gone. Repeated. Like you, only over again. We can't help noticing. In fact, we have an old saying: "Hi." Why do we say it? It's a tradition. Like I said, we're old fashioned. We don't much care why we do the things we do, just so long as they're the right things. Because even though the newer the better, deep down inside you know the new is wrong. It's different, so it could be a mistake. If it wasn't a mistake, then why didn't it happen before? You see, we don't really want to know what we're doing: we want to know what we're supposed to do.
That's why you're here. You take all the crazy things we do we can't even explain ourselves, and put a good, solid reason behind each and every one of them! Because you don't really care what happens: you want to know what's supposed to happen. And that's why we're here. Who are we?
We're you. You don't settle for less. You don't have to. You're you. We're nothing without you. And within you. And someday, you'll be nothing too. Don't you think it's time you said "hi"? Call now. You remember our number! Void where prohibited: everywhere! Hurry while the customer lasts. Supply is limited. In fact, we have an old saying: bye-bye.
Noah Webster's finest rant EVER.
Alright! Who let this guy in?
Security!
(sits up with a start)
Wh-wha? Enrico had been lulled to sleep.
We are still on?
Quote from: Enrico Salazar(sits up with a start)
Wh-wha? Enrico had been lulled to sleep.
We are still on?
Enrico, what have you been DOING with our former hostages?
Just tickling . . . trust Enrico.
He's a politician.
::sluuuuuurrrrp::
Quote from: erotic::sluuuuuurrrrp::
::Pulls the worm from L-M-NO's mouth::
Hey!
::takes a drunken swipe at enrico::
::sprays the set with gallons of tequila::
Hehehehe. Is so cute.
Enrico just waits until they pass out in his crotch . . . he learned this from Diabo, this filthy slut.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarHehehehe. Is so cute.
Enrico just waits until they pass out in his crotch . . . he learned this from Diabo, this filthy slut.
That's what we want to see. Remember we were going to make a new movie involving horses, hostages, Al-Qaeda, and Malaclypse the Second.
*parts curtain*
*looks around*
*steps out*
*hoses off entire stage*
Ohhh... I got hosed!
*lifts LMNO's legs, and hoses couch*
*drops legs*
*lights cigarette*
*sighs*
*theme music to Carol Burnett Show begins to play*
*wanders off stage*
Quote from: Baron von Hoopla*parts curtain*
*looks around*
*steps out*
*hoses off entire stage*
Hey, you fricken hoser!
*pokes head back out through curtain*
Yesssssss?
Quote from: Baron von Hoopla*pokes head back out through curtain*
Yesssssss?
You act like you come from the country formerly known as the USA.
Do I?
I've been to the USA. A few times, actually.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoAlright! Who let this guy in?
Security!
Um...I *AM* security. Shall I rough myself up, and toss myself into the street, sir?
Whatever gets ya through the night.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoWhatever gets ya through the night.
Really? C'mere.
No thanks. Just got my Hep A&B shot for my upcoming trip to Tijuana. One tiny prick in the ass is enough for one day.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoNo thanks. Just got my Hep A&B shot for my upcoming trip to Tijuana. One tiny prick in the ass is enough for one day.
Who said I wanted to bone ya? That's quite an ego you have there.
I just wanted to carve TGRR on your ass-cheeks.
Yeah, nothing homo-erotic about that.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoYeah, nothing homo-erotic about that.
Nope. Wanna watch Broke Back Mountain?
Sure. You buyin'?
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoSure. You buyin'?
Nope. You'll just watch the movie, eat dinner, and then bail.
I've heard about you.
Fine. We'll go Dutch. Just not "Dutch Door", if you know what I'm sayin'.
I've heard about you.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoFine. We'll go Dutch. Just not "Dutch Door", if you know what I'm sayin'.
I've heard about you.
Lies. All lies.
TGRR,
Is just like Jesus, only bitter and hateful.
A Letter from your Fans Enrico:
Dear Glorious-Faggot-Former-Dicktator Enrico Salazore,
I am chior director of Salazorian National Childrens Chior of Prostetutes and Giggilos and anyone else who prefers sexual favors. We are happy to be singing the Salazorian National Anthem on your show, if you will let us. We have prepared for many many days and years and minutes to sing wonderfully for you and your audience.
-Senora Gorda Virgen
"Glory, Glory Salazori" . . . for Enrico?
His glass eye just slid down his face on a waterfall of tears.
(pokes head out from behind curtain)
Oh look Enrico! Camera one was looking at me and the glass break! So cute! American glass, ha ha ha.
Yes, and Enrico's glass eye melted before he could replace it in socket.
Damn.
(pulls eyepatch from pocket)
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoYeah, nothing homo-erotic about that.
Nope. Wanna watch Broke Back Mountain?
I thought that was called Humpback Mountain?
Joan Rivers said so.
(sits on the couch, shoves everyone on it to the side)
Diabo been watching this show from green room...okay...Diabo give roofie to young Japanese boy and make him do oral sex on her but he throw up and then Diabo pass out...Diabo take the roofie too...
Anyway...Diabo awake now and is wondering...
(turns back to Enrico)
What is this on my back? Boil? Is leaking on my shirts.
DIABO!
You squished Vern Troyer! He was surprise for LMNO! Now who will play small clone of Mike Myers when he is cruising for high-end hookers?
Is sad.
First you make Herve Villechez so depressed by waking up next to you that he kill himself, and now you kill Vern Troyer. What have you against the people of small stature? You always made Enrico hire three minimum when we were married.
<shoots a former hostage>
Is my eyes! They is not what they used to be. Too many late nights spent staring at bottom of lighter fluid bottles, Diabo thinks.
Also, Diabo suspect Chernobyl vacation resort brochure was not complete infomation, because waiters glow in the dark. Maybe Diabo should not spend 3 months there???
But I loves small people, you know! Diabo take Puerto Rico midget home last week! He not small everywhere! :lol:
Tell Diabo, now that Enrico is major super American TV star, what will poor Salazore childrens do? Who is going to be leader?
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<shoots a former hostage>
Oh look Enrico, so cute! Hostage make poomp in pance. Still twitching! Ha ha ha.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<shoots a former hostage>
Hey! That was the dwarf who looks like Mr. T!
What the fuck do you people have against midgets, anyway?
Quick, cover him before Enrico sees! He was on the demands list!
NO!! Not Baby T!
(breaks down weeping
Anyway.
Children of Salazore are now under Del Mar's "protection" - which means Enrico considers them lower than the cookerachas . . . when Enrico finds Salazore he will sink the fucking blob of shit.
His sites are set on world now, fuck-sock.
Schecky!
Diabo miss you! Come here give Diabo a kiss.
(barfs in Shecky's face)
Why you back away, Diabo say give me a kiss!!!
<stabbinates 23 audience members>
<disappears in a cloud of tequila vapors>
*gags*
Good Lord! That smells like hobo semen...
*runs off stage like wounded little girl*
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<stabbinates 23 audience members>
<disappears in a cloud of tequila vapors>
Woo hoo!!! Look, is a party in audience!!
This Diabo's favourite part of show.
(gets off stage to do the twist in pools of blood on the floor)
Quote from: Shecky D. Albino*gags*
Good Lord! That smells like hobo semen...
*runs off stage like wounded little girl*
(giggles from the floor)
Shecky find out Diabo's secret!!
(continues dancing)
Shecky - come back!
It was time for some random comedy bit . . .
Eh. Is ok, nothing was written anyway, Hugh stabbed all the writers to death. All we have now is Baron von Hoopla - and believe Enrico nobody wants to read his shit.
Perhaps Diabo and Hugh should begin to French Kiss?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarShecky - come back!
It was time for some random comedy bit . . .
Eh. Is ok, nothing was written anyway, Hugh stabbed all the writers to death. All we have now is Baron von Hoopla - and believe Enrico nobody wants to read his shit.
Perhaps Diabo and Hugh should begin to French Kiss?
Nah. I don't do that French crap.
It's Finnish all the way, baby!
Alright. Finnish Kissing.
Drop your drawers, and make you legs into figure 8. Enrico will get poolcue and we can begin.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Enrico SalazarShecky - come back!
It was time for some random comedy bit . . .
Eh. Is ok, nothing was written anyway, Hugh stabbed all the writers to death. All we have now is Baron von Hoopla - and believe Enrico nobody wants to read his shit.
Perhaps Diabo and Hugh should begin to French Kiss?
Nah. I don't do that French crap.
It's Finnish all the way, baby!
Alright!!! Diabo love Finnish kissing. That is when man drop his pance and bend over right?
Come here you little puss donut!
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAlright. Finnish Kissing.
Drop your drawers, and make you legs into figure 8. Enrico will get poolcue and we can begin.
Oooh, pool cue, even more fun than Diabo remember!
<forces 18 hostages to drop pancies and get ready for Diabo and Enrico's explication of finnish culture to them>
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<forces 18 hostages to drop pancies and get ready for Diabo and Enrico's explication of finnish culture to them>
Hmm...these nice, Diabo appreciate the gesture, but no hair on ass? Is no good. Diabo will wait for you Hugh. You is my true love now.
(leers at camera 2 making lens crack)
(whispering to camera)
Enrico is so thankful that Diabo finally is chasing after someone else . . . even though Enrico has drive of an electric bull he is still tired by the animalesque sex-drive of Diabo.
Is like making love to a rhino in heat withonly one eye who was repeatedly beaten as a baby and is only fed Cheetos but still finds Prince of Tides romantic and sick at same time.
Exactly like that.
(with distracted, twisted look on her face)
How Diabo love Hugh, let her count the ways
Diabo love Hugh to the high decibels of prostitutes screaming from double penetration
For that is what Diabo pay them for
Diabo love Hugh to the level of rat blood she collect every day
And drink by candlelight
Diabo love Hugh freely, as men strive to run away from Diabo's crotch smell
Diabo love Hugh impurely, as men vomit after Diabo force their face in her vag
Diabo love Hugh with passion so terrible...
(Leans over to woman in audience who is bent over and crying.)
Why you cry? You no like poem? Oh, your ears is bleeding. Is ok. Diabo likes deaf beeyotches. They is make good lovers. Better to be blind, deaf and no have sense of smell, but Diabo know you can't have everything.
But look at how lovely Hugh is, he have everything Diabo wants.
Look at his big knife!! Diabo like.
*barfs*
*looks at Enrico barfing, and barfs*
*looks at Toots barfing from Enrico's barf, and barfs*
oh dear god i think i am gonna be shjksdf
*looks at LHX's green face and barfs again*
<shoots the next person who barfs>
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<shoots the next person who barfs>
Phew! I got in under the wire! :lol:
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<shoots the next person who barfs>
hurry up somebody
before i have to bralrkjejklaf
<LHX clutches his gaping chest wound>
<I take the silencer off the gun and shoot a random stage hand>
AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-----eccchhhh
*drops*
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<LHX clutches his gaping chest wound>
<I take the silencer off the gun and shoot a random stage hand>
finally
that nasty cough is gone
(i think that stage hand was holding the rope that kept the curtain up -
enrico aint gonna like that)
Quote from: LHXQuote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSC<LHX clutches his gaping chest wound>
<I take the silencer off the gun and shoot a random stage hand>
finally
that nasty cough is gone
(i think that stage hand was holding the rope that kept the curtain up -
enrico aint gonna like that)
Who the hell needs the curtain to be up?
We can just set it on fire every show start.
*looks at Baron's gaping wound and barfs*
*looks at Hugh furtively*
oh-OH
*runs*
Beautiful beautiful mayhem.
Reminds Enrico of the 1967 Salazore riots he started. Best six months of his life.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarBeautiful beautiful mayhem.
Reminds Enrico of the 1967 Salazore riots he started. Best six months of his life.
can i still be on the show with this chest wound?
i told my family i was gonna be on tv
i dont want to miss it
Quote from: Enrico SalazarBeautiful beautiful mayhem.
Reminds Enrico of the 1967 Salazore riots he started. Best six months of his life.
Better than that Iraqi stampede your started on that bridge a few months ago?
That was mistake, so is different.
Enrico did not know that you could not whip out lizard on a bridge and piss into river in Iraq. His member frightened the peoples.
The riots in Salazore were art.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarThat was mistake, so is different.
Enrico did not know that you could not whip out lizard on a bridge and piss into river in Iraq. His member frightened the peoples.
The riots in Salazore were art.
(wipes tear from eye) So beautiful. All that blood. (wipes another tear from eye)
*ahem* The Chior will now sing the National Anthem of Salazore.
Oh, Salazore
for booty calls
and anal sex and oral
for destruction and depravity
God shit his hate on thee
and crowned thy brood
with faggot-hood
from sea to shining sea.
Ohh, Glory Gory, Salazori
You have the most lucious of booty.
We hope to get in it one day
We hope you'll enjoy it too.
Ohh, Glory Gory, Salazori
God shit his hate on you.
and crowned thy brood
with faggot-hood
from sea to shining sea.
*in the catwalk, Z¬? is distracted by the sound of gunshots and he murphs his next bong hit, spilling dirty water over one of the par-cans, which shorts out and spills sparks over the stage*
Oh...
fuck.
::Up in the balcony, AC laughs and takes pictures::
*vomits for no apparent reason*
(http://www.thephantomlimbs.com/images/photos/2002Tour/Austin-Vomit-sm.jpg)
All this vomit must be good for something. Perhaps a wheel could be set up in front of audience, then the waves of vomit could produce energy?
Is good?
Someone give this man a Nobel Peace Prize!
(http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/817/thankyouthankyou2cj.gif)
*comes in panting*
Sorry I'm late, I just ran over here from yo mama's...
Enrico's momo is so dead they have been using her picture in place of Bonnie Franklin's on IMBD.com.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico's momo is so dead they have been using her picture in place of Bonnie Franklin's on IMBD.com.
Hey. Bonnie Franklin is my momo...
That hurt, man.
You know what? Fuck it. I'm outta here.
And I'm not coming back until you apologize.
And leave a chilled case of Olde English in my dressing room.
I mean it this time too. And don't try to woo me back with tickles and baby talk either, Enrico. I won't fall for that again.
(chuckles into camera)
*stomps away*
Widdle Shecky-wecky want's his OE? Does he want his OE?
Yes he does!
YES HE DOES!
Tha's a good widdle Shecky-wecky - eega bagga boo!
. . . . . . . Shecky?
SHECKY!?
i think i just saw shecky on the set of a different show
it may have been letterman
sorry enrico
Enrico shall fill the gap between his front teeth with plastic explosives and blow off the front of his face, then he will become intimate with the gaping hole left behind, next he will take a small brush and dip it into the open skull and write a beautiful poem to Bella on the parchment Enrico will make from the skin on his back - will be beautiful.
All of the flesh will be roasted on a spit, and served to Enrico's audience, the bones will be stripped and fashioned into Enrico's new chair to go behind talk show desk.
Then Enrico will begin with Paul. O, the fun we'll have.
All this if Shecky really is on Letterman's show. The jihad will begin. No fucking joke.
damn
i am not so sure now
he could have been a guest host on regis and kelly
i say take them all out
the salazar campaign 2006 - the talkshow take-over
Alright. That's it.
Hoopla, warm up the rusty white van. Enrico has some trips to make.
Hold down the fort.
<Takes Shecky hostage and deposits him, bound and gagged, in Enrico's lap.>
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAlright. That's it.
Hoopla, warm up the rusty white van. Enrico has some trips to make.
Hold down the fort.
this should be fun
Uh . . . Hugh . . .
Enrico already left . . .
Let's hope Letterman has good security.
Better than ours . . . *nudges TGRR's unconscious body next to a heap of Wild Turkey bottles*
If that's not Enrico, whose body is it?
Eh . . . that's Diabo.
She actually has more hair than Enrico's.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCIf that's not Enrico, whose body is it?
i think they keep that thing around as an extra for when salazar is having one of his 'episodes'
Ah, fuck it.
We'll leave Shecky there on top of it.
Perhaps we can run him an IV of OE so he'll be nice and comfortable when the torturing starts.
I'm going to go listen to Enrico's police radio and see if anything is going down at the other studios . . . he's always had a thing about Regis . . .
Quote from: Baron von HooplaI'm going to go listen to Enrico's police radio and see if anything is going down at the other studios . . . he's always had a thing about Regis . . .
Check the "View." I think Enrico might be there molesting the hosts.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Baron von HooplaI'm going to go listen to Enrico's police radio and see if anything is going down at the other studios . . . he's always had a thing about Regis . . .
Check the "View." I think Enrico might be there molesting the hosts.
only if they are lucky
::runs in panting and out of breath::
Oh my gawd ::pant:: I just saw Enrico on the set of the Tyra Banks show::pant, pant::
He asked her when she got a face transplant ::pant::
and why she picked the face of a hobo transvestite hooker for the new one ::pant::
then he yanked off her weave ::pant::
when I ran out he was spraying Tyra's security with acid::pant::
it's not pretty over there...::passes out::
Shit, I've been listening to old "Inner Sanctum" episodes instead of paying attention to bullitens.
I didn't know police radios played old shows . . . it's a good idea. Anyone wanna listen to "Little Orphan Annie"? It's coming up next.
Oh, and someone should do something about Enrico killing Tyra . . .
*turns back to radio*
::wakes up from drunk stupor, moves TGRR off her back, struggles for a bit as one of TGRR's button's has caught in Diabo's back hair::
Phhffff...Tyra...that beyotch...she try to make bouncy bouncy with Enrico for long time. I TOLD him she is just a man with fake boobies, but would he listen? Diabo know all about sex change, how you think I got THIS body? HUH?
Husband never listen to wife. That is why Enrico and Diabo cannot be. Also because Diabo put poison in Enrico's beans and toast. Make him look like Viktor Yushchenko for two years! Was fun! ::giggles::
i think salazar just got howard stern to shut up
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico shall fill the gap between his front teeth with plastic explosives and blow off the front of his face, then he will become intimate with the gaping hole left behind, next he will take a small brush and dip it into the open skull and write a beautiful poem to Bella on the parchment Enrico will make from the skin on his back - will be beautiful.
All of the flesh will be roasted on a spit, and served to Enrico's audience, the bones will be stripped and fashioned into Enrico's new chair to go behind talk show desk.
Apology accepted.
Enrico needs to find Jesus' Motorbike.
Sorry, I just sold it to a Welshman.
anybody got a snowmobile i could borrow?
Quote from: LHXanybody got a snowmobile i could borrow?
Sorry, Jesus is borrowing it.
Welcome back, my glorious faggots!
Enrico is so sorry that you were all stuck with the Best Of Into The Night With Salazar And Friends for so long, but didn't Enrico look gorgeous with two eyes? It makes his balls sweat just thinking about it.
Shecky. What did you do on time off?
Well, as I've mentioned before, I have a dish, so I get many wonderful channels from around the globe.
So my short answer is masturbating to the 2006 Canadian Election.
That Harper has lovely rapist eyes. Enrico hasn't seen a pair like that since his popo, Ritzibottom, died and Enrico took his eyes out and wrapped them around rear-view mirror in '76 El Camino.
Enrico would have masturbated to this one too, but only Chretien's wormy mouth makes Enrico salute.
I liked Layton's moustache. Very vaginal.
And very Village People.
So, Shecky . . . do you know what time it is?
Time for Viewer Mail.
This one is from Carmelle Oberholster from Hamtramck, Michigan.
Dear Enrico,
How do you keep your hair looking so lusterous and pubic?
The amount of erotic energy flowing through Enrico's body keeps all his body hair springy, spongey, and uh . . . spoolfed.
(shrugs to Shecky)
Is true. Enrico is first to discover erotic energy. Well, actually Willhelm Reich was the first to discover this energy but Enrico ensured that he was taken care of, and then took over his research.
When you hear people who say "I don't need drugs to feel high" they are actually harnessing erotic energy.
Is true.
(shrugs to Shecky again)
Next!
The next letter is from Shelby Wormster from Pinchteet, Montana, and she writes:
Dear Enrico,
I know the old cliche is the grass is greener on the other side, but my neighbor really DOES have greener grass - what can I do about it?
First. You need industrial strength bleah, glass cutters, wire cutters, and a hammer.
At night, sneak under your neighbor's barbed wire fencing, go to window, and smash with hammer. Crawl inside, and find your neighbor and uncap bleach, place into mouth and pour. Then round up family members, and tie them up, leaving hands exposed. One by one cut their fingers off with wire cutters and threaten them that loose tongues get cut out.
Then leave.
This should take care of it.
Uh . . . what was the glass-cutter for then?
Is for confusion!
Well.
I can't argue with that.
Quote from: synaptyxSorry, I just sold it to a Welshman.
That sucks!
I'll talk to just about anyone except the Welsh.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: synaptyxSorry, I just sold it to a Welshman.
That sucks!
I'll talk to just about anyone except the Welsh.
Take it somewhere else, ladies. We're doin' a show here.
And now Ministry Motorcycles Would Like to Extend Our Warmest Welcome to the viewers of Into the Night!
For a limited time only we're offering a 250% discount to fans of this show! Best of all we'll get our top mechanic, Jeshua, to custom build your ride!
(http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/5210/psalm69018vi.jpg)
Call 1 976 555 5555 to take advantage of this limited time only offer!
Ministry Motorcycles--Jesus Built My Hotrod Why Doesn't He Build Yours Too?
Well, Shecky. That was a light mailbag today.
No letters threatening legal action with the Monster today??
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: synaptyxSorry, I just sold it to a Welshman.
That sucks!
I'll talk to just about anyone except the Welsh.
Take it somewhere else, ladies. We're doin' a show here.
STFU before we take you out back and let the Garbage Truck have you.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCSTFU before we take you out back and let the Garbage Truck have you.
Diabo is on set again?? Enrico had her banned.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarQuote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCSTFU before we take you out back and let the Garbage Truck have you.
Diabo is on set again?? Enrico had her banned.
I just saw her up in the catwalk humping Roger's body.
At least something is keeping her busy.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarAt least something is keeping her busy.
Perhaps now we can shoot a Parody of "Lost"
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Enrico SalazarAt least something is keeping her busy.
Perhaps now we can shoot a Parody of "Lost"
Do it. That Diabo's been giving it up to all them graffiti guys.
Quote from: TootsQuote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Enrico SalazarAt least something is keeping her busy.
Perhaps now we can shoot a Parody of "Lost"
Do it. That Diabo's been giving it up to all them graffiti guys.
Those guys? Those are the hostages from the Crips gang which we lobotomized yesterday. She can have them. They're practically useless without fore brains.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: TootsQuote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCQuote from: Enrico SalazarAt least something is keeping her busy.
Perhaps now we can shoot a Parody of "Lost"
Do it. That Diabo's been giving it up to all them graffiti guys.
Those guys? Those are the hostages from the Crips gang which we lobotomized yesterday. She can have them. They're practically useless without fore brains.
[Ramones] Labotomy! Labotomy! [/Ramones]
Quote from: Toots
[Ramones] Lobotomy! Lobotomy! [/Ramones]
Sorry. Had to do it.
LMNO,
You never let me down.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaLMNO,
You never let me down.
That what he's here for.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaLMNO,
You never let me down.
I'm just lulling you into a false sense of security.
LM
NO
-Lulls.
Still not letting me down . . .
BVH
-being lulled
Quote from: eroticQuote from: Baron von HooplaLMNO,
You never let me down.
I'm just lulling you into a false sense of security.
LMNO
-Lulls.
<axe falls out from coat pocket.>
<snatches it back up and hides it from view.>
Sorry about that. My razor. It must have been mistakenly placed there.
Quote from: eroticQuote from: Toots
[Ramones] Lobotomy! Lobotomy! [/Ramones]
Sorry. Had to do it.
Deserved, actually. Can't believe I spelled that wrong. Booo to me.
It happens to everyone, and you were distracted by Enrico's flaming radiance.
Quote from: Irreverend Death to Poultry, KSCIt happens to everyone, and you were distracted by Enrico's flaming radiance.
I thought I smelled something sulphurous!
It always happens after he eats those jumping beans.
Those were jumping beans?
Enrico thought they were possessed.
::sllluuuuurrrrp::
Easy little one. Remember: pacing.
So Shecky, would you be psychic if you guessed our next guest was SSssssssssBella, the Mistress of Doom? Or would you just be reading the cue-cards?
*sniff*
Damn you, Enrico. You know I can't read...
Heheheh.
Is good.
Well. At least is funny.
Please everyone in our audience if any peoples is still alive make our guest Bella be feeling very comfortable and please to be clapping fucking hands very hard.
Ok?
Welcome Bella!
Wait... so my hands would be clapping, or my hands would be fucking?
What is difference?
It makes a very big difference to me, Enrico.
But both are signs of love, yes?
This is true, my friend.
And I do feel so very welcome here now. 8)
Thanks, everyone.
Bella something Enrico has been wondering for long long time - do powers of sychics come from big turbans they wear?
Sometimes Enrico wears a turban too, but does not feel psychic . . .
Well, it's more than just the turban, Enrico. The powers of knowing all and seeing all also come from the lovely muumuus we wear - or as I prefer to call them - our caftans of doom. Nor should I forget to mention the big big big hooped earrings and the jangly bracelets up our arms.
Try it and you'll see how sexy it makes you feel in addition to increasing your pyschic powers.
Ahhh, yes. Is making sense.
The way Enrico's powers of mucho-masculinity come from his many medalions and powerful afro?
Exactly!
There's a good reason dictators and psychics dress the way we do.
It's kind of like our own version of "power dressing", no?
Which for some reason turns my thoughts to big gay cowboys....
what would they be without the unzipped jeans, shirtless chests,
and a cowboy hat? They would merely be farm hands. How sad.
::SSLLLUUU-::
BIG, GAY farmhands, don't forget.
::UUURRRP::
Is VERY sad. Is like a pornstar without the tennis balls under the skin on her chest, or Gary Coleman without his hate, or LMNO without his bag of booze . . .
Do you read palms, Bella?
Well, I know how to read palms, Enrico.
But I don't like to because palms are always so sweaty, you know?
:?
Enrico's aren't any sweatier than the rest of his body, but there is a fine coating of soft fur.
But the problem is there is a strange line that only recently popped up on Enrico's hand . . . it throbs and hurts somewhat - have you any idea what it could be??
What color is that line?
If it's merely a bit darker than the rest of your palm then it means one of two things:
1. You've had a major reality shift and have probably changed dimensions - thereby also changing your destiny.
That's always a trifle uncomfortable.
2. You have an alien life force within your body and it's larva is seeking to exit out of your palm.
If however, the line is a deep fiery red, it means Diabo caught up with you again and you have blood poisoning and/or a voodoo curse to deal with. Or else it's a really big sliver.
Is sort of green, and leaking.
Enrico will bet dollars that it was Diabo, though . . .
Anything you wish to speak about Bella?
Diabo for sure then. Don't touch me, k?
Yes, I wish to talk to about how hard it is to be a psychic. People think it's easy sitting here in my jammies all day telling people what color to dye their hair and whether or not the man of their dreams really loves them or is just trying to get in their pants, or who the father of their baby is, or whether or not the burglar in their house is their ex-boyfriend or a real burglar.
I imagine it's the same with you, Enrico. People think you just sit around giving orders all day and having your every need catered to by beautiful women. They forget how hard it is thinking of things to tell people to do.
So anyway, I just want to ask everyone to send me money for nothing so that I can sit in my jammies all day and not tell people what to do.
It's a great idea, yeah?
::sluurp::
What kind of jammies?
::slrp::
Is actually best idea Enrico has ever heard - so simple so pure . . . he wishes he had thought of it when he was Generalissimo of Salazore. DAMMIT.
Send money to Bella, and send undies to Enrico. And if you enclose a self addressed stamped envelope Enrico will trim some hair from his body and send it back to you.
Brings good luck and will kill insects.
Quote from: erotic::sluurp::
What kind of jammies?
::slrp::
Gray cotton jammies with little tiny black dots on them and pink satin trim around the neck and the cuffs.
They aren't nearly as cool as Demonica's pink flannel jammies with coffee cups, but they'll have to do.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarIs actually best idea Enrico has ever heard - so simple so pure . . . he wishes he had thought of it when he was Generalissimo of Salazore. DAMMIT.
Send money to Bella, and send undies to Enrico. And if you enclose a self addressed stamped envelope Enrico will trim some hair from his body and send it back to you.
Brings good luck and will kill insects.
You like my idea?
Cool.
I think this could work for us, you know.
Hoshiko is demanding more hostages.
I apologize but I have to take another night's audience members into captivity.
Sorry.
<gathers audience members into trucks, after hodding and trussing them.>
Hoshi gets no hostages until she guests on the show as she has been promising Enrico for five years now.
Soon he will think it is his breath if this keeps up.
That's okay.
I was getting hungry anyway.
Enrico?
Does this mean we can go out for dinner now like you promised?
I'm really looking forward to seeing what the "surprise menu" you mentioned is all about.
Edit: Crap. If Hoshi doen't get her hostages does that mean we don't go to dinner now? :cry:
Well, too late. The trucks have already driven off to her lair.
Which is somewhere east of tequilarium country.
Don't worry Bella,
Shecky can take over show as guest host if Enrico leaves. Or, if he is too stoned or drunk there's alway . . . *sigh* Diabo.
Come. Come with Enrico to studio canteena. Just remember, if it wriggles, stab it with a fork. If it slithers, let it go.
Wriggles - stab it.
Slithers - let it go.
Got it. This sound like my kind of meal fer sure. 8)
I'll stab it for you.
We need more stabbinations around here.
What is this about me not showing up for your show? The invitation got lost in the mail! It was my agent. I ran into some traffic.
Do you have those hostages? I'm not getting any younger.
Your agent will hear from Enrico.
You can have any hostage you want you want my little Cheeto . . . you may have LMNO, if you can afford the Riunite, or you may have Roger who has been passed out under Diabo for a few days, or the Baron who is cowering behind the couch, or the other Baron who is lurking backstage somewhere . . .
Or any of the nameless fucks in audience.
Choice is yours.
Remember people of Enrico's audience: You signed waiver.
Are those cameras on? I just want you all to know one thing.
<leans in closer, lowers glasses>
That's not fluoride in the water supply.
<grabs some trail mix and a bloody mary from the coffee table, walks out>
(melts to couch, fanning himself with a dirty rag)
Enrico's heart is all a-flutter!
(turns wearily to camera)
Into The Night With Salazore And Friends will return after these words from our sponsors . . . someone get Enrico a glass of goose-sweat.
Quote from: HoshikoAre those cameras on? I just want you all to know one thing.
<leans in closer, lowers glasses>
That's not fluoride in the water supply.
<grabs some trail mix and a bloody mary from the coffee table, walks out>
Sniff.......she makes her Aunti Be.lla so damned proud.
<lurks somewhere in the backstage >
here you go.
<hands Enr!co a glass of goose sweat>
<sneaks back in, takes a seat on the couch and pours another drink>
Kind of quiet in here, isn't it? *sip*
Yeah, well... seeing as how you're jsut all so obliging when it comes to hostages, I thought I'd make things a little more difficult. Doesn't seem like there's anyone here to stop me, so I give you
Hoshiko's Bad Poetry Hour!
<a few boos from the audience>
I'm wired for explosives.
<silence>
We'll start with a nice easy one... This is entitled
Kalamazoo and it's by a real actual poet. Ahem.
On the outskirts are celery marshes
Which only a few years ago
Were as wet as a drugstore in Kansas
And as worthless as marshes could grow,
Well some genius bethought him to drain them
And to add in a short year or two
About eighty-five thousand dollars
To the income of Kalamazoo.Wet as a drustore in Kansas? :?
The Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,
And some irresponsible crazies
Meander around there at will,
And they frequently talk to a stranger,
And they sometimes escape, it is true,
But the folks are not all of them crazy
Who hail from Kalamazoo.
<looks up>
Remind you of anyplace?
Well, that was a worthless waste of time. Let's move on to a poem by annonymous. I can't wait, can you?
<cricket>
This one's called
Number's Game.
10 years of failed marriage
2 in seperate beds
8 months of constant fighting
400 times you've wished me dead
5 years of depression
6 hours in this bar
8 glasses os whisky
19 shakey steps to my car<glances up>
Oh Dear... you see what that is? That's what we call foreshadowing, kids. This is not good.
<continues>
2 minutes to find the keys
7 miles home to bed
3 boxes of tablets
not 1 minute of regret.
see you in hell.What, that's supposed to be BAD? I liked that. I could really feel it, it had a nice ending to it.
Hugh, who prepared the bad poems?
<Gets out some burlap bags, wraps up the lurking Barons>
I'll take the rest of that Trail Mix too, if you don't mind.
QuoteThe Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,
Doesnt Eldora live on a hill?
*muffled cries*
::sluuurp::
Quote from: CainQuoteThe Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,
Doesnt Eldora live on a hill?
That's a filthy rumor that is absolutely not true. Plus, Kalamazoo is like a 2 or 3 hour drive from here. I never knew they had a nuthouse there. There is also a song about Kalamazoo, how odd.
<claps and cheers for Hoshiko's poetry>
Hey. Anyone want some hostages?
Was beautiful poetry, Hoshi . . . you know Shecky here is a bit of a poet himself . . . he wooed Diabo in 1972 with three off-color lymerics . . . he could have used a half bottle of Thunderbird, but what does it matter?
Shecky . . . do you remember any of those poems?
Enrico already has an erection, he'd like to keep it.
Oh, sorry for the delay. Got held up at the porn forum...
You were saying?
Enrico? Hoshi? LMNO?
Has anyone seen my tarot cards?
I just finished lunch (I was hungry, okay?)
and I can't find my cards anywhere.
Ooooh.......look! Bad poetry, drinks and a nice burlap sack to rest my feet on.
Life is good.
Is that camera on? Is this being filmed? Why is this bag moving?
::smiles and waves to the camera::
::recites::
There once was a buxom young lass
Who loved to romp in the grass
But frolicking there with her tushy all bare
Left jolly green stains on her ass.
Was beautiful poem Bella!
(shoots dirty glance Shecky's way)
What these cards looked like? Enrico has been sitting on something stiff and hard, but to be honest was enjoying it. He will get up if he has to though, for you Bella, ANYTHING.
Alright, keep yer fuckin hair on E. I remember one of the poems now.
There once was a gal from Salazore
Whose vag was all covered in sores
She said with a pout
As they lanced the pus out
I am Diabo. I am whore.
Ahhh, so good.
Admittedly, it looses something in translation, but you still made it rhyme, which takes talent. Problem is there is no good English word for either puss or whore which reveals the subtle intricacies these words have in Salazorian.
Whore can mean SO many things in Enrico's native language.
Like Generalissimo, if I'm not mistaken.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarWas beautiful poem Bella!
(shoots dirty glance Shecky's way)
What these cards looked like? Enrico has been sitting on something stiff and hard, but to be honest was enjoying it. He will get up if he has to though, for you Bella, ANYTHING.
Thank you, Enrico.
It's a poem about my sister.
::looks smug::
Ummm.....my cards are umm.....yellow.
Yeah, that's it yellow with purple trim - so, nope that must be someone else's cards you're sitting on.
Oh, you want me to have them anyway?
Thanks. :?
Does anyone have some disposable gloves I can borrow?
Is true. How can you use Generalissimo in English language to mean 'priest'?
It does not work.
Shecky. What was beautiful title of poem you wrote about Enrico's momo again? Poem itself was shit, but title always brought tear to Enrico's glass eye.
What was title again?
It was called Sweet Momo's Muumuu: An Ode
*Turns away sniffling.*
Something in my eye...
Oh . . . oh MOMO . . .
Why Enrico had to kill you so brutally???
Why is napalm above the door trick so fucking satisfying?!
Shecky - take over show - Enrico needs to be by himself . . .
(runs off stage leaving massive douche chill in his place)
*Stares into camera. Attempts a little soft-shoe. Swallows hard*
*shoved out onto stage by sweaty furry hands*
OOF!
Wha-th-fu-?? Salazar just shoved me out here and told me to "work it" what is that supposed to mean?
::ssssllluuurpp::
::ssssssss::
::ssssssssssssssssss::
What the fuck!? EMPTY!!?? I need more fucking bourbon! GODDAMN IT! GIVE ME MORE MOTHERFUCKING BOURBON!!!
Uhhhhhhhhhhh
*looks around for booze*
There are a lot of EMPTY bottles about . . . and it smells like a Chinese whorehouse . . . but . . .
Mmmmmmmm. Chinese whores...
BOURBON, MOTHERFUCKER! NOW!
*ignores LMNO*
*looks for a dry spot on couch and sits down*
Not bad. Comfy.
I could get used to this.
*smiles into camera*
Hello. Welcome to Into The Night With Hoopla And Acquaintances I am your host Baron Verulam von Hoopla . . . but my friends call me Bippy.
What should we talk about Shecky?
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT GETTING ME ANOTHER FUCKING BOTTLE OF BOURBON, ASSHOLE.
Um. Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Isn't this what started the whole Del Mar-Enrico feud.
*looks around nervously*
If Salazar handed the country to Del Mar the way he just handed over this show the fucker deserved it.
*turns to LMNO*
I'm the host now, there are underlings for that type of thing. Go see the Android or Hugh . . .
enrico wont be happy if hoopla gets good reviews for his stand-in
*furry hand lobs hand grenade onto stage*
You never fuckin listen Baron. Fuckin Canadian-Germans...
*Dives from couch, leaving von Hoopla to fend for himself*
*explosion throws Hoopla into audience*
ARRGGGHHHHH---
(curtains open to reveal Enrico in a deep red silk kimono)
Hello faggots.
Enrico feels much better now.
(moves toward smoking couch)
Into the night with Hoopla and acquaintances . . . so sad and pathetic. So needy. So depressing.
somebody cue the dancers
where the hell are the dancers??
More importantly, WHERE'S MY FUCKING BOURBON, MOTHERFUCKER!?
Yes, of course. That rotten Hoopla depricing you of your booze. Is evil. And people say Enrico is bad man, or Monster . . . sad.
(pulls bottle of bourbon from between legs)
Here you are, muffin . . . nice and warm, like you like it.
::ssssslllluuuurrrrppppp::
Thanks, man. It's got that aroma of man-funk, just the way I like it.
this is by far my favorite show
*stands up in audience, charred and smoky*
I've . . . prefer . . . the . . . Chevy . . . Chase . . . Sho-
*falls over*
Someone get that man a drink!
I love Robots.
::sssllluurrp::
*one charred hand reaches up for bottle*
. . . thanks.
::runs onto stage wearing a grass skirt and coconut bra::
Weeeeeee hoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just flew in from Hawaii and boy are my arms tired!!! ::rimshot::
Thank you, thank you!
::picks up Baron's limp hand clutching to the bottle of 50::
Hand it over mo fo! I just dropped 20 hits of acid and I'm ready to take all you motherfuckers on!
Enrico, you so crazy! Lookeee your show has been invaded by moi!
Guess what I have under this grass skirt!
It looks like pineapple.
A fucking flamethrower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oooh, pretty colours.
Looky here, nice red and yellow thing coming out of flame thrower. Let's point it at the Baron.
(http://images.gfxartist.com/images/ArtworkItem/image/84775.jpg)
::chars Baron's left hand::
Oopsie!!
*hands Toots some thorazine, just in case she needs it*
So much hate.
So much pain.
So much fire.
(smiles into camera)
Is good.
(camera lense cracks)
We will return after these messages . . .
Quote from: fnordiscordia*hands Toots some thorazine, just in case she needs it*
::takes thorazine, sits down on stage and starts crying::
Thanks so much! Nobody has ever tried to help me, the world is so cruel!!!!!!!!! ::sobs hysterically and kicks the Baron's body out of the way. Watches him crawl offstage::
I mean, my childhood was tough. My parents were Satanists!!! They made me have sex in rituals and, and, and, when I had my baby they...they KILLED it!!!!!!!!!! ::cries even harder::
Those fuckers!! I'll show them!!!
::starts a fire in first two rows of audience::
::stops and scratches head::
Wait, I think that was just some stupid book I read.
Oh well! Thanks for this!!
Ooh, look at the pretty colours backstage!
In conclusion:
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.Weeeeeeeeeee!
::runs off stage::
*raises up on one elbow*
For those just tuning in the book was "Michelle Remembers" . . . I read it to Toots under hypnosis . . . watch . . .
COME BACK AND CLUCK LIKE A RETARDED CHICKEN!!
::runs back on::
Cluck, cluck...cluck.
Hey can you get me a beer or should I just drink from the toilet?
::stares at Baron's dumbfounded look::
What, I'm the chicken lady and I love life! If you want to stay in my good books, don't call me a birdbrain. If you want to stay in my good books, which you do. Gravel and grubs, gravel and grubs, I love to eat my gravel and grubs.
Weeeeee!
::runs off stage::
<Shoots half the audience with neurostun agent via darts, just to quiet things down.>
Jevus Wept!
I am trying to drink here.
for those who don't know that was The Chicken Lady, the fucking funniest character from Kids in the Hall who were comedy genius biotches!
Quote from: Tootsfor those who don't know that was The Chicken Lady, the fucking funniest character from Kids in the Hall who were comedy genius biotches!
Yup.
Nope.
I'm not going to bother to argue over something so obvious.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaI'm not going to bother to argue over something so obvious.
<shoots Baron with neurostun.>
<puts tequila IV infuser into his arm.>
That'll keep your flap tip top tight.
is it true mariah carey going to be on the show?
or was that just a rumor?
Quote from: LHXis it true mariah carey going to be on the show?
or was that just a rumor?
No. She's floating in the thames.
maybe salazar will do one of those 'live on the scene' shows
i thought he loves marine life
<emerges from a burlap bag>
<looks at the drink bot>
A beverage if you will.
And make it snappy.. scooter.
*walks on stage with sledgehammer and watermelon*
*puts watermelon on stage*
*smashes random audience member in the face with sledgehammer*
Alright, Faggots, who want's some watermelon?
Quote from: Baron Von Stevenstein<emerges from a burlap bag>
<looks at the drink bot>
A beverage if you will.
And make it snappy.. scooter.
::stomps onto stage and punches Baron Von Stevenstein in the face::
Scooter? Scooter?
You're talking to the future president of the United States of Amurricah! Show some respect you socialist scum!! That's MR LIBBY to you!
I thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Quote from: CainI thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here. :twisted:
Quote from: TootsQuote from: CainI thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here. :twisted:
Well no, you're in Canada. Thats why.
Quote from: CainQuote from: TootsQuote from: CainI thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here. :twisted:
Well no, you're in Canada. Thats why.
I was speaking in a larger North American context.
But let me rephrase for accuracy:
They don't put Republicans in jail in Jesusland.
Quote from: TootsQuote from: CainQuote from: TootsQuote from: CainI thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here. :twisted:
Well no, you're in Canada. Thats why.
I was speaking in a larger North American context.
But let me rephrase for accuracy:
They don't put Republicans in jail in Jesusland.
I thought they were called the Likud Party in Israel? :?
Quote from: CainQuote from: TootsQuote from: CainQuote from: TootsQuote from: CainI thought it was prisoner number 3558723721
Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here. :twisted:
Well no, you're in Canada. Thats why.
I was speaking in a larger North American context.
But let me rephrase for accuracy:
They don't put Republicans in jail in Jesusland.
I thought they were called the Likud Party in Israel? :?
::rimshot::
::loud cheers from audience::
Scooter couldn't get into Likud, they have an intelligence requirement, you have to have an IQ higher than a root vegetable. He didn't pass. Poor guy. :cry:
Quote from: Toots::rimshot::
::loud cheers from audience::
Scooter couldn't get into Likud, they have an intelligence requirement, you have to have an IQ higher than a root vegetable. He didn't pass. Poor guy. :cry:
Is that why Sharon has left?
::feels kind of bad for Sharon's state of health so must refrain from making jokes::
Since Enrico is not here, Cain, would be so kind to take seat on the couch and share your views on former murderous generals who turn into peaceful doves only after gleefully watching bulldozing parties?
The audience's three remaining living members would like to know.
Quote from: Toots::feels kind of bad for Sharon's state of health so must refrain from making jokes::
Since Enrico is not here, Cain, would be so kind to take seat on the couch and share your views on former murderous generals who turn into peaceful doves only after gleefully watching bulldozing parties?
The audience's three remaining living members would like to know.
I think they have done well since care in the community took place and we would all rather that then go back to the bad old days of chaining people up in mental hospitals.
Quote from: CainQuote from: Toots::feels kind of bad for Sharon's state of health so must refrain from making jokes::
Since Enrico is not here, Cain, would be so kind to take seat on the couch and share your views on former murderous generals who turn into peaceful doves only after gleefully watching bulldozing parties?
The audience's three remaining living members would like to know.
I think they have done well since care in the community took place and we would all rather that then go back to the bad old days of chaining people up in mental hospitals.
Troof, but going back on your evil ways can give you a massive stroke. Just ask Pat Robertson if you don't believe.
Everyone having a nice quiet cozy little chat?
Yes?
Good.
NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE CUNTFILLERS. Is better.
Now, Shecky - what is next?
<shoots a cameraman.>
Sorry. Testing the new toys.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEveryone having a nice quiet cozy little chat?
Yes?
Good.
NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE CUNTFILLERS. Is better.
Now, Shecky - what is next?
After such a shameless display of dissension in the ranks? I don't know, E. My fatih in humanity is badly shaken.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Enrico SalazarEveryone having a nice quiet cozy little chat?
Yes?
Good.
NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE CUNTFILLERS. Is better.
Now, Shecky - what is next?
After such a shameless display of dissension in the ranks. I don't know, E. My fatih in humanity is badly shaken.
Whats a fatih? Apart from 1/3 of the American people?
Really? Spelling? That's where you're goin with this?
Enrico used to plook a girl named Faith in a small town in Canada when he first landed in North America. She was cheerleader. Enrico told her he could get her job as a Fly Girl on In Living Color.
So stupid. So cute. So loose.
Those were days.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoReally? Spelling? That's where you're goin with this?
No, I just want to make fun of fat Americans. Your spelling is a means to an end.
Raelly? Thut's a grate stoarie Onreeko. Too thums uhp.
Shecky.
Enrico just heard from a close friend last night that the memoir you published recently has some factual inaccuracies.
Would you care to elaborate on that?
You mean "Shecky D. Albino: Ain't no Mountain High Enough"?
Or "That's Right, Bitch, I Said It!"
First one. Other one is more manual, is it not?
Or was it "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Shecky"?
Enrico never read that one.
Are you avoiding subject, swine?
Then there's my monthly Magazine "Shecky Illustrated"...
Okay, okay. What was the question again?
That is a pamphelt you copy at Kinkos. It could hardly be described as a magazine, and Enrico still hasn't got check for last article.
How do you respond to allegations you falsified portions of your memoir?
Jesus, how much money do you expect to get from an article entitled "Meet Enrico's Chocolate Starfish", anyway?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarHow do you respond to allegations you falsified portions of your memoir?
All lies.
The $7.50 you promised, hemorrhoid.
Lies?
What about this part on page 76 where you describe your four day love marathon with Jessica Alba in 1990. How old do you think she was then?
Older than her implants...
*rimshot*
Answer question, bitch.
You have lied to millions of fans.
They weren't lies. They were memories as I recall them.
Granted I was fucked out of my head for a good two decades of it...
But that's beside the point.
Wait. What is the point?
Point is people read your books so they can know you better. They want to crawl inside that maggot-ridden sponge you call a brain, and then you fill up book with colorful witty stories which have no basis in reality . . . what can they believe?
How can they still enjoy your books?
Well then. Allow me to quote from Chapter 22 "Enrico is Dead" and you tell me if it's all lies.
I find him on the bathroom floor. Face down in a puddle of his own vomit.
I hold him.
Cry.
He is so cold and greasy.
Cry.
Is he really gone. Could number 17 be the charm?
Still crying.
"You glorious faggot," I whisper.
Crying some more, people. Look at me cry.
Well? You gonna deny that, E?
::turns to the charred corpse in the next seet, sobs::
That was my favourite part of the book. :cry:
mine . . . too . . .
You cried?
Really?
::sssslllllluuuuurrrrrpp::
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Enrico SalazarHow do you respond to allegations you falsified portions of your memoir?
All lies.
Implants! With no electrical parts!
The horror!
Alright. You won Enrico back with your stunning prose.
You can still have his gold teeth when he dies for REAL.
*hugs Enrico*
*immediately asks for towel*
(pulls wirey hair from between lips)
Is this yours, or Enrico's?
Eh, doesn't matter.
(swallows hair)
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: Enrico SalazarHow do you respond to allegations you falsified portions of your memoir?
All lies.
To clarify, when I said that, I meant the book.
But . . . THAT is a lie.
Where you are going with this, Shecky?
And does it seem like ages since we have had a guest? Or is that just Enrico?
No. It's been a while.
Then again, I'm probably lying to you...
Perhaps it is smell in here.
Anyway.
What is Zsa Zsa up to these days? Or Dr. Joyce Brothers? Or Jim Nabors? They are always good for visit.
Dead, unemployed, and gay I believe.
In which order?
Joyce always seemed nelly to Enrico.
Zsa Zsa = Dead (and if she ain't, her career has been for about 40 years)
Dr. Joyce = Has she done anything since Sally Jesse was cancelled?
Jim Nabors = Gomer had Piles for a reason...
This is not look good.
Perhaps the format should be changed to Jerry Springer style free-for-all?
Or perhaps a reality tv show style? Following around Enrico and Shecky as they go about day-to-day business?
I just had a vision of you taking a chair in the nose a la Geraldo.
It made me giggle. :D
:::ssssllluuurrppp::
Hey, why don't you both go and beat the living shit out of Howie Mandel?
He is still alive? Enrico thought he suffocated doing that insipid rubber glove over head trick?
The guy's doing Boston Pizza commercials.
That's beating enough.
I suppose it goes without saying that Boston doesn't actually have a Boston Pizza in it...
What if we sponsor boxing match between Tony "claims he isnt Salazorian" Danza and Howie "wishes he was Salazorian" Mandel?
Would be good for ratings, yes?
Quote from: eroticI suppose it goes without saying that Boston doesn't actually have a Boston Pizza in it...
Does it even really matter?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarWhat if we sponsor boxing match between Tony "claims he isnt Salazorian" Danza and Howie "wishes he was Salazorian" Mandel?
Would be good for ratings, yes?
Only if Danza slapped Mandel with his cock. :lol:
Enrico thought it went without saying . . . It is amusing how he renamed the "Salazore Slap" after himself, thinking nobody would ever know. The swine.
Shit. we gotta stop bringing up Danza. Everyone's gonna think I have a fetish or something...
so who is the boss? when it comes to your fetishes then?
We have guest!!
We can stop talking about Danza.
Please to be welcoming back Malaul!!
Oh, I dunno. I like hot women over 40.
Mona was very sexy.
Tight. Sweaters.
Oh shit! Are we still on? :oops:
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoOh, I dunno. I like hot women over 40.
too bad Im not older eh? ::wink::
Judith Light was no slouch either. And no spring chicken...
Quote from: MalaulQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoOh, I dunno. I like hot women over 40.
too bad Im not older eh? ::wink::
That
is a sexy one-eyed pussy you have there...
Quote from: Enrico SalazarMona was very sexy.
Tight. Sweaters.
(http://www.geocities.com/saramoultonfan/gallb4_whos.jpg)
Malaul, you must realize you being newly married will not stop Shecky from hitting on you.
Or Enrico. Me-ow.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: MalaulQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoOh, I dunno. I like hot women over 40.
too bad Im not older eh? ::wink::
That is a sexy one-eyed pussy you have there...
I put the OW in meow baby
Is it getting warm in studio?
These lights . . . very warm.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarMalaul, you must realize you being newly married will not stop Shecky from hitting on you.
Or Enrico. Me-ow.
or me from hitting on EVERYONE
shall I turn the lights down?
Puuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrhaps?
Heheheh . . .
Alright folks, show will be back . . . eh . . . later . . .
BARON! HIT THOSE LIGHTS!
boys boys boys!!
You cant give in that easy!!
you at least have to make it look like you arent desperate!
what happened to playing hard to get?
Malaul, think of who you are talking to . . .
:roll:
WHAAAAGH!
What the fuck-?
Mal, that better be your hand....
Oh.
Sorry.
I thought that was mine.
::raises her both her hands::
Nope, not my hands but you didnt ask about the tail
:shock:
::innocent smile::
SO gentleman, what were we talking about?
Enrico has forgotten.
Something about tight sweaters??
WE should ask ECH about his seduction skills
He did just bag a chyck in from of customers just the other day.
Maybe we can figure out what his secret is...
(http://www.lanaturneronline.com/Sweater%20Girl.jpg)
I hope the answer isn't 'roofies'.
Uhmmmm
well
I think hes busy
I callled his cell
someone picked up and all I could hear was a rythmic thumping sound and some sorta vocalization
Maybe we can ask him later
What about you Lmn0?
whats your secret to get women to fall at your feet?
you are enGAGed are you not?
1. Sense of Humor.
2. The Iron Liver technique.
3. A deft tongue (in more ways that one, nudge, nudge).
Quote from: erotic
2. The Iron Liver technique.
:lol: I think the Bottomless Bank Account technique would be better.
cunning linguist are you?
Quote from: CainQuote from: erotic
2. The Iron Liver technique.
:lol: I think the Bottomless Bank Account technique would be better.
I would if I could... I would if I could.
Quote from: Malcunning linguist are you?
You know what they say... practice makes perfect.
:twisted:
Quote from: erotic(http://www.lanaturneronline.com/Sweater%20Girl.jpg)
Is that yer mom? Grrrr...
Yeah, I wish my mom was Lana Turner...
Really? I wish my mom was Tina Turner.
I heard Ike made you into his wife in jail Shecky, is that true?
Quote from: Baron von HooplaI heard Ike made you into his wife in jail Shecky, is that true?
What can I say?
(http://img501.imageshack.us/img501/3217/2004augustikebutton1mg.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
Did he get pissed off when you became more popular than him?
Allow me to answer your question with a question:
Is anyone less popular than him?
::pokes head out from behind curtain::
Shecky was never more popular than Ike, that another story he is fabricate in his book. Diabo know the truth about Shecky in prison, Diabo mistaken for man and put in cell next to Shecky, that how we meet.
Are we all talking about the same Ike here?
*Shecky turns and bitch slaps Baron*
That one, right?
Quote from: Shecky D. Albino*Shecky turns and bitch slaps Baron*
That one, right?
ACK!
. . . it's the same Ike.
Anybody seen Enrico?
He hasn't been on set ever since he got me to turn off the lights.
Hmmm . . .
*sits down in Enrico's spot*
So . . . who wants to chat?
Jesus, but yer a hard learner, Hoopla...
Enrico's missing, someone needs to carry on.
(kicks Hoopla to the floor)
You are poor imitation, toe-jam.
Why you people keep letting him DO this??
CURSES!
*shakes angry fist*
I'll get you yet Salazar!!
*runs off quickly to avoid further beatings, and runs into wall*
OOF.
(pulls out revolver)
(shoots at Hoopla's feet)
DANCE, FAGGOT, DANCE!
(http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/124/jackass3fu.gif)
HA!
Is good.
::turns to corpse on OTHER side of her::
Look at that faggot dance!! Oh that Enrico.
::stands up and shouts::
I LOVE YOU ENRICO!!!
::faints next to charred corpse on the floor::
Quote from: Enrico Salazar(pulls out revolver)
(shoots at Hoopla's feet)
DANCE, FAGGOT, DANCE!
Hey, is that a pearl handled grip?
Nice.
Yes. It was Dr. Ruths.
Enrico met her on set of old Joan Rivers talk show. The night time one. That was set where Enrico talked her husband Edgar into killing himself.
Really, was only logical thing to do.
(http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/124/jackass3fu.gif)
Quote from: Enrico SalazarYes. It was Dr. Ruths.
Enrico met her on set of old Joan Rivers talk show. The night time one. That was set where Enrico talked her husband Edgar into killing himself.
Really, was only logical thing to do.
Man, just watchin that show was enough to make me want to top myself. :?
(http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/124/jackass3fu.gif)
Shoot him again, E.
Quote from: Baron von Hoopla(http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/124/jackass3fu.gif)
This dance is in perfect time to "Right Here Right Now" by Fatboy Slim.
(shoots Hoopla)
Gets old fast.
Alright, time for another break so sponsors can bleed you all for a bit more before you all expire in the gutters gasping for breath . . .
Oh, good. A break.
Time to dump the guts.
Chilli for lunch.
Just sayin...
Aren't we all just a little tired of The Good Reverend Roger?
Yes, you know you are. We all are. So, why haven't you killed him yet? What the hell is WRONG with you? Are you a fucking RETARD? KILL HIM, ALREADY! GODDAMMIT! You KNOW he'd kill YOU, if he had half a chance!
GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND KILL ME, ALREADY!
UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
Brought to you by The Good Reverend Roger.
Whatever, you killed the last assassin I sent after you.
NEED TO SCARE AWAY SOME NEIGHBOURS???
WANT TO MAKE A POINT WHEN QUITTING YOUR JOB?
THEN COME TO THE HAPPY SMELLY STORE AND BUY A BAG OF RANCID GOAT FECES!
CALL 1-800-GOAT-YUM! AND MENTION ENRICO TO GET A SPECIAL DISCOUNT!
And we are back.
Incidentally, rancid goat feces are Enrico's favorite weekend snack. That, and burnt pig skin, so crackly good! YUM.
By the way, Enrico, you owe me for dry cleaning. It cost 50 bucks to get Hoopla's blood off my suit. Velour don't clean easy, ya know.
Enrico told you: Use Club Soda.
Enrico will pay for nothing. Besides, you used the thumbscrews back stage on him, you are not innocent.
(http://www.pb.unimelb.edu.au/emergency/template-assets-custom/images/explosion.jpg)
Enrico's feet smell like cheese.
Quote from: CainQuote from: Baron von Hoopla(http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/124/jackass3fu.gif)
This dance is in perfect time to "Right Here Right Now" by Fatboy Slim.
This dance is also in perfect time to the new Placebo song on the radio right now.
Edit: The Hitler Dance is even MORE perfect for the timing of the Placebo song.
Which song? Chances are my sister has the album and I can rip the mp3s from her next time I visit.
Quote from: CainWhich song? Chances are my sister has the album and I can rip the mp3s from her next time I visit.
Hmm...I'm not 100% sure because Virgin Radio hasn't updated their playlist online, but it seems to be "Because I Want You." I haven't heard anything about the album. After "Pure Morning" Placebo never really got a big hit here, I think they're going to be one of those bands that are huge in the UK but never make it big here. Like the Libertines. Actually, those guys would be an excellent fit for Into the Night.
Quote from: TootsQuote from: CainWhich song? Chances are my sister has the album and I can rip the mp3s from her next time I visit.
Hmm...I'm not 100% sure because Virgin Radio hasn't updated their playlist online, but it seems to be "Because I Want You." I haven't heard anything about the album. After "Pure Morning" Placebo never really got a big hit here, I think they're going to be one of those bands that are huge in the UK but never make it big here. Like the Libertines. Actually, those guys would be an excellent fit for Into the Night.
They're not that big here either. Nancy Boy was their only memorable hit in the charts here, they do more on albums.
Placebo > Libertines
please to be providing name of new Placebo album?
the played at the Live8 concert. i have the DVD box set. they did a pretty good performance.
Meds
There's some stuff to see and hear here: http://www.placeboworld.co.uk/index.html
Salazore is placebo capitol of world. We figure out early on that is much cheaper to give sugar candies to peoples instead of genuine drugs.
A few casualties, true, but you cannot make Kool Aid without breaking eggs, yes?
I tell you what........candy is always my drug of choice.
Just give me the chocolate and I'll be more than fine in about 10 minutes or so.
In fact, I just dosed myself with a nice hot, chocolate mocha with two shots of french roast coffee.
Was not Salazorian mocha, Enrico hopes. Otherwise it might have been laced with jajo.
Unless that is what Bella wants?
Okay, E. Hoopla just dragged the mailbag in...
*fishes out a sheef of pink Ziggy stationery*
This one's a bit smeared... looks like tear stains...
Dearest Enrico,
First off, I'm a HUGE fan. Love the show. But lately I've been noticing a lot of back and forth between you and Shecky. What about the rest of us?
(Shecky: actually Enrico, it says "what about the rest of me", but he scratched it out and put "us"...)
Agreed, Shecky is a sexy bastard, but come on! Stop ignoring me! I mean us...
Love and tickles,
TGRR
Quote from: Enrico SalazarWas not Salazorian mocha, Enrico hopes. Otherwise it might have been laced with jajo.
Unless that is what She Who Eats Souls wants?
Ummm......what's jajo?
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoOkay, E. Hoopla just dragged the mailbag in...
*fishes out a sheef of pink Ziggy stationery*
This one's a bit smeared... looks like tear stains...
Dearest Enrico,
First off, I'm a HUGE fan. Love the show. But lately I've been noticing a lot of back and forth between you and Shecky. What about the rest of us?
(Shecky: actually Enrico, it says "what about the rest of me", but he scratched it out and put "us"...)
Agreed, Shecky is a sexy bastard, but come on! Stop ignoring me! I mean us...
Love and tickles,
TGRR
Is sad.
Is just like when Enrico was leader is Salazore. Everyone wanted to be in cabinet so they could receive off-shore whores . . . does nobody love Enrico for Enrico??
All peoples are welcome on Enrico show. Nobody frightens Enrico, so nobody concerns him that they will outshine him verbally. Is impossible.
Look: Enrico is the model of a modern major Generalissimo!
And that was while doing backflips!
Anyway, all peoples are welcome on Enrico's show. Feel free to poke head in at any time and spout whatever drab and useless nonsense amuses you at the time.
Hoopla does.
*wipes a tear*
That was beautiful, E. And you know what? If we can help just one disgruntled fan, it makes the whole thing worthwhile...
Quote from: Shecky D. Albino*wipes a tear*
That was beautiful, E. And you know what? If we can help just one disgruntled fan, it makes the whole thing worthwhile...
::wonders if there is such a thing as a "gruntled fan"?::
Quote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomUmmm......what's jajo?
People in North America usually refer to it as 'cocaine'.
Quote from: Baron von HooplaQuote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomUmmm......what's jajo?
People in North America usually refer to it as 'cocaine'.
Really? I always thought it was semen. No wonder those Colombians are pissed at me...
Ah....sadly, I was forced to give it up for lent. :cry:
Quote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomAh....sadly, I was forced to give it up for lent. :cry:
Cocaine, or semen?
Quote from: eroticQuote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomAh....sadly, I was forced to give it up for lent. :cry:
Cocaine, or semen?
:wink:
You're not the only dirty old man around these parts, Sheckster...
We should all form club.
"Dirty Motherfuckers"
You people have such dirty minds. That's why I like you so much. There's no way I'm answering that question, except to state that I hadn't yet read Shecky's semen post when I posted my response.
Enrico's favorite thing about this board is the secret knowledge that Bella is the filthiest of us all, she is also the most subtle.
Subtle filth makes my pants tight.
*bangs gavel*
Welcome to the first ever meeting of the Dirty Motherfuckers Club. We should vote for a president. Nominees anyone?
Enrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
Man, I would have at least thought you'd wait to count the votes, find out yer trailing, and become president anyway.
Sorta like Dubya.
Enrico, since you're El Presidente, can I be your dirty, dirty secretary boy?
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
El Presidente outranks mod.
Zurtok you can be secretary of Enrico's crotch, now when Enrico unzips it is time for you to take a letter.
Who wants to be treasurer?
*raises hand*
Ooh! Me! Pick me!
How many pintos to a guido again?
Ten Pintos to a gouda. But, seventeen Monchichi's to a Pinto.
Remember this.
Does this mean I'm treasurer?
Treasurer of Enrico's heart?
Or Treasurer of the Dirty Motherfuckers?
You have no fuckin heart.
Therefore, through the process of elimination...
This is correct Green Machine.
Quote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Enrico cares for you, because he is glorious faggot.
Or at least thats what he told me to write down while I was sucking his cock.
:shock:
:wink:
:roll:
Quote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Enrico cares for you, because he is glorious faggot.
Or at least thats what he told me to write down while I was sucking his cock.
Well, yeah, but Enrico is like a big, sweaty Jesus.
Who ELSE?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Enrico cares for you, because he is glorious faggot.
Or at least thats what he told me to write down while I was sucking his cock.
Well, yeah, but Enrico is like a big, sweaty Jesus.
Who ELSE?
No one else.
Not even the 'real' Jesus cares about you like Enrico does. Enrico is here to save the world through dicktation.
Or something, I think.
Quote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Enrico cares for you, because he is glorious faggot.
Or at least thats what he told me to write down while I was sucking his cock.
Well, yeah, but Enrico is like a big, sweaty Jesus.
Who ELSE?
No one else.
Not even the 'real' Jesus cares about you like Enrico does. Enrico is here to save the world through dicktation.
Or something, I think.
Damn straight! Where was the FIGHTIN' Jesus, when I was attacked by javalinas?
If it weren't for Enrico, I'd be pig shit. Well, LITERALLY pig shit.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Zurtok KhanQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: eroticQuote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico names himself El Presidente.
No more nominations, faggots.
First point of order: More Full Frontal Nudity on this board. Fuck 'work safe'.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/modzsORRY2.jpg)
Who cares?
Enrico cares for you, because he is glorious faggot.
Or at least thats what he told me to write down while I was sucking his cock.
Well, yeah, but Enrico is like a big, sweaty Jesus.
Who ELSE?
No one else.
Not even the 'real' Jesus cares about you like Enrico does. Enrico is here to save the world through dicktation.
Or something, I think.
Damn straight! Where was the FIGHTIN' Jesus, when I was attacked by javalinas?
If it weren't for Enrico, I'd be pig shit. Well, LITERALLY pig shit.
Enrico had much practice with javalinas, his three brothers will all eaten as children by javalinas. Always Enrico was with brother, yet made it out alive.
When Enrico and Roger were taking peyote in the wilderness and were attacked Enrico figured it was time to try to help someone else as well. Plus, Roger owed Enrico fifty bucks and a copy of Gigantic Asses.
Quote from: Enrico Salazar
When Enrico and Roger were taking peyote in the wilderness and were attacked Enrico figured it was time to try to help someone else as well. Plus, Roger owed Enrico fifty bucks and a copy of Gigantic Asses.
Really? I remember it as $37 and a copy of Shaved Snizz.
Shecky? Shecky is that you? It's been so long since I've seen Statler and Waldorf. How are those two grumpuses?
You know, I've always said that the way to bring this board back from the brink of oblivion is MORE ALTS.
Yep. That'll fix everything.
I think we need to take it beyond the brink of oblivion. The best art is always produced by degeneration and near destruction.
Quote from: CainI think we need to take it beyond the brink of oblivion. The best art is always produced by degeneration and near destruction.
Art? Here?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
With about 3 exceptions, there hasn't been any art on this board for a year. Just a pack of alts, hounding each other and everytbody else, while the "mods" stand by and make sure the right people "win".
Fuck this place. Burn it down, and put it out of its misery.
I've only been here a year and a bit...(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/cry.gif).
Quote from: CainI've only been here a year and a bit...(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/cry.gif).
You were here for the last sunny days, before this place turned into a sewer, then.
how sad...
i missed the goodness too?
woe.
Quote from: mian tiao Fredhow sad...
i missed the goodness too?
woe.
This place was THE SHIT for about the first year and a half.
The fluff stayed up top, and the rants, etc, stayed down below. But since mods don't mod here, unless they are helping one of their friends, the place turned into a clusterfuck. Then EVERYONE had to have an alt, so they could stir shit.
And thus, you have the abortion we like to call "PD.com".
that sucks...except abortions remind me of omlettes
Quote from: mian tiao Fredthat sucks...except abortions remind me of omlettes
:lol:
Noodle, you are one of the few reasons left for coming back here.
:lol:
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: mian tiao Fredthat sucks...except abortions remind me of omlettes
:lol:
Fred, you are one of the few reasons left for coming back here.
:lol:
I confess, I feel obligated.
If I was the last active poster here, and the MGT finally decided to shut the wasted experiment down, I would feel justified.
It has been good run, faggots.
Enrico had good times, like when Baron von Hoopla was barbecued and beaten. Happened few times, actually. Or when Shecky and Roger started throwing jabs at each, but made out behind the set. Was good time. Or when Malaul completely destroyed Enrico's idea of the world and all things in it. Never been same since.
That green velvet couch has been with Enrico through better times than his short forest. Almost.
Before Enrico goes please permit him to sing song for all you ungrateful boars . . .
And now, end is near;
And so Enrico faces final curtain.
My faggots, I took it in rear,
all my guests received a good jerkin'.
Enrico lived life that,Äôs full.
he's traveled each and every hershey highway;
And more, much much much much more than this,
Enrico did it his way.
Regrets, he had none;
So do not even think to mention.
He did what he had to do
and those who wouldn't received a truncheon.
He lusted after each glistening arse;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
Enrico did it his way.
Yes, of course there were times, I,Äôm sure you knew
When Enrico swallowed more than he could do.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
he gobbled it up and spit it out.
He faced it all and then stood tall;
And did it his way.
Enrico loved, he laughed and cried.
even though Diabo never died.
And now, as tears subside,
He finds it all so amusing.
To think Enrico did all that;
And may he say - not in shy way,
No, oh no not he,
He did it his way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
some bits and pieces or a gargantuan cock.
To squeeze the things he truly feels;
And not the face of one who kneels.
The record shows Enrico took blows -
And did them his way!
Good-bye beautiful faggots, treat Noodle well for you are now watching Into The Night With Noodle And Friends
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerThis place was THE SHIT for about the first year and a half.
The fluff stayed up top, and the rants, etc, stayed down below. But since mods don't mod here, unless they are helping one of their friends, the place turned into a clusterfuck. Then EVERYONE had to have an alt, so they could stir shit.
And thus, you have the abortion we like to call "PD.com".
*
sniff* :cry:
Quote from: Mahna MahnaShecky? Shecky is that you? It's been so long since I've seen Statler and Waldorf. How are those two grumpuses?
I'm fan-
fuckin-tastic! Thank you so much for asking.
As for Statler and Waldorf...
Both dead.
Sadly that was the last photo snapped of the two before the Great Muppet-Pimp Turf Wars of 1984. However, on a positive note, Shecky inherited Waldorf's fishbowl platform shoes. Still haven't figured out how to feed the little fuckers yet, but they've been going strong since 1978, so no worries.
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerThis place was THE SHIT for about the first year and a half.
The fluff stayed up top, and the rants, etc, stayed down below. But since mods don't mod here, unless they are helping one of their friends, the place turned into a clusterfuck. Then EVERYONE had to have an alt, so they could stir shit.
And thus, you have the abortion we like to call "PD.com".
*sniff* :cry:
Witty.
I think I'll spam the fuck out of you.
Just saying.
FUCK
it says FRED and friends...
i dont have time for a show.
I HAVE PEOPLE TO OPRESS
Quote from: mian tiao FredFUCK
it says FRED and friends...
i dont have time for a show.
I HAVE PEOPLE TO OPRESS
Now you learn the true horror of gaining power.
There's enough oppression for everybody, but making sure each person gets their fair share is a problem that capitalism hasn't solved.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerThis place was THE SHIT for about the first year and a half.
The fluff stayed up top, and the rants, etc, stayed down below. But since mods don't mod here, unless they are helping one of their friends, the place turned into a clusterfuck. Then EVERYONE had to have an alt, so they could stir shit.
And thus, you have the abortion we like to call "PD.com".
*sniff* :cry:
Witty.
I think I'll spam the fuck out of you.
Just saying.
That's about all you can do, little buddy.
TGRR,
Can lick my gootch. 8)
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerThis place was THE SHIT for about the first year and a half.
The fluff stayed up top, and the rants, etc, stayed down below. But since mods don't mod here, unless they are helping one of their friends, the place turned into a clusterfuck. Then EVERYONE had to have an alt, so they could stir shit.
And thus, you have the abortion we like to call "PD.com".
*sniff* :cry:
Witty.
I think I'll spam the fuck out of you.
Just saying.
That's about all you can do, little buddy.
TGRR,
Can lick my gootch. 8)
Whatever you say, Slappy! :lol:
TGRR,
Is laughing at you, kid.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: CainI think we need to take it beyond the brink of oblivion. The best art is always produced by degeneration and near destruction.
Art? Here?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
With about 3 exceptions, there hasn't been any art on this board for a year. Just a pack of alts, hounding each other and everytbody else, while the "mods" stand by and make sure the right people "win".
Fuck this place. Burn it down, and put it out of its misery.
:evil: Now I'm must feeling cranky. :evil:
Quote from: Enrico SalazarIt has been good run, faggots.
Good-bye beautiful faggots, treat Fred well for you are now watching Into The Night With Fred And Friends
Enrico!!!!!!!!!!!! :cry:
Quote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: CainI think we need to take it beyond the brink of oblivion. The best art is always produced by degeneration and near destruction.
Art? Here?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
With about 3 exceptions, there hasn't been any art on this board for a year. Just a pack of alts, hounding each other and everytbody else, while the "mods" stand by and make sure the right people "win".
Fuck this place. Burn it down, and put it out of its misery.
:evil: Now I'm must feeling cranky. :evil:
Actually, if you read the collorary at EB&G, you (and you alone) were specifically excluded from this.
Quote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomQuote from: Enrico SalazarIt has been good run, faggots.
Good-bye beautiful faggots, treat Fred well for you are now watching Into The Night With Fred And Friends
Enrico!!!!!!!!!!!! :cry:
He'll be back. His Glorious Faggotry demands it.
I'm going on hunger strike until Enrico takes back his show :x
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerHe'll be back. His Glorious Faggotry demands it.
Beautiful!
TGRR,
Likes to illustrate Shecky's points...
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerHe'll be back. His Glorious Faggotry demands it.
Beautiful!
TGRR,
Likes to illustrate Shecky's points...
You're not very...
bright, are ya, shithead? :lol:
Quote from: mian tiao FredI'm going on hunger strike until Enrico takes back his show :x
If you're not going to eat that cookie, can I have it?
Quote from: She Who Lurks Beyond, Oracle of DoomQuote from: mian tiao FredI'm going on hunger strike until Enrico takes back his show :x
If you're not going to eat that cookie, can I have it?
uh sure....but i think it was in Enrico's pants...
mmm.. pants cookies. almost as good as the pants sandwich... almost.
Shut up fool.
Right. New Host.
Fuck this.
Next show: a guest
yeah i'll tell you later when im not busy or when i care.
bitch.
I wonder if I can get BGP to host until Enrico agrees to come back...
Heh, I can't get BGP to do shit.
::pokes head behind the courtain::
Wow, the place is empty. Even the audience is starting to stink less, decomposition is moving along nicely!
BGP would make a fine substitute host methinks.
And with that in mind ::does twirly dance:: WEEEOOOOO!
::runs off giggling::
Him and Fred should cohost.
But Fred seems busy with world domination or somethings like that.
BGP should use the power of his Buddha nature to a)make Fred's world take over take less time so she can do the show or b) hypnotize Fred into thinking all has been taken care of and she WANTS to host the show.
I'm fairly certain BGP is in the global domination racket too.
Looky here, there are baby flies crawling all over corpse in 4 row of audience. Cool!
Quote from: fnordiscordiaI'm fairly certain BGP is in the global domination racket too.
Who isnt? I tell you, its get rather crowded at that mythical throne.
ok...i dont have time to host, so this will be more like a game show!
i have planted 500 bombs around the building and you have one day to find them all!
1st place prize is... not dying!!!
yaaaay
3
2
1
GO!
[goes to candy machine]
E7
Hey this isn't a snickers bar!
and why is it conting down from 24?
Uh surely running away would be easier. i mean if we have 24 hours to get away.
using british transport...i could say be ohh about 10 miles away from the blast zone if i travel non stop
:lol: there is no escaping
and if you do manage to leave, i dont care
then i dont have to do the show
Quote from: mian tiao Fredok...i dont have time to host, so this will be more like a game show!
i have planted 500 bombs around the building and you have one day to find them all!
1st place prize is... not dying!!!
yaaaay
3
2
1
GO!
Fuck yeah! I like this game!
(http://www.chompchomp.com/images/csfs107.gif)
This show is still slightly better than the View.
anybody seen that japanese movie 'battle royale'?
it may have been a book first
Quote from: LHXanybody seen that japanese movie 'battle royale'?
it may have been a book first
yes...ive seen it.
that would make things lively on the set
maybe even wrestling fans would watch
im to apathetic to do anything with the show.
you're host now LHX
somebody will save the show
just keep the cameras rolling
so now its Into the Night with LHX and Friends?
our first guest is --
--tumbleweeds and the sound of ill wind blowing--
uhhh
our first guest is --
the CAMERA MAN
camera man
what can you tell us about --
cameras?
Sorry, shithead.
I ain't saying shit.
You are alone on this one.
damn kid
you have some fabulous grammar
you clearly arent me
so
how long have you been
uhh
in cameras?
Fred has sent you to your doom.
You are finished out here without Enrico Salazar.
I will catch it on film.
---uuuuuh
right
thanks for the help
so
our next guest is
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What a loser.
do you know anybody?
No.
I don't know anybody.
Your show will be named "Into the Night with LHX and No Friends".
what did salazar have that i dont have?
:lol:
sweet.
this ruin is worse then the explosives i planted.
Enrico Salazar had guests, first of all.
He also had grammar.
What's up Fred?
yeah
and what did noodle have?
Look, man.
Don't take it too hard.
You didn't really stand a chance anyway.
The way you've been bashing Mystic Wicks lately, you clearly wrote off a good portion of the viewing demographic.
Here.
Take a look at these charts...
holy sweet mother of fuck
how did could a brother know salazar was so big with the wiccans?
the fuck do i do now?
Quote from: LHXyeah
and what did Fred have?
i had nothing.
i also didnt care.
which is why i left you here.
8)
Ha Ha.
Suffer.
Shit head.
Either that or turn this into one of those shows where you break a new World Record or do something freaky during every episode.
People tune-in for that shit.
Are you double jointed?
thanks noodle
no
i am not double jointed
im just not a gimmicky-type of dude i guess
Well...
You better hurry up and become one.
Or don't.
This slow, awkward demise makes for some semi-decent viewing.
For those who have REALLY found themselves lost for online entertainment.
(Personally, I go to //www.newgrounds.com when I find myself in that situation).
go martha stewert style...teach the audience..um...underwater basket weaving
fucker
now you direct people AWAY from the show?
what? i cant have you getting more viewers then me. :D
hire kelly rippa as co host
LHX,
You show was better than last three weeks of show Enrico did. Bravo you cute little faggot. Do not listen to camera man, if he had studied hard and ate his vitamins he might have been good poster like you, instead he is camera man on show people read.
Nice job.
So, what has Enrico missed?
You gorgeous, ungrateful bastard.
Fuck this.
I quit.
I've had enough of your 'help-me-find-my-good-side' game anyway.
I quit.
Quote from: Enrico SalazarLHX,
You show was better than last three weeks of show Enrico did. Bravo you cute little faggot. Do not listen to camera man, if he had studied hard and ate his vitamins he might have been good poster like you, instead he is camera man on show people read.
Nice job.
So, what has Enrico missed?
absolutely nothing
which is the problem
now if youll excuse me
i am going to go deliver some flying elbows to the camera man
oh
and its a little dry in here - hence the tumbleweeds
you might want to invest in a humidifier?
or do one of those 'live from the sauna' broadcasts again
Salazar, it's about fuckin time.
Now shut up and lead the people. :)
Enrico is not interested in leading anymore, peoples are filled with dumb.
Enrico is about exploiting the peoples now. So he is opening own fast food restaurant. What you think?
Only if you serve some form of meat product wedged between two pancakes.
Shecky love the McGriddle!
Enrico too. If they could work a face into there somewhere Enrico would be happy.
He thinks you should always see your food's face when eatiing it. Perhaps it will be selling point for his restaurant?
Quote from: Enrico SalazarEnrico too. If they could work a face into there somewhere Enrico would be happy.
He thinks you should always see your food's face when eatiing it. Perhaps it will be selling point for his restaurant?
Voila!
(http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/2702/hamburg12wx.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
Look at those pants.
Nobody would be stupid enough to eat those pants.
Agreed! He must have BACON PANTS!
Quote from: DJRubberduckyAgreed! He must have BACON PANTS!
BUG PR0N PANCE!
<takes the weekly allotment of audience members hostage>
Sorry dads. The tax.
::runs into audience beaming from ear to ear::
Enrico is back!!!!
::looks around at skeletons of what used to be rotting corpses of the audience::
It seems to me we need to kill some more people to fill these seats man. I mean look, this skeleton here only has meat left on its lower half. What kind of a corpse is that? And THAT one is starting to look like a mummy, what's this? Into Egypt with Enrico?
::proceeds to kick the non-smelly bodies out of the seats::
Bacon Pants!
\
(http://www.maj.com/gallery/PILLZ-E/things/baconpants.jpg)
give him a muhsroom for a head
he can become fried breakfast man!
Quote from: Baron Von StevensteinBacon Pants!
\
(http://www.maj.com/gallery/PILLZ-E/things/baconpants.jpg)
Nice touch. Now how about some sausage fingers?
okie mushroom head and sausage fingers coming right up
Sweet.
*awaits semi-patiently*
Bacon pants, with a mushroom head and sausage fingers
\
(http://www.maj.com/gallery/PILLZ-E/things/baconpantsmushroomhead2.jpg)
Betcha Enrico would eat him now...
yeah but he would probably give anyone indigestion
Actually, now that I think of it, I can see Enrico doing obscene things with those sausage fingers long before he would ever eat them.
Quote from: Baron Von StevensteinBacon pants, with a mushroom head and sausage fingers
\
(http://www.maj.com/gallery/PILLZ-E/things/baconpantsmushroomhead2.jpg)
Where's the strawberry jam?
I know I'm weird, but I like strawberry jam on my pancakes instead of syrup.
So do I.
Oh, Baron!
Quote from: Shecky D. AlbinoSo do I.
Oh, Baron!
you beckoned?
I know it's late, but...
Any chance of adding strawberry jam?
Shazzam!
\
(http://www.maj.com/gallery/PILLZ-E/things/ffm/baconpantsmushroomhead2withjam.jpg)
You are officially... da man.
8)
\
Into the Kitchen with Baron Von Stevenstein and hungry peoples
Enrico has consumed seventeen peoples in life, but none looked as delicious as that faggot does.
Except maybe Dana Plato. She was very delicious looking.
I'm glad you approve Enrico.
::walks around with can of gasoline::
::sets the couch on fire::
VIVO SALAZORO!
::runs out of studio::
:cry: thats where I've been sleeping for the past three weeks
::puts couch out::
If there is no couch how will I get it on with the corpses in the audience?
Dumb Enrico. Think ahead next time!
This talk show SUCKS.
:lol:
I thought it got cancelled...
Hoops!
He's back!
Is sad.
Enrico, you gorgeous man. Where have you been?
Was trapped in Canada - who knew going for ski trip with Shecky would be so dangerous. Those Canadians are vicious. They only let Enrico go when they caught all the terrorists. Shecky is still there. He was carrying four and half punds of crack up his rectum at time. For personal use, of course. ENrico will need to go get him back out.
Who feel adventerous?
I'm in.
Welcome back, you glorious faggot!
rescue mission in the far off land of canukistan eh?
sounds fun, count me in too!
I think Shecky must still be stuck up here in Canuckistan.
Probably for the best?
We'll have to venture deep into spooky depths of a rectum to get shecky back, and maybe get high in the process. It looks like im the only one who can do this
oh, and bring back Enrico
This theater kinda smells.
..of wut?
(http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/912/dramaticchipmunk.gif) (http://img179.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dramaticchipmunk.gif)
BOO!
:retard:
Please bring back Into The Night With Enrico And So-Called Friends!?!
Maybe you could invite some new guests? Like Suu & Dr. Payne for one or two?
-a new adoring fan
(whooo weee I can't wait!)
& saaaay? What do those Salazorian condos go for nowadays?
Enrico is happy this thread make the purge.
Quote from: Honey on April 10, 2009, 01:12:57 PM
:retard:
Please bring back Into The Night With Enrico And So-Called Friends!?!
Maybe you could invite some new guests? Like Suu & Dr. Payne for one or two?
-a new adoring fan
(whooo weee I can't wait!)
Yes. Enrico love to please people.
Shecky and Hoopla are dead, but they were always dead weight.
Thank you for tune back in, hiatus was long and sweaty... much like Enrico.
(rimshot)
Thank you Mo, thank you...
Enrico's first guest after hiatus is star of many movie from 1980's... no, not Sonny Bono, he is dead. But Troll is magnificent movie film, one many awards in Salazore.
No, Enrico's first guest is star of License To Drive, Lucas and some slutty movie with Nicole Eggart of Baywatch... COREY HAIM!
(long awkward pause)
He... what? He.... but he so young....
DAMMIT
We be back after some message or some shit....
It's okay, we budgeted for embalming fluid and a bank of car batteries.
See? If you do it just right, he looks like he's looking around and talking. We can just dub in any old shit we like.
THEY KILLED THE WRONG COREY!
Srsly. Feldman needed to get it years ago.
Quote from: LMNO on March 10, 2010, 05:03:38 PM
THEY KILLED THE WRONG COREY!
Srsly. Feldman needed to get it years ago.
That's what happens when you ask the CIA to do something, right?
Now, if Uday had been on the job, Feldman would be bobbing around teh keys in a 55 gallon drum as we speak.
I found out that Corey Haim died from Enrico.
I find this kinda horrorfap.
:thanks:
bump
for SCIENCE!
and the n00bs.
Bask in the pd.com glory days.
OKAY, ENRICO! WE'RE INTO THE NIGHT, NOW! YOU CAN'T GET MUCH DARKER THAN THIS!
What next?