Print Page - The principles of binder

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on January 31, 2003, 10:00:19 PM

The Dogmatic Commandements of Binderian:

1. I am the Lord your (fucking) Bizzle, thou shalt have no other Kizzle Bizzles besides xDA BINDx.

2. Honor my fucking sweetness

3. Honor my thousands of Nicknames

4. Keep Sacred the Arm Pump

5. AEHHHHH (laugh)!

6. Thou shalt not Spin-Kick thy neighbor, unless he's not fucking sweet

7. Dude, you gotta be all smooth & shit if you want bitchez

8. Dude, don't get fucking caught creepin' 'n shit.

9. Only take what is fucking sweet, or what may provide you with additional sweetness, any other things will be Jhor upon your Wheel of Sweetness

10. Don't cop another man's sweetness, unless you can knock him out with one spin-kick.

If we all followed the example set by Lord Bizzle, we would have 300% more sweetness, 126.7% more spin-kicking, & about 412% more laid-backness.

"Be fucking sweet unto others, as you would have them be fucking sweet unto you, dude"

I am the binder that is binder that is sweet, I am the binder that is not binder that is not sweet. I am the binder that is not binder, and I am totally sweet, dude.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Poib on January 31, 2003, 10:03:17 PM

im more of a salt kinda guy myself :roll:

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Spoon E. Gee on February 01, 2003, 04:22:45 AM

anything that gets more spin kicking is good with me....

would that also work when ninjas flip out and kill people?

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on February 01, 2003, 05:41:55 AM

Yes, because ninjas are totally sweet.

And by totally sweet, I mean totally awesome.

My favorite principle of the binderian is # 9

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 05:39:42 AM

I love #2 the best. But then again I am a filth--er-- an earthy pagan.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:03:34 AM

There are a couple of them that dont make a lot of sense unless you are familiar with the workings of the Kizzle Bizzle.

Keith Binder sounds like a wookie when he laughs.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:06:14 AM

Where can I find more from the Kizzle Bizzle?

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:14:07 AM

He's a friend of mine, he lives in Omaha and is a mild celebrity. He's got lots of tattoos, and he cant hold a job. You can almost always find him drinking a 2 liter of Doctor Pepper. He is straight edge. He really likes comic books ("Dude... Wolverine is fucking sweet!", "Dude... Batman is fucking edge dude!")

He uses the word "Dude" a lot.

KB is really tall, and really hairy, and he laughs like a wooky.

KB is the messiah of a new religion.

We mock him incessantly.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:14:54 AM

I think, perhaps, the Church of the Binder needs to release some religious texts.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:18:15 AM

I am all for that.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:21:09 AM

Most of the religious text on Keith Binder is from the various incarnations of the 402 Hardcore boards.

I'll try and dig some of it up.

Somewhere we have a list of his nicknames. (most of them are pretty stupid, like "Couch Fucker".)

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:26:59 AM

Holy Baby Shit!
Couch Fucking? Isn't that the way to banish an avatar of Eris from your life?

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:31:39 AM

He defends himself by saying that even though his erect penis was in the couch, he didnt actually "fuck" the couch. Most people still mock him for this, though it occured several years ago.

On the other hand, there is another person I know who actually did go "all the way" with said couch. I wont get into that.

That sort of thing is semi-common here... at least amongst Francis Rhoe (who goes all the way).

Another person I know lit his own testicles on fire, twice! Now that I think of it, I know a lot of Jack-Asses.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:34:28 AM

Is there something to that? I seem to recall an old hermetic tract which equated furniture fucking with the rise of Christianity. This land being, sadly, under the influence of Christianity, I wonder...

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:42:38 AM

Well... heres what binder had to say in his defense.

Quote from: XpositivelypositiveXFor the last time: Wake up. Have a hard-on. Roll over. Went into couch. Thought about it for a minute then thought "wow this is incredibly retarded". Took a shower and jerked off.

Everyone needs to fuck off and make fun of the kid that "gets so much ass" yet still feels the need to SEEK OUT A COUCH TO FUCK FOR 15 FUCKING MINUTES UNTIL HE BLOWS HIS LOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU ALL!!!

This is after people were trying to figure out what his nicknames were, and Couch Fucker was brought up.

Honestly, I think he has tons more nicknames.

Binderclese
Lord Bindermeyer
Bindiana Jones and the Temple of DUDE! (and/or SWEET!)
Bindocalypse Now
etc...

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:44:43 AM

Jesus on a Moterbike! That guy is a saint...of some kind.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Z³ on April 18, 2003, 06:46:35 AM

Yeah, in a weird way.

All we do is make fun of him... but he is our messiah.

Title: The principles of binder
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on April 18, 2003, 06:48:00 AM

Hail Messiah!...........what? me first?

Title: Re: The principles of binder
Post by: jorgea on December 17, 2011, 04:41:51 PM

These are indeed original commandments that I sure have not read before.

Edited out your spam - Cain

Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: Z³ on January 31, 2003, 10:00:19 PM