Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Principia Discussion => Topic started by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:17:53 pm

Title: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:17:53 pm
I'd have been here sooner, but I

A. Forgot what my name was.

B. Had a layover in JFK

C.  A colored light halfway between blue and green,

D. As a dietary supplement offering the consistent benefits of exact potency, the carving saws, drill, and pounce wheel are SHARP.

E. +
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Hoopla! on October 28, 2008, 09:25:08 pm
You will be docked pay.

Also, D didn't seem to make any sense.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:29:31 pm
You will be docked pay.

Also, D didn't seem to make any sense.

I couldn't think of anything good, so I stole a line off a Passion Flower Extract bottle and combined it with one from a pumpkin carving kit.  Do I still get free coffee in the break room?
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cain on October 28, 2008, 09:32:07 pm
I don't think you're really sorry.

But that's OK, we have ways of changing that.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:37:41 pm
I don't think you're really sorry.

But that's OK, we have ways of changing that.

Are you going to tell me about all of the interesting and exciting things I missed because I didn't show up on time?  Or are you going to beat me about the head with a jagged rock?

Maybe I'll end up sorry I wasn't later.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Hoopla! on October 28, 2008, 09:39:23 pm
You will be docked pay.

Also, D didn't seem to make any sense.

I couldn't think of anything good, so I stole a line off a Passion Flower Extract bottle and combined it with one from a pumpkin carving kit.  Do I still get free coffee in the break room?

There's free coffee?!
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:42:17 pm
There's free coffee?!

There was the last time I wasn't here.  Unfortunately, you have to add the heat and coffee beans yourself.  Just look for the thing that appears to be a water fountain.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cain on October 28, 2008, 09:50:38 pm
I don't think you're really sorry.

But that's OK, we have ways of changing that.

Are you going to tell me about all of the interesting and exciting things I missed because I didn't show up on time?  Or are you going to beat me about the head with a jagged rock?

Maybe I'll end up sorry I wasn't later.

Well, the latter is closer to the truth.  Try to not let your eyes bleed all over the carpet:

(http://gallery.krunk4ever.com/d/5955-2/hasselhoff_soap.jpg)

(http://www.howtoavoidthebummerlife.com/weblog/archives/David-Hasselhoff.jpg)

(http://yogan.meinungsverstaerker.de/fun/hasselhoff.gif)
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 09:53:38 pm
It'll take more than hairy lifeguards to cause mine eyes to bleed.  In fact, short of causing my monitor to explode and send glass shards into my eye sockets, you'll have a much easier time with my brain.  It's softer, too!
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cramulus on October 28, 2008, 10:05:15 pm
forget the brain

we need your liver

mine has the consistency and texture of a football



need something fresher
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cain on October 28, 2008, 10:22:33 pm
It'll take more than hairy lifeguards to cause mine eyes to bleed.  In fact, short of causing my monitor to explode and send glass shards into my eye sockets, you'll have a much easier time with my brain.  It's softer, too!

So you say, but you and I know you're wiping away drops of blood from your keyboard even as you typed this reply, muttering "oh why, in the name of all that is holy, WHY?!"
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 28, 2008, 10:39:26 pm
It'll take more than hairy lifeguards to cause mine eyes to bleed.  In fact, short of causing my monitor to explode and send glass shards into my eye sockets, you'll have a much easier time with my brain.  It's softer, too!

So you say, but you and I know you're wiping away drops of blood from your keyboard even as you typed this reply, muttering "oh why, in the name of all that is holy, WHY?!"

I must admit, that is far more entertaining than "Oh hey, David Hasselhoff naked again."
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on October 28, 2008, 11:24:56 pm
Too bad you're late; pool's closed for the evening. Check it out tomorrow.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Cramulus on October 29, 2008, 12:10:54 am
you're way late! Discordia's over, we had to make it up from scratch
again

check out the Black Iron Prison, OMGASM, the Party at Limbo Peak, ColbertGASM, etc etc etc
do you want to do awesome projects? It's not quite too late
project potluck


what's next?
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Eater of Clowns on October 29, 2008, 12:22:23 am
Well friend, I sort've expected you sooner and the situation has turned grim.  All sides are accosted by angry and revenge seeking vegans, Christians, politicians, wiccans, members of the troll anti-defamation league, and, of course, Vermont dairy farmers.  We held them off thanks to the confused and half-hearted self sacrifice of our number who had failed to grasp what was going on, making them perfect candidates for the front line.

So while your timing isn't perfect, frankly my lad I thank Eris you've arrived.  Now let me know when the rest of your battalion is due and we can figure out how best to accommodate them.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 29, 2008, 12:39:47 am
Maybe I'll end up sorry I wasn't later.

This.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 29, 2008, 01:12:00 am
I'd love to participate in any and all projects that I will participate in.  That being said, I refuse to physically harm anyone, because I'm a wimp and someone bigger should do it.  I hereby suggest a name for a project that I haven't actually figured out the purpose of, that being "Project Chauncey Peppertooth", or PCP.

My battalion will arive over the course of the next eight years, the best way to identify a member is if they're the type of person that can figure out calculus before algebra, or backflips before walking.  In other words, if you see someone backflipping down the street while working out the Mean Value Theorem out loud, send them to me.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 29, 2008, 02:03:29 am
I'd love to participate in any and all projects that I will participate in.  That being said, I refuse to physically harm anyone, because I'm a wimp and someone bigger should do it.  I hereby suggest a name for a project that I haven't actually figured out the purpose of, that being "Project Chauncey Peppertooth", or PCP.

My battalion will arive over the course of the next eight years, the best way to identify a member is if they're the type of person that can figure out calculus before algebra, or backflips before walking.  In other words, if you see someone backflipping down the street while working out the Mean Value Theorem out loud, send them to me.

In case you're interested, I have a FASCINATING intestinal issue going on here.  I am outgassing like a CHAMP!  I swear to fucking God, I just farted IN COLOR!  And the last time I took a healthy shit?  Don't get me started.  I may need a new toilet.  I'm fairly certain I shat MY OWN BODY WEIGHT. 

It was one of those things, you know, like silence for the first 10 seconds or so, but then the powerful, thunderous farts start.  The volume of these rat-a-tat farts is incredible, along the lines of elk antlers clashing or a large tree cracking as it is felled.  There are rumors (unconfirmed) that local police have recorded these airbeefs at 103db.  Of course splattering sounds accompany these inhuman shit/air rumblings, and occasional a large volume of water/shit is heard to be splashed out on the floor.  The end of the BM is usually about a 45-second high pitch whiner fart, followed by 4 or 5 successive powershit deposits.  If you could put shit in those T-shirt cannons they use at sports arenas, and then shoot the shit into water at close range, then you could reproduce these splash sounds.  BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.  You actually feel bad for the toilet after this.  All the while I sing Opera in response to exceptionally disgusting discharges.  The end of the experience is a muffled rubbing sound as I wipe with bath towels, and the occasional slapping sound as I swat the soiled towels against the bathroom wall, creating messes that populate Arizona lore regarding nightmare public restroom experiences.



Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: Jenne on October 29, 2008, 02:32:27 am
Quote from: TGRR
In case you're interested, I have a FASCINATING intestinal issue going on here.  I am outgassing like a CHAMP!  I swear to fucking God, I just farted IN COLOR!  And the last time I took a healthy shit?  Don't get me started.  I may need a new toilet.  I'm fairly certain I shat MY OWN BODY WEIGHT. 

It was one of those things, you know, like silence for the first 10 seconds or so, but then the powerful, thunderous farts start.  The volume of these rat-a-tat farts is incredible, along the lines of elk antlers clashing or a large tree cracking as it is felled.  There are rumors (unconfirmed) that local police have recorded these airbeefs at 103db.  Of course splattering sounds accompany these inhuman shit/air rumblings, and occasional a large volume of water/shit is heard to be splashed out on the floor.  The end of the BM is usually about a 45-second high pitch whiner fart, followed by 4 or 5 successive powershit deposits.  If you could put shit in those T-shirt cannons they use at sports arenas, and then shoot the shit into water at close range, then you could reproduce these splash sounds.  BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.  You actually feel bad for the toilet after this.  All the while I sing Opera in response to exceptionally disgusting discharges.  The end of the experience is a muffled rubbing sound as I wipe with bath towels, and the occasional slapping sound as I swat the soiled towels against the bathroom wall, creating messes that populate Arizona lore regarding nightmare public restroom experiences.
:lulz:  :potd:
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: And on October 29, 2008, 04:06:28 am
:lulz:  :potd:
Yeah I haven't even come up with a good reply to this.  I'm waiting until the hangover wears off.
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: The Dark Monk on October 29, 2008, 09:50:44 am
The shotgun shits strike again!
Title: Re: Sorry I'm late
Post by: AFK on October 29, 2008, 12:54:07 pm
wait, what?