Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Cramulus on August 10, 2010, 08:10:39 pm

Title: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 10, 2010, 08:10:39 pm
THREAD UPDATE: PDF HERE: http://www.scribd.com/doc/43898347/Modern-Mythologial-Creatures



The Keynog - a small goblin who lives inside your keyboard. If you have a sticky key, it is because a keynog has taken up residence beneath it.



deLuke - an invisible elfin spirit who steals the temperature from your drinks. If you've ever taken a sip of coffee and been disgusted by how cold its gotten, it's likely that a deLuke got to it. deLukes also warm up cold drinks and make chinese food all gummy when you reheat it.


Trance Thief - The Trance Thief is a fae trickster who works for the unseelie court (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classifications_of_fairies#Seelie_and_Unseelie_courts). You know how your computer's spare CPU cycles can be used to crowdsource larger tasks, such as SETI@Home (http://setiathome.berkeley.edu/)? The Trance Thief uses your brain's spare processing power to solve unseelie problems. When you're spaced out and staring at porn, farmville, or world of warcraft, the Trance Thief can utilize your brain power for evil.


Huzzer - The Huzzer is a tiny creature which looks like a hummingbird made of goo. It crosses back and forth between the dream world and the waking world, stealing little things from the real world to build its nest. It crosses from plane to plane through your cell phone. That "phantom vibration" thing you sometimes feel, when your cell phone didn't go off but you reached for it anyway, that's a Huzzer. After this happens, check your pockets - there's a good chance a Huzzer has taken some change, a paperclip, a crumpled up receipt, any little thing it can use to make its nest. If you're good at navigating the Dream World, you should be able to find the nest and stuff you're missing.


Bogard - (also known as a Bonglin) Bogards are small, wretched goblins who live inside of foul bong water. Their diet consists of little weed scraplings. They will take a little bit of yours every day until you get rid of them. Usually, cleaning up and changing your water will do the trick. Bogards are also drawn to poor smoking etiquette.


Annanavi - when your GPS talks to you, you are hearing an Annanavi. Typically, the Annanavi is a helpful monster. But if you shout at your GPS too much, or dont follow its instructions, the Annanavi gets annoyed. It will reprogram your GPS to lead you into places you don't want to go. Annanavi are also curious creatures, interested in checking out places you otherwise might not ever visit. They think they are doing you a favor!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: The Wizard on August 10, 2010, 08:14:29 pm
Interesting. Postmodern mythological beasts. Do you have any more, cause this is rather cool.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Prince Glittersnatch III on August 10, 2010, 08:17:42 pm
(http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj290/TheWoodenBlock/slenderman.jpg)

Slenderman - Not much is known about this mysterious and terrifying creature. He has often been connected to fires, missing children,
and Something Awful Goons. If you ever encounter Slenderman do not panic, just remember these simple rules:

-No Wifin in da Club: Wifin in da club inspires homicidal rage in Slenderman. Avoid it at all costs.

-Gimme 20 Dollas: The only known way to drive away the dark and powerful force of Slenderman is to give him $20(What he does with this $20 is unknown)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 10, 2010, 08:33:07 pm
Wraith Cloud - these gigantic creatures are the ghosts of clouds. They look exactly like regular clouds, but they are not. In fact, they scare the shit out of normal clouds.

Pyrrot - The Pyrrot (pronounced "pie rit") loves music, especially catchy pop anthems and addictive commercial jingles. When it hears a particularly catchy tune, it memorizes it. Later, it'll keep singing one part of that tune over and over again. Pyrrots live on your shoulder, probably because that's where they hear the best music. They have no respect for intellectual property.

Liberchaun - A Liberchaun is a cousin of the Leprechaun. Liberchauns are also diminutive Irish characters who guard fabulous prizes. But they don't live at the end of rainbows, they live at the end of unread books. They prefer books which are very boring, or which have been purchased but never read. In order to find a Liberchaun's treasure, you have to read the entire book before it has a chance to move out. They also tend to like old Irish novels. The largest Liberchaun family dwells specifically inside works by James Joyce.




edit:spelling
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 10, 2010, 08:36:50 pm
(http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj290/TheWoodenBlock/slenderman.jpg)

Slenderman - Not much is known about this mysterious and terrifying creature. He has often been connected to fires, missing children,
and Something Awful Goons. If you ever encounter Slenderman do not panic, just remember these simple rules:

-No Wifin in da Club: Wifin in da club inspires homicidal rage in Slenderman. Avoid it at all costs.

-Gimme 20 Dollas: The only known way to drive away the dark and powerful force of Slenderman is to give him $20(What he does with this $20 is unknown)
I loved the Marble Hornets videos, especially when I was in an environment and state of mind conducive to paranoia.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 10, 2010, 08:38:03 pm
The Upside Down People:  The upside down people are the ones who walk down the bottom side of the stair risers while you walk up on the top side.  They seem drawn to Holy Men™ and Doktors, particularly those experimenting with or religiously chewing on cactus.  At night, they suck the goo out of your sink trap for their sustenance.  They are not to be trusted, as they seem to be in league with the Welsh.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Prince Glittersnatch III on August 10, 2010, 08:38:57 pm
(http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj290/TheWoodenBlock/slenderman.jpg)

Slenderman - Not much is known about this mysterious and terrifying creature. He has often been connected to fires, missing children,
and Something Awful Goons. If you ever encounter Slenderman do not panic, just remember these simple rules:

-No Wifin in da Club: Wifin in da club inspires homicidal rage in Slenderman. Avoid it at all costs.

-Gimme 20 Dollas: The only known way to drive away the dark and powerful force of Slenderman is to give him $20(What he does with this $20 is unknown)
I loved the Marble Hornets videos, especially when I was in an environment and state of mind conducive to paranoia.

I live in the middle of the woods completely surrounded by trees. If I look hard enough at night EVERY SINGLE TREE LOOKS LIKE SLENDERMAN. Im surrounded by an army of slendermen and I only have $40!!!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Adios on August 10, 2010, 08:41:57 pm
THOSE PEOPLE, They are invisible and there are unsubstianted reports they try to steal all of your illearned assets. On the rare occasions they are visible they can be identified by their smudgy skin color. Many natives are terrified of them, but this is due to ignorance.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 10, 2010, 08:47:33 pm
The Butty- Formless entities that hide in social networking websites, often posing as long-lost acquaintances or friends-of-friends-of-friends. They'll ask to be your friend, and you may choose to leave them wandering the abyss of Facebook Purgatory for the rest of eternity. Unless you accept their request. If you accept their request, they feel obligated to comment on everything you do. Particularly nasty Butties will bombard you with requests to help them work on their farms.

(http://forgetomori.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/mowingdevil.jpg)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: The Wizard on August 10, 2010, 08:48:52 pm
Dottit-Tiny goblins with a natural chameleon-like talent for blending in with ugly carpets and wallpaper. They have an innate hatred for bureaucracy and do their best to harass bureaucrats  by stealing forms and other acts of mischief. They are the reason HR and DMV workers are so irritable. Unfortunately, they also steal other people's forms, which forces them to fill out the paperwork all over again. Can be placated by harassing bureaucrats.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Adios on August 10, 2010, 08:50:44 pm
TWOKEY- a NASTY LITTLE THING THAT LIVES IN YOUR KEYBOASR AND CAUSES AN UNMINTENDED KEYSTROKE FROM THE NEIGHBNORING KEY TO APPEAR. tHERE IS NO CURE.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 10, 2010, 08:52:03 pm
Thotchuwur - A psychic shape shifting creature that is able to assume the exact appearance of the back side of someone you know. Draws energy from awkward moments.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 10, 2010, 08:52:17 pm
TWOKEY- a NASTY LITTLE THING THAT LIVES IN YOUR KEYBOASR AND CAUSES AN UNMINTENDED KEYSTROKE FROM THE NEIGHBNORING KEY TO APPEAR. tHERE IS NO CURE.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PISS OFF A KEYNOG





OR YOUR FINGERS ARE TOO FAT
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Richter on August 10, 2010, 08:53:22 pm
The Bi-Cycler - The child of prankster spirits and club goers.  It will appear at parties, bars, or other events, and display a freely swinging sexual orientation to get attention.  It pursues this like a sport.

The Drama Llama - North America cousin of the noble Peruvian Llama.  The DL is a creature so perfectly adapted to human civilzation and company, that it is rarely sighted (or often sighted but rarely recognized).  True to it's llama instincts, it prefers to feed off the ground, and will spit in people's ears to annoy them into throwing drink, dropping food, or tripping to provide for itself and it's llamalings.  It is untrackable by hoofprints, since it leaves dust everywhere as a defense mechanism, and leaves no spoor since it uses human toilets (as well as usuing all the toilet paper and leaving the empty roll.)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 10, 2010, 08:53:37 pm
Thotchuwur - A psychic shape shifting creature that is able to assume the exact appearance of the back side of someone you know. Draws energy from awkward moments.

Fuckin assholes particularly enjoy tormenting those of us with visual impairments, too.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Eater of Clowns on August 10, 2010, 08:58:05 pm
The Kowlma - Small silhouettes living off excess electricity just inside your monitor.  They appear as punctuation marks that are present upon typing and proofreading, but disappear as soon as the work is printed or posted.  Occasionally a Kowlma will settle next to an actual punctuation mark looking like a duplicate, when the duplicate is erased, it assumes its role, proving to be missing on the regular document.

Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 10, 2010, 08:59:27 pm
Lirc - The Lirc lives in Internet chat rooms. It never says anything. Yes, sometimes when you see somebody lurking for entire months at a time, there is no computer or human being attached to it. Young Lircs cannot maintain a presence for too long - they can be seen signing on, hanging out for a second, and then signing off.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 10, 2010, 09:03:42 pm
Wandering Cock- A relative of the Lirc, these severed phalli enjoy traveling through the internet and popping up occasionally just to say "Hello!". According to folklore, these phalli were once attached to men in the real world, but got lonely and decided to leave.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Prince Glittersnatch III on August 10, 2010, 09:08:07 pm
Lirc - The Lirc lives in Internet chat rooms. It never says anything. Yes, sometimes when you see somebody lurking for entire months at a time, there is no computer or human being attached to it. Young Lircs cannot maintain a presence for too long - they can be seen signing on, hanging out for a second, and then signing off.

Ive always wondered about that. WHAT IS THE POINT OF STAYING IDLE IN A CHANNEL FOR 3 MONTHS!? /cruisecontrol
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Requia ☣ on August 10, 2010, 09:11:22 pm
Because you added it to your ajoin and then completely forgot about it.

*Truly ancient Lirc, can idle for years.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 10, 2010, 09:14:10 pm
Spliss - A tiny goblin that naturally lives dormant in corn fields, where it causes no harm. Sometimes, however, after corn has been processed and consumed, the human digestive track activates the Spliss, where it runs amok causing gas and other discomfort until it eventually dies, is passed along the track, and becomes lodged at the very end of the excretory system. This is why you sometimes wake up for a morning piss and the stream for no reason at all sprays off in two different directions.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: AFK on August 10, 2010, 09:19:08 pm
Akkolyte - An elf-like creature that communicates via an annoying and painful warble.  They are striped and shimmer and known for their perplexing behavioral patterns.  Some say they are just plain outlandish. 
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 10, 2010, 09:51:10 pm
Pixyl- pixels don't die. They are stolen by pixyls, who use each stolen pixel to construct there own monitor piece by piece. They can travel through electrical wires, phone or cable lines, or even radio/microwaves.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Herbertina Merrique V on August 10, 2010, 10:27:41 pm
Of course, the more traditional creatures have also had to cope with the modern world and update their habits to survive. I don't think I need to tell you what all the trolls are doing these days, but the adaptation doesn't always go so well: there was a guy who accidentally dropped some crack near the porch of his friend's parent's house, and the household gnome, crawling out from his tiny lair, found the rocks and thought the people had finally remembered his existence and left him some food. He quickly figured out what to do with the crack, resulting in tragic consequences - the poor creature became the first junkie gnome in history, and the people living in the house suffered from really really bad luck, strange injuries and horrible accidents for a long time, UNTIL THEY ALL DIED, THE HOUSE BURNED DOWN AND THE MORAL OF TEH STORY IS DON'T DO DRUGS.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: AFK on August 11, 2010, 02:43:45 am
On unrelated note, love the Chrono Trigger avatar.  It's the psychadelic frog attack!!!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: President Television on August 11, 2010, 03:21:40 am
Hiphearst: Gangly, hairy creatures that are often sighted at social gatherings. They often shroud themselves in tacky clothing raided from dumpsters and second-hand stores to hide their monstrous appearance. They lack low-light vision but still need to conceal their eyes; as such, they are perhaps the only creatures with a practical use for shutter shades. Mostly benign, but they feed on enthusiasm, originality, and personality while excreting irony. Many of late have settled down and become comfortable with a seminomadic urban lifestyle, leading to excessive gorging.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 11, 2010, 06:10:47 am
I'm diggin' this fread.  :thumb:

On unrelated note, love the Chrono Trigger avatar.  It's the psychadelic frog attack!!!

And, this.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 11, 2010, 06:24:26 am
Toekin - A perverted gremlin that hides inside your shoe. Is often mistaken for a pebble or coin. Toekin derive sexual pleasure from being stepped on.


Pill Mimic - These shapshifters disguise themselves as pharmaceutical drugs. After you swallow them, they live inside your stomach, where they feed on partially digested food. Once immersed, pill mimics secrete a mucus which protects them from your stomach acid, but also has mild psychogenic properties. This altered state is frequently mistaken for the intended effects of the pharmaceutical for which the pill mimic was mistaken.


Fart Knockers - Fart Knockers, otherwise known as Gastro-Intestinal Imps, live inside your lower intestine. They are a loathsome people who delight in sending their hosts running to bathroom for what turns out to be no reason at all. They are also responsible for the "phantom poop" phenomenon - occasionally, somebody will take a crap, and then upon inspection, there is no fecal matter in the toilet. This surreal event is usually just a fart knocker escaping into the sewer system.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 11, 2010, 08:43:21 am
the Bogard is actually a name for a traditional fae.  Sort of like a boogy man, it's something that is described in various ways, but what they all share is that it is scary.  A fear creature.

(done being a pedant, here's my modern fae)

The ERNG These creatures of chaos live within computer games and determine things like what items a monster is carrying, which block falls next in tetris and so on.  They are perverse creatures which enjoy having people swear at them.  If sworn at properly they can cause players unexpected good fortune.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 11, 2010, 09:33:58 am
Misantrophee - this ghoulish scavenger is made up, as a jumbled mess of many ghostly partial body parts, limbs, heads and mouths speaking of good intentions, as well as a distinctively large collection of half asses. It feeds on lost bits of faith in humanity, hunts unkept promises and wild assumptions, unclaimed responsibilities, missed opportunities and discarded hope. Because of the high moral fibre content of its diet, it is generally quite happy and well-balanced. It builds its nests on high stakes, from where it uses its keen long-term vision to scan for parts of the bigger picture losing their grasp on reality.

Its mating-call is UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG, which is used by the males to attract and deceive female misantrophees into believing there is a tasty snack to be found. At this sound, the female rushes into the situation with a big leap of faith, and as her belief becomes unfounded, it takes on a life of its own and become a new baby misanthropee.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 11, 2010, 09:39:12 am
This thread is awesome  :mrgreen: Someone should compile these into a cheesy Fae ebook. Bonus points for faux aged paper.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 11, 2010, 10:03:22 am
cutesie lil pictures would add a lot to it as well.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 11, 2010, 10:13:54 am
The Bumper's Tick - A tiny spider-like demon that can hide dormant for ages in old buried threads. When such a thread is disturbed, it wakes and attaches itself to a new host. If successful, it can infect them with Lame Disease.

It is commonly believed that the Bumper's Tick cannot successfully detach itself from a "sticky" thread. However, Legend has it, that long ago, during the Forum Dark Ages, before the HIMEOBS Orbital Cleansing Event, an adventurous Mod tried to exterminate a particularly stubborn infestation of Bumper's Tick by stickying all threads in the entire Forum. But his plan backfired, as all the ticks spontaneously came out of their hiding places, infecting the entire Forum population with a particularly nasty strain of Lame.
It is said that those who survived this pandemic ultimately became immune to the disease, but whispered rumours say that it is only because they made a dark pact with the Bumper's Ticks, explaining their mysterious compulsion to bump the haunted dusty threads of those terrible Ages for ever and ever...
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 11, 2010, 10:21:14 am
Another pair of slightly older creatures that have been kicking up more trouble than usual are the mad hatter and the march hare.  Their tea party is much louder than usual, although the Dormouse does not seem to be in any danger of waking up.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 11, 2010, 02:59:50 pm
Numron - this is a ghost who lives in cell phone towers. If you die in a car accident while texting or talking on the phone, this may be your fate. Like many ghosts, Numrons are bound to this plane by their unfinished business. In their case, it is a message that was never delivered. When you get bad phone reception, you can sometimes hear them trying to whisper their message. They are also known for calling people from an unlisted number and then not saying anything. They are also behind a lot of "heavy breathing" phone calls.

Cabinet Hipsters- These smurflike fae are too cool to live in the forest. They like to throw parties inside your cabinets and drawers. They party all night, but by morning they are usually too tuckered out to clean up after it. They often leave spots of food on silverware and dishes that you swore you cleaned already.

Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: President Television on August 11, 2010, 04:13:13 pm
cutesie lil pictures would add a lot to it as well.

I could draw these. In fact, I just might do this anyway, whether anyone wants me to or not.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 11, 2010, 04:19:21 pm
do it!!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Hoser McRhizzy on August 11, 2010, 04:22:15 pm
This thread is awesome  :mrgreen:

^also this^

The Bumper's Tick - A tiny spider-like demon that can hide dormant for ages in old buried threads. When such a thread is disturbed, it wakes and attaches itself to a new host. If successful, it can infect them with Lame Disease.

 :lol:

Currently infected.  Boraxing self.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Richter on August 11, 2010, 06:20:49 pm
El Chubbycabra - A wandering spirit which seek out areas bearinga  couch, gaming system, and an internet connection.  Posesses the inhabitants or visitors of these areas.  The spirit will temporaily turn them into sessile beings inhabiting the couch who will game and surf the internet, typign or manipulating the controller with their unnaturally mobile, yet fat orange stained claws.  The Chubbycabra will order out for delivery of pizza or chinese food and consume them at a rapid pace, leading to it's host growing rotund with polonged possesion.  Observers have speculated that the Chubbycabra may suck the food from the respective delivery boxes, but this rumor is false.  They just eat fast.

Exorcism may be performed via exercise or vigourous, hilarious, games  (dropping 187 with a motherfucking NERF gun, for example).  Less favorably, kicking the host's ass off the couch can work.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 11, 2010, 06:40:23 pm
The Misplayced - The Misplayced are a mischievous gang of gnome-like creatures that revel in pulling pranks. Have you ever lost your keys/phone/sunglasses and look everywhere, only to find that they have been in/on your hand/pocket/head the whole time? That is the Misplayeced stealing your stuff,and then returning it to you at the most inopportune time to make you look like an idiot.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 11, 2010, 06:59:40 pm
Phawlsees - Phawlcees are tiny, microscopic creatures that, if allowed in, live in your brain. They convince you to regard other peoples opinions and ideas as truth, even if they are not. Once a false idea is accepted by the host, Phawlcees push this idea to the forefront of your brain and make you militant about these ideas. If nothing is done to stop this process, the false idea becomes engrained in your brain so deeply, that you think that you, yourself, thought it up. False ideas implanted by Phawlcees in this manner are almost impossible to get rid of, even if you are aware that it was an implanted idea. Phawlcees live off of the negative energy that comes from illogical and combatative arguments, so the ideas planted are often religious or secular in nature.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 11, 2010, 07:03:10 pm
Phantom Step - Phantom Steps live at the bottom of staircases. They are responsible for making you think that there is one more step left untill you reach the bottom of the stairs, resulting in a hilarious misstep. A greater Phantom Step can do so in areas familliar to you, like your own home.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 11, 2010, 07:14:51 pm
This thread is awesome  :mrgreen: Someone should compile these into a cheesy Fae ebook. Bonus points for faux aged paper.
Unfortunately, someone already has the faebook.com domain, and it redirects to a scammy-looking site. It would be delightful to have it to put something like that on.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Richter on August 11, 2010, 08:54:21 pm
Phantom Step - Phantom Steps live at the bottom of staircases. They are responsible for making you think that there is one more step left untill you reach the bottom of the stairs, resulting in a hilarious misstep. A greater Phantom Step can do so in areas familliar to you, like your own home.

NICE.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 11, 2010, 09:03:10 pm
we've almost got 40 entries. More than enough for a little guidebook or something. Keep 'em coming!

:mittens: to everybody that's posted!


People who have posted ITT:

The usual PD etiquette is that we don't edit our posts, but in this thread it is okay to go touch up your entries , especially if there's something you want to improve.

If you can, post some ORIGINAL or PUBLIC DOMAIN art in the post with your monster. If you want to create art for any of these creatures, go ahead! -- and then post it here - then we'll paste the graphic into the relevant post.


If you are not cool with people editing or redistributing what you've posted ITT, please say so now!
otherwise, we will consider everything ITT officially marked as CREATIVE COMMONS 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Rumckle on August 12, 2010, 04:49:26 am
Chronaxe - Chronaxes are mischievous imps who enjoy playing around with clocks. Their favourite trick is to turn the clocks in your house back ten minutes when you need to be somewhere, resulting in you turning up late. They also play around with alarms in the middle of the night, turning them off or on, and changing alarm time.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 12, 2010, 05:39:10 am
Sock Smeagol - Everyone has had run-ins with this thieving little demons who hide inside dryers and steal socks and other articles of clothing. But sometimes they sneak out in the middle of the night to play, swinging around on clothes hanging in closets, rearranging them, dragging random objects from around your house and putting them under sofa cushions and the like. One of their favorite games is to wait until there's only one pair of socks or boxers left in your drawer, and then steal them.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 07:15:06 am
Dude, I got that feeling like my phone was vibrating in my pocket today, and I was all like "fuckin' huzzer in my pocket," and all my frieds were like "WTF?"

This topic rocks.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: bds on August 12, 2010, 01:02:53 pm
Nightwoofah - A parasite that attaches itself to what we know as a modern day dog, this creature makes its nest in the brain and vocal cords of its host. It lies dormant throughout daylight hours, but when the sun goes down it awakes and begins forcing the dog-host to bark loudly and for no reason. It makes its host continue barking for as long as possible, feeding off the soundwaves it creates. Once they have found a satisfactory host, Nightwoofah's have been to known to inhabit the same dog for weeks on end.


- These posts remind me somewhat of the D&D Monster Manuals - perhaps we could use some kind of a play on those as a guide for the guidebook?
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Apikoros II on August 12, 2010, 02:13:01 pm
BoogerErt-- This wee beastie hides in your nose, mimicking a dry piece of mucus, but no matter how much or how hard you blow, the tissue will remain clear. It is known to react by withdrawing further into the nasal cavity with the insertion of any probing instrument, especially a rolled up tissue or a pinky fingertip. Then, once the instrument is withdrawn it comes back to haunt you with it's ghostly tingle.

It's relative is the:

Desert BoogErt This finicky little mischievous imp is always visible unlike his hidden cousin. It likes to show itself on your tie, on your shirt, or right under your nose when you didn't even have any nasal congestion at all. It feeds and always grows larger on the energy emanations given off by first dates, job interviews and the in-laws.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on August 12, 2010, 02:13:41 pm
Sock Smeagol - Everyone has had run-ins with this thieving little demons who hide inside dryers and steal socks and other articles of clothing. But sometimes they sneak out in the middle of the night to play, swinging around on clothes hanging in closets, rearranging them, dragging random objects from around your house and putting them under sofa cushions and the like. One of their favorite games is to wait until there's only one pair of socks or boxers left in your drawer, and then steal them.

these little fuckers hit me this morning!  :argh!:
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 05:52:19 pm
Coolins - Coolins are small creatures with an extremely low body temperature. They live in your freezer and feed on microwaveable and other frozen foods. They will often build nests at the center of a food item and feed on it from the center out. Because of their extremely low body temperature, when the food that they inhabit is microwaved or cooked, the center will remain frozen, even if the surface is scalding hot. Often, Coolins are found living next to a deLuke, as the deLuke's ability to steal temperature provides the Coolins with a satisfactory cold environment.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 06:00:56 pm
Static Clingons - Static Clingons live in clothes dryers and hampers, and consider themselves to be modern artists. They find beauty in adjoining two relatively unrelated items, and feel as if they are making some form of social commentary by doing so (though, if you asked one to explain the meaning, they will just tell you that you wouldn't understand). They are responsible for that sock stuck to the back of your shirt that you don't notice until you're out at a social gathering. Particularly malicious, evil aligned Static Clingons will attach women's underwear to any one of your garments when you're on your way to your girlfriends, parents or grandparents house. Static Clingons are closely related to Sock Smeagols.


(An aside, the spell check attempted to change "Clingon" to "Klingon." Odd.)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 06:12:16 pm
The Narcolepsy Fairy - The Narcolepsy Fairy is the Sandman's not so nice brother. Instead of bestowing the weary with some much needed sleep at night, the Narcolepsy Fairy will induce sleep in people at very inopportune times, such as during an important class lecture, during a movie that you really wanted to see, or while driving. The Narcolepsy Fairy is also responsible for oversleeping on an important day. When attempting to make someone oversleep, the Narcolepsy Fairy will often employ one or more Chronaxe to disable alarms. It is not sure why the Narcolepsy Fairy does what he does, as, generally, he's a pretty cool guy, but some people believe that a falling out with his brother, the Sandman, lead him to become overly competitive in the field of sleep inducement.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 06:24:55 pm
Beer Elemental - A Beer Elemental appears as a seemingly normal glass of beer. If a Beer Elemental is consumed, it will temporarily posses the drinker, causing raucous behaviour and black-out-drunkeness. Any events experienced when possesed by a Beer Elemental will most likely be forgotton the next day. If you have experienced black-out-drunkeness on an evening when you've only had one or two beers, then, more likely than not, a Beer Elemental is to blame. Beer Elementals are normally passive creatures, and only cause trouble when consumed.  Beer Elementals are also often the cause of "Beer-Balls." Beer Elementals in their natural state can do very littleon their own, so when a particularly fidgety Beer Elemental wants to exert itself, "beer balls" is usually the result.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 12, 2010, 06:36:11 pm
I'm pretty sure some D&D related fanpage somewhere will have the stats written down for a Beer Elemental :lol:
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Apikoros II on August 12, 2010, 06:41:33 pm
Nikodemon, Greater Nikodemon and their mortal enemy, though they are closely linked, is the Nikobutter

The Nikodemon is usually inhaled via a cigarette. In fact, Nikodemon's lay dormant in cigarettes until the fire awakens them. During the initial period they are quiet and only make their desires known if they go too long without being fed their nicotine dose at the expected time. The sweats given off while trying to quit smoking will morph the Nikodemon into a Greater Nikodemon, much like what happens when you get a Mogwai wet. Even though the person may be 100% nicotine free, the Greater Nikodemon constantly desires more nicotine infecting their hosts with cigarette cravings, dreams involving smoking and the urge to return to the days when you could still smoke in bars. He will often accept offerings of nicotine gum but these individual sacrafices are never quite enough to tame his demands for more cigarettes. He lives initially in the lungs and during his life slowly migrates to the brain. Once he becomes affiliated with someone their is no way to ever fully get him out of the host

The Nikobutter is related to both the Nikodemon and nMYOB. The Nikobutter always lives in the Anus and causes extreme reactions to any second hand smoke experienced by their host. This will cause the host to excessively wave their hands in the presence of second hand smoke, raise their voices, unnoticed to the speaker, when making comments about smoking, and cause the hosts face to maintain an ugly rigor they will maintain while in the smoke vicinity. It also increases the hosts ability to pick up the scent of any smoke, from hotel rooms to the clothes worn to a Phish concert, even if the smoking happened decades ago.

Ironically, they have often been known to inhabit the same host, which can lead to all sorts of problems
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 06:42:36 pm
Excess Devil - The Excess Devil is by no means a natural creature. The first Excess Devil was created by the secret order of corporate wizards employed by a certain tobacco company, using the genetic code of deceased Nikodemons, to induce chainsmoking. Excess devils are made to die. When one is consumed and killed, it releases pheromones that induce the consumer into lighting up another cigarette, which, in turn, contains another Excess Devil. The Tobacco type Excess Devil paved the way for many other types of excess devils, such as the Fast Food type Excess Devil, and the High Fructose Corn Syrup type Excess Devil. In fact, in the few short years since it's creation, the Excess Devil has been re-engineered by most, if not all, corporations. An Excess Devil is particularly dangerous when in the company of a Beer Elemental.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on August 12, 2010, 07:22:40 pm
Kovergnaw - The Kovergnaw is a quiet, nearly-harmless little creature that resembles a gecko with a comically large mouth. It lives in bookshelves and occasionally in book bags and purses, and it feeds on book covers. Not the whole cover, mind you, just the edges and corners. They have a difficult time digesting hard covers and tend to avoid them, but chances are your paperback books have been ravaged by one of these creatures. No matter how gentle and cautious you think you are with your paperbacks, or even if you leave them untouched on the shelf in pristine condition, you'll pick them up one day to find that the corners of the cover are peeling apart, not damaging the integrity of the binding (usually) but utterly screwing up the aesthetics and your ability to claim "Good" condition when you sell it used on Amazon.com.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 12, 2010, 07:56:58 pm
I'm pretty sure some D&D related fanpage somewhere will have the stats written down for a Beer Elemental :lol:
I'm pretty sure I saw stats for an ale golem on /tg/ at one point.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 12, 2010, 08:33:43 pm
I'm pretty sure some D&D related fanpage somewhere will have the stats written down for a Beer Elemental :lol:

They're also a monster in the Kobolds Ate My Baby game.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 12, 2010, 08:36:51 pm
Kovergnaw - The Kovergnaw is a quiet, nearly-harmless little creature that resembles a gecko with a comically large mouth. It lives in bookshelves and occasionally in book bags and purses, and it feeds on book covers. Not the whole cover, mind you, just the edges and corners. They have a difficult time digesting hard covers and tend to avoid them, but chances are your paperback books have been ravaged by one of these creatures. No matter how gentle and cautious you think you are with your paperbacks, or even if you leave them untouched on the shelf in pristine condition, you'll pick them up one day to find that the corners of the cover are peeling apart, not damaging the integrity of the binding (usually) but utterly screwing up the aesthetics and your ability to claim "Good" condition when you sell it used on Amazon.com.

The kovergnaw also preys on the slipcovers of hardback books.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 12, 2010, 09:39:32 pm
I'm pretty sure some D&D related fanpage somewhere will have the stats written down for a Beer Elemental :lol:

They're also a monster in the Kobolds Ate My Baby game.

Ahhh I knew I heard the term before, somewhere!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 12, 2010, 10:44:57 pm
I'm pretty sure some D&D related fanpage somewhere will have the stats written down for a Beer Elemental :lol:

They're also a monster in the Kobolds Ate My Baby game.

Ahhh I knew I heard the term before, somewhere!

Well, blow me down. I didn't realize. Should I change the name to something like "Booze Elemental?"
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 13, 2010, 08:30:44 am
No man, KAMB is just a small-time fun short evening roleplaying thingy with a horribly badly written rulebook [that I still intend to summarize in one or two pages one day], change it if you want, but also don't.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Requia ☣ on August 13, 2010, 09:00:36 am
- These posts remind me somewhat of the D&D Monster Manuals - perhaps we could use some kind of a play on those as a guide for the guidebook?

Do you mean something that looks like a monster manual, or that we actually make a game based on all this?
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Don Coyote on August 13, 2010, 09:08:34 am
Stealing these for the next time I run a Pokethullu game.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on August 13, 2010, 09:36:36 am
- These posts remind me somewhat of the D&D Monster Manuals - perhaps we could use some kind of a play on those as a guide for the guidebook?

Do you mean something that looks like a monster manual, or that we actually make a game based on all this?

Could be either, DM/GM's can use them to incorporate into their stories.

However, I would suggest we're not going to pick stats or anything for these creatures, lest this thread turns into some D&D geekery fapfest.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: ńͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on August 13, 2010, 10:16:30 am
Stidnab Traf - These nebulous spirits live in deep hydrothermal vents in the ocean feeding on methane. Sometimes these vents close off or just run out of food forcing the spirits to make a pilgrimage to the surface. When people use natural gas to heat their homes, Stidnab Traf are attracted who then steal from your supply. Of course they don't stop there, and when hungry enough they will also steal your unfarted flatus.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: bds on August 13, 2010, 12:30:13 pm
- These posts remind me somewhat of the D&D Monster Manuals - perhaps we could use some kind of a play on those as a guide for the guidebook?

Do you mean something that looks like a monster manual, or that we actually make a game based on all this?

I meant making it look somewhat like a Monster Manual. Or at least borrowing some style tips from them.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: AFK on August 13, 2010, 01:36:36 pm
Kaffenoid - Little sprites that like to cause mischief and discomfort amongst the human race.  They frequently will strike people who've given up their coffee-drinking ritual.  They transport themselves into the brain where they will dance, bounce, and perform other assorted gymnastics on the neurons in the brain, causing sharp pains.  They are tenacious little creatures and will only relent to those with a very strong will and a boat-load of ibuprofen. 
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: President Television on August 13, 2010, 07:47:16 pm
I love the idea of putting together a Monster Manual of these things. I'm currently writing an urban fantasy/postmodern campaign for DnD 3.5e, so this would actually be really nice for flavor. And maybe a few of these things could actually be fought. Most of them are more or less benign, though.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: BabylonHoruv on August 13, 2010, 07:58:02 pm
The Somelse Prob  These incorporeal creatures hang around the less fortunate.  They feed on compassion and when someone more fortunate is considering doing something compassionate they will leap into their brains and devour the compassion, causing an averting of eyes and the idea that someone else will take care of the less fortunate individual in question.  Somelse Probs have discovered ways to travel via television and often hitch a ride on those commercials with the starving African children in them, among others.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: President Television on August 13, 2010, 08:24:11 pm
Somelse Probs give me an idea for a subplot.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 14, 2010, 04:21:21 pm
The Uni-porn - The Uni-porn has a one track mind, and will make you have one too, if you're not careful. Like many types of computer viruses, the Uni-porn lives in sex-sites on the internet looking for people to brainwash. Unlike computer viruses, The Uni-porn will not infect your computer, it will actually hack into your brain and begin reprogramming it. An infected individual will suddenly have no time for friends, family,their spouse or partner. They will become distant, sweaty, and develop HPS (Hairy Palm Syndrome) and spend an inhuman amount of time on the computer, in the dark, behind closed doors. If an infected subject is approched, it will protect itself by saying "I'm busy!" in an awkward crackly voice. The Uni-porn gains nothing from brainwashing people other than the satisfaction of making their already boring sex-life seem doubly so.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on August 17, 2010, 04:24:42 pm
Blumpkin
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on November 24, 2010, 03:26:34 pm
Summary Page Created!

http://principiadiscordia.com/cramulus/index.php?title=Modern_Mythological_Creatures

(should we alphabetize these?)

About 52 Entries! :D
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on November 24, 2010, 04:37:23 pm
aaaaaaaaand PDF created!

http://www.scribd.com/doc/43898347/Modern-Mythologial-Creatures


feedback?


We desperately need a better cover - graphic and design tards are invited to help!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on November 24, 2010, 08:15:36 pm
needs illustrations for each creatures, so it doesn't read so much like a simple list.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on November 24, 2010, 08:22:16 pm
I agree.. and it could use a design overhaul in general. Any artists in the haus?
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Telarus on November 24, 2010, 08:26:19 pm
Missed this thread, thanks. Will go read the doc.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Eater of Clowns on November 24, 2010, 08:33:18 pm
Quote
The Kowlma Small silhouettes living off excess electricity just inside your monitor. They appear as punctuation marks that are present upon typing and proofreading, but disappear as soon as the work is printed or posted. Occasionally a Kowlma will settle next to an actual punctuation mark looking like a duplicate, when the duplicate is erased, it assumes its role, proving to be missing on the regular document.


, <==Artist's Rendition
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Rumckle on November 24, 2010, 11:29:23 pm
aaaaaaaaand PDF created!

http://www.scribd.com/doc/43898347/Modern-Mythologial-Creatures


feedback?


We desperately need a better cover - graphic and design tards are invited to help!

:mittens:
That's pretty damn cool.

I'm not sure about the font for the headings though, I kinda see with something a bit more archaic.

Then again, I'm not much of a font-spag.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on November 25, 2010, 12:33:29 am
word - I am totally open to suggestion - can you suggest a font?


 I do all my hunting at 1001freefonts.com
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cuddlefish on November 25, 2010, 12:39:57 am
Ha ha! Mittens all around! Agreed on the need for imagery, unfortunately, I don't think I'm the spag for the job. Though, I'll ask around to see if any one I know may be abe to bang out a few pictures.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Rumckle on November 25, 2010, 01:13:59 am
word - I am totally open to suggestion - can you suggest a font?


 I do all my hunting at 1001freefonts.com

Perhaps "Emporium Capitals" or maybe "Rustic Capitals"
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on November 25, 2010, 09:34:12 am
Maybe P3NT/Dok Vitriol would like to sculpt some of these critters with his new 3D Toy? :P)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Xieante Antitheus on November 27, 2010, 12:41:02 am
Text sample:
MMC-01
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v248/Antitheus/MMC-01.jpg)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: ńͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on November 27, 2010, 09:20:43 pm
word - I am totally open to suggestion - can you suggest a font?


 I do all my hunting at 1001freefonts.com

I've had a lot of fun with these:

http://www.cthulhulives.org/toybox/propdocs/freefonts.html

(http://i.imgur.com/1kspE.jpg)

Please to note: Those are REAL smallcaps, not computer-generated falsies. Font-nerds will thank you.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Bu☆ns on November 27, 2010, 11:04:36 pm
so is it over now or is it open for continued submissions?
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Cramulus on November 27, 2010, 11:15:38 pm
no, if you've got more monsters, lemme have em!
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Xieante Antitheus on November 27, 2010, 11:18:56 pm


Please to note: Those are REAL smallcaps, not computer-generated falsies. Font-nerds will thank you.


Ohhh, haven't seen smallcaps in a while. Nifty find. Great link too. ^.^ I normally just have to cheat.

Awesome FREE font management program...
http://www.brothersoft.com/font-xplorer-8803.html

Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Triple Zero on December 03, 2010, 10:42:12 am
(http://i.imgur.com/1kspE.jpg)

Please to note: Those are REAL smallcaps, not computer-generated falsies. Font-nerds will thank you.

I know they're supposed to be distinct glyphs, but how do you tell the difference?

Also kerning between K and I in "KICKASS" seems a littlebit off :-P
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: ńͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on December 03, 2010, 11:30:37 am
Faked smallcaps look flimsy because they are just capitals that are scaled down. This results in a thinner stroke weight, which at smaller sizes can affect legibility and at larger sizes they look more out of place.

(http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/6962/hplsfontsmallcapsexampl.jpg)

Real smallcaps have a stroke weight that matches the capitals—this way they emphasize text subtly and otherwise allow it to blend into a paragraph of upper and lower case.


Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Bu☆ns on December 04, 2010, 03:40:28 am
Canyouhea- These buggers live inside mobile phones and will wait until you have to explain something in great detail and, right in the middle of your diatribe, will disconnect you causing you to keep going on and on unaware that you're talking to nobody. Then you must call the person back and ask THEM to find out where you left off. :argh:
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Bu☆ns on September 22, 2013, 05:04:41 am
http://imgur.com/gallery/Zdrtl

Demons of mental illness illustrated as real monsters

That link isn't THAT relevant to this thread, but I figure it could use a bump anyway :)
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 05, 2018, 08:36:10 pm
Yarganarg:  A Boojum that causes otherwise rational people to send a washcloth through the garbage disposal or turn the thermostat to 35F when it's 117F outside (resulting in Titanic-killing icebergs on the roof).  The Yarganarg doesn't DO these things, he makes YOU do them.
Title: Re: Modern Mythological Creatures
Post by: Capeditiea on September 05, 2018, 08:49:52 pm
Canyouhea- These buggers live inside mobile phones and will wait until you have to explain something in great detail and, right in the middle of your diatribe, will disconnect you causing you to keep going on and on unaware that you're talking to nobody. Then you must call the person back and ask THEM to find out where you left off. :argh:


:O i misread that as my name... :O