Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 04:40:26 pm

Title: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 04:40:26 pm
...And me and Sita got Left Behind, which fucking figures.

I hope all of You People that got raptured get the afterlife version of crab lice (who says they don't go to heaven?), which would - of course - be IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL.

There's your Goddamn eternity...Scratching your junk FOREVER.

The Mayans would have approved.

Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 04:44:32 pm
Motherfuckers are keeping me waiting in line for my 3rd-level Salvation Card.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 04:45:54 pm
Motherfuckers are keeping me waiting in line for my 3rd-level Salvation Card.

Yeah, you can't get into God's secret forum without it.  You'll get REINCARNATED instead.  And you know what THAT means.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 04:50:28 pm
Oh god, I can't do reincarnation with my scorecard looking like it is now. I'll end up as a dinoflagellate, or the next Dane Cook.

And STILL no access to the Pogs forum, either.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 04:55:00 pm
Oh god, I can't do reincarnation with my scorecard looking like it is now. I'll end up as a dinoflagellate, or the next Dane Cook.

And STILL no access to the Pogs forum, either.

1.  Or you'd just wind up here in Tucson1.

2.  There is no Pogs forum.  That rumor was started by irresponsible Doktors from Portland.





1  HAW HAW!  Just kidding!  You're going there ANYWAY.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 05:09:31 pm
Not having the base form of this smiley -->  :horrormirth: without the hat and such severely hampers my ability to emote how I feel about that.

But, since it's Tuscon, it probably works just as well.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:10:49 pm
Not having the base form of this smiley -->  :horrormirth: without the hat and such severely hampers my ability to emote how I feel about that.

But, since it's Tuscon, it probably works just as well.

Yes, yes it does.

And so welcome to Tucson.  You may now ask questions about what the fuck was REALLY going on.  JFK assassination, UFOs, chemtrails, whatever.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 05:13:47 pm
Not having the base form of this smiley -->  :horrormirth: without the hat and such severely hampers my ability to emote how I feel about that.

But, since it's Tuscon, it probably works just as well.

Yes, yes it does.

And so welcome to Tucson.  You may now ask questions about what the fuck was REALLY going on.  JFK assassination, UFOs, chemtrails, whatever.

Right then: How much of "The X-Files" was actually censored, and then repurposed, documentaries?
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:14:41 pm
Not having the base form of this smiley -->  :horrormirth: without the hat and such severely hampers my ability to emote how I feel about that.

But, since it's Tuscon, it probably works just as well.

Yes, yes it does.

And so welcome to Tucson.  You may now ask questions about what the fuck was REALLY going on.  JFK assassination, UFOs, chemtrails, whatever.

Right then: How much of "The X-Files" was actually censored, and then repurposed, documentaries?

All of them.  Even the one about the genie in the rug.  ESPECIALLY that one.

Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 05:17:12 pm
 :lulz: I figured all of the kooky "off-canon" episodes were probably closer to the truth than any of the rest.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:18:21 pm
Assassination of JFK was actually a mistake.

Shot 1: Moe and Curly in some office, fighting over posession of a gun.

Shot 2: The Motorcade enters Dealy Plaza.

Shot 3: The gun goes off while Moe and Curly struggle over it.

Shot 4: Zapruder Shot, "Something has happened in the motorcade..."

Shot 5: Curly and Moe look offscreen, horrified, Curly slaps own face and says, "nuknuknuk!"  Moe says "Now look what you've done, numbskull!"

Shot 6: Motorcade speeds off under the Triple Underpass to the tune "3 Blind Mice" (Stooges theme)
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:19:42 pm
:lulz: I figured all of the kooky "off-canon" episodes were probably closer to the truth than any of the rest.

Well, sure.  The world is was WAY weirder than they told you, or than you may have guessed.

UFOs, for example, were not aliens, they were the maintenance crews going out to jobs.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 05:23:03 pm
:spit:

I've heard that Tunguska was actually a warning shot from the future, to try and scare us into getting our shit together. But they aimed too far back into the past, we didn't get the message, and now everyone in the future is dead.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:25:31 pm
I've heard that Tunguska was actually a warning shot from the future, to try and scare us into getting our shit together. But they aimed too far back into the past, we didn't get the message, and now everyone in the future is dead.

The Tunguska crater and the Barringer crater are both "bleed-overs" from an alternate world where the USA and the USSR duked it out.  Due to conditions between worlds, they both arrived at different, incorrect times.  That world didn't have a future, and now neither do we, thanks to some fucking smartass Mayans.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on December 21, 2012, 05:28:09 pm
Bummer. I guess Hirley0 can't save us from all of ourselves. A man can only focus on so many timelines.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:29:22 pm
Bummer. I guess Hirley0 can't save us from all of ourselves. A man can only focus on so many timelines.

Balls.  That timeline was going to invade all the other ones, so Hirley0 fixed shit.  He'd have just told them to stop, but they never took the time to learn his language.

It's sort of like triage. 
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Demolition_Squid on December 21, 2012, 05:30:25 pm
...And me and Sita got Left Behind, which fucking figures.

I hope all of You People that got raptured get the afterlife version of crab lice (who says they don't go to heaven?), which would - of course - be IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL.

There's your Goddamn eternity...Scratching your junk FOREVER.

The Mayans would have approved.



I thought the past two weeks had prepared me for this. I was wrong.

The world hasn't ended, Roger, it has become more The World than it ever was before.

I have witnessed someone wield their baby as a weapon with which to carve a swathe through the Holy Jolly crowds.

I have seen the mountains of waste, tons of Good Cheer destined to fester before the appointed Happy Time.

I have seen a grown man in tears because- as far as I could tell from his bawling manchild blubbering- none of our geese were plump enough.

And there`s still three more shopping days `til Christmas.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho hoooooaaaaiiiuuuuuuggghkch.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:33:58 pm
...And me and Sita got Left Behind, which fucking figures.

I hope all of You People that got raptured get the afterlife version of crab lice (who says they don't go to heaven?), which would - of course - be IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL.

There's your Goddamn eternity...Scratching your junk FOREVER.

The Mayans would have approved.



I thought the past two weeks had prepared me for this. I was wrong.

The world hasn't ended, Roger, it has become more The World than it ever was before.

I have witnessed someone wield their baby as a weapon with which to carve a swathe through the Holy Jolly crowds.

I have seen the mountains of waste, tons of Good Cheer destined to fester before the appointed Happy Time.

I have seen a grown man in tears because- as far as I could tell from his bawling manchild blubbering- none of our geese were plump enough.

And there`s still three more shopping days `til Christmas.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho hoooooaaaaiiiuuuuuuggghkch.

Worst part is, as everything comes unglued, you're going to have to live all that shit over again, BACKWARDS.

Final resting point of existence looks like this (pic courtesy of Verthaine):

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/87/Berlin_Ghost_Town.jpg)
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Demolition_Squid on December 21, 2012, 05:36:51 pm
Damnit.

When I meet God, I'm going to have a few choice words for him let me tell you.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:39:38 pm
Damnit.

When I meet God, I'm going to have a few choice words for him let me tell you.

Go ahead.  He isn't known for listening.

When you get to Tucson, head down to The Meetrack on Drachmann.  God is the guy sitting at the Southwest corner of the bar.  Bald, scraggly Fu Manchu mustache, wrinkly.  His usual response to questions involves glassing the petitioner, as he's heard it all before.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: Demolition_Squid on December 21, 2012, 05:45:07 pm
Of course he has! He's the one who built time all wrong.

He's nobody to blame but himself, and a faceful of glass is a small price to pay to register an official complaint about such shoddy workmanship.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 05:46:59 pm
Of course he has! He's the one who built time all wrong.

He's nobody to blame but himself, and a faceful of glass is a small price to pay to register an official complaint about such shoddy workmanship.

He didn't do that.  Time was JUST FINE until some caveman invented the timeclock and the appointment book.

That was the EXACT moment everything went wonky and the universe started splitting off altered copies of itself.

WAY TO GO.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 06:41:57 pm
Turned on the radio.  Mostly hiss and static with the occasional inhuman voice whispering terrible secrets.

This post-armageddon thing is going to SUCK.  This is worse than Alice Cooper's radio show.
Title: Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 21, 2012, 07:16:47 pm
http://cosmiclog.nbcnews.com/2012

People just not getting what the Mayans were all about, ITT.