Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Richter on January 11, 2013, 12:31:02 am

Title: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Richter on January 11, 2013, 12:31:02 am
Meditation of the Shift In Punch

I take up this card this day in preparation for my work
I submit it to the clock so that my presence and my devotion may be known
I don the robes and signs that protect my body from the caress of the Machine God
I front the signs that show my rank and status, that we all may function as well as our charges
I take up the tools that are my hands among these my charges
I submit my function, my cognition, my action to this work for this time, and will let no other function, idea, or goal divert me


The Invocation of Electrical Continuity

All begins and all ends.  All artifice has its source in the Machine God and its terminus in the recycling facilities.
As such the sublime electron must also have its source and its terminus.
I am keeper of the source and the terminus, the AC or the DC, that all may flow or cycle according to the need of the divine device.
The contacts will be kept strong and free of corrosion.
The cable will be kept free of kink, twist, or fray.
The socket will have naught but the proper plug used in it.
The conductive gel will protect and sanctify the junction.
Thus we will be kept safe from the vagaries of short and arc.
Thus we will be kept free from the obfuscation of a bad connection.
Thus we will be kept in the continued hum of good function.
Thus we will be kept in the good graces of the Machine God


The Last Rights of Terminal Failure

Let it be seen that this was once a component of the divine machine.
We see what it was, though function has fled.
Let it be seen that this was a vessel of the Machine God.
We see and respect the divinity that it was.
Let it be seen that the maintenance rituals were observed.
We see the Logs in order, the sanctified oils of lubrication and seals of upkeep are present.
Let us despise the wear of time and the ravages of entropy.
We despise what has taken function from it.
Let us decide what it is to us now, that proper function has fled.
It is no longer our Machine God that dwells before us.
Let us bear it forth for proper disassembly and recycling.
From its components may divinity rise again
Let us not waste or want, in service of the Machine God.
We do not waste.  We do not want.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 11, 2013, 12:34:52 am
Hell, yes.  Emailing this to my counterpart in Louisiana.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Richter on January 11, 2013, 01:15:42 am
 :lulz:  Wait.... the guy at the OTHER plant?
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 11, 2013, 01:19:41 am
:lulz:  Wait.... the guy at the OTHER plant?

Yep.

I owe the bastard, he keeps sending me Baptist email forwards.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: SuuCal on January 11, 2013, 04:25:28 am
 :lulz:
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: LMNO on January 11, 2013, 01:19:05 pm
Um.  Richter, that needs to be transferred to parchment, or made into a hymnal, or something.  Completely awesome.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Richter on January 11, 2013, 01:28:19 pm
Thanks!  Makes me want tonlook into a gig generating religious texts for upstart sects or cults. Like a technical writer or some such.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 11, 2013, 01:47:20 pm
Make one for the weekly plant lubrication task, please.   :lulz:
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Richter on January 15, 2013, 01:04:44 am
Make one for the weekly plant lubrication task, please.   :lulz:

::Mantra to be recited while traversing the plant by a Mechanicus Choir adept with a Contralto configure vocabulator, incense bearing adeptus aprentices, and servitor (mindless) to ring the gong::

May the oil be spread as is the way  ::GONG::
May the machines endure in all their function ::GONG::
May the old slough off for cleaning sevitors ::GONG::
May the new ease our tasks for this its cycle ::GONG::

This must be repeated at least once at every machine to be serviced in the weekly Supplication of Lubrication.  Should any aprectices fall unconscious from organic lung malfunction, or the servitor be shot in annoyance, the troop must be re-manned, blessed anew by the Maintenance TechPriest, and sent back to begin again at machine where the infraction occurred. 

Some Orthodox sects believe any faltering is cause to begin anew the whole ritual.  While this resulted in inevitable failures, and near constant trains of priests, noviates, chanters, and servitors perusing the assembly floors - a rotation schedule of beinging point led to superior, if not redundant upkeep.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Don Coyote on January 15, 2013, 01:32:59 am
This is fucking gold.
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 15, 2013, 01:41:01 am
Shit yes it is.  Andy's PISSED.   :lulz:
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Richter on January 15, 2013, 01:42:46 am
Hell yeah  :lulz:
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 15, 2013, 01:45:08 am
Hell yeah  :lulz:

Andy:  "Are you mocking me?"

Roger:  "Oh, you're a QUICK one!"
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: Don Coyote on January 15, 2013, 01:48:38 am
If I ever ever end up working in manufacturing again I will chant these.
And if I ever end up with troops that need to do maintenance guess what will be part of that?
Title: Re: Cyclical Liturgies of the Maintenance Mechanical
Post by: LMNO on January 15, 2013, 01:10:06 pm
Well, shit.  I can't link from Google+ anymore.

THANKS A LOT, OBAMA!