Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Aneristic Illusions => Topic started by: Cain on August 07, 2014, 01:46:22 pm

Title: Boris Johnson
Post by: Cain on August 07, 2014, 01:46:22 pm
Calling it now.  Boris has announced a return to Parliament this week.  Cameron's embattered, will take Boris to offset bad press with regards to Warsi and the Lib Dems re: Gaza.

Should the Tories get back in, Boris will end up with a suitable cabinet seat.  I'm thinking former Mayor of London has a nice Home Office ring to it.  But, should Cameron falter, and the knives come out, the Tory backbenchers will install Boris without hesitation.  And this will happen, eventually.  Maybe if Cameron loses the election.

But Boris has been planning this for forever.  He's got the public support, and the backbencher support.  Everyone thinks he's a clown, and he is a clown, but one with very sound political judgement.  He will be PM, one day.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: LMNO on August 07, 2014, 02:09:20 pm
This is the first I've heard of him.  Granted, it's because I'm a Murrican't.

Would any google search do, or is there a specific article I should be reading?
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Cain on August 07, 2014, 03:46:33 pm
Everything you need to know about Boris can be found in this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trE_bkWUFsE).  Also this page (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/b/boris_johnson.html).

Also you probably know who he is, but don't know his name.  You may recall him from the Olympics?
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: LMNO on August 07, 2014, 04:03:27 pm
That guy is slick.  Offering himself up as a target for good-natured deprication, getting people to laugh, and perhaps not judge him too harshly. Methinks he'd be one hell of a sneaky politician.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Cain on August 07, 2014, 04:15:20 pm
That's the thing though.  Everyone thinks themselves in the know and clever, for thinking Boris Johnson pretends to be affable yet stupid.  But people who have worked with him for many years, including at least one seasoned political observer (Ian Hislop) don't think it's an act, and say that he is genuinely an idiot.

It's like Dumbledore in HPMoR.

"You see, Mr. Potter, everyone knows that Dumbledore's madness is a mask, that he is sane pretending to be insane. They pride themselves on that clever insight, and knowing the secret explanation, they stop looking. It does not occur to them that it is also possible to have a mask behind the mask, to be insane pretending to be sane pretending to be insane."
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: LMNO on August 07, 2014, 04:23:02 pm
Well, from what I can tell, if he does become PM, that position seems to automatically make one an idiot, so.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Reginald Ret on August 07, 2014, 07:50:57 pm
Well, from what I can tell, if he does become PM, that position seems to automatically make one an idiot, so.
:lol:
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 07, 2014, 11:29:22 pm
Currently travelling. Short version is dolt with very good handlers. Used as PR goon, friendly face of Tories, all bullshit and mirrors. See broom stunt where the fucker never swept a thing post riots. Chances for power/pm disturbing mainly as possible. Will not take bets, rumors of courting UK IP too, unsure of accuracy, if true again disturbing.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Cain on August 08, 2014, 08:24:07 am
Well, from what I can tell, if he does become PM, that position seems to automatically make one an idiot, so.

But even then, there is the question of whether the office of PM caps intelligence, or causes an active reduction.  I mean, Boris hasn't got a lot to work with in the first place, so a reduction would be terrible...
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Reginald Ret on August 08, 2014, 03:38:04 pm
Well, from what I can tell, if he does become PM, that position seems to automatically make one an idiot, so.

But even then, there is the question of whether the office of PM caps intelligence, or causes an active reduction.  I mean, Boris hasn't got a lot to work with in the first place, so a reduction would be terrible...
:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: xXRon_Paul_42016Xxx(weed) on August 11, 2014, 08:58:32 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkPQpRH4_Zg

"Lovingly rubbed with rhubarb."
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 12, 2014, 10:02:17 am
Right, time for a more detailed exposition of this fuckers failings.

To begin with, the broom escapade. In the wake of the London Riots, his handlers decided it would be excellent PR to get him out on the streets showing face. Where better than affected areas where civic minded residents had taken the cleanup into their own hands and started brushing shit up. Some wag quipped "Where's your broom?" which led to him waving one around. Most coverage stops at this point. Man has broom, will obviously be doing some brushing, right? No. A couple of waves, a few good shots and he's out of it. Brush head and sweeping at no point seem to occur, but by gods that curried some good favour with the locals. Well, the ones not immediately present to watch him fuck off without lifting a finger anyway.

In a few ways, that's pretty much his entire political career.

He's got plenty of form for turning nasty when handlers aren't watching him.
http://www.thejournal.ie/boris-johnson-grilled-bbc-eddie-mair-video-843503-Mar2013/
This can't be fairly called a "grilling". It's fairly basic questions with known answers which are ineptly avoided.

Quote
Appearing on BBC’s Andrew Marr Show, Johnson was questioned about allegations in a new documentary that he made up quotes when he was a journalist, lied to former Tory party leader Michael Howard about an affair and provided an address to a friend who wanted to have someone beaten up.
Johnson looked visibly uncomfortable as the questions were put to him by presenter Eddie Mair and at one point said: “Why don’t we talk about something else?”
Mair suggested to the mayor: “You’re a nasty piece of work aren’t you?” but Johnson disputed “all of those things” saying that Mair’s “interpretation” of the allegations was unfair.

All of those 3 have a fair bit of evidence backing them up. They're pretty much just the tip of the shitberg too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Johnson#Controversies

Wyatt affair:
Quote
This resulted in her mother discovering the affair and reporting it to the press.[123] Johnson was sacked from his shadow cabinet post by Michael Howard, not because of the affair but because he had lied about it.[123]

Damian Green Arrest/fuckery (Still stinks, just another non-crime in the UK)

Quote
Johnson was informed in advance of the arrest of Conservative MP Damian Green and told acting Metropolitan Police Commissioner Paul Stephenson that he did not regard the arrest as 'common sense policing'.[126] A spokesman for Johnson says he told Stephenson he would need to see "convincing evidence that this action was necessary and proportionate," and that it would be better for police to spend their time preventing gun and knife crimes.[127] As chair of the Metropolitan Police Authority, Johnson's position means he is not permitted to be involved in operational matters. Additionally Johnson is prohibited by Section 3, Paragraph 2(d) of the London Assembly Code of Conduct from doing anything that compromises the impartiality of a police officer


Which he has done on more than a few occasions.

Quote
Johnson admitted to telephoning Green after he had been bailed, an action which Duvall, a former Metropolitan Police Authority chairman, described as "absolutely astonishing and inappropriate," while Stephenson said it would be "entirely inappropriate" to prejudge an inquiry. Johnson had stated that he "had a 'hunch'" that Green would not be charged

And he wasn't. Nothing suspicious here, certainly no need to comment on press/political/police links  at all.

"Chicken feed" remark
Quote
In a July 2009 interview with Stephen Sackur on the BBC programme HARDtalk, Johnson referred to the £250,000 per annum income he receives from his side job as a columnist for The Daily Telegraph as "chicken feed," suggesting that he wrote the columns "as a way of relaxation ... on a Sunday morning," and that he wrote "very fast" so the columns did not take time away from his duties as Mayor

Yet despite these, any many, many more his image in general is good. He turns up on any TV show that invites him, makes a couple of apparently self deprecating comments and the public lap it up. He's an old Etonian boy but "one of us because he did X thing". No. No he is not.

What he is, is the conservative version of Blair.

Cameron is too tainted from the coalition and Austerity shit to stand a realistic chance. Most of the sitting cabinet are either reviled or considered with apathy at best. Boris is the Smiler, waiting to the side to solve problems and "bring the party together". By that I mean "Perpetuate the two man con further". His political views are notable mainly in their obviously centrist appeal. Ignoring the lean to the right, pretty much everything he is for/against ties up uncannily closely to whatever polls say the public is for/against. He even tailors the lean depending on which particular journalistic outfit he's pandering too at the time.


Watch the little shit. He's got a reasonable chance of getting serious power and gods knows that he'll just fuck it up.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 12, 2014, 10:10:40 am
There was also this, pre-leveson:

Quote
City Halls’ monitoring officer has disclosed to opposition members of the London Assembly that details of the meetings, published by Political Scrapbook two weeks ago and also scheduled to include Rebekah Brooks and Will Lewis, were placed in an obscure corner of the London.gov.uk website on 1 November 2011 — ten months after they took place and four months after a freedom of information request was made to obtain the data.

In just one session of Mayor’s Question Time, Boris Johnson described phone-hacking as:

 “a load of codswallop cooked up by the Labour Party”
“patently politically motivated”
“a politically motivated put up job”
“completely spurious and political”
“a song and dance about nothing”
“whipped up by the Guardian and the Labour Party”
http://politicalscrapbook.net/2012/07/boris-johnson-rupert-murdoch-meeting-cover-up-ten-months/

Again, no comment really required on press/political/police links. I say links, I mean chains. Chains that would make Jacob Marley say "That's a hefty fucking chain you've got there".
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 12, 2014, 10:34:05 am
You know, the more I think of this arse, the more failings I recall.

Remember the 3 watercannons that had to be bought RIGHT NOW because the salesmen really needed to make his commission target?

I do.

These were in no way purchased as a future measure against further riots and austerity. These are also in no way legal in the UK. No-one seems to give too much a fuck about that though, protesters obviously deserve it.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: LMNO on August 12, 2014, 11:41:26 am
Quote
“You’re a nasty piece of work aren’t you?”

That seems to sum it up pretty well.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 12, 2014, 12:46:10 pm
Pretty much.

Though the word "Incompetent" is missing and is highly relevant.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: xXRon_Paul_42016Xxx(weed) on August 12, 2014, 05:42:59 pm
Boris Johnson as PM, just in time for Hillary v. Jeb here in the states. End times motherfuckers.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 12, 2014, 05:57:11 pm
Except that it isn't. It's just another unfortunate step forward to another greedy grasping bastard who spouts the most mass-appealing(sounding) policies loud enough to win a pathetically small percentage of a popular vote.

He may very well win as a "joke". Which will get old remarkably quickly. I suppose we kind of deserve it for all the years we spent laughing about George "Seriously, I'm mentally deficient" Bush.

Twice.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 26, 2014, 08:58:27 am
Guilty until you prove yourself innocent:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-28923689

Quote
Britons who travel to "war areas" should be presumed potential terrorists unless they can prove otherwise, Mayor of London Boris Johnson has said.

Writing in his Daily Telegraph column, he called for tougher powers to deal with British extremists who leave the UK to fight in Iraq and Syria.

He said there should be a "presumption" that Britons who go without telling UK authorities have a "terrorist purpose".

Quote
...Mr Johnson wrote: "The law needs a swift and minor change so that there is a 'rebuttable presumption' (which shifts the burden of proof on to the defendant) that all those visiting war areas without notifying the authorities have done so for a terrorist purpose."

So if you were say, a journalist, and didn't notify the government of your forthcoming trip (and doubtless gain approval and agree to submit any all info gathered for review) you're now a terrorist suitable for black bagging.

In the age where everyone with a camera phone and internet access can potentially claim to be a journalist, this is somewhat problematic.

But the policy sounds good. Obviously anyone who goes to such a place couldn't be for jounalistic or humanitarian reasons, this kind of thing is only done by evil terrorists. Naturally there's no real consideration for anyone who is already in such a place doing such things.


It's things like this that give me the shits. Obviously I'm just being stupid and paranoid again, it's not like there's jails to fill or anything.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Cain on August 26, 2014, 09:07:38 am
There's also the collective punishment policy that some in government are pushing.  Basically, families of ISIS fighters should have all their benefits stripped.  Because what if they are secretly funding ISIS with our taxpayer monies?!?!?!?!?!

Because, you know, the richest terrorist organisation in history really needs that extra £50 a week.  And of course, all of the families knew and approved of their joining of ISIS, and certainly weren't lied to or duped in any way whatsoever.

Johnson's jumping on a bandwagon here.  A bandwagon headed towards stupidtown.  I'm concerned about ISIS fighters returning and creating havoc in the UK...but the stats say most of the "foreign fighters" are jihad tourists, not hardcore desert warriors.  They'll tour the front lines, get some grisly photos, wave a few guns around and then return home and regale other idiots with their stories of jihad badassitude. 

Furthermore, a good majority of the hardcore wont return and wont be permitted to return if they try.

The only thing that worries me is that while Australia and Belgium moved immediately to suspend the passports of ISIS fighters, the UK has not.  Which makes me wonder if someone is planning a double-game.  It's not like we've never had use for Middle Eastern extremists before now, turning them into informants or allowing them to recruit and deploy to warzones where they represent UK interests.
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 26, 2014, 09:21:54 am
Using these chaps as informants is nigh on certain, the question there is whether they're complicit or not. It's reasonable to assume that all possible communication channels used by them are being monitored so it's really about how the intelligence services want to play it on their return. I see more potential in letting a couple get back here and monitoring them to assist in grabbing converts to the cause prior to departure.

This is assuming any get back and don't get themselves killed. I would assume that to be the likely fate for many.


The collective punishment angle has been coming for a while with other things. It's not surprising to see it here, but it is as always, quite disappointing. Like this idea, it sounds good to a certain kind of (Daily Heil) mindset, but the reality is that it can only punish the innocent and uninvolved. Which will of course not lead to any resentment or kindle feelings of revenge, at all.

The really strange thing about collective punishment is the idea that it will only punish the targeted family. You would have thought with the current state of race relations that someone would consider the potential impact on the wider community. Obviously if they don't fully support it they're terrorists too, right?
Title: Re: Boris Johnson
Post by: Junkenstein on August 26, 2014, 01:30:14 pm
Oh shit:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-28935394

Quote
Boris Johnson is seeking to become MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, in west London, at next year's general election.

The London mayor's spokesman confirmed Mr Johnson is applying to be the Conservative candidate in the safe seat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uxbridge_and_South_Ruislip_(UK_Parliament_constituency)

Quote
considered a safe seat for the Conservative Party; the Conservative Party won the most recent election by a margin of 25%, and the last thirteen parliamentary elections in this constituency and its predecessor (the constituency of Uxbridge) were won by the Conservatives.

Quote
Workless claimants, registered jobseekers, were in November 2012 significantly lower than the national average of 3.8%, at 2.6% of the population based on a statistical compilation by The Guardian

This how it begins. Popular idiot launched into a safe seat ensuring MP status and the hilarity can really start.

Behold, modern UK politics. Smiling clowns placed into positions of power by smiling clowns already in power. Electioneering at it's finest. It would be nice, just for one election, to have everyone in safe regions just say "fuck it" and all vote green.