Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Think for Yourself, Schmuck! => Topic started by: Frontside Back on October 22, 2017, 03:18:42 pm

Title: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Frontside Back on October 22, 2017, 03:18:42 pm
Once upon the time there was an alien species living on a planet not unlike ours. They were worried about pretty much same aspects of life as humans are: famine, war, sickness and the root of all this nonsense: Death. So they embarked on a journey to defeat their cruel master, forming a society producing brilliant scientists who one blow at the time killed the Death itself.

   But in their fear of Death these poor creatures overlooked even greater horror: fear of living. With no time limit, no ultimate deadline the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow" quickly evolved into "I'll do it next century" or "I'll do it next millenium". And so their society crumbled, and all the luxuries people living had gotten used to seized to exist making their lifes miserable again, but this time for eternity. Reintroducing dying wasn't a possibility, Death was dead for good and wouldn't bless their species ever again.

   Even still, something had to be done. So they introduced a system. Every child that was born was immortal, but wouldn't know it if they weren't told. So the rest of them found a purpose making this illusion more real, they would take voluntary cosmetic surgeries every few years to fake effects of aging and even change their whole appearance and move away, leaving behind only an obituary in local newspaper. And the system worked, of course most of the children found out eventually their eternal fate by accidents, suicide attempts living to 150 and other ways, but often not before truly living their life as ones running away from nonexistence tend to do.

  So I say this to humankind, do not seek the Eternal, it's not for your eyes. Seek for those tiny moments which make dying feel almost bearable. Oh fuck who am I kidding, just give me my life extension pill already (made of cyanide 50% of time), you have engineers working on fucking fidget spinners.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Eater of Clowns on October 23, 2017, 11:44:14 am
Hi mortality, nice to meet you and welcome to PD.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: The Wizard Joseph on January 07, 2018, 12:10:16 am
Hi mortality, nice to meet you and welcome to PD.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Fin on January 07, 2018, 02:02:19 am
I was born and Life came up to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Life".  "Hey" . "My calling card".  I took it and held it up. Written on it was one word. Death. "Uh, hey Life. Your calling card says 'Death'". "Yes it does". "The calling card of Life is...Death?" "Yes". "How can that be?" "It's my other side" she said as she turned around.  She had a very nice backside.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 am
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Fin on January 07, 2018, 05:30:29 am
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
                                                                      Do you need a hug?
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Fin on January 07, 2018, 09:46:27 am
"It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he get's out of it alive".  W.C. Fields
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Doktor Howl on January 07, 2018, 04:56:45 pm
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
                                                                      Do you need a hug?

Yes.  A great big hug.  And maybe a fuckin' lullaby.  I love those.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 28, 2018, 03:37:02 am
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Doktor Howl on January 30, 2018, 04:40:37 am
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?

I am reasonably sure I was bombed on benzodiazapine and had a "moment".
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 30, 2018, 02:12:07 pm
 :lulz:
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Cramulus on January 30, 2018, 02:42:11 pm
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: PoFP on January 30, 2018, 04:24:02 pm
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

Shit would get funky so often, there's no way they could avoid disco. They'd end up on this forum after only a couple days.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: LuciferX on January 30, 2018, 10:23:06 pm
Spectre of perpetuity in haunted hause, I like it.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Cramulus on January 30, 2018, 10:35:26 pm
With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

best prank, I think, would be to only play like 1x per month - so it's impossible to anticipate and most of the time, you miss it. But I swear I heard it! You gotta believe me!
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: PoFP on January 30, 2018, 10:47:25 pm
With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

best prank, I think, would be to only play like 1x per month - so it's impossible to anticipate and most of the time, you miss it. But I swear I heard it! You gotta believe me!

 :alevil:


I like it.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Doktor Howl on January 31, 2018, 12:27:44 am
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

Maybe something with an external power source, like a small solar panel on the roof or a KERS under the floor or something.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Doktor Howl on January 31, 2018, 12:29:32 am
With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

best prank, I think, would be to only play like 1x per month - so it's impossible to anticipate and most of the time, you miss it. But I swear I heard it! You gotta believe me!

Yeah, you could set it up at "random", because you wouldn't really have to be all that random.

Maybe a small speaker that bellows out "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONTRESSOR" every 30-60 days.
Title: Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
Post by: Prelate Diogenes Shandor on January 31, 2018, 04:44:03 pm
But in their fear of Death these poor creatures overlooked even greater horror: fear of living. With no time limit, no ultimate deadline the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow" quickly evolved into "I'll do it next century" or "I'll do it next millenium".

Well yeah, that's the point of cheating death; to not have to worry about all that rush rush rush