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Yeah I live in NZ and we do get free healthcare here. I admit my shitty situation is relative. That doesn't make it more fun though.

Ok I haven't posted in ages on here due to lack of means (and therefore internet) but I really feel the need to rant.

There are a lot of "crazy people" around nowadays.

The ones that yell at at angels and the ones that see ghosts and the ones that can't tell happy from sad and the ones that aren't one but 33. The ones that need help to get on with things day to day.

So they go (sometimes) to the mental health services around the world. And speaking only for my country here. I've noticed a thing or two.

You gotta pay or you pay.

We have this public mental health service that is supposed to help the downtrodden and troubled. To provide counselling, diagnoses and support.

Support takes many forms and yes medication is one of them. But I'm fucking sick of the service's idea that as long as somebody shuts up and doesn't cost the government any more time and money they're fine.

So they recieve a referral and write down a name and number. They cram pills into that number until it squirms less so they can say it's coping better and they turf the number out into the street.

Mere statistics.

Doctors look at charts and write prescriptions and see right through the people they're supposed to help, they're just trying to crunch the numbers. The numbers don't talk, the numbers don't feel, the numbers don't bleed, even when they sit in front of you doing it. If the number won't stop screaming just keep pouring pills in, or send them to the special low-cost facility to pour more pills in. Don't tell the number anything, they don't need to know or understand themselves because in the end they're just another name and number on the list.

Fuck that.

Seriously. Why the hell should people be ill-treated and uncared for because they aren't fortunate enough to have enough money to pay for treatment?

Oh but we are looking after them, that's what the service is for right?

Bullshit!

How the fuck many people need to slip through the cracks and suffer horribly for anyone to give a fuck?

How many people do I have to see in the street, yelling at cars? How many people need to jump in front of trains? How many people need tod rink themselves to death to make the voices go away?

How many?

I don't want to be a number! Fuck that! I'm not gonna lie down and say the things the system wants me to say just because it's neater that way! I'm not gonna rattle off lists of the drugs I'm on and mechanically say how much better I am now!

I'm going to demand to be treated as if I'm worth something. As if I'm human.

Or kill me.

"But guys I was just trying to show you your security was flawed! I didn't mean nuttin' by it!" 

I feel bad for the guy anyway. This shit happens all the time. Admittedly the trolls generally don't get caught all the time. But surely AT&T (and others) realise that this is something that's more or less constantly going on?

I fail to see how this one guy being locked up for years is going to change anything. Then again 'setting an example' doesn't seem to work all that well on such a grand scale.

I mean I guess this thing I wrote sounded a lot better in my head, y'know?

It was kind of a surreal over the top parody of the things I deal with and lots people deal with, in my head.

So I thought I'd share it because I figured people on here might like the surreal part.

I do both of those.

And I don't really know what this is.

Whatever, I guess.

Perhaps there's been a misunderstanding, here.

Which "this" are you talking about?  You don't know what what is?

"This" being the thing I wrote in the OP.

Also I didn't mean to come off as antagonistic with my "Problem solved!", sorry.

I do both of those.

And I don't really know what this is.

Whatever, I guess.

I'm gonna say that you need to go on the Nigel Plan.

Problem solved!

[PLEASE STOP. NO!]

I've been feeling really crap tonight with fuckin' mood swings and triggers everywhere, so I wrote this.

I'm calling it prose poetry for now, although I may use it as a transcript for an audio drama later on.

I'm gonna throw trigger warnings down just in case: Rape, Suicide

Anyway some thoughts and comments and stuff would be nice I guess.


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Stop, please... please... please... please... PLEASE STOP. NO!

Don't do this to me again I don't want it please don't do it IDON'TWANTTHISPLEASESTOP.

"But you like it don't you?"

No I don't! Stop!

"You do like it, and one day you'll like doing it when you're JUST LIKE ME."

NO I WON'T BE THAT WAY! DON'TMAKEMEBETHATWAYPLEASEDON'T!!

I am just like him. Him and all the others that did these things to me. There are four of them including him and I am worse than all of them together.

I am the worst scum on this planet.

IamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthem

IamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthem

IamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthemIamworsethanthem

Aren't I?

You know I am, don't you.

I see you there, thinking; "Oh poor thing."

You sicken me. You don't even know how much worse than them I am.

YOU SICKEN ME.

You make me almost as disgusted as I am at myself and my existence with your thoughts.

YOU SICKEN ME.

You think you can help. No-one can help. You might want to.

But it won't do me any good.

I'm too lost.

Too broken.

YOU SICKEN ME.

Get away from me. I'm not worth it, stop thinking about me.

Stop it.

You really want to help me then?

Okay.

Just do what I tell you and it'll help me, okay?

Good.

Kill me.

KILL ME!

What do you mean, "NO"?!

You wanted to help me didn't you?

Why won't you do it then?

Why?

Don'tmakemelivepleasepleasepleasejustletmedie.


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Everything I am and was and will be is disgusting, fake and wrong.

I wasn't even good enough to be a rapists play-thing, how am I good enough to be a person?

How can anyone like, let alone love this disgusting mess of psychoses moodswings and hate?

Oh that's right, no one does.

----------------------------------

I hear them now.

"No-one loves you, no-one loves you, no-one loves you, NO-ONE LOVES YOU AND NO-ONE EVER WILL."

---------------------------------------

"You're worthless and barely worth hating, why don't you just make it stop."

But how? *sobbing is heard* I don't know how!! It won't stop!

"You know how."

The... the knives?

"Yes."

But... I can't.

"Why?"

It's wrong!

"Is it, if it makes things better?"

It's still wrong!

"What of euthanasia? If someone is dying of an incurable disease, isn't it a mercy to take their life if they wish it so?"

I don't have an incurable disease!

"No. You don't."

So what's the point?

"You don't have one. You are one."

"And like a tumor you should be... removed."

Oh... I see.

—————————————————-

I'm gonna do it.

Hello?

Are you there?

SOMEBODY?

ANYBODY?!

IS ANYONE THERE?!

*sobbing is heard*

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Are you gone too? Have even the voices in my head abandoned me now? The last vestige of hope I had and you're gone aren't you?

Why do they all leave me when they're done playing?

Am I just a toy?

I suppose I am.

Have I ever done anything for me? As if I deserved it? Or have I always been for others first?

Do I ever ask for my needs to be met or do I just let others push me around?

Maybe this is for the best... my plan. It would be nice to talk to anyone before I go though.

Even the voices.

But I suppose I can't now.

HELLO?

ANYONE?

ANYONE THERE?

I guess not...

It's time then.

Time to do the last thing that will make them all happy.

Time to go.

*shunk*

END

This is how scum really ought to dress if they want to stay alive command respect

We have those stormtrooper lookin' fellows, but they have guns and aren't allowed out until riot gear tasers guns and tear gas are called for.

Any update on the tone of this? Chloe? Paes?

Blockade the Budget seems to be still moving, but it's died down a lot since last week. All that really happened here in the capital was a speak out. Personally I was disappointed by this and didn't go, but people tell me it was good.

Mostly BtB seems to be working on strengthening its base of activists and rallying support from the unions etc. at the moment.

If anything of interest goes down I'll be back, I guess.

To the other posts: Yes, everywhere is Amurka. 

Awww Lawd! Bring on the Holies 'til I'm oozing it from every pore!

Anyway, 1981 Springbok tour protests in NZ, I want da troof.

The TRUTH is, I have no fucking idea, because I can't keep track of you upside down people, because all I ever see is your shoes.  Also, it's not like NZ has a history of its own.  There isn't enough of it.  So it just gets rolled into Australian History, down in the footnotes.

Touche.

 

Anyway, 1981 Springbok tour protests in NZ, I want da troof.

Ah well. There'll be some chance of that next week with the nation-wide action being planned.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10810121

http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/raw-video-police-clash-protesters-4906662

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/7031385/Students-arrested-at-Auckland-protest

http://www.3news.co.nz/Dozens-of-arrests-as-students-protest/tabid/423/articleID/256414/Default.aspx

Maybe this is the start of something big.

Especially since there are rumors of 1000 people occupying the Auckland police station where the arrested students were taken!

No word from official news channels on that yet, unfortunately. Will post again when this happens.

EDIT: More news! Nothing we haven't seen before but there are some pretty damning images of the cops in this one.

http://www.3news.co.nz/More-protests-to-come---students/tabid/423/articleID/256436/Default.aspx