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I warned you about the Swiss.  Those screwheads are all the same.

No warning could have prepared me for the horrors of that city. You would have wept openly Roger.

An Austrian?

Afraid not friend. Just a vagabond spending a few nights in the Austrian capital on my way around Europe. I hail from the same parts as Roger, that is, Illinois.

This entry is composed because of and fueled by my rampaging hatred for the dirty pig fucker who stole my journal (in Barcelona) and my violent anger at the Swiss Franc and the city of Geneva. For those of you who have never been, let this be a warning, stay away from this terribly evil capitalist place. The following story is my observations after 1 and a half day in Geneva-the city of dirty money and automated humanity.

I arrived in Geneva to an immaculate train station....so far so good. I'll put up a later entry on the madness of crisscrossing a continet by train but it will suffice to say that you feel good to step out of one of those compartments and into a clean place. I had to report directly to my friend Joel the Hasidic ninja to get some of my Euro's converted to Swiss Francs, which I will say is an almost comical money. I find it very hard to take a neon yellow bank note seriously. I got about 75 dollers worth of Franc and Joel just laughed. "you think that will last? Here?" "Yeah", I said, "why the hell not?". Joel flashed a smile threw a smoke bomb and ran off down a side street. I soon figured out what he had meant as I stepped onto the main street and looked at the horrible prices all around me.

At least in London they were quite open about the fact that the pound was an excuse to violently gang-rape any who would dare trespass on their lands. Here, they act like 8 dollers (after conversion) for a meal at Burger King is perfectly logical and not in the least offensive. Who do these people think they are? Granted, they've inherited one of the most beautiful plots of land ever envisioned, but for the love of Pete Sampras, not even that gives a man the right to charge 7 dollers for a happy meal. Not to mention that they do not even make use of their beautiful plot of land. Their utter neglect for the natural beauty that exists just outside the city limits is mind-boggiling. No effort has been made to so much as stick a few trees between the glaring neons advertising 2 or 3 options of private banking per building (5 or 6 options for major buildings).

Usually renting bomb-proof reinforced concrete basements is a fairly cheap way to travel as they tend to not be very accomidating. In this city of the damned though, you´d think I had just rented a 5 star room. I blew my entire cash supply on that room and swore not to withdraw any more money out of sheer spite. The burden of my food bill now fell upon the horde, but they were in no position to spot me for anything having just paid 50 francs each to sleep on the floor of a dirty YMCA. Luckily, we were able to cause a great commotion at a local Starbucks and escaped with several small bags of bagels and one can of Fanta. None of us would eat well until we got to Rome.

This city represents a supreme utilitarianism...the only decoration allowed here is the kind that points you in the direction of the nearest mutual fund investor. This is a dark and sinister city. The only people here are the bussinessmen who fill Geneva to the brim, and since they are creatures that only live from nine to five there is no nightlife in this city to make you forget about the dirty money that hangs heavy in the air. I searched for hours looking for a bar opened past 12...it was all in vain. They don´t even have the decency to give you the option of drowning out the images, you have to sit right through it like A Clockwork Orange.

As you walk the downtown you notice that the streets reek of embaling fluid from the poor fools who laid themselves down for a quick buck and/or got trampeled in someone elses mad pursuit of a bank account large enough to make even the Swiss authorities take note. The lucky ones constantly look behind their sholders, the rest line the streets utterly broken, they are the cobblestones and asphalt in this city, these streets are paved with the folly of greedy men.....and there is always a need to expand the roads in this city of ruthless commerce. The banks are no joke here, they control this city as if they were a mistriss holding incriminating photos in front of her lover. People don't talk about the banks for the same reason people didn't talk about Nero in Rome; but even that is a poor comparison, all Nero could do was torture you to death. I imagine the banks can do far worse. It's a good thing for the Swiss that they have other places they can be proud of. If I could offer the citizens of Geneva any advice I would tell them to flee this vulgar temple of greed and live in tiny shanties high in the alps for the duration of their natural lives as a means of penance. Let the neons cast their siren song of bargin-basement finance rates down upon a ghost town. Yes. It must be so.

Geneva is the future, I´m glad my travels brought me here. It was the least enjoyable destination on my trip thus far, but perhaps the most neccesary. The people here are the living dead, their existence is dependent solely on stock market futures and currency exchange rates. it could easily be anywhere. This is the enemy of my growing European horde. It is the enemy of all of us. Before this stop my horde existed for reasons so vague that indulgence and madness had become our end in addition to being our means. Now we have a purpose and a goal. Geneva is the future if we don´t wise up. Fully automated human beings going through life with all the zest and enthusiasm of a conveyer belt. The European horde exists to save some of these human machines and to shut the ones that can´t be saved down (of coarse, they also exist to cover my ass, but they don´t know that...).

The next day we got our things together and after pulling Jamie that dancer out of her   K-Hole we hopped the first train to Rome. I imagine this will be intercepted shortly by the secret police at the Capitol One building in downtown Geneva and I'll spend the next fifty years playing monopoly and being instructed at gun point on the inherent virtue of free-market capitalism.....but at least I know I've said my peace for the moment.

oi, I'm bad at this. That last one was me.

What an interesting place we both inhabit (well, when I'm not buming around Europe). Mindnumbing, to be certain, but the abscence of logical thought does provide the opporutunity for bizarre and interesting storys to unfold. Poor girl, I feel quite bad for her. Despite the fact that she has "no brains" I'm sure you'll have her reading Cicero and Robert Anton Wilson within days if she's stuck in your guest room. I don't believe I'll be able to post for the next few days, I'm in the Cinque Terre in Italy. Very few computers out here.  However I should be back sometime soon with my own series of rants titled something along the lines of "Tips for the Traveling Discordian". Take care of yourself and that little girl who has fallen into your care and try not to mess up your job....office dramatics get very very messy to a point much worse then a guest in your house. ByeBye for now.

Forgot to log in for that last post so I thought I had better come back and put my stamp of approval on it. I know how suspcious we all have to be these days.

::Shakes her fist at the bastards in the black van::

Is your towell dry yet?

Why yes, it is. Infact, it was dry several hours ago. Since then I've had time to find a properly fortified hostel and go on a raging Absinthe binge, so I've rather forgotten about the bastards in the black van. Take care friend, I'm down for the night.

(Perhaps this is the place for this post, perhaps not, I just assume this is the best place on the boards to get a message out to the man himself)

Another fine mess I've gotten myself into...I've traveled half way around the world to find myself down and out at an automatic laundry station in the heart of the eternal city. To think, I may be using the same washing machine that Augustus once used....Damn these mindless savages Roger, don't they understand that basic human decency can only be obtained through free market capitalism and the protestant work ethic? They really think all this Catholic hoodoo voodoo will save them...incredible. Twice weekly they find a proper virgin and sacrifice her to the pope in a canibalistic ceremony that verges on a level of inhumanity never even dreamed of by Henery Kissinger. Canibalistic rituals, now thats how you maintain a city for over 1000 years! I'm out here on the run from Ashcroft and the boys and after going three weeks without some Roger style wisdom I must admit I've nearly gnawed off half my leg out of sheer despair. But today the good Goddess Googeled me to the little corner of the web you call home. And thank Eris you have it for a home too, you inhabit some harsh lands you crazy bastard. There are dangerous amounts of sanity all through this continent....I've grown so accustomed to things making no sense at all. All these logical solutions for problems are unbearable on my poor American mind. I need some words from the Reverend to keep me moving and alert. The coffee helps, but it's just not the same you see. Soon enough I'll be headed into the backwoods of the Cinque Terre, I feel uncle sams eyes burning a hole through my head in these major citys. I'll be on the run just as soon as my towel gets out of the dryer....because I have not forgotten that it is the most useful thing to travel with. Ah, there's the bell, I must be running. I'll continue to spread the sermons accross the globe and to you, Roger, I wish all the best, to the bastards monitering this post from the black van outside all I can say is happy hunting and good luck...you'll need it to take me down. Farewell