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Well, no shit, you've heard of a belt buckle, silly! I'm suggesting that someone makes a golden apple belt buckle. You can use whatever cheap metal since it isn't worn directly on skin.

What about a belt buckle?

How about stuffing stuffed in a chicken cushioned by stuffing stuffed in a duck cushioned by more stuffing stuffed in a turkey cushioned by stuffing stuffed in a pig. Then you stuff a golden apple in the pig's mouth. This pig must be hog tied and laid on a silver platter covered with apple slices spiced with brown sugar and cinnamon, drizzled with honey and garnished with your chouce of lingon and or cranberries, fresh, dried, or jellied. Your choice of course.

As for your meat, settle for no plain turkey. Get a turducken. It's a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. You can order online or prepare it yourself.

Oh, and about that green bean casserole. PEOPLE EAT THAT??!?!?

My mom and I tried that once because we had always heard of it, but never tasted it. We tried it 3-4 years ago and it was disgusting. Maybe my mom and I are not white enough to properly enjoy casserole, because of all the commercials and references of casseroles I've seen, I haven't seen a black dude eat casserole. Come to think of it, I haven' seen much of anybody eat casserole. But it's in so many dinner commercials and soup can labels, you just have to wonder!

Actually, I heard that, and I heard something else as well. I read that the kids are using it as a ringtone so that way teachers won't hear a cell phone go off in class.

I'll give you some stock in the company and a timeshare.

Haha! Thank you.

"From the makers of Mother-In-Law-Be-Gone! is the new Revolutionary! product that will protect your home and garden, new Teenage Git Deterrent! That's right, Teenage Git Deterrent! Our new patented technology allows you to simply attach the attractive lawn decor to any patio, lawn, veranda, balcony, deck, front yard, back yard, side yard, or doorstep, and live worry-free in your house, town house, penthouse, guest house, loft, mobile estate, condominium, castle, apartment, cottage, or hut by detecting your undesired pests and emitting a "clean" (go green, folks!) deterrent. Adjust the user-friendly dial on a meter of irritation. Set to "Easy Listening" to discourage loiterers. This revolutionary device gives you freedom and options from Agitated Doberman to Angry Hornet Nest, that will target loudmouthed, nosy adolescents and dreaded ding dong ditchers. For the vandalizing pests that just don't get the hint, set the dial to Turret(armor piercing bullets not included), and if this doesn't resolve your neighbor issue, we'll give you your money back! We also offer Religious Solicitor Deterrent as an add-on for $80 dollars, but we'll throw it in FREE if you call in the next ten minutes! WHAT A DEAL! For five payments of $555.55, we'll give you the Teenage Git Deterrent, the Religious Solicitor Adapter, and the classic Mother-In-Law-Be-Gone. YOU CAN'T FIND THIS IN ANY STORE! Call us now at 1-868-666-8888 to get your hands on the greatest domestic technology of the decade!"

Why give out generic gum when you can give out nicotine gum and make them all go bonkers for the night, give 'em all stomach aches, headaches, and the shits? You could also buy Bertie Botts jelly beans, and pick out all the tasty flavors. The kids will be so insistent on finding a tasty jelly bean that they'll probably choke them all down. I suggest you package them in small cellophane Halloween themed bags in conjuction with the nicotine gum, so when they eat all those nasty jell beans, they'll reach for the gum to get rid of the flavor, and end up getting high off the gum. Remember to buy the strongest nicotine gum you can find. Some of those little brats smoke anyway. If those kids know what's good for them, the little assholes won't come back.

Let's play a game.

Yesterday, my friend told me to write about something. I asked for some direction, and he said clouds, so I wrote all this.

My favorite ones were out that day. The ones that cover the whole sky. Whenever I step outside those days, I always amble slowly, because everything feels different. Time feels different. The color green feels different. I feel different. I always feel sanguine, and walk around with a demure smile beneath my umbrella. Very little can wake me from dreamland on those days, because I spend the whole day walking around in it. I listen to different music. It's as if another person stepped out of my skin to play for the day. I always feel creativity rumbling in my nerves on those days. More fascinating to me than anything is my romantic flair that is always drawn to the rain. Somehow, I half expect the beginning of some love story to unfold in front of me while I'm prancing around. Maybe the prancing and giddiness stems from the fact that San Diego only gets a few inches of rain within the span of a couple weeks annually. I guess that would give rain some sort of allure as a special event which would warrant dancing and glowing from the cheeks. Maybe it is that excitement in itself which mimics the feeling of falling in love. Maybe this is all just a throwback to when humans once gave their deference to their terrestrial mother upon just another sign of how she breathes life in us all.

So I challenge the next poster to write about something that they could never bear to part with, but if they post, they have to suggest something for the next person to write, and see where this all takes us.