Messages

Yup.  It's me.  Homestarrunner is amazing.  I should make a cult based on it.

shizam sounds better.  SHIZAM! SHAZAM! it's better with an 'i'.  i know it stands for something:

S The wisdom of Solomon;
H The strength of Hercules; I The Irascibility of Ian (he was a guy who was really irascible, he invented freeze dried apricots)
A The stamina of Atlas;
Z The power of Zeus;
A The courage of Achilles;
M The speed of Mercury.

Definitely improved.

ha ha, I got my own fail thread.  I feel so awesome.  I wonder what put me over the top.

I'm training an army of evil (maybe just misunderstood) trance dancing badgers to take over the world.  The problem is that they take seven years to train, like the Iraqi army (they were always like, we're training them, we're training them, fucking a, how long does it take to train someone to shoot a gun).  Badgers are slow learners, I found out, especially dancing ones who are rolling all the time.  And bright lights blind them because their eyes are dialated.  So I had to custom-order badger sunglasses.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find badger sunglasses?  It's really hard.  I wish Dr. No was here to help me.  I only found Dr. Yes, and that guy sucks.  Did you know he wanted to make an army of apes, like on the forth planet of the apes movie where the apes take over.  And I said "don't ever start a sentence with a conjunction, you douche-bag."  Apes aren't gonna take over anything. 

My cat eats cantaloupes.  Seriously.  Why would a cat eat a cantaloupe.  I don't understand. 

And what to do once you take over the world?  That's the real question.  Do you make it better, or worse? Or do you have to keep going, 'cause that's your only purpose in life.  Maybe take over the moon or something.  Can you take it over if nobody lives there? 

Shizaam! 

oh, and who's the last dude who did this (whatever I'm doing, I don't exactly know what it is)

I wanna look up his shit and see if it was half as good as mine.  Bet it was only 40% as good.  Yeah.

that brain is really attractive. . .thanxxx

No, Freeky, this is what we call a "pinealist".  It is his self-imposed task to be WACKY and ZANY pretty much ALL THE TIME.

Actually, it's at task appointed to me by Casper the friendly ghost (who is the ghost of Attila the Hun)

And nobody here read Dune.  I mean, c'mon.  Although Obama would probably kill the Mahdi in the knife duel and be like "i'm from the streets, bitch!"

Badgers are classic. Anyway, I've known about those badgers for years now, and they never lose their appeal.  Never.  I mean, they're the best thing ever.  Don't disparage the classics, they're part of human history.

Besides, I bet all of those supposedly random people were not nearly as random as I am.  The next new random person, if there really are that many, should have a randomness contest with me.  I secretly suspect that you all find this entertaining, despite your affected boredom.  I mean, real boredom would mean doing nothing.  So I equate your annoyance with a form of approval.

I bet you were expecting me to get tweaked out and randomly spam stuff or something. But i'm too lazy for that sort of thing. (stimulants just bring me to a normal level of activity)  And anyway, don't tell me that the PD book isn't random.  Or maybe it's chaotic.  See, that's it.  Chaos has underlying order, in some places anyway, like fractals and junk, whereas randomness is like radio static or the stock market, it's just random.  That's me. 

Watch out for fluorescent dream rabbits.

Health and long life are the gifts of the spice.

Maybe I'll make this like a blog or something.  Like, um, today I got up and drank coffee and ate a slice of cheese, and I thought, I should call my aunt, but I don't really like her that much.  To bad the Dutch banned fresh mushrooms.  I'm gonna go to the grocery store now.

this is funny.  i've never managed to be hated so quickly.  i'll be the evil nemesis here, hiding in my fortress and gathering an army of dancing badgers.  maybe even trance dancing badgers. 

am I a troll, nah, just bored.  I only lived under a bridge one time, and I prefer pointy sticks to clubs.  Peace out, I have to go eat Top Ramen.

this is awesome.  I don't know why it's so funny.  what else can I fail at?  

everybody should visit this site: http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com

Muhahahaha! I know you hate those badgers!

I laughed my ass off, at my own joke. I just laughed right now looking at it again. People think it's stupid, but I think it's the comedy form of masturbation.  Actually, I wanted the lovey dovey smiley face with with hearts floating off of it, but all I could find was a teddy bear fucking a sheep.  Whatever.

MAHDI! He is the one prophesied by shai-hulud!

Watch out, when the Mahdi comes his boys are gonna ride giant worms to Washington D.C. and the Mahdi will kill Obama in a knife duel. 

Eris' domain is hottness 

Evangelism.  What do you need?

1. All people (including *you*) everywhere are doing something horribly wrong, and have to stop

2. All people deserve to go to [bad place goes here] because they do this horrible thing that they can't help doing (original sin, yada yada)

3. The only way not to have nitric acid poured down your throat and your genitals impaled with rusty nails for all eternity in [bad place] is to follow our message

4. Also, the world is going to end within your lifetime.  I mean, you're gonna die anyway, so it should be urgent, but for some unknown reason everybody else (and other stuff) dying along with you illogically adds urgency to the situation.

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so, anti-evangelism for Discordianism (it's anti-religion, right?)

1.  All people, including *you* are doing everything right all the time, and are wonderful, and should continue

2.  All people deserve to go to [good place], unless they don't continue the wonderful stuff they're already doing

3. The only way not to get laid by beautiful angels and have delicious macaroon cookies stuffed down your throat for all eternity in [good place] is to follow our message

4. The world will never go away, and if it does somehow go away, it definitely won't be in your lifetime. Take your time.

my exhaustive research making things negative finished, I'm wondering what conclusion to reach from it.  Perhaps it will be so low pressure and refreshing people will convert to it.  The whole used-car-salesman high-pressure Christian evangelism (I make the mistake of actually conversing with the fiends once in a while) is sooooooo fucking annoying.  Be non-annoying, and they'll see the light, or whatever they're supposed to see. Or not.

I love toothless meth whores.  They're skinny, have no teeth, and are addicted to drugs.  So I have something in common with them that I can relate to.  It's hard to find a girl you can really connect with, you know. For anyone looking, they're all meth addicts who live in trailer parks. Plus, they always have their freebase pipe, and there's a lot of stuff you can smoke with that damn pipe. It's frikkin' useful. 

As for me being unoriginal: maybe.  But, maybe, I'm being so unoriginal that it's original. (because everyone's trying so hard to be original)

what the fuck am a talking about, anyway.  I'm confusing myself. *puts down Amber's glass freebase pipe, which has DMT vapors slowly floating out of it*

Amber: "make sure you clean that hippie DMT crap out of my pipe you sick little monkey! that crap gave me a bad trip when it got mixed with my meth last time."

can I teabag Sarah Palin?

I wouldn't, with dumb like that it's probably infectious.

Hey, maybe that's what happened to Bush. . .was he ever in Alaska back in his alcoholic days?

I. Required sin--excellent!  so i can be slothfull, gluttonous, envious, drunk, high, fornicating (hopefully), stealing copper wire from buildings, and lie to everyone, and not feel guilty!  I was gonna do all those things anyway, but now I'm guilt free! yay!

II. so the hot dog bun thing may have been to force us to become better people and think of alternatives to crappy white bread lame hot dog buns . . .the maple dog is ok then. What a relief.

III. and, I have to love a place where people have a discussion about the significance of hot dog buns.  Hell yeah!

IV. I'm numbering my document.

V. And I don't believe anything I just wrote when I go back and read it.