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Going back to the Iran situation that someone mentioned when I wasn't paying attention this is quite a good article about what might happen.

Everybody's asking me what'll happen if we attack Iran. To get a quick preview, just do what this guy in my eighth-grade class did: put a firecracker in your mouth, hold it between your front teeth, and light the fuse.

The Anubis Gates by Tim Powers is pretty fun in a time-travelling, spell-casting, body-swapping way though not quite as out there as Dick or Wilson.

the mormons have declared monday alien sex day, when you must sweet alien love to teh alien high lord of the planet neptune, who is not an ordinary man wearing a rubber mask.

Who's going to notice the rubber mask when there's the Magic Sheet of Joseph Smith between them?

The guy behind this site (Chris Morris) hasn't updated it recently, but the remix of the 2003 State Of The Union but I'm sure you'll enjoy it if you haven't seen it yet.

"Mr. Speaker, members of Congress and fellow citizens. Every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to threaten the world. The American flag stands for corporate scandals, recession, stock market declines, blackmail, burning with hot irons, mutilation with electric drills, cutting out tongues, terror, mass murder, and rape. Our first goal is to show utter contempt for the environment."

If anyone can show me any society in which the political system successfully delivered all of it's promises, I will be very impressed, surprised and calling the nearest psychiatric unit to collect you asap. As the gnome pointed out, even the Soviets thought they were freeing people from the oppression of Tsarism (insert ironic, Homer Simpson headslap + doh combo)

One day, a politician will stand up and say 'During my term of office, I'll do my best to make things better for people, or at the very least, I'll try not to mess everything up too badly.' - and they'll force him or her out of office in hours.

Or: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

I found some pictures of him rehearsing the speech: (click here if the image doesn't appear)

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So predictable
Bite my shiny metal ass
Yes, and lose your teeth

The baton is posted on to: Jabba The Hutt's nearest liqour store

In the queue for hell
I have nothing to declare
But insanity

Next up: The last words of George W Bush

She can't dance no more
It doesn't stop them trying
Twang! There goes her hip

Moving up on second base: The illegitimate love-children of Margaret Thatcher