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Discordian Recipes / Raw food at Denny's
« on: September 03, 2009, 01:47:58 am »
I'm wondering if anyone has any success with ordering raw eggs and meat at a restaraunt that does not normally serve raw food. 

For example, at Denny's, this would be two eggs just cracked on a plate next to two pancakes and a raw bit of sausage for a Grand Slam.  The boss took us out to breakfast and ordered everyone the same thing, but the waitress could not comprehend "vegetarian".  So, naturally, I've decided that, if in a sit down restaurant when the waitress is too unwilling to substitute or omit dead animal from my meal and the restaurant allows the customer to decide how they want their dead animal served, I might just order it up raw and geek it.

Discordian Recipes / Peaches, lots of peaches
« on: October 09, 2008, 03:16:48 am »
What can I do with about a dozen or so peaches about to go bad and a hot pot?

I also have sweet potatoes, potatoes, turnips, eggplant (which I also need to use), green beans, a shitload of jalapeņo  peppers, carrots, squash, rice, etc.

I'm thinking peach soup.  We have tomato soup. Why not peach soup?

Suggestions that do not involve rape?

Apple Talk / Raelians aid the Clitoris
« on: February 19, 2008, 11:52:46 pm »

They fund FGM reversals with a transsexual doc from Colorado... I see a cab with dice in the mirror.

Or Kill Me / Christian rapists
« on: December 27, 2007, 07:57:03 pm »

What shall we do with the Christian scumbags who think their penii are God's gift to women, that think they can turn a lesbian straight by raping her?

What shall we do with such shitbags?

I do not know.  I tell them to kill themselves and then I might consider fucking the body, but the conversation ultimate devolves to rantings and ravings of lunatics about Genesis.  Arrgh.

To use the Holy Bible to justify mass murder and torture I can possibly see.  We're all monkeys... some of us use imaginary friends to help us justify that which we should not fucking be doing.  Still, I cannot see how one man can justify rape to save a soul in his ethics system.

Yes. he wanted to rape me to save my soul from eternal damnation because I'm a lesbian. He isn't the only one.

What the fuck is wrong with Christians?

Committing sin to prevent sin?  Have we come to the point where the Bible no longer even matters as a moral guide?

I don't even want to get into the debate about whether or not homosexuality is natural or not.  That's besides the point.  My preferences cannot change.  I prefer boobs and kitty girls to cock.

I ought to call the cops next time I meet someone like that.  Someone who thinks they can change me to better suit their cock-warming desires deserves to take it up the ass in prison.

Or Kill Me / YUO: HOT SHIT OR NOT! (advice to noobs)
« on: April 08, 2007, 03:40:02 pm »

This is me fire breathing at a house party. Yes, that is real fire.  That is not an illusion or photoshop manipulating. Hot shit, you might say?

Yes and no.

I bring you this image because a number of those who shall not be named think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, the hot shit, the uber true Discordian.  (Ich bilde tote ein "uber true Discordian".)

At the house party, yes. They never seen anyone breathe or eat fire live (and live).

At some of the theatre and fetish events I have gone to, I'm not yet on the radar for being considered for being invited to breathe fire because there are those who are far greater than I in this particular skill.  In different areas, I may be the one who is the cream of the crop, but I must remember always there may be one who is greater than I. 

I'm cool with that.  I know my place.  I know my destination.  I know life is a journey.  I have other skills for the shows, the most important being enjoying the show.

My advice to those who shall not be named is as follows:

In your Mister Rogerstm Neighborhood, you may be the best of the best, the most creative, coolest kid on the block.  Here, on this caberet-esque stage, you're just an audience member until you prove otherwise.  Tip those on stage, but don't get on stage until you are ready for this stage.  You don't know where the weak floor boards or trap doors are until you have been here for a while.  The only way you can prove otherwise is by repeatedly demonstrating on small levels that we can trust and enjoy you on larger ones.

Your post count will not help you.  Your connections on other boards will not persuade me to alter my opinion of you on this board.  Only by your deeds are you judged worthy of being accepted into the fold as a friend or worthy of being abused until I am smiling again (and you will enjoy the abuse.)

Yes, we're interested in the Principia Discordia, but not so much as to go "ZOMG 23!" every time we see that damned number. 

To breathe fire you must start with breathing water in the same manner.  It's safer and won't kill you.

In similar manner, play conservatively at first.  Convince us you use both hemispheres of your brain by being coherent about the Chao you see.  No one will be enlightened by you saying "MU" or speaking in duckspeak.  Then show us your true creative potential.  If you are not going to listen to any other piece of advice, at least put some effort into your posts.  Make them at least look like you took time to think, reflect, research or create.

I did not start fire breathing over one night.  It's been about a year since I started learning fire in general.  I have been burned by fire breathing, but not in ways that you might expect.  You see, when the fuel gets on you and stays on you for an extended period, it irritates the skin.  Swallow too much and you get pneumonia or the runs.  I have been lucky that I have not had that which shall not be mention happen.

You will get burned on these forums. It's par for the course. Anything worth doing comes at a cost to someone.

Or Kill Me / Oracles of Dumb
« on: February 27, 2005, 04:51:48 am »
I have had enough an Oracle of Doom messing stuff up.  The last thing we need in this world is another person telling us when the eschaton will be immanentized.  Ah, why don't you just fucking immanentize the fucking eschaton so that Senior Limpio (nee Goat, nee Commie Bastard, nee Turd Ferguson) and I can get stoned with 23 virgins each.

Why, oh Oracle of Doom, not immanentize the eschaton?  It would put you out of business if the world ends.  What good is an Oracle of Doom when the days are reduced to bleak servitude or endless joy?  In times like those what we need are Oracles of Dumb.  And in troubled times like these, an Oracle of Dumb is just as useless or useful.

What, perchance, is an Oracle of Dumb?  Technically speaking, an Oracle of Doom is a specialized Oracle of Dumb who seeks to project into the Future, whatever that may be.  Although an Oracle of Doom is not an Oracle of Dumb, bot are Oracles.  An oracle of Doom is a mouthpiece for a goddess.  An oracle of Dumb speaks out against dumb stuff or speaks dumb stuff.  

Oracles of Dumb are quintessentially mindfuckers, but it is good that they don't get around to mindfucks a whole lot or the eschaton would have been immanentized by now.  As innovators of mindfuckery, they show but one side of their genius or subgenius.  They may initiate other tactics to combat undesirables.  Such tactics are perceived by the other oracles to be the same as trolls, but said oracles are blind to the present.

What this world needs is more Oracles of Dumb.  We need more stupid stuff and people telling people it's stupid.

Or Kill Me / 95 mindfucks
« on: February 11, 2005, 03:49:43 am »
I hereby nominate Martin Luther to Saint-Second Class.  Why? It should be obvious that he had the same divine inspiration that Greg Hill had for their works must be read five different ways to make sense.  Thus, Greg Hill was Martin Luther.

Project Wittenberg
Disputation of Doctor Martin Luther
on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences

by Dr. Martin Luther, 1517

Martin Luther - Project Wittenberg

Disputation of Doctor Martin Luther
on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences
by Dr. Martin Luther (1517)

Published in:

Works of Martin Luther:
Adolph Spaeth, L.D. Reed, Henry Eyster Jacobs, et Al., Trans. & Eds.
(Philadelphia: A. J. Holman Company, 1915), Vol.1, pp. 29-38

[10] [20] [30] [40] [50] [60] [70] [80] [90]

    Out of love for the truth and the desire to bring it to light, the following propositions will be discussed at Wittenberg, under the presidency of the Reverend Father Martin Luther, Master of Arts and of Sacred Theology, and Lecturer in Ordinary on the same at that place. Wherefore he requests that those who are unable to be present and debate orally with us, may do so by letter.

    In the Name our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

          1. Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, when He said Poenitentiam agite, willed that the whole life of believers should be repentance.

          2. This word cannot be understood to mean sacramental penance, i.e., confession and satisfaction, which is administered by the priests.

          3. Yet it means not inward repentance only; nay, there is no inward repentance which does not outwardly work divers mortifications of the flesh.

          4. The penalty [of sin], therefore, continues so long as hatred of self continues; for this is the true inward repentance, and continues until our entrance into the kingdom of heaven.

          5. The pope does not intend to remit, and cannot remit any penalties other than those which he has imposed either by his own authority or by that of the Canons.

          6. The pope cannot remit any guilt, except by declaring that it has been remitted by God and by assenting to God's remission; though, to be sure, he may grant remission in cases reserved to his judgment. If his right to grant remission in such cases were despised, the guilt would remain entirely unforgiven.

          7. God remits guilt to no one whom He does not, at the same time, humble in all things and bring into subjection to His vicar, the priest.

          8. The penitential canons are imposed only on the living, and, according to them, nothing should be imposed on the dying.

          9. Therefore the Holy Spirit in the pope is kind to us, because in his decrees he always makes exception of the article of death and of necessity.

          10. Ignorant and wicked are the doings of those priests who, in the case of the dying, reserve canonical penances for purgatory.

          11. This changing of the canonical penalty to the penalty of purgatory is quite evidently one of the tares that were sown while the bishops slept.

          12. In former times the canonical penalties were imposed not after, but before absolution, as tests of true contrition.

          13. The dying are freed by death from all penalties; they are already dead to canonical rules, and have a right to be released from them.

          14. The imperfect health [of soul], that is to say, the imperfect love, of the dying brings with it, of necessity, great fear; and the smaller the love, the greater is the fear.

          15. This fear and horror is sufficient of itself alone (to say nothing of other things) to constitute the penalty of purgatory, since it is very near to the horror of despair.

          16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ as do despair, almost-despair, and the assurance of safety.

          17. With souls in purgatory it seems necessary that horror should grow less and love increase.

          18. It seems unproved, either by reason or Scripture, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.

          19. Again, it seems unproved that they, or at least that all of them, are certain or assured of their own blessedness, though we may be quite certain of it.

          20. Therefore by "full remission of all penalties" the pope means not actually "of all," but only of those imposed by himself.

          21. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope's indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved;

          22. Whereas he remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to the canons, they would have had to pay in this life.

          23. If it is at all possible to grant to any one the remission of all penalties whatsoever, it is certain that this remission can be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to the very fewest.

          24. It must needs be, therefore, that the greater part of the people are deceived by that indiscriminate and highsounding promise of release from penalty.

          25. The power which the pope has, in a general way, over purgatory, is just like the power which any bishop or curate has, in a special way, within his own diocese or parish.

          26. The pope does well when he grants remission to souls [in purgatory], not by the power of the keys (which he does not possess), but by way of intercession.

          27. They preach man who say that so soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul flies out [of purgatory].

          28. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone.

          29. Who knows whether all the souls in purgatory wish to be bought out of it, as in the legend of Sts. Severinus and Paschal.

          30. No one is sure that his own contrition is sincere; much less that he has attained full remission.

          31. Rare as is the man that is truly penitent, so rare is also the man who truly buys indulgences, i.e., such men are most rare.

          32. They will be condemned eternally, together with their teachers, who believe themselves sure of their salvation because they have letters of pardon.

          33. Men must be on their guard against those who say that the pope's pardons are that inestimable gift of God by which man is reconciled to Him;

          34. For these "graces of pardon" concern only the penalties of sacramental satisfaction, and these are appointed by man.

          35. They preach no Christian doctrine who teach that contrition is not necessary in those who intend to buy souls out of purgatory or to buy confessionalia.

          36. Every truly repentant Christian has a right to full remission of penalty and guilt, even without letters of pardon.

          37. Every true Christian, whether living or dead, has part in all the blessings of Christ and the Church; and this is granted him by God, even without letters of pardon.

          38. Nevertheless, the remission and participation [in the blessings of the Church] which are granted by the pope are in no way to be despised, for they are, as I have said, the declaration of divine remission.

          39. It is most difficult, even for the very keenest theologians, at one and the same time to commend to the people the abundance of pardons and [the need of] true contrition.

          40. True contrition seeks and loves penalties, but liberal pardons only relax penalties and cause them to be hated, or at least, furnish an occasion [for hating them].

          41. Apostolic pardons are to be preached with caution, lest the people may falsely think them preferable to other good works of love.

          42. Christians are to be taught that the pope does not intend the buying of pardons to be compared in any way to works of mercy.

          43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better work than buying pardons;

          44. Because love grows by works of love, and man becomes better; but by pardons man does not grow better, only more free from penalty.

          45. 45. Christians are to be taught that he who sees a man in need, and passes him by, and gives [his money] for pardons, purchases not the indulgences of the pope, but the indignation of God.

          46. Christians are to be taught that unless they have more than they need, they are bound to keep back what is necessary for their own families, and by no means to squander it on pardons.

          47. Christians are to be taught that the buying of pardons is a matter of free will, and not of commandment.

          48. Christians are to be taught that the pope, in granting pardons, needs, and therefore desires, their devout prayer for him more than the money they bring.

          49. Christians are to be taught that the pope's pardons are useful, if they do not put their trust in them; but altogether harmful, if through them they lose their fear of God.

          50. Christians are to be taught that if the pope knew the exactions of the pardon-preachers, he would rather that St. Peter's church should go to ashes, than that it should be built up with the skin, flesh and bones of his sheep.

          51. Christians are to be taught that it would be the pope's wish, as it is his duty, to give of his own money to very many of those from whom certain hawkers of pardons cajole money, even though the church of St. Peter might have to be sold.

          52. The assurance of salvation by letters of pardon is vain, even though the commissary, nay, even though the pope himself, were to stake his soul upon it.

          53. They are enemies of Christ and of the pope, who bid the Word of God be altogether silent in some Churches, in order that pardons may be preached in others.

          54. Injury is done the Word of God when, in the same sermon, an equal or a longer time is spent on pardons than on this Word.

          55. It must be the intention of the pope that if pardons, which are a very small thing, are celebrated with one bell, with single processions and ceremonies, then the Gospel, which is the very greatest thing, should be preached with a hundred bells, a hundred processions, a hundred ceremonies.

          56. The "treasures of the Church," out of which the pope. grants indulgences, are not sufficiently named or known among the people of Christ.

          57. That they are not temporal treasures is certainly evident, for many of the vendors do not pour out such treasures so easily, but only gather them.

          58. Nor are they the merits of Christ and the Saints, for even without the pope, these always work grace for the inner man, and the cross, death, and hell for the outward man.

          59. St. Lawrence said that the treasures of the Church were the Church's poor, but he spoke according to the usage of the word in his own time.

          60. Without rashness we say that the keys of the Church, given by Christ's merit, are that treasure;

          61. For it is clear that for the remission of penalties and of reserved cases, the power of the pope is of itself sufficient.

          62. The true treasure of the Church is the Most Holy Gospel of the glory and the grace of God.

          63. But this treasure is naturally most odious, for it makes the first to be last.

          64. On the other hand, the treasure of indulgences is naturally most acceptable, for it makes the last to be first.

          65. Therefore the treasures of the Gospel are nets with which they formerly were wont to fish for men of riches.

          66. The treasures of the indulgences are nets with which they now fish for the riches of men.

          67. The indulgences which the preachers cry as the "greatest graces" are known to be truly such, in so far as they promote gain.

          68. Yet they are in truth the very smallest graces compared with the grace of God and the piety of the Cross.

          69. Bishops and curates are bound to admit the commissaries of apostolic pardons, with all reverence.

          70. But still more are they bound to strain all their eyes and attend with all their ears, lest these men preach their own dreams instead of the commission of the pope.

          71. He who speaks against the truth of apostolic pardons, let him be anathema and accursed!

          72. But he who guards against the lust and license of the pardon-preachers, let him be blessed!

          73. The pope justly thunders against those who, by any art, contrive the injury of the traffic in pardons.

          74. But much more does he intend to thunder against those who use the pretext of pardons to contrive the injury of holy love and truth.

          75. To think the papal pardons so great that they could absolve a man even if he had committed an impossible sin and violated the Mother of God -- this is madness.

          76. We say, on the contrary, that the papal pardons are not able to remove the very least of venial sins, so far as its guilt is concerned.

          77. It is said that even St. Peter, if he were now Pope, could not bestow greater graces; this is blasphemy against St. Peter and against the pope.

          78. We say, on the contrary, that even the present pope, and any pope at all, has greater graces at his disposal; to wit, the Gospel, powers, gifts of healing, etc., as it is written in I. Corinthians xii.

          79. To say that the cross, emblazoned with the papal arms, which is set up [by the preachers of indulgences], is of equal worth with the Cross of Christ, is blasphemy.

          80. The bishops, curates and theologians who allow such talk to be spread among the people, will have an account to render.

          81. This unbridled preaching of pardons makes it no easy matter, even for learned men, to rescue the reverence due to the pope from slander, or even from the shrewd questionings of the laity.

          82. To wit: -- "Why does not the pope empty purgatory, for the sake of holy love and of the dire need of the souls that are there, if he redeems an infinite number of souls for the sake of miserable money with which to build a Church? The former reasons would be most just; the latter is most trivial."

          83. Again: -- "Why are mortuary and anniversary masses for the dead continued, and why does he not return or permit the withdrawal of the endowments founded on their behalf, since it is wrong to pray for the redeemed?"

          84. Again: -- "What is this new piety of God and the pope, that for money they allow a man who is impious and their enemy to buy out of purgatory the pious soul of a friend of God, and do not rather, because of that pious and beloved soul's own need, free it for pure love's sake?"

          85. Again: -- "Why are the penitential canons long since in actual fact and through disuse abrogated and dead, now satisfied by the granting of indulgences, as though they were still alive and in force?"

          86. Again: -- "Why does not the pope, whose wealth is to-day greater than the riches of the richest, build just this one church of St. Peter with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers?"

          87. Again: -- "What is it that the pope remits, and what participation does he grant to those who, by perfect contrition, have a right to full remission and participation?"

          88. Again: -- "What greater blessing could come to the Church than if the pope were to do a hundred times a day what he now does once, and bestow on every believer these remissions and participations?"

          89. "Since the pope, by his pardons, seeks the salvation of souls rather than money, why does he suspend the indulgences and pardons granted heretofore, since these have equal efficacy?"

          90. To repress these arguments and scruples of the laity by force alone, and not to resolve them by giving reasons, is to expose the Church and the pope to the ridicule of their enemies, and to make Christians unhappy.

          91. If, therefore, pardons were preached according to the spirit and mind of the pope, all these doubts would be readily resolved; nay, they would not exist.

          92. Away, then, with all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Peace, peace," and there is no peace!

          93. Blessed be all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Cross, cross," and there is no cross!

          94. Christians are to be exhorted that they be diligent in following Christ, their Head, through penalties, deaths, and hell;

          95. And thus be confident of entering into heaven rather through many tribulations, than through the assurance of peace.


This text was converted to ASCII text for Project Wittenberg by Allen Mulvey, and is in the public domain. You may freely distribute, copy or print this text. Please direct any comments or suggestions to:

Rev. Robert E. Smith
Walther Library
Concordia Theological Seminary.

E-mail: smithre at
Surface Mail: 6600 N. Clinton St., Ft. Wayne, IN 46825 USA
Phone: (260) 452-3149 - Fax: (260) 452-2126

To: Martin Luther - Project Wittenberg

Literate Chaotic / Xtreme MetaQuoting
« on: September 28, 2004, 03:35:41 am »
The rules:

Quote everyone you can who has posted before you.  Do not omit anyone.

Person with the most metaquotes wins.

Every quote must contain text.  It does not have to be accurate.


Literate Chaotic / aini's fairy guide to meep
« on: September 23, 2004, 07:44:50 pm »
Meep is a sound that fairies, mice and dragon babies make.  Meep is a most expressive sound that evolves into a language in its own right if permitted to do so.  This language varies from friend to friend and is totally uninterpretable by greyfaces.  Most greyfaces will not bother to understand a single meep after your first meep.  Thus, you can use meep for secure communications.

There is no way to mispronounce the word meep as variations in pronounciation create new words since meep is a most expressive sound.  Its highly subjective meaning depends on its inflection.  Some say that it is a nonsense word.  I agree.  mEEp expresses emotion pure and unadulterated by thought.

meep--a simple meep
mEEp--a perky meep
mEEP--a startled meep
MEep--a tired meep
m33p--a l33t meep
d33W--an uber l33t meep from a fae flying upside down
MEEP--a very loud meep

meepity meep fu fu! is a common expression amongst meepers to express great joy or to end a sentence.

Other sounds ending in eep (feep, deep, teep) and variations with the -ity are known to be included in the language.

The meep tongue is usually pronounced with a chirping, lilting accent similar to that of Yorkshire, but accent may vary.  Some may add a bit of a buzz to their accent on cerain moods.  Please be aware that meaning in meep is carried by the way the word is caressed phonetically as all meaning is derived from the subjective interpretation of the attack, sustain, decay, frequency envelop profile and volume profile.

In Discordianism, there is a story of five fairies who meep.  A group of five individuals dressed as fairies and meeping would mindfuck all in view, but usually one person dressed as a fairy is enough.

If you name your cat meep or a variation thereof, you will be proudly declaring your eccentricity or insanity to the local populace.

Meep is also the name of a personality test.

Some claim that they pwn meep or are the high priest of meep inc.  Since meep is a language more ancient than any human tongue, no mortal pwns meep.  

There are a few other uses, but many of them are top secret.

When I have a bit of time, I'll add a few audio samples.

This guide is released under the GNU Free Documentation License.


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