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Topics - I_Kicked_Kennedy

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Apple Talk / When I finally snap and totally lose my shit...
« on: June 20, 2014, 03:19:38 am »

I'll be here if you need me -->

Day 4 of no smoking and I can't sleep and I wonder how many windowpanes I can make it through on the first dive. Anyone else quit smoking without harming yourself or others? I have failed to do so and I need pointers.

Literate Chaotic / Can we get another Cain reading dump?
« on: March 23, 2014, 01:10:01 am »
Back in '08, maybe '09 (can't remember for sure) Cain dumped a zip file of some pretty enlightening books (or "unlightening", depending on your point of view).

I read the vast majority of them,  many of which would have been damn near impossible to find otherwise. I was hoping that we could have a new one with different titles and similar themes, pretty please with whisky on top?

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re-Evaluation of "Lucid Dreaming"
« on: March 04, 2014, 03:39:11 am »
Had one of those blessings in disguise late Friday night. I thought I had totally f'd my computer when I was trying to be a cheapo and make a 990fx chip run on my old 890 board. So, I decided to go through my old drive and do some extra backups of the important stuff. Found an abandoned project I had started on Lucid Dreaming, although I was a bit resistant to the term "lucid."

But one entry I had noticed that really caught my attention. In it, I was trying to expand upon the notion of paradoxical sleep, and what the implications of bringing your waking consciousness into the sometimes chaotic realm of your automated consciousness.

Ok, initially I copied and pasted a friggin' wall of rambling text, but I think it's better if I just give you my conclusion: The paradoxical state, or dreaming, is simply the conscious mind pulling together hundreds of stimuli and memes from a magnitude of waking states you've experienced in your life, while attempting to file away the most recent stimuli in a manner of not just compiling for later retrieval... but for a reference point to analyze the "new" data. It's when your teacher uses a metaphor or a mnemonic device to teach you something complex and novel, but your brain is doing it at such a rate of speed, it forms a narrative (albeit, barely coherent). It's the only time when the mind's temporal analysis is no longer linear because it's analyzing newer and old data as the same. When people are "lucid" they aren't bringing waking consciousness back into the dreams with them, they are simply engaging in the only true form of metacognition, that being, the mind watching the mind reading itself.

One sentence summary: The idea of being awake in your dreams is an instance in which the mind truly recognizes itself as process, rather than a state.

I bring this to PD'ers attention because I finally got around to reading the Common Walls last week. I recalled, when I was active in dream work, analysis and building lucid experiences, that during my waking life (what the LD community refers to as CR, or Consensus Reality) in the days following a lengthy state of awareness while dreaming that I sometimes had a lot of trouble playing along. Like when you're doing a redundant task (Chopping olives, painting a wall, data entry, etc.) and occasionally come out of your day dream and ask yourself "Ok, what am I doing here?" and find yourself unable to perform a simple set of steps you had just been doing over and over again at a rapid pace, not two seconds prior. One of my journal articles noted arriving at lunch with a friend, being handed a menu, and suddenly I had no idea how to make a decision of what I wanted to eat. Was I even hungry? What do I feel like when I'm hungry, and how have I made this decision in the past? When I read these words, they signify what I will be served, but what happened to the impulse that usually ignites when I read one of these words and say "That is what I want to eat?"

Pulling away from the idea of dream awareness, where do you find yourselves in this almost paralytic level of analysis, realizing exactly how little you understand or know, but rather, initiate your responses and actions without too much conscious thought?

Apple Talk / Why?
« on: January 30, 2014, 01:41:13 am »
A few hours ago,  I learned a good friend of mine committed suicide. In addition to heartbroken friends such as myself, he leaves behind a wife,  son,  and daughter.

He was one of the last great people I know. They certainly don't make them like that anymore. He was a wood carver, and had made some of the most beautiful works I have ever seen. He had lost a 2 year old daughter early last year,  and hadn't really come back from that.

I'm pretty shaken up, but what's really getting to me is the stupid things people say. "He was depressed and wasn't seeking treatment...", "He wasn't coping with the loss well," and "I'm shocked, but not surprised."

What the hell is it with people? Why do they say shit like that? Why say anything at all? If we simply spent 10 minutes in silence on the phone,  I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Even a "man, that sucks..."

I wish he was here. He was the type that would call this shit for what it was. I remember around Christmas when a relative asked him "How many kids do you two want?" Yeah, asking the guy going through his first Christmas without his youngest. His reply, "All of them."

I'm hurting, but after these conversations, I'm angry too. I'm starting to see the shitty support system he had. Why are we stuck with such dipshits, this day and age?

Sorry... Just needed to let loose. Take care PD'ers.

Apple Talk / I wish I had a scanner...
« on: January 15, 2014, 05:21:09 am »
I'm trying to finish a manuscript that's due on 12/31... Of last year. Through the shades there's flashes of red and blue, and I peek out to see four cruisers. It's the Colored Light Brigade and they're all over the place. I can't figure out what's going on. Here's what I can see:

-Something is wet on the road, a big puddle, and doesn't look like anything splashed (but not water, because it's 22 degrees out, so it would have frozen)
-Some older looking lady has a belt in her hand and is talking to one officer, and he doesn't have his notepad out, or seem like it's an official thing
-One car is parked, but with two wheels on the curb, can't see any damage
- No road flares
- occasionally,  someone will point up at the top of the house across the street and people will look up
- One of the police officers reached in his car and started blasting that "Burning Heart" song that was in one of the Rocky movies,  and everyone started smiling,  then one walked over and appeared to be chewing him out until he turned it off.
-Nothing smashed or broken is on the pavement
-A little girl came out the front door of the previously mentioned house and everyone yelled for her to get inside,  almost like they were worried something would happen

What the hell is going on??

Apple Talk / Indoctrination of the young
« on: January 12, 2014, 04:32:44 pm »
My girls watch a lot of cartoons on Netflix. I've noticed in a bunch of them there's a villain associated with Discord. Only examples I can think of off the top of my head are My Little Pony (the character's name is simply Discord) and Grim Adventures of Bill and Mandy (where the villain is Eris herself,  complete with golden K apple). There's a couple others but I'm on day 3 of no nicotine, and my brain is absolute shit, today.

So,  I guess the powers that be decided discord is a bad thing.  In fairness,  one episode of the latter Mandy says destroying the Golden apple will end existence,  since order cannot exist without disorder, etc. Which I guess is nice.

I mean,  I have enough to deal with,  having a mother who tells my kids daddy's "witchcraft" will result in damnation (not into Wicca, that's just what my turboCatholic mom considers Discordianism). Now cartoons are teaching my kids this shit? Now I have to be a responsible parent and actually monitor their media intake...? Screw+that.

I don't do well with total freedom to pursue my creative desires.

As a XXX-Mas gift, my wife's girlfriend bought me a gift certificate for a domain registry and 2 years of unlimited space and bandwidth to "Make a part of the World Wide Web [my] own."

I've sat in front of Wordpad for the last two hours and I cannot, for the life of me, come up with anything. I have a white canvas, symbolically speaking, and I don't even know what colors I want on my pallet (also symbolically speaking).

Please, PD... throw shit out there to get my brain going. Whatever first pops in your mind, I don't care if it's a bad or good idea because I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS ISUCKATLIFESOGODDAMNMUCH!!!!!!!SHINOBI!!!

Aneristic Illusions / How do I get molested by greys?
« on: November 03, 2013, 03:45:04 am »
So, I want to be abducted and sexually abused by aliens. I've been on pain medication for three days and I haven't poomped, so I figure a good probin' will unleash the pile.

I've been sniffing glue and meditating with Richard Marx blasting on my headphones while facing alpha centauri, with my dick on a skateboard,8,1

Nothing.  What|the|fupp?!

Is it because I don't have tin foil? All they sell is aluminum.  So, need help: How poomp? Where ET?

Apple Talk / Goal: Nut punch Goliath to death.
« on: July 12, 2013, 01:37:14 am »
Since everything I've posted here starts with a meandering backstory, I'll instead post my intentions first, then fill you in.

Simply, I would like PD'ers to brainstorm ways that Wal-Mart can be taken down. Any idea, no matter how off the wall it is. I want to see this through, I want to end that company, and I want nothing more than every Walton to hang themselves when they discover they are only two bankruptcies away from standing in a soup line.

Backstory (the following has a degree of artistic license, as to make it easier to stomach):
I've been at a lull in my professional life. I haven't been able to get motivated, and I haven't completed anything remotely presentable to publishers in a long time. I've since returned to my other job full time. It was a moderate paying part-time that I held onto so I could provide health insurance for the wife and kids. I've just felt completely shitty, and I know it's because I can't just get myself to get my shit together.

After having a long conversation with a former colleague who invited me to his massive house, last night (his most recent textbook making obscene amounts of money), we got on the topic of Life and quantum physics. He's a science guru, and he's one of those who is too polite to tell me I'm drunk and talking out of my ass. Thanks to my state of mind, I kept shifting the conversation to how my current state applies to whatever specific theme we were touching on, because I'm a dick like that. He's a good enough guy that he humored me in this regard, even though it was probably the last thing he wanted to discuss. He pointed out that I've had some success in my past, but every time it's usually followed by a period of languidness until I reach the point where my situation is severe, then I usually turn it around to get another little taste of success. He said that Tolstoy did something similar (or maybe it was Dostoyevski... I can't remember, nor be bothered to Google it), in which he would publish a novel that would earn him considerable amounts of money, only to then gamble himself into debt, forcing him to write another great work. For that author, he said, it was the only way he could achieve the level of clarity and focus necessary to get to that creative state... to have his very livelihood hinging upon his next work. My friend's suggestion was that I was in the same boat, but for me, it was slightly different, because for me it was a matter of getting so bored with my life, I have to find something inspiring and challenging to get to the next "mountaintop."

His suggestion was to find something seemingly impossible to defeat. He then asked what angers me more than anything in the world, and I said "the mighty exploiting the weak and desperate." So, we thought of some situations that particularly disgusted me, and the first one I mentioned was child sex slaves. After some discussion, we decided that I would most likely get myself killed, so it'd be better if I pursued something in which the opposition would be less eager to shoot me in the head. I then mentioned something awful my wife's friend just went through... employment at Wal-Mart. My wife's friend is a very caring and wonderful person, but she isn't very smart, and she has had the most unlucky life of anyone I've ever met. Without getting into her life story (trust me, it would make you want to douse yourself in gas, then nuke the planet), she went to work for them because she was in a shitty situation where her husband had just died of leukemia, leaving her with three wonderful children (4, 7, and 9), a trailer they were still paying for, tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt from her now dead husband's treatment (we tried to get her to divorce him so the debt would die with him, but she said she couldn't do it because "[She] made a promise to God that, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer..."etc), and her previous employer fired her after 10+ years of dedicated service (she had to schedule the funeral for the evening because they wouldn't give her the day off, I shit you not) after she asked for a raise to help her in this situation.

So, the only job she was able to find was Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart wouldn't schedule around picking up or taking care of the kids, so my wife and her sister were taking care of them, and sometimes she wouldn't even get to see them for 5 minutes to kiss them goodnight. But then she started seeing them more because when she hit 6 months, they cut her down so she was working 27 hours a week (Wal-Mart considers 28 hours "full time" to receive health benefits, I guess). Only, when I say "working 27 hours", I mean "scheduled for 27 hours" because almost every day they told her to punch out before going back for another hour or two to "zone out", which doesn't mean what you and I think it means. To "zone" something means clean it up and fix the merchandise displays in that area. So, she worked 50-60 hour weeks at $8.25/hr (minimum where I'm at), but only getting paid for 40 of it, for six months. And desperately clinging to the hope that if she manages to make it to 6 months, she can finally get health insurance and stop living in fear that her kids may get sick or go to the hospital. However, then Wal-Mart not only didn't qualify her for health insurance, they were cutting her hours to the point where she has "borrowed" money from us, so she can eat (they've been without power for almost a month), and providing her with information on how to get Medicaire and WIC. As if it wasn't fucked up already, she came to my house crying uncontrollably. Wal-Mart fired her. They said it was because she was "failing to be a team player." While she sat in my kitchen, crying and shaking, saying over and over again "What am I going to do?!", I contacted a friend who has a son working there part-time this summer to see what the hell happened. He knew exactly why she got fired: she was in the break room and when one of the older women was asking about her husband's funeral, she mentioned that one of his old union pals (from the candy factory he worked at until it closed back in 2003 or 2004) placed their union patch in the casket with him during Last Respects. I guess a few minutes after that, one of the managers was asking everybody where she was, and soon after she was walked out. I asked her if she remembered that conversation, and she nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that's most likely the reason she got fired.

So, after everything she's endured, Wal-Mart fired her because her dead husband was in a Union a decade ago. Or, because she wasn't a team player, if you want to believe they're story.

After explaining to my friend that we're considering letting her move in with our family, since she doesn't have any money, they're losing the trailer, and we've been practically feeding them since (unemployment only pays 60% of what you were earning before, so thanks to those 27 hour weeks, she's getting a whopping $106 a week to support she and her three kids, and no Cobra because she didn't have insurance, so fuck her, right?), he told me that my next task is to take down Wal-Mart.* I said "Ah, so David versus Goliath." And his reply was "You don't even have a slingshot, and Wal-Mart is the largest employer and retail outfit in the world, so it's more like Lazarus versus Jericho."

Wal-Mart and their proprietors are the scum of the earth (the people working there have my sympathies), and if they were a country, they would be the 25th richest country in the world. An evil regime and a force that must be not only stopped, but dismantled, and shit upon. Please help me think of creative ways that I could do that.

*My friend gave me a very large sum of money to help her out. She wouldn't take it, at first, but I told her that if she didn't, my friend would be heartbroken.

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Koan Nebula
« on: June 02, 2013, 02:10:47 am »
I remember the Chao Te Ching, but did we ever start compiling a series of Koans?

Search is not helping.

Caution: Potential trigger for sexual assault victims.

Summary of vid: Woman is illegally searched in family court by a bailiff, in front of her very frightened daughter, sexually assaulted, judge does nothing, then the woman is fucking arrested for "making false allegation against police officer" (a statute that does not exists).

After vid: The guy loses his job, and files wrongful termination suit which he may actually win because the judge did nothing to stop it which, by some severe oversight in the law, means he cannot be held accountable. The woman is filing a lawsuit against the county, because (if you note the previous sentence) the guy is not going to be arrested or charged with his crimes, the defendants are now his superiors, who may or may not have tried to cover up the deed.

Punch line: The taxpayers are in the awful position where they will have to pay both the victim and the perpetrator of a particularly nauseating crime.

Article for further rage:

Again, the video will leave you shaking and wanting blood. Do not watch if you we're having a nice day, or (if you're like me) and you have daughters. 

Apple Talk / I just awarded this video an Oscar
« on: April 27, 2013, 02:57:11 pm »
This video ->

EDIT - Sorry, forgot this warning: NSFW and NSFE (E=Epileptics)

Apple Talk / What is so wrong with the women of this* country?
« on: April 22, 2013, 05:09:51 pm »

I was trying to navigate my radio around the AM stations to find a local broadcast my friend was going to be featured on, and I came across the insane rumblings of a radio personality I had heard of, but was not familiar with. I listened for a few minutes out of general curiosity, when I heard this gem:

"...what Americans don't realize is that feminism is the first way Socialism and Fascism introduces itself into a country's fabric. Once we're ok with giving women all of these privileges, they start pushing other ways to break capitalism down. Femenism ruins society, and it is why we have so many single mothers spending a lifetime on welfare and expanding the entitlements that give liberals and socialists the support to destroy the free market system."


"Why do you have to pay [women] the same? There's plenty of things they can't do as well as men, so why do employers who are already forced to hire them have to pay them the same?"

Now, these quotes are from memory, so it may have been worded a little differently, but it got me to wondering about something. I wish I could directly ask this guy (probably would get screened by the producers, though), "What is your problem with women? What is so wrong about women that you came to these conclusions?"

Basically, I don't understand it. To look at the basic definition of Conservative viewpoints, there's nothing to indicate they should give a shit about feminism, one way or another.  I get that they don't like Affirmative Action, but outside of that, how does that have any bearing on feminism? Feminism, to me, is the simple understanding that women should have equal rights. Makes sense to me. Even as a man, I don't see how that can have any negative effects on me.

Where does this knee jerk disdain for women and women's rights come from? Even if I play devil's advocate and consider it's a religious influence from the Christian Right, I'm still not seeing it. The Catholic Church, for a time, were the ones pushing for women's rights, as we're many Protestant religions.

What is it about women that makes their stance so combative? Even if we assume this guy and a handful of others have issues with their masculinity, I don't see how that could carry over into the philosophy of such a large percentage of conservatives? There's got to be a big reason I'm overlooking, that may not seem apparent at first.

Paging TGRR.

Or Kill Me / When Occam's Razor is held by the blade...
« on: April 20, 2013, 05:45:23 pm »
So our long national phantasm seems to have hit the exhaust valve. They got Suspect #2. From herein I will refer to them as 1 and 2, as I really don't have the energy to look up the proper spelling of their name, let alone repeat it throughout everything that will I will spew, henceforth. He was captured hiding in a boat, under a tarp, like a scared little boy. For most of us Americans, that's how we have been since Monday.

Let's start with Monday. The real explosion was the detonation of the dreaded thermonuclear media, which leads us up to the mountain pass; and "...beyond is a different country." Or, so you would think, at first glance. I was in the doctor's office, waiting for my follow up appointment to remove some stitches and end a lengthy recovery from what seemed a minor accident, at first. I looked up at the television to see Fox News blowing up, and the words "Multiple explosions at the Boston Marathon" on the screen. I shook my head and looked down at my iPhone. It's not so much that I didn't care, at the time. I didn't want to care. I didn't want to go through another media orgy, where the prompt and careless fucking of every crevice within reach was the objective, rather than pursuit of making sure all those involved are embraced in the manner they deserve.

A woman sitting next to me looked over and said, "Did you see this?" Almost as if she was under the sick impression I was going to be able to avoid it, somehow. "Lady," I wanted to say, "The media's got an unattended backpack for every one of us. I can assure you I'll get the brunt of it, same as everyone else." But my reply was simply an acknowledging grunt and a "What are ya gonna do?" shrug. She seemed bothered by this. She leaned over and said, "Those better not be Muslim bombs." I couldn't contain myself, at this point. "What are Muslim bombs?" I asked, feigning earnestness. "Oh, you know," she exclaimed...

"The kind that kill innocent people."

Ah, unlike those American bombs that are designed with such precision, not one civilian Iraqi, Afghan, Libyan, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, or Bosnian has ever felt it's wrath. Only evil folks get hit by those. If I had the energy or wherewithal, I would have warned her how careless our American bombs can be.

Like the one that hit Sunil Trapathi's family. Or the one that hit the guy in the blue robe with shrapnel. Or maybe, and it pains me to admit, the one aimed at the backwoods Libertarian militia types. The ones descending upon Russians, Chechens, and lukewarm delusional Muslims. Granted, these bombs may not break a single skin cell on those folks, but like my poor spleen three weeks ago... sometimes the most devastating injuries can't be seen, or noticed, until you slowly bleed out without dropping as much as a single drop of life onto the pavement. Where's the regard, or push for getting those people justice? What have we done to deserve a Fourth Estate more concerned with conducting itself like TMZ commenters rushing to each new post with "First!" in lieu of trying to communicate thoughtful and accurate analysis of something this discombobulating?

But the live feed is offline, and the reporters are checking out of the hotels; heading back to their respective homes. Those lacking limbs, family, friends, or the heart to carry on...? Well, the dead will bury the dead, I guess. There's other spectacles to capture. This one's at its afterglow. 5 dead, over 100 injured, and a very confused teen is sitting in a hospital with a Demerol drip, trying to make sense of the chaos and the mistakes he made. Those who lost their children in Sandy Hook elementary are grieving somewhere, living with an inescapable pain the rest of the country anesthetized themselves to with a quick change of the channel and return to their daily banality some will never regain. Their children's photos are frozen in time, but thoughtfully cached by Google and its brethren.

Meanwhile, this. But the family and friends of those 27 innocent people should have known better than to live in a Middle Eastern country or, at the least, not schedule their tragedy so soon after we had a sporting event rudely interrupted with something we typically outsource to nations such as theirs. As crass as it may have seemed at the time, this was probably the most polite manner in which certain countries could have offered their condolences.

Not to say Krystle Campbell, Martin Richard, Lu Lingzi, deserved even a scratch. Or Sean Collier, for that matter. He served and protected, and without his efforts, it's very possible we would be still wondering just what happened to Suspect 1 and 2. We never did find John Doe #2, did we? But do we extend the same heartfelt regard for his sacrifice as we do these 13 policemen? I had trouble finding this tragedy on CNN.

I was not immune to being sucked in to this cultural psychosis. While on Reddit, a thread began (which has since been deleted, but replaced with this) when someone posted a link to a live feed of the Boston Police and EMS scanner, saying that police were heading to a property to investigate. From there, things took a turn for the weird. The address proved to be a simple domestic complaint, and redditors actually expressed disappointment that they were robbed of experiencing history, firsthand. Fate would have the last laugh. A 7-11 robbery came over the radio, which everyone promptly ignored as (if I remember the quote, accurately) "...routine for big cities like Boston.". A few minutes later, when the call came over the radio exclaiming "Officer down!" everyone went into a frenzy, but still thought it an unrelated phenomenon, and there was a discussion of whether to move it into a different subreddit, or delete it altogether (which may have been the reason it was). But the folly continued, and I stayed up until 3 o'clock listening in and posting, like every other idiot in that thread. What's interesting is that it was a long time before it was revealed the robbery and shooting of the officer were actually related to the events of the Boston Marathon Bombing. I wish the thread still existed, because it was a perfectly poignant specimen of how a large group of people all over the world could have unfettered access to so much information, yet the true narrative got lost in the cacophony and alarum of what those that participated considered thoughtful observation.

Perhaps, the worst is still ahead of us. With all the pesky logistics out of the way, America can now feel free to speculate to the motives of this act. Suspect 1 was well trained in the art of savagely injuring another man for sport. Suspect 2 was very successful in his efforts to overpower opponents with force, in hopes an objective third party would formally recognize it with a forceful slap on the mat.  Both grew up, spent most of their lives, and were citizens of a country with one of the highest violent crime rates in the industrialized world. That would seem the simplest of explanations.

"But," many would rightfully assert, "There are millions of people who partake in boxing and wrestling, worldwide. There are hundreds of millions of Americans who don't commit acts of terror. There are scores of people who use pressure cookers for nothing more violent than kickass pot roasts. You can't ascribe these variables to the actions of individuals."

Sadly, the objectiveness corrodes, and the same people will then observe that Suspect 2 liked Islam on social networking sites (as 1.6 billion people worldwide would), both had been born in Chechnya, and lived some of their younger years in what used to be part of the Soviet Union, and Suspect 1 took a holiday to Russia. To listen to these deranged self-professed profilers, the simplest explanation is that these two were sleeper Soviet operatives, programmed before they were run out of their homeland to destroy America (the Free), brainwashed by a religion of which 98% are non-violent, only to have their body count beaten by the spontaneous combustion of material we use to make plants grow.

That's the simplest answer, right?

But to the rest of us, the hypothesis with the fewest assumptions is this:

By the Constitution we hold as the foundation of this great country they are innocent until a court of their peers... Americans, I must reiterate... finds them guilty, and whomever is to blame for what happened in Boston on Monday was an asshole.

But their peers have already started tying the noose before the jury has been selected. With the ubiquitous nature of today's global media reach, the only place Suspect 2 will get a fair trial is Shangri La. Somewhere, James Holmes languishes in a cell, playing with his eyebrows and wondering if someone could ever genetically construct a blue raddish, and Jared Loughner masturbates furiously to the thought of raping Spongebob Squarepants. Ryan Lanza's a pile of ashes at points unknown. Their names will far outlast those of their unfortunate victims, and America will carry on until the next media spectacle shakes its keys in front of the population.

Somewhere I and millions of law-abiding people with a serious concern for my fellow man will sit to the side, hoping that one day we'll snap out of this hysteria, and return to the simplest understanding of why we are here and what is happening in the world around us: "We're here to help each other get through this thing. Whatever it is."

Apple Talk / Before YouTube Stasi finds it...
« on: April 07, 2013, 05:43:51 am »

1) Smoke sizable quantity of an illegal drug
2) Play this video
3) See if you can make it all the way through without either a) Having a nervous breakdown, b) Seizure, or c) fappping


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