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Apple Talk / New Year's Resolutions

« on: December 31, 2017, 11:51:41 pm »

New Year's Resolutions piss me off. If it's important, and you resolve to do it, how often does the realization happen on Dec. 31 or Jan. 1?

Despite that, for those of us on the Gregorian calendar I share with you some of my resolutions for the new year. Please add.

I resolve to ....

... ride the rear bumper of every Bastard City Snowbird dawdling in the passing lane - especially if they are driving a prius or subaru.

... bitch about every public official - R or D or Green or Libloony - as much as I can before the acid reflux gets to me.

... love everybody.

... park as close as humanly possible to the guy taking up two spaces with their pristine off road vehicle.

... post here more frequently.

... carry an old sock filled with 1 lb of decking screws at all times. Remember scouts - Be prepared!

... KMFMS and practice my GRIN.

... Finally find a use (or target) for that old triply-sealed bottle of cadaverine in the lab.

2

Or Kill Me / The Deluge

« on: May 05, 2015, 05:28:41 am »

It started with a brisk wind on an otherwise unseasonably cool day.

It was normally hot by May and the locals thought the change in weather a welcome delay to the frequently forbidding spring and summer's heat and dryness. So, it was thoroughly delightful when the rains started. First it was a sprinkle and then a steadily increasing downpour.

It didn't last the biblical 40 days and nights, much to the chagrin of some folks in the religious extreme. However, it was long enough to make a few of the timid-type of atheists get nervous.

The flooding washed through the housing developments and demolished satellite cities. Downtown became a concrete reef of overpasses and on-ramps. Bookstores and coffee shops and walmarts and record shops and fast food places and libraries and churches and golf courses - all under water. There was some violence when the highways jammed as people realized the truth and tried to leave in a rush. There was some looting once most of the authorities left. But the waters took the lion's share of the goods. The legislature had tried to deny it. They even took time to pen a quick bill that described the sudden change in the weather as a federal emergency yes, but certainly not due to global climate change. There was even a subclause explaining that it was somehow Obama's fault.

The reservations became expensive water-front property and the richest of the refugees couldn't buy their way in. The Native Americans in the First People's Council had a set of standards to accept refugees that the well-to-do couldn't figure out. Many folks fled to the North or the South. Favelas were set up around neighboring towns. The newcomers were welcomed in but warily at first. Many tried to stay in the ramshackle housing but the desire for their former lives forced them to acclimate to their Northern or Southern neighbor's ways. Tattoo and piercing parlors made 200% increase in profits as the new folks tried to fit in. There was a little head cracking in order to get the refugees to lose some of their holier-than-thou ways, and of course there were many who couldn't ever bring themselves to talk and interact with those they considered beneath them. They were the first to feed the roving coyote packs.

The Great Arizona Lake took 23 days to fill with water. There are still bodies and golf carts and debris at the bottom. But nature is filling in the gaps. There are fast growing reeds at the water's edge. The whole area is home to growing flocks of birds and butterflies. Fishermen have been seen plying the waters. There's even talk of a resurgence in the state's budget due to another natural wonder. But Phoenix was never to rise again.