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Messages - Demolition_Squid

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 49
1
Apple Talk / Re: SHAMELESS WHORING
« on: December 31, 2012, 11:41:26 am »
Bead turned up yesterday, and made my mom squeak with glee.

Of course, she's got an awful cold at the moment and has lost her voice, so everything she says is a squeak of some form.

But these were happy squeaks. Thanks Nigel! :D

(Also thanks for the awesome extras! Those made my day!)

2
In the UK you have a period of 12 months in which you can be fired for any reason- or no reason at all. I believe part of the justification there is personality clashes, and really I don't see too much wrong with that.

3
Apple Talk / Re: Putting More Hippy Bullshit to Rest: "All is Maya".
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:48:24 pm »
Okay.

Can we stop the world now please? I'd like to get off.

Wait. No. Damn. Ten minutes and then back into the Happiest Goddamn Place On Earth.

We must be happy. We all smile so much.

4
Apple Talk / Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:45:07 pm »
Of course he has! He's the one who built time all wrong.

He's nobody to blame but himself, and a faceful of glass is a small price to pay to register an official complaint about such shoddy workmanship.

5
Apple Talk / Re: Putting More Hippy Bullshit to Rest: "All is Maya".
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:42:06 pm »
Wait, wait.

If this isn't an illusion then this is actually happening.

Even... oh God.

Oh god!.


6
Apple Talk / Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:36:51 pm »
Damnit.

When I meet God, I'm going to have a few choice words for him let me tell you.

7
Apple Talk / Re: So, apparently the world HAS ended...
« on: December 21, 2012, 05:30:25 pm »
...And me and Sita got Left Behind, which fucking figures.

I hope all of You People that got raptured get the afterlife version of crab lice (who says they don't go to heaven?), which would - of course - be IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL.

There's your Goddamn eternity...Scratching your junk FOREVER.

The Mayans would have approved.



I thought the past two weeks had prepared me for this. I was wrong.

The world hasn't ended, Roger, it has become more The World than it ever was before.

I have witnessed someone wield their baby as a weapon with which to carve a swathe through the Holy Jolly crowds.

I have seen the mountains of waste, tons of Good Cheer destined to fester before the appointed Happy Time.

I have seen a grown man in tears because- as far as I could tell from his bawling manchild blubbering- none of our geese were plump enough.

And there`s still three more shopping days `til Christmas.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho hoooooaaaaiiiuuuuuuggghkch.

8
Apple Talk / Re: The Last Whiskey Bar
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:45:19 pm »
 :aaa:

Well, I've got a long shift until I get to eat. At least that mental image will ward hunger off.

9
Or Kill Me / Re: ERIS IS DEAD!
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:36:53 pm »
Also I was kind of a douche when I was a teenager, huh?

10
Or Kill Me / Re: ERIS IS DEAD!
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:35:26 pm »
He drifted away from my social circle. Believe he is now a supermarket manager somewhere.

No wolf eatings as far as I know.

11
Apple Talk / Re: The Last Whiskey Bar
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:33:34 pm »
This reminds me that my dad belives curry is 'basically just a spicy stew' and so he insists on adding dumplings and mushrooms to all curry dishes.

Clearly we just know how to do curry better than those uppity natives.

12
Apple Talk / Re: The Last Whiskey Bar
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:23:28 pm »
It's gonna be one of THOSE days, I see.

I think the problem is the time zone difference.  I'm writing shit 3 hours behind, so responses take 6 hours.  Like in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Comes from letting you fuckers have your own "time zones".  FOOLS!  Time runs at the same rate, no matter where on Earth you are (unless you're at the DMV or the doctor's office).  You People need to STANDARDIZE.  Get with the fucking program.  It is currently 9:03 AM.  Shut up.

I think you will find, Sir, that time was invented in 1693 by Sir William of Clocke. Up until that moment people had just done things simultaneously, which made it impossible to queue in a suitably British fashion. In order to alleviate this problem the city of Greenwich was founded - which is why all proper time is expressed relative to GMT. Therefore it is currently 4 in the afternoon. Thank you.

It is ALWAYS 4 in the afternoon in England.  And RAINING. 

That's how we like it.

Grey and miserable makes the food fit in better.

13
Apple Talk / Re: The Last Whiskey Bar
« on: December 20, 2012, 04:13:56 pm »
It's gonna be one of THOSE days, I see.

I think the problem is the time zone difference.  I'm writing shit 3 hours behind, so responses take 6 hours.  Like in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Comes from letting you fuckers have your own "time zones".  FOOLS!  Time runs at the same rate, no matter where on Earth you are (unless you're at the DMV or the doctor's office).  You People need to STANDARDIZE.  Get with the fucking program.  It is currently 9:03 AM.  Shut up.

I think you will find, Sir, that time was invented in 1693 by Sir William of Clocke. Up until that moment people had just done things simultaneously, which made it impossible to queue in a suitably British fashion. In order to alleviate this problem the city of Greenwich was founded - which is why all proper time is expressed relative to GMT. Therefore it is currently 4 in the afternoon. Thank you.

14
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Financial fuckery thread
« on: December 20, 2012, 08:16:22 am »
"Australia continues to do pretty well on the quiet."

Well, they're not so quiet about it here. It's also a little deceptive, in that we have what economists are calling "a two speed economy".

The fast speed, being the mining sector, and the slow speed, being the rest of us.

Australia has a lot of rocks and things that the rest of the world, especially China, and to a lesser extent, India, want. These keep the overall numbers up on the indicators economists like to use to determine economic strength (GDP, balance of payments, etc.). This is making miners, who in Australia seem to be very ardently right-wing and obese, extremely rich. It doesn't seem to be trickling down to the rest. The government has just reduced social security to single people with children, putting them well below a poverty line. This is a Labor government, which while having left it's socialist roots decades ago, still tries to pride itself on looking after the "battler". Some states are shedding civil servants on a Southern European scale, and removing permanent contracts. Non-mining tradespeople have a lot less work and income, as do "unskilled" labourers.

Still, it could have been worse. Aparrently our banking sector had much fewer "toxic assets" (I think that means sub-prime investments) and were thus not tied to the property markets of the USA (and at home) like banks all around the world were. I think the governments stimulus spending was better targeted than other countries, with it going into keeping building industries and "unskilled" jobs afloat with infrastructure projects.

And we're about to start selling uranium to India! Nuclear non-proliferation be gone!

There seems to be this feeling here that just as long as we welcome our new Chinese overloads with open arms and prawn feasts, we're going to be OK. We just have to accept our role as Asia's quarry, and the subsequent environmental results, to do this.

I don't really undertsand economics, which seems to make me qualified to opinionate on it.

Thanks for the rundown  :)

I didn't mean that to sound condescending in any way - I just meant that whilst we have heard that Australia has been doing well... the reasons why haven't been made very clear. I hadn't heard anything about the two-speed economy, or the mining industry for that matter, so that's all very interesting. What I had heard was that Australia's economy is tied to China's in the same way that Canada's economy is tied to the United States; so people often invest in Australia as a way to take advantage of a rise in China's economy. Which seems pretty consistent with what you said but now also makes a lot more sense.

I hadn't heard anything at all about Australia preparing to sell nuclear materials to India. That is very surprising given how much the media has loved to shriek about nuclear energy and weapons this year, between Fukushima and Iran. I wonder if we'll hear any more about that as the deal progresses.

15
Apple Talk / Shamblers
« on: December 19, 2012, 03:05:29 pm »
We spent countless hours preparing for this very end, but when it came, nobody seemed to realize until it was much too late. The Crash came, and with it, the zombies. But Iím sure everything will be alright.

It might not even have been The Crash, looking back, it seems like many of our institutions were showing warning signs even before then. Heightened aggression, insatiable thirst for human flesh, repetitive behaviour and rictus grins. Not to mention a gradual lowering of higher brain function and reliance on stock phrases. Iím sure everything will be alright. The warning signs were all there, but nobody seemed to really notice or take action.

The Crash was definitely when things got so bad they couldnít be ignored. These dead institutions have shambled on for years, holding in their guts with one hand and devouring their fellows with the other. We struggled to find a cure, but the rot just spread in deeper. Things have gotten pretty bad. Whatís worse is that we seem to be trying to convince ourselves that it isnít happening! Iím sure everything will be alright though. Some countries have attempted to purge the infection with fire, but that doesnít seem to have helped slow it at all. If anything, it has speeded the rate at which living, breathing officials have been replaced with dead-eyed bureaucrats hungry for more.

The truth is we werenít prepared for this kind of zombie. Sure, sure, fiction named a hundred different variants, but none working quite like this. Cut off the head all you like, the body will either thrash around and become even more violent, or else simply grow a new one; the only appreciable difference being a more desperate gleam in the eye. Iím sure everything will be alright. There are probably experts working on it.

Having identified the infected by their dead-eyed stare and repetition of phrases such as Ďfor your safetyí and Ďquantitative easingí, it is important first of all not to panic. They are, thankfully, quite stupid and only dangerous if panicked. Quickly make your way out of the area, doing your best to adopt a similarly haggard and stressed demeanour whilst uttering platitudes. Be certain not to make any sudden moves or question their assumptions. Remember, everything will be alright. There are probably experts working on it.

As there seems to be nothing which can kill one of these monsters than another of their  kind, it is best not to interfere. All we can do is hunker down and hope that they donít mess up badly enough to cause the lights to go out. So long as we have the illusion of normality, we can just keep pretending this isnít really happening and everything will go back to normal if we just keep the faith. Even if things wonít go back to normal, Iím sure everything will be alright.

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