Messages

I was just asking for you to consider having some empathy, but hey.

I do have empathy. That's why I don't take my wording lightly and it's primarily why I hoped it would illustrate my point. It was intended to strike a chord in a spot that causes all of us to wince. It flopped. I don't know how to resolve that in my mind because the last thing I want to do is cause "gratuitous" pain that nets nothing of value but I honestly don't know how to better transmit the message.

"Quietly backing off" is pretty much the same thing as "ignoring it until it goes away". Not responding is, in fact, disrespectful, regardless of how you want to spin it. It sends a pretty clear message that you don't give a shit and that my feelings and opinions are not important enough to merit a response. If that's not the message you intended to send, you might reconsider your approach.

The monsters inside your head are not my problem. If you can't control yourself, then I won't read your posts. Thanks for letting me know that's what I need to do.

Now I'm spinning shit. I'm a liar too! And no matter what I say about my thought process, your perception of my feelings takes precedence.

I'm sorry but I dealt with all that "If you don't chase me to find out what's wrong, it's because you don't respect me! YES IT IS!" hissy fit bullshit from my mom as a kid. It's a losing battle. Every. Single. Time. If you choose to perceive my letting it drop as an act of disrespect, I'm sorry for your self-induced experience of having been slighted. Can't help ya.

And now I'm claiming victimhood and I'm kind of pathetic. Boy, my list of crimes and repugnant traits seem to have no ceiling. I never know what horrible things I'll discover about myself next.

You are free to return to calling me a horrible person now.

FYI, this is what I was referring to. It's very blown out of proportion to the actual criticism, and it reeks of black-and-white thinking.

And this smacks of irresponsible psychoanalysis of friends, family and lovers in a biased and self-proclaimed state of having been offended. A cardinal sin and we both know it. I'm taking the same College-level Psych classes as you so...

And another thing (and this goes for everyone) I do not come here to be fucking reminded or scolded about what kind of treatment I need--mental, medical or otherwise. Everyone on here has put their personal shit out there at some point or another so don't give me that crap about how I "brought it upon myself" because my shit's uniquely public now. I'm not one to take my ball and go home (in the 6 or so years I've been here, I've only been tempted once and Faust crushed that) but if this becomes a hell where I am poked and prodded and discredited because people are taking liberty and license with regards to my mental diagnoses, (this includes personality disorders, eating disorders, abuse victim mentality, PTSD,stockholm syndrome or whatever other diagnosis du jour you want to point to something I said as evidence to support) my continuing to post here will be fruitless and unpleasant and possibly even toxic and counterproductive to my IRL struggle to find harmony and wellness. After you're all done sticking labels on me, I need to go home, peel them off and go about the business of discovering what's really broken and what's working just fine.

If you think I'm fucking unhinged, feel free to hit that ignore button.

My only regret is that it was too much for people and therefore, ineffective at communicating my point.

Read that to yourself just one more time, please.

Yeah, got that.

[you have indulged]

The root of the matter is this:  If your choice of wording or your butthurt has caused your message to fail to reach its intended target - intentionally or otherwise - then you have not engaged in communication, you have indulged in anti-communication.  The failure of the idea to be transmitted and received is your failure, not the failure of those lousy ingrates that should "just listen to the message, not the way it was sent", which is, of course, patently ridiculous.  The burden of communication is on the person trying to send the idea, not the people receiving it.

Okay for Now,
The Good Reverend Doktor.

Point taken. But still! People shouldn't be so quick to...never mind.

Well, fuck. I didn't see this until now. I didn't mean you.

[gratuitous]

You can feel free to be forever "that chick who's NSFW because she talks about baby rape".

I mean, seriously Navkat, you taking the victim stance because for some reason you don't understand why that's socially unacceptable is kind of pathetic.

Right. Because that's what I'm notorious for.

And now I'm claiming victimhood and I'm kind of pathetic. Boy, my list of crimes and repugnant traits seem to have no ceiling. I never know what horrible things I'll discover about myself next.

Hey, did you ever think 1. I have my own "dark feelings" about the issue? or 2. There was a reason (aside from some frivolous act of literary dadaism) I made the choice to be specific/graphic?

And, I can't help but notice that you didn't bother to respond to my post until someone else chimed in to reinforce what I said, which tells me a lot about how much you give a flying fuck about my feelings.

Does it really? Did it occur to you that I may have tried to swallow it, back off and quietly ignore it for several days until it was opened back up for me to be reprimanded a second and a third time?

Nah. Couldn't be that. My response was totally about disrespecting you. How pathetic.

It's not even a trigger thing. I mean, it severely squicks me out and I'm sure my past experiences, as well as being a parent, contribute to that, but also, I think that it's also generally a thing that you don't drop graphic, specific, and gratuitous descriptions of grotesque violence into a conversation because it tends to elicit a negative response from most people.

Navkat, if these things are in your head and you can't keep yourself from saying them, get counseling, because you will alienate people by blurting them out inappropriately.

The more you know.

Funny, I didn't find it gratuitous. The idea touches some pretty dark shit in my head also. There was a very deliberate reason why I chose to let that little monster take a shit on the coffee table.

My only regret is that it was too much for people and therefore, ineffective at communicating my point.

I just wanted to make that clear in case someone it tempted to lecture me about how ineffective it was at communicating my point.

You are free to return to calling me a horrible person now.

I wasn't addressing censorship from a restricted access point of view but rather, from a social pressure/consequences/guilt stance which is no less real. But I think you knew that.

Okay, I'm getting tired of the selective fucking attitudes about FREE SPEECH around here. What do you want me to say? That I promise not to post anything shocking or offensive anymore? That somewhere between the expressing the actual shit rattling around inside my head and just keeping my mouth shut are a whole lot of options borne of good sense and in better taste and that I'll do my best to find one agreeable to everyone without also offending you by referring to it as "compliant self-censorship?"

I'm annoyed. Y'all are wrong. <---That's about the most honest, non-passive-aggressive way I can say it. I hope we can get past this without it turning into pages of vitriol and arguing. Hunter S Thompson, I am not. David Foster Wallace I am NOT but I have to stand up to this and say no. I will not go out of my way to make it pretty when ugly is how it needs to come out.

I hope this doesn't turn you away or hurt feelings. I have triggers too but I try to get above them. As we all should.

Thank you.

Not related to suu, et al, but I am trying to spread a rationalist "our"/"my" Discordia when I can re: not assuming, not jumping to conclusions, not letting vengeance rule.


It's fucking hard work, and that plus the honest emotion led me to the bourbon. But the fight continues.

Losing your shit in a crisis isn't what I saw this afternoon.  I saw GUTS.

THAT is what I'd like to take from this.  I still am, but that thread made it a bit more difficult.

Fuck, I'm proud of you. You are a raging, ranting bastard love-child of lava and a mound of angry fire-ants, but you ain't a total cynic yet.

I love Suu too. She's the shit dude. They ain't stomping nobody because they're too busy sewing Byzantine-era garb and running around with turkey legs, hollering "Huzzah!" That's just some hot, WBC-stomping RPG action going on. Any minute now, some dumbshit is going to try to summon a swarm of dragons or some shit, roll a two and kill the whole campaign in a ball of flames as the creature that manifests turns out to be a fire-breathing 5-foot gecko with a cleft palate.

No sweat.

I know this isn't the way the universe works, but in my heart of hearts, I hope there's some guy on a forum somewhere saying, "Dudes, I'm trolling an entire fucking website with my Jacob The Retarded Stalker routine."

I totally hoped that for 250 pages.

Yeah, that would have been the most epic of all possible endings.

But, no, instead its a socially crippled pedotard getting ganged up on by internet bullies who didn't mean to be bullies and still kinda mostly don't realize that's what it's turned into.

It's kind of THE SADDEST THING EVER.

especially when they aren't shining examples of being respectful to women, themselves...

The fact that you two got this without my saying anything: why I still come here despite the abuse and Discordia not being "very nice at all."

I'm wondering if we all got the "stomach turn" feeling at the same exact point.

I know this isn't the way the universe works, but in my heart of hearts, I hope there's some guy on a forum somewhere saying, "Dudes, I'm trolling an entire fucking website with my Jacob The Retarded Stalker routine."

I totally hoped that for 250 pages.

Yeah but almost ALL the creepy child-snatcher and serial killer shit happens to strangers.

I KNOW THAT STARBUCKS THEY'RE AT.



Fucking Larghetto. Gah. A wretch hive of scum of villainy between Detroit Souf and Scifag City. This shit makes me fear for my sister's life every. fucking. day. Then I remember she has a LTC and a 3rd Dan, sooo...

Tell her to stay away fro Jacobear the peah-dough.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkUTg7MuUjs#!

Right. He's not so mentally retarded that he doesn't comprehend complex decisions.

On one hand, it's unfair because he's clearly suffering from fetal lead poisoning or something like it. On the other hand, he chronically texts random women/girls and talks dirty to them, and that's totally unacceptable. Also, the thing with jerking off on webcam for a 12-year-old... he believed she was 12, that's fucking disgusting, and you can be fairly safe in betting that he had jerked off on webcam for a multitude of other little girls before he was busted. So, he's kind of a retard, but he's also a scumbag, and he clearly has no authentic feelings for these "women" he's texting with. He's a predator. A retarded predator.

However, completely aside from issues of whether he deserves it, these guys have gone a few steps beyond trolling into a giant revolving trainwreck that can only possibly end badly, and I can't stop reading it.

Yeah, everyone in this thing is fucked when LE finally sorts it out. I ate an entire pouch of almond M&Ms reading it though.

It's a fucking soap opera. Just when you think the main character got killed off, you find out his dental records got switched and no one knew because he was in a coma with his face burnt off.