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Topics - Richter

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Or Kill Me / Contribution
« on: January 15, 2008, 03:40:43 pm »
Heres something.
Its creative, funny, off the wall, and entirely NOT what youd expect.
Its meta.
Its outside the box.
Its not for critics, mocking the mockery.
Its purposefully bad, simplistic, and recursive JUST to prove how good it is.
The points it makes about life and the inferences you draw from it are so deep and well hidden that only a fool would superficially denounce it. 
Too short for a holy book, to long for a meme bomb.

This anemic piece of shit, without design purpose or forethought, theres not even a punch line.
I wrote it because Im bored caffeinated and on hold.

As Mushashi said, you can only go so far into the mountains before you come out on the other side of them.

Or Kill Me / Ideas on Correct Speach
« on: December 05, 2007, 03:04:55 pm »
An open letter to those who speak the English language in daily capacity:

Prefacing any question with "Let me ask you this:", or "My question is:", serves no purpose.
If you feel you need my permission to ask a question, you don't have it.
If you think I will not be able to distinguish an interrogative statement, you are no longer worthy of my time.
If you believe in filling the air with things coming out of your mouth, I'm headed outside, it stinks in here.
If you can't be bothered to talk clearly with me, I will take sadistic pleasure in how I return the favor
There is no courtesy, etiquette, or sophistication in the extra words.

Should a person never using such phrasing be reading, please disregard this.  You at least have a chance of communicating efficiently, and I look forward to speaking English with you.

Posted in tandem to the outer wall of my Cube, PD forums, and other communication I can slip it into.

Or Kill Me / Fable of the Stages
« on: August 29, 2007, 03:24:02 pm »
Inspired (aka: not totally ripped off) by Cram's Gong show,  other old writings. 

Once their was a youth by the name of Youngblat, who after reading a certain tome by Malcalypse the Younger, decided to undertake the way of the Erisians.  Eager to learn much about his newfound faith, spouting 23 and Fnord!, he searched out others of the way, his attention first being drawn to a regrettable book of yellow pages.  Under the entry for Discordian he found the locale of a certain Llama known as Buthashi.

Youngblat went forth to Master Buthashis retreat in the ground floor of a local house, and sat with the Master in a sparsely furnished living room hung with many odd things.

Youngblat pronounced a good many nonsensical things, to demonstrate his freedom from the restraints of sanity, but did settle down and state his business when Buthashi brandished the fire extinguisher.

Good Master, how might the Fnord I travel better in the Discordian way? he asked.

You will pass through many stages said Buthashi, At first you will go about as you are, and eventually the next step of the way will become apparent.  Or it wont.  In either case, that will be your way.

Is this the way you have gone yourself? asked Youngblat.

Fucked if I know, spoke the master. Depending where this way takes you, we may come to speak of it.

Surely then, there must be four more such stages to the Way!

The first two are the biggest. Buthashi advised, letting out a formidable clap of wind.  Appreciate this holy stink, and go forth.  Greet me when we next meet, and we will see how far you have come. That will be $40 please.

Youngblat cautiously, but appreciatively breathed of the Masters assuredly divine stench, paid up and left.

Soon after, he sought out the Cardinal Shithashi, who was holding office hours in a crab apple tree by a local spa.  He greeted her calmly, remembering his near misfortune with Buthashi.

Howdy fucker.  What do you want? Asked Shithashi, as she heaved a small item off towards some folks exiting the spa.

I seek further knowledge of the Discordian way. 

Relax, but do not be complacent.  Questions everything, but be firm in yourself.  Do everything for a reason, and nothing out of habit.  Sayeth Shithasi.

Wow, thats good!  Fnord! said Youngblat.

It was a horoscope this morning.  Also, calm the hell down. That will be $40 please 

Fnord right! said Youngblat, who paid the eye rolling Shithasi and left.

As he left, many patrons of the spa were wondering aloud who would throw apples covered in cards declaring them as Pope.  Youngblat laughed aloud, and receiving many scathing looks, left.

A week latter, traipsing through the city, and generally being a nuisance, Younblat spied the Masters and several fellows entering a local house of contemplation and drink.

23 and Fnord! he hailed them Do you see all the lovely chaos I bring to this horribly ordered city!

So saying, he put forth a thunderous fart.  Such was his vehemence that he did shat himself a little. 

Damn. said Shithashi, augustly summing up any sane persons reaction to the scene.

This house of contemplation and drink, being a fine and quiet locale, had bouncers who promptly put him out, keeping well clear of his newly ripe trouser and into the path of some good policefolk who took him in for suspicion of apple throwing.

Youngblat hence did learn of the Discordian ways by which one may not be an incarcerated jackass, and went forth from that day wiser and less loud.

Shithashi, Buthashi, and their fellows all went forth and enjoyed a great night of drink and argument fueled by their collected sums of $40.

Or Kill Me / Hate for a better life
« on: June 26, 2007, 05:32:02 pm »
Ever have a job you love?  Well, hope it works out for you. 
Any job, whether it be listening to the world's best music, or banging the prettiest supermodels will always be what the name says.  A Job.
This job will, without fail, bore you.  No matter how much of a sleazy penchant you have for the subject matter, it will be dull, dreary, and have just enough draw to keep you coming back (paycheck, occasional moment's of interest, WTF ever else). 

Let's try another tack: get a job you HATE.

We all have to work and do something unless we're wealthy already, or taking off for the woods to live (read: die soon) "with nature".  So why burn yourself out on subject matter you actually like just for the sake of the money?
I'd recommend a good cubicle farm for this little venture, (make sure it's harm free, and make sure the HR group can be counted on to strike of the gonads of those who would trample on yours.)  Do your thing.  Make the money.  Go home.

Home will suddenly be the greatest thing in your life.  Your family, friends and whatever else you have there will SHINE in the glorious light of That-Which-Is-Not-Work.  Savor and appreciate this, friend.  Leave the bitterness of work away from what you have outside.  Get your lulz wherever you can, but make your slack count by comparison with the rest of life! 

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