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Topics - Richter

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Apple Talk / 2011 - a Year in Review
« on: December 17, 2011, 02:26:55 pm »

- Posting cut way back due to work computers
- Practice, sometimes 5 times a week at a dojo which looks like it will close now anyways.
- Spent a week and a half living the SCA life out in PA, and loved it.
- Memorial Day Meatup; spags gathering like should not be legal.
- Met awesome Discordians form far away lands in person at the same time. 
- Car repair and MacGuyvering through many situations.
- 2 weddings, neither of which were mine.
- Mentat-ing in a red belt
- LARP.  OMG the LARP.
- Generally was crazy busy just about every day of the week.

RPG Ghetto / Variant vampirism concept brainstorming.
« on: December 01, 2011, 02:54:50 am »

Vampires?  in MY RPG?  Too many min-maxed prettyboys, borderline necrophilia, and emo bullshit.  I'm tossing around ideas to put the "Curse" back into things.  Old Testament style curse.  Not a race or a long term condition, a disease that you REALLY don't want.  Here's what I cooked up at work.  Feedback would be awesome.  If the thoughts come together I'll cook up a Pathfinder template.

The vampiric condition is not necessarily supernatural in the sense of a magical force inhabiting the afflicted, but rather a damaging force which affects a normal human, and leaves them more a “Vampire”.  Whether it is bacterial, viral, parasitical, or magical in its nature is not important except for plot and flavor.   Beyond everything else, the condition involves light sensitivity, a few specific fears, severer insomnia, and digestive issues.  These conditions aggravate and stack on each other, resulting in an experience of psychosis, violence, and even more fear for whoever it affects.

"Vampires" so affected do not lose consciousness.  Knockout, shock, sleep, etc, are impossible.  The ones that don't loose their shit are able to lull themselves into a quiet relaxation over several hours to recover energy and allow wear and tear on their bodies to heal, whether wounds or just normal fatigue.  Needless to say, this has a profound impact on their mental health.

They are not immune to pain, but many develop, to an extent, a tolerance for it.  Discomfort still takes its toll in stress, however.

Although not necessarily stronger than a normal human, the condition has given them a sort of lunatic’s vigor and strength.  They are able to do things with normal muscle and bone that would outright kill a regular human from the pain.

Vampires have highly exothermic bodies, which results in more than modest motion inducing a fever – like state.

Vampires will not burst into flames any more readily than any other body.  They will react badly to sunlight, both due to sensitivity of their eyes, and tendency to sunburn VERY quickly.  (As one can imagine, this leads them to fear it)  Combine with the extra heat they generate and lactic acid build up, they can actually work their muscles to the point of denaturing the proteins and cells needed to move at all.  Even if a vampire can survive beyond its immobilization, the healing from it is likely to drain them beyond the point of being able to feed themselves enough to return to mobility. 

Those who are able to rest often choose well covered cool locations.  Partly buried, enclosed in a box, basements, tombs, etc, are natural choices.

Obligate carnivores, but left with a highly temperamental digestive tract, blood is the only thing they can reliably consume without painful distress.  As a result to the low nutritional contents of blood, they are left in a state of near constant hunger.

Aging is significantly slowed in vampires, though they are not truly immortal.  While a properly fed and self controlled one could, in theory, live unnaturally long, this is highly unlikely.  The toll of constant pain and hunger from their condition makes prolonged rest all but impossible too.  If a vampire were able to block all this out and rest for a prolonged time, they would eventually find themselves starved to the point of immobility, but still fully aware, and linger in the state until the lack of nutrients finally removes all capacity for reason.  Those who attempt to abstain from feeding often partly enter this state until neurological damage removes their faculties for cognition to the point where they are driven only by hunger.  Some approach this state, and if they manage to force themselves back into motion to feed, will not allow themselves to slip that far again.
If enough rest time and blood can be consumed, a vampire will heal almost any injury.  Since the curse renders much of their body useless, this is not significantly faster than normal healing, jsut greater in scope.

Along with the curse come innate pathological fears similar to rabies.  Running water is one common phobia.  Organized religion and the iconography of such as well.  In fact, any sufficiently organized hierarchical group will invoke the same fear if the vampire comprehends it as such.

Ex: A vampire may fear a church or social fraternity it has belonged to.  While being hounded by a small group such as a police force or town guard may not invoke this, a society of hunters, Inquisition, etc, will certainly get the same treatment if the vampire learns of them while still possessing sufficient cognition.

Further, this fear only applies to organized groups.  Individual representatives or small groups will be viewed with reduced fear and violent aggression by the vampire.  An individual who carries themselves with absolute confidence of their power and station, or a small group doing the same will be able to invoke the same fear,  but only as long as they keep up the act.

Ex: A nervous administrative bishop or backwoods monk will be only a target.  A stalwart cleric used to confronting such things, seasoned Inquisitor, Secret Police officer, etc, will b able to carry the attitude needed.  Even a tax collector with sufficient righteousness in his purpose, adorned with proper badges of authority or announcing his station, will be able to pull it off.


Most contracting this state would be hunted down and killed very quickly.  If isolated, the fear of approaching them would keep both potential meals and threats at bay, but also chock the vampire’s food source to a trickle.  The stress of constant hunting to make up for this would likely lead to a short lifespan.  The legend of a vampire killer loose in the woods could persist for years beyond the actual death, however.

As far as actual combating of those afflicted, one pragmatic approach is time and isolation from food source.   Well secured livestock and limited exposure of nighttime guards, vigilantes, etc, will starve out or drive off a vampire within a week,  as their hunger and paranoia will drive them to easier hunting.

Most often though, the fear of such a creature, and lack of reliable information of their nature will result in drastic methods that just put more food in its way.  Strong smelling herbs can be effective in some cases.  To many vampires even the suggestion of food is repulsive enough to drive them off.  Garlic, rosemary, fennel, pepper, or others, hung fresh cut, or as extracts or tinctures, are workable, but not universal repellents.

Apple Talk / Butt Chugging Un - Debunked!
« on: December 01, 2011, 02:31:00 am »
Yes, it is NSFW.
If you even had to ask, you likely should not watch this.
In fact, if anyone you even remotely respect has access to the machine you are using, then do not even humor the idea of going to this link.

ww tml

If mods need to move, remove, etc, you have my blessing.

Apple Talk / ATTN EOC
« on: November 10, 2011, 12:56:44 pm »
Once you're done with that horribly annotated and nested book you're reading, try the Japanese version.

Thanks again for dropping in last week, and for the fine tequila that is still somewhere, we're sure.

Or Kill Me / A Little Something for the Ukelele Palace
« on: October 18, 2011, 11:58:06 pm »
He just kind of melts out of that theater.  It’s the badly kept one on the corner of arch where it meets the bad end of main.  He slinkys out, hunched like he never learned real posture, or real spine.  Hands laid in the pockets of his pastel blue aquamarine windbreaker.  Yeah, the one with the Leslie Neilsen hair and the Snidely Whiplash boner.  He walks to short, and talks like tom waits as if he never went through puberty.  A trickle of high pitched babble through gravel, like the emissions of a noisy culvert.  He’d look like a tough hood if it wasn’t for the pervasive grease, which any seeming of character would slide off of.  The vaguely meaty smell of the semen and the cheap cigarette smoke clings to him as he exits, and he meets her on the corner.

Now she’s a piece of sad work.  Her head is canted forwards on her neck like a bird’s, and the rest of her head looks like she was designed in a wind tunnel.  Her teeth cant forward slightly , her lips extend, and there are a few hairs where the chin ought to be.  There’s weight around her hips.  Too much weight, and there’s a wrongness in the shelf they seem to form off the sides of her.  Looks like she was purpose build to shuffle up to people’s ears, to whisper scandal and gossips, with too warm breath and the occasional drop of spittle.  I can’t think of how she’d survive insinuating anything.

The two critters stand at the bus stop, neither really noticing each other, until the 56 bus comes around the bend from the public library parking lot, yeah the place where you could get rough trade for a dollar in the 70’s.  Yeah, the turtle statue is pretty fitting, considering that.  With a heavily manifolded diesel wheeze, the bus magicians them off, and that crawly feeling goes with them.  There’s someone for everyone, they say, in their case it’s an Aesop sort of cautionary.

Apple Talk / DOC HOWL: Regarding the Guido Tithe
« on: October 11, 2011, 03:47:09 am »
They say the natives GAVE Roger Williams Providence since it was one place they were sure no one would starve. 

Then, of course, whitey broke it. 

While guido did abound, especially during this, one of their high holidays (the celebration of an ancestor who, much like them, couldn't do trig so well.), it was an absolute nightmare filtering it.  A quart jar full of sand, aluminum fillings, and iron dust from the chemistry days came to mind.  Guiney, daygo, and guido were abundant, but mixed.  (If we stretch the metaphor, "Fuck you dooshbag" is analagous to the function of a magnet.  I've filed this fact for educating any juggalos I encounter.)

You get the idea though.  Wheat and chaff, sheep and goats, sorting out the ones who could shake down the fuck arounds from the ones who would crumple like tin foil and cry was a logistically unfeasible issue.  One could go to the local established services for this, but they are mostly interested in running restaurants and keeping peace in place if the overtaxed police these days.  (Christ on a stick, even the mob is run ragged in some aspects.  This is what we have come to!)

Needless to say, the sample I took fainted dead away at the sight of the shipping container I arranged.  Half thought they were fodder for a snuff porn and fainted, the other half assumed they were there to do the snuffing, and became too skittish to use.  I really could have planned it all better.

Irregardless, I have a reputation to uphold.  While you may not have guidos, I am recalling some horrible dessert pigs, rife with scabies and parasites.  Harness many of these together like a dogsled team, don some skis, and set them on the lax.  As they pull you behind, you will can belabor the survivors at will with saber, whip, or stick.  This is foolproof and perfectly safe tm until you run out of targets in their line of sight.

I trust your wisdom in when to let the team loose and break into a verse or five of "Born Free"

Hork BArf Spit.

Beavis and Butthead had to be set in the 1990s.  If it happened any later they'd both just be assholes who sit around harassing people while playing Halo.

Heaven forbid we have young miscreants actually out and about doing crazy shit this decade.  Nope, they can't be arsed to drag themselves away from fragging and teabagging.  Sure, the hardware and games are expensive, not so much so that it's beyond the ability of a youth to blow their load and their luck scraping, stealing, or parental begging to access it.  This is not outside the means of any but the most terminally inept (who kindly tag themselves for "juvenile justice" in the process.)  (The same force which durign the 80's would have eaten the two dimwits without blinking, shuffling them off to detention centers where they'd progress, at best, to toadies or vermin rapists.) 

Much like the drugs, and so many other "luxuries", they'd struggle enough to make them appreciate what they get, and get compulsively socked into playing it over and over, the game amusing and gratifying their need for accomplishment with the minimal effort on their part.

Or Kill Me / The Innocents Almost Abroad
« on: September 15, 2011, 01:36:18 pm »
Your good Deacon should avoid CNN in the break room.  It occasionally turns him into a raving lunatic for the rest of the day.

Thanks to the Tea PArty, and other expounders of the new Reich style sense of "patriotism", I've been hearing a lot of BS about immigration.  People intermingled with drugs smuggling themseles over our borders and generally fucking things up for the citizens.  We all ended up here the same way, if you go back enough generations, aside from those with native heritage.  How many have actually met or seen the current face of fresh fuel for the meting pot though?

Some enterprising soul is out to fix this lack of experience, and for $89, out of Tucson of course, will run people around a bit.  They'll show them the desert, a really real border crossing, and let them walk around where people try to duck in from Mexico.  "Bob" love the bastard who's doing this, but his clientele deserve a hot seat next to the people who picnicked to watch civil war battles.  If he had a sense of humor his AC will "Accidentally fail" 30 minutes out, and "Bring your own water" will be in fine print.

Or Kill Me / Quick Reflection
« on: September 14, 2011, 03:23:25 am »
Jesus only loves you as long as you "ooh" and "aahh" over the pictures of the last snuff porn he made.

Compare / Contrast with Aini.

Literate Chaotic / Greeks Myff'ed: A Quick Aside
« on: July 31, 2011, 11:11:01 pm »
Zeus and Hera do not really have that bad of a marriage. 
They're just getting good and mad at each other so they can have the most epic make up sex in history. 

You live for a few millenia, and you come up with twisted ideas like this to keep things interesting.

...and the muses are the only ones having any REAL fun in the meantime.

« on: July 26, 2011, 02:16:59 am »

Stuff by Maelstrom will be pwn'ed by less than a year on my person. 


Literate Chaotic / Greeks Myffed: Promethian Office Politics
« on: July 08, 2011, 10:31:34 pm »
Looking at the gods, you’d think they LIKED all the fuckery (literal and metaphorical) that goes on around them.  To a point they do, but originally they just wanted everything quiet and relaxed.  Pastoral, almost, in a “La de da, drink wine and get laid lounging around drunk on the grass” sort of way, like the bohemians were all about.  Yup.  The gods just wanted to be dirty hippies.  So when things did go apeshit (inevitable?), they just sort of went “Well, SHIT.”, and went along with the madness.

Oh it was a BAD day when they just decided to let it all rip.  Zeus was pissed.  Hera was livid.  Hephastus just sort of shrugged and kept working, but grumbled to himself all day.  He got drunk and puked in Aphrodites lap later at diner.  (“Ok.  I’m not into this.  I’m certain someone, eventually will be though.” Was all she had to say.  The other gods promptly lost their appetites.)  Oh yeah, and Eris.  She was peaceful up until that point.  Just and throwing pottery (Still in the crusty bathrobe, she never was super hygienic, even then.)  When it hit the fan, she just got this manic grin on her face, remarked “Oh it’s ON now!” and went off to do something despicable into Hera’s bathtub.

SO what caused this anyways?  What encouraged the gods to loose their s in tandem?  Blame Prometheus for that.  Prometheus was sort of the first bleeding – heart liberal.

He was also a Titan who was hanging around after the Titans were supposedly all toast.  A titan who was somehow still in good with the current gods, so we can also venture he may have been the first Quisling too.  Smarmy asshole.

He saw the first people shivering and cold, living the wild, and wanted to give them fire.

“No.  They’ll burn everything.  They’ve got plants, animal skins, and everything else they need.  No fire.”, was all Zeus had to say.

Prometheus was back the next day whining more.

“They’ve got legs, they can move to a different us-damned latitude if they don’t like it.” He was told.

Third day, same question, and more goings on about how horrible the humans had it.


Prometheus figured he’d caught Zeus on a bad day.  Eris couldn’t stop laughing, which didn’t help.


Prometheus, then figuring it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission (missing that it RUINS it if you ask for permission first) went and gave the humans fire.

The humans loved it.

They cooked meat.

They cured their hides better with the smoke.

They hardened points onto wooden spears with it.

Then, bored with being productive, they burned the shit out of everything.


A while later Zeus was taking a nap.  He’d been blowing the balls off low flying comets for kicks, and had taken a century or two nap.  He woke up when he smelled the smoke.

What followed was an un dignified, un godlike panic dance as he spent 5 minutes searching beard, robes, pubes, back hair, etc., for a loose un – safe’d lightening bolt.  (This did happen from time to time.  Due to one especially bad incident Hera had started eating crackers in bed, claiming Zeus had no leg to stand on bitching about crumbs.)

Then he calmed down and realized it was the people on Earth burning things.  He had an idea what was going on, and when he called in Prometheus, the smug bastard owned up to it like he deserved a medal or something.  Zeus was still grumpy form getting woke up, and beat his ass.

After awhile, he stopped stomping Prometheus, and realized that something a little more iconic was needed.

So he got this mean fucking bird, a huge eagle, to tear out his liver every day, throw it in a pan, and sauté it up in front of him.  The eagle would then crap on his leg, take off, and come back again the next day when Prometheus’s liver had regenerated.   In this was Prometheus was not only subjected to daily removal of his liver, but also to the worst cooking show known to man.

The other gods were appalled, but then took it as a sort of challenge, and went out to do their own fucked up shit.  It was downhill from there.

Last anyone bothered to ask, the eagle became a big wildlife cruelty advocate, and was forcing Prometheus to become human foie gras as a statement.  (Which no one believed.  They all knew the eagle was just getting EPICLY bored with liver.)

Or Kill Me / Four more Beers?
« on: June 13, 2011, 02:52:23 pm »
The shit is already hitting the wires about the next election.  The beasts are barely contained and slavering at the inevitable ratings fest that will follow.  For some reason, people listen to this deranged megaphone, this mad mouthpiece, that cares not what or why it spouts, only that the people attend.

Fucking hell, stop clapping, look away, cease to believe in it, and let this derranged mutant cousin of Tinkerbell DIE.  What would you do if a chihuahua with a used car lot speaker in place of its head kept following you spouting “CARE ABOUT THIS FOR CIVIC DUTY!” at you?  The correct answer is to club the cyborg mongrel to unidentifiable death with a length of rusty iron bar.

Anyways, not regarding how it is vomited into our laps, the greater presentation circus is confusing the issue at hand.  Can anyone make a consciencious and moral decision amidst such bulshittry though?  Of course not.  Just like last time, w're going to be subjected to sensationalist flashbangs, scandalous strobes, and scabrous stories until we hurriedly punch a ballot, and stagger out like a puritan who has been mercifully released from the buggery shack while he still has capacity for movement. 

Even unbiased and accurate reporting (A cryptid of idealist thinking), could not tell us anything.  The donations landing politicians in various interest's pockets, and backstage blowjobs to get nominations or cred have confused the situation beyond comprehension. 

For fucksake, let's try to choose something more concrete than jam tomorrw wrapped in a label saying “Hope” this time. 

(Put Palin back too please.)

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