Recent Posts

Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 ... 10
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Amtrak Train full of GOP Lawmakers hits Dumptruck
« Last post by The Hoopla on February 20, 2018, 10:49:04 pm »
Did any of the GOP lawyers die? Please tell me they did.

You’ll find the door over there.
Or Kill Me / Re: But really, though, what did you expect?
« Last post by The Wizard Joseph on February 20, 2018, 06:04:24 pm »
 :eek: Holy fuck that was Holy!
 :mittens: :mittens:
Or Kill Me / But really, though, what did you expect?
« Last post by Suu on February 20, 2018, 05:41:16 pm »
I really want to know why people expect more out of America. This was a nation that began because three kingdoms that absolutely hated each other had to be the first to land grab the continent and kill those that lived upon it for the sake of their own national interests. The English consisted of religious fanatics, political dissidents, corporate tradesmen, and violent prisoners. The Spanish were violent, cutthroat treasure hunters who forced Catholicism on the natives or else they got the hose again, and the French were...well, nobody likes the fucking French.

The Dutch? Nope. They didn't have a chance.

And that's just how it started.

The French and Spanish sell out, because they know a bad investment when they see one, and then the English, now Americans, get mad that there's people speaking French and Spanish TO THIS DAY. Even when the British stopped the slave trade, Americans kept fucking going, because they were instilled with the business sense of pure imperialism and domination over others by using the Bible as a fucking shield and a whip as the word of God.

Despite being founded by distinctly different cultures, the nation has never cared about the natives, never wanted to consider blacks equal, and has never welcomed immigrants. Ever. For something we allegedly take pride of, that whole "melting pot teeming refuge" rhetoric, it's all a grandiose scheme of bullshit. One designed to continuous build a superiority complex upon the bones of the "other".

Education? Who needs it! Just give us a sharp stick and a few F-35s, that'll learn the rest of the world. We're armed to the teeth, our kids kill each other on average twice a week, but if you so much touch those rights, everybody knows that Joseph McCarthy will come back from the grave, put his rotted boot of post-war anti-communist nationalism on our heads and remind us that if we even discuss various interpretations of the Constitution, Necro-Stalin will come over and Red Dawn becomes a real thing, except that the Russians are supposed to be our friends now. We're supposed to believe them while the top rated James Bond villain of all time has turned a nation that was really trying very hard to be almost stable back into an authoritarian nightmare because he's read his Machiavelli. Therefore, collusion? Nah. Not a thing, but watch out for Necro-Stalin and Lich-Lenin! They're the embodiment of anybody not-MAGA, and they're coming for your guns.

But enjoy those tasty Thanksgiving dinners and your kids in cute pilgrim costumes year after year, despite the fact you're dressing them up as the most oppressive and vicious people to set foot on New England soil before Red Sox fans. That fake nationalism is what makes American great. Lie to your children, keep lying. That is, if you aren't working 3 jobs a day and even have time to lie. Let the teachers lie, oh, they can't, they're too busy teaching to the goddamn test and uh, dying.

I say these things out loud, and I get pointed at as a reason for why we can't have nice things, and I even own a gun that's bigger than Ron Jeremy's. How DARE I read books! Women, get out of school and work, get back in the kitchen, and you pump those ovaries into overdrive, because Baby Jesus demands soldiers for the Motherland, as long as they're dripping with corporate sponsorship labels on their racing silks, they will be immune from fuckery. That's right, heffers, start your engines. Treat that uterus like a goddamn Thompson gun strapped with the ammunition of ONLY XX and XY Chromosomes. That's right, only straight, normal, healthy boys in blue and girls in pink are allowed. That's how the American God intended it. Back to that book, to the Spanish and English and French bayonets at the necks of the "other". Read it, eat it, or die. Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition.

Shit ain't gonna get fixed. This shit is what we are, who we are. When you isolate the animals from the rest of the world, they evolve in their own, horrid way. Just look at Australia, just fucking look: spiders the size of the entire continent, and the platypus.

So, the next time you hear yourself go, "We need to fix this nation!" Remind yourselves that we weren't broken to begin with. This is just us, the New Normal is same Normal, just with extra Miracle Whip on the shit sammich. When evolution stops in one place, the rest of the world keeps turning.
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« Last post by PoFP on February 20, 2018, 04:47:26 pm »
Glad you and Don are okay/alive!

Came into the office today to learn that our IT department decided to block network access to several of our team's necessary web applications (And Facebook!  :argh!: ). The last time they did this, they did it by blocking access to some applications on only our system-wide proxy, and blocking other applications on the DIRECT connection, which was easily bypassed with a simple modification to our proxy script. But now they've blocked all kinds of shit on BOTH the proxy and DIRECT connection.

If someone had told me that I was gonna have to solve riddles in order to perform my required job functions, I would've joined Nicholas Cage as a Treasure Hunter.

Also, it's shit like this that makes security breaches like those that made our executives have a couple heart attacks last week well-deserved.

I'm so glad the company I'm supporting via contract is interested in my skills. My company obviously doesn't give a shit.
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Discordian Politics!
« Last post by Faust on February 20, 2018, 08:51:44 am »
They tend to be malleable and following persona's, their current childlike emperor could be abandoned if he stopped delivering sensationalism and I strongly suspect when he croaks in office Pence wont have the same veneration because he is boring, the logical heir apparent would be Vermin Supreme.
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Discordian Politics!
« Last post by The Wizard Joseph on February 20, 2018, 03:32:35 am »
The alt-right Discordians are an abomination. I'm not sure if that matters, but an Abomination they are none the less. The whole Cult of Kek thing really burns my grits. That God is not just about chaos but about all the bad parts of chaos and none of the good. More power to them if they want to put a little frog on their window or something, but most of them have no idea what that symbol really means.

Look at me having a little theology in my politics. Heh. Hail Eris!
Apple Talk / Re: Blessed are the Terrible
« Last post by The Wizard Joseph on February 20, 2018, 03:25:11 am »
Blessed are The Magicians because everyone is magicians but most do not realize it

Blessed are those that post to ancient forums in the middle of the night for they keep the ball rolling

Blessed are the newbies for they have no idea what they are in for

Blessed are those who chose to continue living for they are Not Dead Yet

Blessed are the programmers of voice recognition software for they have made it easier for me to put this out
Apple Talk / Re: Nazi Poetry
« Last post by axod on February 20, 2018, 02:43:26 am »
In der German Vic

Dey hang you
By the dick

An' draws dirty pics
On deh wall

So wit sharp'd sticks

Poke dem Teutonix
Tru der NAZI balls!
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« Last post by axod on February 20, 2018, 02:12:33 am »
A fake bead of sweat forms on the android's forehead

I like this. I've got the image in my head here of a cut to a closeup on a nozzle specifically designed to extrude fake beads of sweat.
As a matter of fact, Ouestionable Content's alternate universe has specifically addressed this issue. They have a little nozzle, and a "thick whitish fluid" comes out.
Yeah, I have this actuator / potentiometer to simulate parasympathetic SLUDGE response with a dedented rotary, but it doesn't do anything kinky.
Apple Talk / Re: Nazi Poetry
« Last post by The Wizard Joseph on February 19, 2018, 07:51:34 pm »
Hitler was wrong
This I hold true
So if you're a Nazi
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 ... 10