Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Bring and Brag => Topic started by: P3nT4gR4m on October 08, 2011, 02:00:08 am

Title: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 08, 2011, 02:00:08 am
I can do the eskimo-roll!  :banana:

Both fuckin sides!!

Sea kayaking for 30-odd years and basically just got ninja fucking good at staying up. I can rescue, be rescued and rescue myself, also like a ninja but still ,there's always been that inconvenience factor which, on account of the awesome staying up skills aforementioned, has never really happened, to me at least. I've pulled a fair few dudes out the water in all sorts of shit but I've never been upside down myself when I wasn't fucking around.

There have, however, been occasions where I might not have had time to be rescued. I might have died. I kinda liked it. Just a guilty little bit. It was my skills on the line. Me v's the Atlantic - tame it or die. Fucker has teeth. Way out, where the tide and the swell and the wind kick up all fucked seven ways from hell. I've seen depth charges going off in the water, a couple of meters in from where I was fighting off ten footers coming in from the night before. They're called clapotis - wave coming in, smacks off the cliff, shoots up fifteen feet in the air then comes crashing back down with a massive splodey.

Next thing the wave bounces back out the way it came. The reflection. Shoots back out at pretty much the same size and lick that it came in and then smashes into the next big wave coming in. WHOOOSH! Srsly. Like in the comics. Get caught in that crap and who knows where you'll land. If it's not inside your boat, the right way up, real fucking soon, the next breaker is going to grind your shit against those rocks with an approximate pressure of - who the fuck knows - couple of tons prolly. Thing is your going to get pounded and you don't got a helmet on account of helmets are for pussies.

Thing is, now I got teh roll down I can head out looking for bigger, badder, more dangerous...
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: N E T on October 08, 2011, 04:08:37 am
That's awesome.

I went sea kayaking in Washington and barely could keep the damn thing going in a straight line.

This calls for an especially rude kayak-based WOMP.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Triple Zero on October 08, 2011, 10:22:20 am
Sweet! But what's this eskimo-roll thing, I'm having a hard time imagining what it looks like?

It's not sushi made from ice-bear liver, right?

(cause that shit's toxic as fuck)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Payne on October 08, 2011, 10:49:17 am
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/EskimoRoll.jpg)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on October 08, 2011, 11:40:51 am
Congrats, but, FUCK, no.

<-- freaks out underwater.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: BadBeast on October 08, 2011, 06:06:52 pm
Sweet. Eskimo roll is all you need, so you don't have to swim back to shore and empty your Kayak after every spill.
It's also handy on rivers, for avoiding angry swans trying to peck you to death for daring to drift through their personal fucking weirpools.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Payne on October 08, 2011, 06:19:06 pm
Still some (http://www.helsbarnes.co.uk/world-record-tv.html) way to go
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Penumbral on October 09, 2011, 08:09:18 pm
Still some (http://www.helsbarnes.co.uk/world-record-tv.html) way to go

Thats one full eskimo roll every 2.26 seconds.  :eek:

I would go on a ride that simulated that. Even if it was just called waterbording.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 30, 2011, 10:23:23 pm
Trying out new headcam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds9dCDK_PwY) Water is boring as fuck but that'll be foxed shortly.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Cain on October 30, 2011, 10:26:37 pm
I'm pretty sure I went fishing on Loch Lomond once, and caught absolutely nothing.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 30, 2011, 10:44:20 pm
Fish are all dead. Fish can't breathe 100% ned urine
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: BadBeast on October 30, 2011, 10:48:39 pm
Trying out new headcam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds9dCDK_PwY) Water is boring as fuck but that'll be foxed shortly.
Are you getting stealth torpedoes so you can take out the kind of blatant interlopers that appear around the 8 minute mark?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 31, 2011, 08:01:00 am
That's the rest of my group. Check out the slo-mo on this clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nHUqe9tPs4) from about 7:40 onwards
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: BadBeast on October 31, 2011, 08:38:59 am
That's the rest of my group. Check out the slo-mo on this clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nHUqe9tPs4) from about 7:40 onwards
What's that directly in front of your Kayak, under the water at about 10.24, right near the shore? You go right over it at 11.02, is that a seam of light coloured stone?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 31, 2011, 09:34:52 am
It's a bunch of leaves and shit that have fallen off the tree, floating on the surface. For some reason the little waves make them all clump together like that.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 06, 2011, 09:26:41 pm
The evidence (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7osx0ndK2Q) sorry about the hat but that water is fucking freezing!

Also, don't ask me how but I managed to convince an old chick to swap boats out in the middle! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeJvHBQWo_M (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeJvHBQWo_M)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: BadBeast on November 06, 2011, 11:04:11 pm
Reckon that old chick must have the glad eye for you. No fucking way could I be convinced to swap boats in the middle of Loch Lomond, on a foggy winter's day. (Even if it did have a nice Headcam mounted on the back of it)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 08, 2011, 12:03:42 am
All the chicks have the glad eye for me. I drip style!
(http://i1187.photobucket.com/albums/z385/SHCCTripPics/carve2.jpg) (http://i1187.photobucket.com/albums/z385/SHCCTripPics/carve2.jpg)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 09, 2011, 11:44:24 pm
Video of the above photo (http://youtu.be/VRm2gj0LhrI) Silky fuckin smooth!
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 10, 2012, 06:42:17 pm
Hahahahhaaahahaha%$£$*Y! I lost my camera a few weeks back, right at the start of what turned out to be an epic gnarly surf session on the east coast. Reported it missing with the coppers but wasn't holding out much hope then, yesterday I gets a letter through the door -

Quote
DEAR P3NT,

THIS IS THE FILTH HERE AND WE GOT YOUR QUARTER OF A GRAND WORTH OF CAMERA, ALL RIGHT AS RAIN AND STILL WORKING DESPITE BEING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS! COME GET IT BACK, LIKE THE LUCKY MOFO WHAT YOU IS.

LOVE AND KISSES,

TEH PIGS

 :kojak:

So I go get it. And I bring it home. And I take the SD card out and slot it in the laptop. I'm treated to 17.5 minutes of me warming up in the break and getting demolished by a sneaky little dumper that I underestimated completely, jumping up behind me, followed by 1 hour 45 of sand moving about, back and forward, with accompanying "whooshy" noises.

So I cut it to Mother.

This is messy shitty windbreak surf, 5 or six seconds apart, no power but fast as fuck and steep as fuck and closing out almost instantly. Fuck all chance of any decent runs but, when it gets a bit bigger, it's good "survival training" Sometimes, at sea, conditions will chuck some aggression your way. If you can deal with surf, you can deal with any shit you'll get hit with 5 miles out, where it's important you can deal.

Checkit! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNDUQ1Tlikc)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Bu☆ns on March 10, 2012, 10:14:11 pm
HAHAHA that's pretty sweet. 
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 21, 2012, 08:52:00 pm
Loch Lomond and sunshine. Chillin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV2lvyie_vU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV2lvyie_vU)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 26, 2012, 06:24:00 pm
Trying to put into words what sea kayak surfing does for me. Dunno if this will make sense to anyone, cos I'm so close to the subject matter. Meh, let me know if you get it or don't

The sets are mostly coming in threes, twenty seconds apart with the odd monster superset maybe one time in a dozen or so. Period is about five or six seconds. There's a point break on the headland to the south with the river driving the rip out to it. The rest of the swell is hitting the far end of the beach and breaking to the right, flowing along the shore to meet up with the river and forming a little crossbreak. Surf is hitting about the six or seven foot mark which, when you're sitting down is a double overhead but it's a nice gentle face and spilling, not dumping, except for the curl inside of the pointbreak. Couple of hours here and you'll be warmed up and ready to get stuck into what's waiting for you right around the corner.

Launch at the north end of the beach (get a couple of runs in before you take a look at the point) and paddle out through the foam. Seven or eight seconds and you feel the broken remains of the first set of the day, hissing past you. You dig in a bit deeper and punt out through the soup, trying not to lose too much ground as it feebly tries to drag you back to the beach.

When you meet the third wave in the set, you're thirty yards further out. Wave has still got a bit of meat in it. The spray hits you in the face and you taste salt as you punch through. Your bow rises up and thumps down the other side. Keep paddling. You can see the leader of the next set now, rising up ahead. It replaces the horizon with a jagged white line of foam that races across from left to right.

Then it hits you. In the chest this time, with a thump. You lean forward as far as you can and reach over the back, digging in deep and hauling your boat up and over. Paddle like hell into the second wave. It hits you harder. Third wave bears down on you, you reach forward, dig your blade in deep, and then just stop, right on the crest and hold on tight, with a huge, shit eating grin on your face.

She pushes you back as you hang on for grim death at the front. You're back surfing. 'Fakie' sea kayak style. The stern of your kayak gets pushed underwater. Another couple of seconds til the wave loses a bit of power and it's time to push forward. Hard! Nine feet of buoyancy behind you fires you up out of the water like a rocket. You lean as far forward as you can and get ready to brace as you land the other side with a splash and a "whoop!". Houston we have - 'Fuck yeah!'.

Now you're past the break. Where the boardies hang out in a line either side of you, waiting on the next set. The one your eyes are fixed on, out on the horizon. It starts to rise up but it aint going to break for another twenty seconds til it gets back here. You keep paddling, pumping your arms and legs and torso. Warming up. This is the domain of the longboat surfer and, for the time being at least, You have it all to yourself. Life is sweet. Paddle on.

Halfway to where you're headed you meet the next set on it's way in. You bounce over. Say hello. These ones are your friends. They want to play. You paddle out until you feel it. The next set. Just a gentle swell in the water. They've come a long way like that. They're born miles out at sea as messy, junky, explosions and turmoil kicked up by a couple of days of stormy shit. They head outward at all different speeds, angles and sizes. As they travel along some catch up with the ones in front. These waves get bigger, some fall over, all sorts of stuff happens but the upshot is, the longer they go on they get more uniform - longer, slower but a lot more powerful. These babies, by the time they hit the shore, are packing a strong, smooth punch. Windbreak will hit you but groundswell will plough into you and keep on coming, like a fucking freight train.

You turn round and watch one as it makes it's way to the beach. First it piles up on the headland to your left. The shoulder comes up, thick, muscular. Light and green, pulsing veins of white rising up to the crest. The inside slams into the cliff face and explodes as the outside curls out toward you before fading out. Now, out in front the water darkens in a line, along from the right. A couple of the boardies are paddling in front of it, matching speed before dropping into the face. A couple of seconds later you see one of the them pop out over the back, just as his mate gets wiped out and dragged into the foam. Just as the last wave of the set reaches the boardies you feel that playful little tap at the back of your boat a split second before the surge picks you up.

You dig in a couple of hard strokes. Slide into place on the top of the ramp and sit there as you pick up speed. Four seconds, you're going about fifteen or twenty miles per hour, torso rotated fully sideways with your paddle dug in deep behind you. just at the point the wave starts sliding out from in front of you as it piles up you grab the lip with your paddle and pull hard. You dive straight down, keel buried in the trough but the face is still just gentle enough to keep your nose out of the water.

You slide down fast and carve in left as the foam crest comes racing along the wave behind you. You should pop out right now, just before it catches you but, truth be told, you want caught. Getting caught is the best bit. And down it comes. Baring it's teeth six feet above your head and exploding down toward you. You're fully broached - side on to an avalanche. There's nothing else to do. You raise your paddle and fall over into it. And you hang on for dear life. It's a hundred yards to the beach and you're racing there sideways, on a magic carpet of exploding water. Just before you run up against the sand you straighten up and power back out. Round two...

It was fun while it lasted but, on that last run, just as you braced into the foam, you saw a monster break on the point. Cut the crap. You aint going to miss another one of those, are you? you head down the beach, along the soup, where the engery from the break disspiates against the shore, turning the water to thick white mush. You're heading for the rip, all the water that's crashing in, running straight back out to sea, in a current like a river. It's your equivalent of a ski-lift. You're headed for the top of the mountain.

You bounce over a couple of foamers and suddenly you're looking at the inside of a rip-curl, six, maybe seven feet. It's still far enough away that you don't have to worry too much about anything more than dealing with it's aftermath but the next one is going to be a different kettle of fish. You take a breath, muscles wound up, ready to punch out through the wall of incoming foam. And then you're through it and you're paddling like hell as the next one bears it's teeth. Paddling your guts out, you get the front of your boat a foot into bottom of the surge just as it leaps up. You have a split second to make up your mind. Fuck it, you're getting lifted into the pipe way too fucking fast, capsize!

You roll up on the other side and glance over your shoulder at the whoosh of air and spray that comes out when the pipe collapses. If you hadn't rolled you'd have been dragged, cartwheeling, end over end, right across the rocks next to the headland and that would have fucking sucked. And hurt. It aint over yet. You charge on and jump the last one, just as it starts to rear up. Now you're safe. Relatively speaking. You catch your breath and look out. Watch the next set roll in. You sit where you are and let it pass under you, panting like a labrador in a heatwave.

And the next set rolls in, then the next, and the next after that. You bide your time. Monsters come to those who wait. And the next set rolls in. And then you see it, way out on the horizon. It's so big you can see it over the set in front of it. The set that just wiped out the horizon. It's time to surf! You have to backpaddle to get behind the first of the set. That's your target. You watch it evolve in front of you as you let the next one pick you up. You're flying, shooting up ten feet in the air as you punch out five or six strokes with every muscle in your body.

You heave into the trough, just as you hear the screaming, hissing, roar behind you, you sprint down the steep face, digging you blade hard into the rising water and leaning in like your life depends on it. Maybe it does. fucking up right here could lead to broken bones, lots of them, but you aint going to fuck up here, this is only the start of the ride.

There's a perfect moment of clarity, as you hurtle along the tunnel, a green canopy of water above, trying to close in and catch you, you're completely immersed in the moment. It's eternal. Everything else, the past forgotten, the future irrelevant, this, right now is where you are and, for a couple of seconds, it feels like where you've always been. Nothing else exists. It's just you and the ocean, the deafening roar that almost but not quite drowns out the thumping of your heart.

And you lick your lips and taste the salt on them and life has meaning.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 26, 2012, 09:59:22 pm
That's beautiful, Pent.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Bu☆ns on April 08, 2012, 03:00:31 am
Damn, man...

I think the best way I can relate is through that woodblock print: The Great Wave off Kanagawa.

(http://www.chicagoreader.com/binary/6546/1279647426-the_great_wave_off_kanagawa.jpg)

I'm sure you're familiar...with the skilled fishermen negotiating the wild waters--that place where one feels really alive...I think about this art piece often and I immediately brought up it's imagery while reading your piece.

Awesome.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 10, 2012, 08:13:20 am
Just back from a week in the wilderness. No video (need a new lense cover for my gopro) but plenty of pics
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-006.jpg) (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-006.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-011.jpg) (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-011.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-015.jpg) (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D4-015.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D2-012.jpg) (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/Small%20Isles%202012/SI2012D2-012.jpg)

Moar here (http://kayaksnbeer.blogspot.co.uk/)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Telarus on April 10, 2012, 08:29:17 am
Oh hell yes. Looks fun. Thanks for the stock photos (you got some killer rock textures).
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 16, 2012, 10:01:25 pm
Saturday: Got replacement lenses for the GoPro. Sunday: forecast for Belhaven on MagicSeaweed was 4-5 foot of mushy, murderous, evil fucked up shit - My favourite!

Surfing my longboat like a goddamn viking. Got some nervous looks from teh waveski pilots when I didn't put a helmet on. West Coast Hardcore motherfuckers! East cost mob are soft as shite and twice as english! Anyway - what the fuck use is a shiny plastic helmet when the dumpers are only interested in snapping your neck like a twig? :evil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI0L2fatKaY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI0L2fatKaY)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 01, 2012, 11:44:26 pm
Weekend in Glen Etive, sea was a sweltering 4 or 5 degrees! Was almost too fucking hot to stay in there, so we concentrated on getting out. Schooling noobs with my own rusty as fuck rescue skills and trying to learn how filming shit like this works.

http://youtu.be/SPAuTmC52oE (http://youtu.be/SPAuTmC52oE)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 07, 2012, 09:28:07 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xoNn2sEIlY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xoNn2sEIlY)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Telarus on May 07, 2012, 10:06:55 pm
Damn, you've got some great coastal terrain in your area.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 08, 2012, 09:11:50 am
Hell yeah! Scottish west coast is the stuff of legends - all fjords and mountains. East coast is ugly as shit but the surf is good.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 15, 2012, 10:14:30 pm
BUMP!

Moar me and my tiny little boat shenanigans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzO1HirmAzE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzO1HirmAzE)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on May 16, 2012, 02:24:14 am
BUMP!

Moar me and my tiny little boat shenanigans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzO1HirmAzE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzO1HirmAzE)

"This video contains content from EMI, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds. Sorry about that."
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 16, 2012, 07:41:21 am
I really need to check the copyright holders before I use these tracks. Sony and UMG are fine (they only block in germany and japan) but EMI are useless cocksuckers who really don't deserve the free advertising I give them.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on May 16, 2012, 01:00:37 pm
... You make me want to try this...

And, given the fact that I am TERRFIED of water, and swim like a rock, that's saying something.

(Richter and Suu have seen me in swimming pools a couple of times...  Mostly I cling to the side like a barnacle, unless I KNOW I can stand and keep my head out of the water, or if I actively force myself to get off the bloody wall.  "Not a strong swimmer" doesn't even begin to cover it.)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 16, 2012, 01:21:07 pm
I can swim just fine but it bores the piss out of me. Fortunately with a buoyancy aid on I don't have to swim I just float there. Being scared of water is a bit different, tho. Most kayak noobs are fearful of capsizing and getting stuck in the boat and whatnot. This is why the first thing I do with beginners is capsize them and I keep doing it until they either give up and run away screaming (which hasn't happened yet) or they get comfortable with the idea of being upside down in a kayak in the water.

The reason for this is it's really fucking dangerous (not to mention annoying) trying to rescue someone who is freaking out and trying to climb on top of you and stuff. Calm victims make the whole procedure much more straightforward. So next we train you how to be a good little victim. I usually do this by falling in first and getting you to rescue me. This way, when I'm teaching you how to be rescued, you know why I'm telling you to do things a certain way. Experienced victims are even better than calm ones.

By this time you're comfortable being upside down in the water, coming out your boat and getting back in it. All in I can teach you it inside a couple of hours. After that there's no fear - just a bit of frustration as you try to learn the difficult stuff but you can take your time with that. Mostly it's just fun.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on May 16, 2012, 02:55:29 pm
Except, of course, that the first time you flipped me over, I'd have a fairly epic freakout.  My head goes under water, and my brains go right out my ears.  I've gotten better, had some very patient friends who worked with me over the years, which means I'm willing to get IN to water, and maybe, occasionally, go where my feet won't reach the bottom...  And, if I build up the nerve, I can duck my head under...  But, panic attack city.

It looks amazing...  But just the thought of being trapped in one of those things, up-side-down, with my head under water, is enough to raise my pulse rate sitting here in my nice, comfy chair.  :(
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 16, 2012, 04:20:04 pm
Sounds like you got yourself a honest to god phobia there. Dunno how to fix that.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Triple Zero on May 16, 2012, 04:37:11 pm
I really need to check the copyright holders before I use these tracks. Sony and UMG are fine (they only block in germany and japan) but EMI are useless cocksuckers who really don't deserve the free advertising I give them.

You might try if they police Vimeo less stringently?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 16, 2012, 06:04:58 pm
Vimeo is useless. Without paying for it they slap you with a half gig per week upload limit. My shorts come in somewhere between 750 megs and a gig so I'd have to split them in half and upload 4 minute clips in 2 weekly instalments or compress the living shit out them. Or I could pay for the privilege of uploading significantly smaller files than Youtube gives me for free. Yeah sure there's the - Google are teh devil - thing but luckily for me I couldn't give a fuck about all that.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on May 17, 2012, 03:31:32 am
Sounds like you got yourself a honest to god phobia there. Dunno how to fix that.

Yup.  With full-blown panic attacks, on bad days. 

Mostly I deal with it by staying the fuck out of the water unless I'm in a really good mood...  And I'm careful not to let my head go under water unless I bloody well MEAN to go there.  And I DO go into the water, scared of it or not, just to show myself I CAN, and I am NOT TOTALLY fucked if I get shoved into the deep end of the pool.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 01, 2012, 12:03:27 pm
http://youtu.be/kWMen-uy6ss (http://youtu.be/kWMen-uy6ss)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 25, 2012, 09:46:35 am
Came back from summer holidays with about 30 hours of video and 500-odd photos. Finally started the daunting task of cutting some clips together.

this is Taransay, off the west coat of Harris (where they make the tweed) on the Outer Hebrides. Half a meter of windswell banging off the rocks makes for a chilled out rockhopping session. It's not big enough yet to be dangerous but it's interesting enough to be fun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzTqjC0iT2M (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzTqjC0iT2M)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2012, 01:47:10 pm
Ever looked into the eye of a whale?...

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/GOPR0034MP4Still001.jpg)

There's a punchline, too - it was a life changing experience. No joke. You ever have one of those experiences where you realise that that one thing you thought was the most awesome experience of your life was actually pretty dull? You know the effect that moment has, as it backflushes through your entire lifes catalogue of awesome memories, marking everything down by ten? This was one of those moments.

I've been going out to sea for most of my life. I need to go there. It's the only place I feel like I belong. I need to get lost in the wilderness, get the fuck away from the meaningless bullshit that is the rest of my life. Real life some call it. Seems more fake to me than the life I experience when I'm miles away from dry land.

Ailsa Craig is a large volcanic plug which rises from the ocean floor, eleven hundred feet straight up in the air, two miles in circumference, ten miles off the west coast of Girvan. A twelve mile open crossing in a sea kayak is a serious undertaking and today I'm doing two of them.

This trip marks the top of my game. I've never tackled anything this big, this serious but, on the other hand, I know our team is more than up to it. FNG will get the beasting of his life but me and my wingman, Neil, have been ready for years. We just never got the weather when we had the time.

Half way out to the rock and distant thunder, rolling across us from the harbour we left an hour or two behind, reminds us just how exposed we are out here. I'm stoked, we've gone past the point of no return. Now "Paddy's milestone" is closer to us than where we came from and that means that, even if something goes horribly wrong, the quickest route to dry land puts us on our target. We're going to Ailsa Craig!

The plan is to head out to Ailsa Craig, land, grab some lunch and then head on to Kildonan on the isle of Arran, another twelve miles to the North. The next day we complete the triangle with a thirteen mile crossing back to Maidens.

So we're halfway to Ailsa Craig, flying along on some quartering swell, then waiting on FNG catching us up. He's not got the hang of surfing yet and is taking ages, backing off every wave that offers him a lift. Suddenly the sky is filled with gulls and razorbills, circling around in a feeding frenzy. Then Neil shouts "Dolphin!"

I've been kayaking for thirty-odd years, sea tripping for more than twenty of those and, in all that taime, I've never seen a dolphin. I've missed dozens of trips, for whatever reason and tales of dolphin sightings have come back from several of these. It's become one of those things that sits near the top of my bucket list.

I follow the line he's pointing and I see it arcing out the water, half a mile away, on the horizon. I'm double stoked now. Ailsa Craig and a dolphin sighting in one day but it aint over yet. A couple of minutes later and it broaches fifty yards to our right. Something is wrong, tho. I've seen dolphins on TV, they're not that big. Maybe I imagined it but I could have sworn Flipper was longer than my boat. my eighteen foot kayak.

Then it came up right next to me. Less than a dozen meters to my left. It was enormous, easy twenty feet, maybe add another couple to that. I was thinking Orca but the rational part of my brain told me it was the wrong colour and the dorsal fin was the wrong shape. More like the shape of a surf curl than the long pointy thing that grows out of a killer whale's back.

Unbeknown to us, what we'd just seen was a Pilot Whale, second largest of the family Delphinidae, the dolphin family. It spotted us half a mile away, swam over and circled round us, checking us out. It was an exhilirating, emotional and, most importantly, humbling experience. Here was this huge fucking creature, granting us passage through it's space. I realised that I don't, in fact, belong here. I am merely blessed with the opportunity to pass through on occasion and, right at that moment, I realised this.

For some reason it's important to me to post some evidence of this experience. Like if you see for yourself what we saw, you'd get the same effect but I know that's not the way it works or I'd have felt the way I did that day a hundred times or more, watching youtube. Regardless, here's a short clip Neil's GoPro caught from the back deck of his kayak.

http://youtu.be/9WYepywiftE?hd=1 (http://youtu.be/9WYepywiftE?hd=1)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on September 03, 2012, 09:39:20 pm
That is truly awesome, in the correct "awe-inspiring" use of the word.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 13, 2012, 03:32:02 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-po14oXWIUU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-po14oXWIUU)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Luna on October 19, 2012, 11:26:27 pm
I'd forgotten about these, thanks for the bump. 
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 20, 2012, 03:48:44 pm
From the summer trip to Harris, the most stunning place on earth. It's made entirely from beach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpINLmPmtj0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpINLmPmtj0)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 27, 2012, 10:07:54 pm
My new ride.

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/IMAG0196.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/IMAG0194.jpg)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on October 30, 2012, 07:37:51 am
New toy surfs like a nutter!
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/tube.png)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ndNsxsDtzY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ndNsxsDtzY)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 03, 2012, 01:41:52 pm
You should pop out right now, just before it catches you but, truth be told, you want caught. Getting caught is the best bit. And down it comes. Baring it's teeth six feet above your head and exploding down toward you. You're fully broached - side on to an avalanche. There's nothing else to do. You raise your paddle and fall over into it. And you hang on for dear life. It's a hundred yards to the beach and you're racing there sideways, on a magic carpet of exploding water. Just before you run up against the sand you straighten up and power back out. Round two...

http://youtu.be/Bp1dBMR-cxE?hd=1 (http://youtu.be/Bp1dBMR-cxE?hd=1)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 13, 2013, 09:24:22 am
I remember the first time I ever caught a wave, like it was yesterday. It's like losing your virginity with the best fuck of your life. Yesterday I took a couple of newbies out to show them the ropes. This is Karen popping her cherry. Turn the volume up - and listen to the sound of STOKE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r03iqP-Bo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r03iqP-Bo)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 13, 2013, 07:59:21 pm
I remember the first time I ever caught a wave, like it was yesterday. It's like losing your virginity with the best fuck of your life. Yesterday I took a couple of newbies out to show them the ropes. This is Karen popping her cherry. Turn the volume up - and listen to the sound of STOKE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r03iqP-Bo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3r03iqP-Bo)

I wish we had some waters like that... why is it so nice? Our ocean is scary. People kayak in it anyway, but they're insane.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 14, 2013, 08:39:50 pm
Scary how?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Pæs on January 14, 2013, 08:51:58 pm
Nigel's beaches are dunes of bonemeal carried by the wind to clean the skin from your face.

Nigel's ocean sticks to your legs as you tear yourself from the water. It hisses with every wave. It hisses when it's still.

Nigel's fishermen weep quiet tears when they feel a tug on their line.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 14, 2013, 09:34:05 pm
Yeah but that's all Nigel's doing :eek:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 14, 2013, 10:39:46 pm
Yeah but that's all Nigel's doing :eek:

No, that's just what happens around her.  She isn't at fault for THAT, any more than MEGA PIRANHA is at fault for shark attacks.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 16, 2013, 03:46:32 pm
 :lol: :lol: :lol:

I feel like my answer is pointless, after that, and would only be a disappointment.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 20, 2013, 11:02:12 am
More footage of last weekend (http://youtu.be/IZ6WkgYBTGs) Break was so small at the start of the day that I wasn't even sure if it would be worth getting in our boats. Within 5 mins, tho, both of the noobs had capsized a couple of times each.

After about an hour the wind swung to offshore and the break got a bit bigger and a bit more fun.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 03, 2013, 05:49:50 pm
Finally some fucking groundswell. Okay it was only 3 or 4 feet but it packs a punch that 6 foot of windmuck could only imagine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hK8B5n3WI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hK8B5n3WI)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 11, 2013, 09:02:05 am
Finally some fucking groundswell. Okay it was only 3 or 4 feet but it packs a punch that 6 foot of windmuck could only imagine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hK8B5n3WI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hK8B5n3WI)

Man, that looks like such a fuckin' good time.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Telarus on March 12, 2013, 07:42:10 am
Nice dude! Good break there.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 12, 2013, 08:13:58 am
Same beach. Big swell and near gale force. Not so much a good break as war in water form. Managed to get a mate on shorecam this time so the finsihed vid should be pretty awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX8jEPEd7I8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX8jEPEd7I8)

Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 16, 2013, 03:33:06 pm
Speaking of finished vids ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY42Ize1B8k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY42Ize1B8k)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2013, 05:55:13 pm
A week in the wilderness. Perfect fucking weather, courtesy of a big fat dollop of high pressure that swung in from the northwest and hung over us for the whole week. Two days off the grid and three pretty close to it. Shit makes more sense to me when all I have to concern myself with is checking out the scenery and not freezing to death.

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1971_zps8185bbc0.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1977_zps7097af3f.jpg)
 
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1978_zps53fc1d46.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1982_zps3d06c9c6.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1985_zpsdc64c6aa.jpg)
 
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1993_zps424a6a34.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN1999_zps2e4ee4a4.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2000_zps58472145.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2007_zps84b21b8d.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2010_zpsed170f7b.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2014_zpse0a9b497.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2016_zps58acd05d.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2025_zps6d6bca90.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2027_zpse1925a2e.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2034_zps74007b4f.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2039_zps6bb3b307.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2049_zpsc6218e13.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2042_zps278a818f.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2059_zps2cfd6f03.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2063_zps68047dcc.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2083_zpse107eadb.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2085_zpsad13de30.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2076_zps170b24a4.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2098_zps0f801833.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2101_zpsdc3dd4a9.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2105_zps83eee65a.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2108_zpsf6e42951.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2111_zps92b1be45.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2115_zpsf4311ebc.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2114_zpsaed80923.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2122_zpsd951d523.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2134_zps9e81838a.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2143_zps220ba5ef.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2148_zpsf6a08b59.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2152_zps7bbc2428.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2155_zps8d7ce126.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2172_zpsb94e3594.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2183_zps70f4032e.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2185_zps3c78c324.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2191_zps38ebdd96.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2192_zps2c5b09c9.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2193_zpsfb0c9eba.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2194_zps9783473e.jpg)

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Easter%202013/DSCN2196_zps285ab07f.jpg)

Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 06, 2013, 11:05:18 pm
Your mountains are all naked!
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 07, 2013, 09:31:17 am
Naked?  :fap:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 28, 2013, 10:18:59 pm
Connel Bridge, "Falls of Lora" 8-10 Knots of serious tide race. Gets interesting where  66,000,000 cubic meters of water funnels through the narrows and drops over a ledge in the seabed. Ideal spot to take a couple of novices and practice rough water rescues  :evil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA74RD4sNQU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA74RD4sNQU)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Half-Eaten Waffle on May 29, 2013, 11:00:12 pm
hw much to teach a total noob with a busted back to kayak, P3nt?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 30, 2013, 08:51:39 am
If you're ever in scotland gimme a shout - it's on the house

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjjysQB4Dzg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjjysQB4Dzg)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Half-Eaten Waffle on May 30, 2013, 08:38:03 pm
Awesome! I need to visit Scotland soon anyway. :D

Great vid!
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 30, 2013, 09:21:31 pm
It's like Tucson, only there's white things in the sky.

And there's too much nature.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Half-Eaten Waffle on May 30, 2013, 09:29:35 pm
It's like Tucson, only there's white things in the sky.

And there's too much nature.


 :lulz:

I still need to find out who has the best Brown Booze. Scotland or Tuscon?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 30, 2013, 09:32:35 pm
It's like Tucson, only there's white things in the sky.

And there's too much nature.


 :lulz:

I still need to find out who has the best Brown Booze. Scotland or Tuscon?

We have SHITTY booze.  No, seriously, it's awful.  It's like a ball of rusty, burning fish hooks going down your throat.

We like it that way. 
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Half-Eaten Waffle on May 30, 2013, 09:37:53 pm
It's like Tucson, only there's white things in the sky.

And there's too much nature.


 :lulz:

I still need to find out who has the best Brown Booze. Scotland or Tuscon?

We have SHITTY booze.  No, seriously, it's awful.  It's like a ball of rusty, burning fish hooks going down your throat.

We like it that way.

does it make me not feel my face? That's my one and only criterium for booze.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 30, 2013, 09:39:14 pm

does it make me not feel my face?

Ever, ever again.

That's my one and only criterium for booze.

You're gonna go far, kid.  Come on over.  :lulz:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 30, 2013, 10:42:58 pm
Loch Lomond is pretty good for first timers, plenty of shelter, plenty to explore and it's famous as a motherfucker.

Just so happens I know all 22 miles of it like the back of my hand.

Our booze is a mixture of cheap shit and expensive as fuck prehistoric singletons. All of it will get you the face thing if you drink enough of it. I'd recommend the cheap shit on account of it's less expensive.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: The Half-Eaten Waffle on May 31, 2013, 03:22:45 pm

does it make me not feel my face?

Ever, ever again.

That's my one and only criterium for booze.

You're gonna go far, kid.  Come on over.  :lulz:

 :lulz:

Interestingly, I have the same relationship with spicy foods.

Loch Lomond is pretty good for first timers, plenty of shelter, plenty to explore and it's famous as a motherfucker.

Just so happens I know all 22 miles of it like the back of my hand.

Our booze is a mixture of cheap shit and expensive as fuck prehistoric singletons. All of it will get you the face thing if you drink enough of it. I'd recommend the cheap shit on account of it's less expensive.

I know your high end stuff quite well, after a few years as a liquor salesman. But I do imagine (romantic as I am) that it tastes differently in its home country. Also, I'd love to get smashed on dirt cheap whisky in Scotland just because.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 01, 2013, 08:33:58 am
Well, it is the nearest thing we have to a culture in this godforsaken shithole of a country, so it makes sense you'd want to try it
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on June 13, 2013, 10:27:09 am
No one likes a smart ass. Unless that smart ass is saving them from a watery grave. Then they don't seem to mind so much  :ECH:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acRfwQi8H7g (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acRfwQi8H7g)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6X1awQN-cA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6X1awQN-cA)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FU8LPmC3YU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FU8LPmC3YU)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 11, 2013, 04:47:16 pm
So, at the weekend I decided to make kayaking fabulous, in a pastel pink Tahe Marine
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/PinkTahe_zps92245858.jpg~original)
 8)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 11, 2013, 05:37:41 pm
It is fabulous!

Is that a lake?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 11, 2013, 06:37:08 pm
Negative. It's the sea. Looking up Loch Lynne which is more of a fjord than a lake

looks like this
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qNmQgFwil7s/UdsEBFDPM6I/AAAAAAAAA54/_x_Moib2IYc/s1600/Sun+morning+Andy+and+Tracys+place.JPG)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 11, 2013, 06:38:20 pm
Negative. It's the sea. Looking up Loch Lynne which is more of a fjord than a lake

Watch it, buster.  Those Belgians find out that you've been swiping their fjords, they're gonna be PISSED.  Remember what happened to Germany in 1938/39.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 11, 2013, 07:31:16 pm
Negative. It's the sea. Looking up Loch Lynne which is more of a fjord than a lake

looks like this
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qNmQgFwil7s/UdsEBFDPM6I/AAAAAAAAA54/_x_Moib2IYc/s1600/Sun+morning+Andy+and+Tracys+place.JPG)

Ah, I see! I was confused by the stillness of the water. It's beautiful! Reminds me of Puget Sound, kind of, without the evergreen forests.

I was riding my bike on the floating portion of the Eastbank esplanade yesterday, and waves were lapping it hard enough to splash over it a bit. Made me think of you and your kayaks.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 12, 2013, 07:46:12 pm
So, at the weekend I decided to make kayaking fabulous, in a pastel pink Tahe Marine
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/PinkTahe_zps92245858.jpg~original)
 8)

That is kick-ass. :D
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 23, 2013, 06:53:21 pm
When the tide is running at 8 knots and you can only paddle 4 this (http://youtu.be/k95bU14iAtw) is the kind of shit that happens
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 23, 2013, 07:49:29 pm
When the tide is running at 8 knots and you can only paddle 4 this (http://youtu.be/k95bU14iAtw) is the kind of shit that happens

You at some point turned into a dark haired Sam Elliot.   :?
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 23, 2013, 08:44:12 pm
I got old. Sue me  :argh!:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 23, 2013, 09:29:13 pm
I got old. Sue me  :argh!:

Yes, but you didn't get feeble.  You're supposed to be feeble, Goddammit.  YOU'RE MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK BAD.

:crankey:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on July 23, 2013, 10:39:25 pm
It's in the post. Sooner or later I'm bound to break my neck. Then I get my wheelchair or, as I like to call it, "My retirement plan"  :lulz:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2013, 07:41:50 am
Fucking stoked! Finally managed to get a surf on the main wavetrain at Connel. Only been trying since about march

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt5CoVPPlvc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt5CoVPPlvc)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 01, 2013, 02:32:56 pm
So a funny thing happened a couple of Wednesdays ago. Rockhopping - it'll be the death of me. Literally almost was. I still can't believe I made it out of there alive  :eek:

"Rockhopping" in kayak terms, is fucking about with the interaction of ocean swell and (you guessed it) rocks. There's essentially three features you can play with: Pours, Climbs and Slots.

A Pour happens when a swell runs up and over the top of a rock feature. Time it right and you can scoot over a boulder that was sticking up out of the water a couple of seconds previously. Time it wrong and you're left, high and dry on top of it or, even worse, dragged back into the hole that usually forms when the wave sloshes back off.

A Climb happens when the rock or (more often) cliff face is too high for the water to get over. The surge basically climbs up the cliff then sloshes back down, again often creating a hole of turbulence on it's way back out. A bit riskier than a pour if you fuck up your timing here and get stuck in the hole when the next swell swoops down from above and grinds your shit into the rockface but you generally have lots of room to manoeuvre or pull a sacrificial capsize to get you out of trouble.

Then there's slots. A slot happens when a swell piles through a gap between two rocks. If you fuck up one of these, you're essentially pinned there, waiting for the next swell to land on you. Timing wise you always want to be on top of a surge, riding it. Get in front of one and it's riding you. Get in front of one in a slot and it's going to hurt. The longer and narrower the slot, the more dangerous it's going to be.

It goes without saying that, when dealing with Sharp rocks and hundreds of tons of water, only an idiot would be there without a helmet...

In my defence, we weren't planning a rockhopping trip. We'd set out for a 30k jaunt round Eye peninsula on Lewis. My mate, Neil, his wife Lynn and myself. 30k is nothing. Neil and I? We piss 30k but his wife aint a strong paddler. This trip was going to take all day. A couple of hours in and I'd started to get a bit bored. Instead of going point to point across the bays, like the other two were doing, I followed the coast, to add a bit of distance to my trip and help slow me down to the speed the other two were going.

Then the swell started picking up. I was hugging the shore, messing about in the boomers and features the swell was making on the cliffs and rocks. I wasn't "rockhopping" per se. There is a level of water that carries absolutely no risk to someone with my experience and this was well within the safety zone. Problem was the swell kept getting bigger, the features more fun, the margins neater, consequences more serious...

Before I know it, I'm climbing 7 or 8 foot surges and grinding over rocks and bouncing through slots, on he ragged edge of my abilities. No helmet. Getting lucky and upping the ante on pretty much every feature I came across. Next thing I know I'm eyeing up a 50 meter channel between two islands, with a boomer at the back, sending a reflected wave back out to meet the next swell coming in. We call these "clapotis" looks like a depth charge going off. Unpredictable too. You're essentially dealing with the interaction of potentially three waves at a time, exploding up, sucking holes and recirculating vertical whirlpools all forming in a complicated and hard to predict order.

So I fucked up the timing. Rode a surge in clean but got stopped dead in the middle by the reflection coming back and then kicked off to the side and pinned longways in a crag. Then the water dropped 6 feet, leaving me stranded up there. I was just about keeping my balance, no mean feat when your only point of contact is either end of the boat but I made the mistake of glancing over the side to see how far down it was. This small movement of my head was enough to tip me off balance.

So now I'm hanging upside down, six feet above some seriously gnarly teeth of rock. Lucky as fuck moment no.1 - the boat stayed pinned. If it'd dropped out the crag when I spun over I was landing headfirst on the rocks. My skull would have caved in like an egg, milliseconds before my neck shattered. I breathed out. So far so good but I wasn't out the woods yet. The next thing that was going to happen was a couple of hundred tons of foaming salt water were going to come battering through the slot and drag me upside down along the channel.

I tucked my body in and popped my spraydeck. No point trying to roll, the gap wasn't wide enough to swing my paddle out and every second my head was down there the risk of cracking it open on a boulder increased. The surge came in and I shimmied out the cockpit and made for the surface. Lucky as fuck moment no.2 - Somehow, in all the turbulence, I missed the brickwork! Getting out the slot, swimming, with my boat in one hand and the paddle in the other took forever. Just when I thought I was clear, a reflection would drag me back into the middle again. The boat was bouncing about like fuck in the turbulence. Lucky as fuck moment no.3 - at one point I went under the boat and felt a rock on one side of my head and the boat on the other. Somehow it didn't impact, just glanced.

Eventually I managed to get out and climbed back in my swamped cockpit. I looked down at my knuckles. I was leaking red stuff from a 1cm surface graze. Aside from a couple of bruises on my arms and legs that was the sum total of my injuries. Shaking my head in disbelief I paddled out to let Neil and Lynn know I was still in one piece, grinning like a lunatic.

I was fucking pissed off when I watched the headcam footage back that night. Fucking battery had run out about half an hour before the slot incident. That would have been the mother of all youtube clips :argh!:

Brilliant holiday - here's a couple of vids I did get. Music by our very own Synaptyx

Example of a slot but very tame, due to small swell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCznW0VFfS4)

Wall climb from the day in question. This is the last thing the camera recorded (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMX75zaGRYQ)

Playing in my new surf boat (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwpmXOGLw0Q)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 01, 2013, 02:59:38 pm
Glad you're not crushed in a million pieces!
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 01, 2013, 03:16:42 pm
Yeah me too. It did cross my mind that maybe I'm immortal but I've instituted a new policy of tying a brain bucket on my back deck if I'm going anywhere in any kind of swell. Just in case.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 01, 2013, 03:18:24 pm
That was a close one. Or three. If you were a cat you'd be down a few lives. Damn, man.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 01, 2013, 03:29:09 pm
Hey, don't die, Pent. You would be surprised by who has turned out to not be immortal.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Telarus on November 02, 2013, 04:45:12 am
Wow. Well described brush with naked strife. Glad you made it through to tell the story, man.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 02, 2013, 09:33:12 am
If there is an Eris, like a really real Eris, I'm pretty sure she's made of water
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on November 02, 2013, 03:31:33 pm
If there is an Eris, like a really real Eris, I'm pretty sure she's made of water

She's NUTS.
"Imma kill you.....PSYCH!"
"Imma kill you.....PSYCH!"
"Imma kill you.....PSYCH!"

Holy crap.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 02, 2013, 06:54:08 pm
Haha! Sounds pretty much what growing up with the sea is like. Haven't had a "near death" for a few years, tho. I used to chase them for adrenaline, trying to push what I could get away with and still be alive and bug-eyed and panting and not looking forward to the comedown but, fuck it, that's why drugs were invented, innit.

In my old age, I've kinda mellowed. Coupled with the fact that the stuff that almost killed me all those times before, would be nothing to me now. The more you do things, the more you get better at them. It's a universal rule. It's more about just being there, now, carving my way through roiling, dancing ocean. Where I usually am, it's big and it's difficult but I'm really in no physical danger unless me and my group fuck up in a phenomenal fashion.

Also, I don't paddle completely shitfaced anymore. So that probably makes it a bit more safe too 8)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 19, 2013, 05:58:26 pm
I FUCKING HATE THIS VIDEO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovJginNK7jc)

So Sunday, there I'm planning a surf mission. There was promise of 8 footers at Machrihanish (a 350 mile round trip) but, midweek I got a tip off that there was some really long, clean swell due in at my local break. P3nTGF has wanted to go surfing for a while now but 8 foot is a bit heavy for beginners. The local swell wouldn't be anywhere near that big but really long and glassy. Perfect beginner waves. It was a no-brainer. I checked with the guy who'd texted me the tip - "Is this info good? MSW is showing nothing" MSW - is magicseaweed.com They compile half a dozen or so swell prediction models, running on various servers, to come up with a best guess at what your local break is going to look like for the next couple of weeks. It's been wrong before but usually it's pretty close to true, with the accuracy improving as the day you're looking at draws closer.

"Should be good. Source is reliable." answers my mate. Fine. Bells it is.

So Sunday arrives and I get a text from Kev - "Bells is flat" :argh!:

If I was going to Machrihanish, I'd have had to drive up on the saturday night and camped over. Fuck it my weekend was a bust. So I cracked open a beer, blazed up a joint, loaded up Adobe Premier and made a new vid. Which I fucking hate for obvious reasons.  :cry:
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 29, 2013, 04:48:00 pm
Last weekend was awesome in one way and a complete bust in most of the rest. Finally got P3nTGF out in surf. She lasted about 20mins and came off the water with a mild dose of shock and a kidney injury that left her peeing a tiny amount of blood for a couple of days. Apparently "the videos don't get across the actual force of getting hit with an exploding bus made out of water". She was totally blown away. like actually blown away - from the boat. Or vice versa. First clip is hilarious! (http://youtu.be/srqAIKH3zfg).

So I was out in the surf "slipper" but the waves were shit for it. It needs clean lines to have fun in so I switched to the boat that had evacuated my "IT WANTED TO KILL ME!" protege and went out for a kickabout. Messy is fun, a good workout and a great skills polisher in a longboat.

So I caught a little section on camera with lots of splashing about and an almost-pirouette (waves were too small to get it right around) and I've had this idea for ages about trying to apply time fuckery to recreate that action movie style that happened somewhere between Matrix and 300 where it speeds up and slows down in rhythm. Dunno if there's a name for it but I'm sure you know the effect I'm talking about, right?

So here's an almost-pirouette done in WTF-time and some other bollixing around with mixed up pacing changes http://youtu.be/Uwx5xnA0_yk  (http://youtu.be/Uwx5xnA0_yk)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on January 26, 2014, 01:41:07 pm
Last sunday. Massive and gnarly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8cdAuoWQpU) Short but tall and wicked fast!

Took a swim after a two wave beatdown... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8InYDKEH-V8)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 20, 2014, 05:11:01 pm
Wales. Bitches. 9 knots of tide with a seven meter range. Like Falls of Lora but massive and mellow

(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/SHCC%20Pembrokeshire%202014/bitchesatdawn_zps368c47eb.png~original)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ScDprBwebk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ScDprBwebk)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2014, 10:27:59 pm
East coast rockhopping with a bunch of likeminded maniacs I met on the internets (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNwzeLpyoF8)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: MMIX on September 03, 2014, 12:23:50 pm
East coast rockhopping with a bunch of likeminded maniacs I met on the internets (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNwzeLpyoF8)

Fucking Wow (http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a289/goblinhill/jawdrop_zps75f73f69.jpg) also neat music
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Bobby Campbell on September 03, 2014, 03:38:51 pm
That is bad ass! Looks like such fun. Thanks for the ride along!
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 11, 2014, 08:37:16 pm
Sunday session at eyemouth (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLy85DEFG6Q) Given that the conditions were really tame compared to the last clip I posted, we suffered a snapped paddle, a broken skeg (tail fin) and Kev tore pretty much all his fingers open when he surfed over a rock upside down.

Last time I go out in small conditions - shit is fucking dangerous! 8 foot of swell coming in this weekend. Nice and safe
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: Telarus on November 12, 2014, 02:14:09 am
Niiiice.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on November 18, 2014, 06:41:03 am
Sunday surf session (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiD1q-A_TPk) Been ages since I saw surf and this stuff beat the shit out me. Feel like I've been mauled by tigers
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on December 14, 2014, 11:13:11 am
This sequence is about five minutes long, at quarter framerate slowmo which means it amounts to, all in, what was only about seventy five seconds of my life. I want to tell you about that seventy five seconds. It was a minute and fifteen where everything I am as a kayaker, everything I know about doing it, my physical condition, my timing, the whole kit and caboodle was called into play.

I get to test this amphibious machine that I've spent all this time building. Part man part rotomoulded plastic and carbon fibre, and I get to put it all up against mother ocean whom, it would seem, is none too happy with me this fine Sunday. She's had me swimming once by now and upside down so many time I've lost count. Three to four feet was advertised. I've bitten it on a few pushing eight by now and there's monsters about. Seen them bearing their teeth way out back. Ten footers easy. And meat in them.

I was back in the soup, chatting to a guy who turned out to be from my home town of Falkirk. He was paddling a surf slipper and finding it hard going. I was glad I'd brought the longboat. He told me he wished he'd brought his. By this time both of us had tried to punch out only to be beaten back by long, five and seven wave sets, getting a hold of you and back flipping or broaching you back to the beach.

Suddenly I saw a gap open up. Game time! I went for it. Never even said goodbye to the slipper pilot. No time. Just dig down, punch over the debris of a tail ender and leg it. Straight out. Heart pumping, blood singing, the roar of the break everywhere, deafening yet strangely tranquil white noise. I love it. It's the nearest thing I have to a theme tune.

Clear the spray. Funny little peaker ahead. He's got a bit of bite in the middle but I'd clear him no probs, even he wasn't running out right, toward me, which he was. His big brother, tho, he's got a couple of feet of shorebreak attitude. Even rears up when I get close and bares his teeth, all attitude. Yeah, right. Four foot high in his socks. These little bastards can mess you up if they get you side on and take you for a long bongo but I'm coming straight in like a motherfucken exocet.

I smash a hole in his lip like a cage fighter going to town on a primary school kid. Grab some air and then drop into a sneaky little aftershock, bit of grunt required to keep the pace on, cos I've seen the next one by now. Lip curled in a snarl off to the right, looks like it's still running out this way but I don't want to chance it. YOMP!!!

Sure enough it ran out and left an easy wave but that was just the warmup event. Every set that comes in, comes in with a pattern of waves. They'll push a couple of warmup waves your way then an odd number (I've read it's always odd. Dunno if it's true but I've never noticed an even set before) of main set waves. This chap in front of me? Nope, he's just the last of the welcome party, twice the wave his little brothers and sisters were before but still just an adolescent in the grand scheme of things. YOMP HARDER!!!

As I clear the lip I catch sight of his mammy and she's got mean and muscle and attitude all in spades. She means me harm. CHARGE!!! Twenty feet away and she starts snarling at me, her face pristine, flawless, majestic. Like a cliff face, made of water. It's going to be close. If that pocket of energy, when it comes burning along the wave, like an incendiary fuse. If I'm not clear when that reaches me then BOOM!

I'm momentarily aware that I'm paddling vertically, punching the lip just as it dumps and dropping my bow six or seven feet onto the back face. It's one of those - Dukes of Hazzard - "Yeeeha" moments. Grabbing air. I whoop, as I'm digging in deep and fighting to regain forward momentum. Her sister is bearing down on me. Mean seems to run in the family. One does not simply stop for a breather in the impact zone. KEEP YOMPING!!!

PLF? : Check
JIT LIP? : Check
AIR? : Check
Breather? ... Negative... MONSTER!!!

Looks like daddy is here. Daddy is big and menacing but, compared to Uncle Trevor, charging in behind him, he's a pussycat. Trevor is badass. Just got out of jail, doing a stretch for GBH and looking to upgrade that to murder and if I stay where I am he's going to pummel the fuck out of me a rearrange my skeleton into a whole bunch of quickfire poses that resemble modern art. ATTACK TREVOR!!!

Pause the clip at 04:19. I'm paddling uphill. The big bulge I'm on is a shockwave, going back up the face, from the impact on the seabed a good ten feet or so below me. It's headed up toward that lip, rising up five or six feet above me. It's going to make it bigger. Hang on in there. Dig deep. PADDLE!!!

I was pretty safe by the time I crossed the top. I had a good second or two in the bag but if I'd got snagged by one of the waves before, even just a little bit. If I'd lost just that little bit of speed, if I'd met him half a dozen paddle strokes ago, he'd have beaten me senseless. I'd have been back on the beach having a deja-vu conversation with the guy from Falkirk again.

Relax. One more wave. Aftershock from the monster. Lot of meat on her bones. Packing a punch. Going to do some damage when she gets in shore a bit but I'm clear. Take a breather. Get ready to chase one of these bad boys back in so I can do it all again. Had some good runs on Sunday but this is the seventy five seconds, stretched to five minutes that stuck in my head. I love my gopro when I get clips like this. When I watch it on the bigscreen, it feels like I'm back there. That seventy five seconds of my life. That'll last me hours, days, maybe even weeks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6WOYWeRXV0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6WOYWeRXV0)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 09, 2015, 02:39:53 am
Summer holiday in the highlands (https://youtu.be/Hu4dR39K-_I)
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: MMIX on August 09, 2015, 10:31:08 am
Summer holiday in the highlands (https://youtu.be/Hu4dR39K-_I)

Can't sing; can't act; can dance a bit
Loved this. When I paddle at the seaside it is something of a very different order but I enjoy sharing your madness. Especially when you choose such a rocking soundtrack.
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: LuciferX on August 10, 2015, 10:23:26 am
I also liked this one very much!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=BiD1q-A_TPk
Title: Re: As of tonight...
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 10, 2015, 09:40:16 pm
More holiday vid (https://youtu.be/RuSUbW2ulWs) Bit of a shame there was next to no swell. Wind waves are a bit pants. No meat in them. Some nice highland scenery, tho.

Oh, and jumpcuts!  8)