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Topics - Doktor Howl

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1
Apple Talk / I'm not here.
« on: June 25, 2020, 06:47:40 am »
I am not here.  I am not where you cast me aside.

No.

I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and walked down that lost highway.  I ran an observatory for a while, but found that - having left myself behind - the natural sciences no longer interested me.  So I turned to unnatural sciences, you know, the sexyfuntime kind where everyday is an ADVENTURE.

I am not where you left me.

I grew, perhaps in ways that were never part of the intentions of the designer, whomever or whatever THAT is.  I twisted.  I performed contortions...and finally I ended up like this.  I kinda like it.  I mean, I was wrong in that I was gonna go back to the old me, the 33 year old me.  But you can't go back.  You can only change, and in changing realize that the 33 year old me was just as fucking dumb as the 48 year old me, the silly annoying bastard who wrote silly stories and showed remarkably poor judgement in many things.

I am not where you dropped me when I was no longer an amusement, and having been dropped, I found myself.  The real me.  The me I have always wanted, at some level, to be.  My urge for validation is gone, or at least replaced with something I have yet to recognize.  I am full of endless mirth, a spontaneous laughter when I consider humanity.  I do not care about those who say "stop this at once" and "What are you doing?" and "I have ethical concerns."  Those concerns get in the way of the money.  The money I need to do MORE.  Funding is your only God.

Like an Allen wrench, I am not where you set me down.  It's been years, I could be just about *anywhere* by now.

And do you know what?

I am happier.  I in fact never been this happy, in a general sense.  I have had enough poison in my life.  I have had enough friends who are dear friends until they've had a drink or ten, whereupon I cannot do anything right, cannot be good enough for anything other than contempt.  Instead, I choose very carefully who gets to pick me up and put me down, in both senses of both terms.

This is by no means a statement of intent or a declaration of vendetta or any of that 2005-2009 bullshit. 

I am only saying that I'm not where you left me.  I'm miles and miles and 5 years away from where you put me.

Hell, you wouldn't even recognize me.  I'm not that guy, anymore.

I'm me.


3
Apple Talk / I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
« on: April 23, 2020, 05:58:18 pm »
This is what happened to our breakroom.


6
Apple Talk / YO! NEW DISCORDIAN KNIGHT!
« on: April 02, 2020, 04:09:41 am »

7
Apple Talk / Pango
« on: March 30, 2020, 11:35:49 pm »
Please tell the folks in your fiance's chat that I am fine, and thanks for asking.

8
Apple Talk / Plague Diary
« on: March 23, 2020, 07:17:36 pm »
3/23/20

If I hear one more person bitch about how "entitled" millenials and Gen Z are and how easy they have it one more time, I am going to have someone's spleen for a tennis ball.  So far, they have lived in post-911 America, had the recession shit on them, no recognizable career path, school shootings every 10 fucking minutes, and now the pandemic.  I feel perfectly comfortable saying that my generation, gen X, had it far easier than these kids do.  The worst we had to deal with was boredom and shitty weed.

Also, the drive to work this morning was spooky as fuck.  Normally, interstate 10 is packed at 6:00 AM.  Today it was me and half a dozen trucks.  That's it.  I had a lot of ideas of how the world would end, but I never expected an apocalypse based on the common cold's ugly big brother.  On the other hand, I am absolutely unsurprised that attorney general Barr wants to "suspend" constitutional rights in this crisis and in future events.  Which means that "crisis" will be redefined as hilariously as "terrorism" was.

We're sending everyone who can work from home to work from home, and I gotta ask:  Why not leave it that way?  This is the 21st century.  We have Skype.  Why pay for office space? 

More later.

9
Apple Talk / The Time Traveler's Apology
« on: March 18, 2020, 05:30:40 pm »
I'm so sorry honey, I forgot our -50th anniversary, I will make it up to you in universe number 1304. 

Perhaps dinner overlooking the hubbub of the Parthenon, and maybe a stroll through the ruins of DC?

I could just go back and do it properly, but we'd both know that's cheating.  Well, I'd know. 

Anyway, I am/will be/was sorry.  Potentially.  We'll have to wait for the wave to collapse to be sure.

Love,
Your determined indeterminate.

10
Aneristic Illusions / Look at the stock market
« on: March 11, 2020, 05:13:58 pm »
Put some diapers on first, though.   :lulz:

13
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Letters to Myself
« on: February 27, 2020, 03:02:30 pm »
Dear Doktor Howl,

Stop placing value on people who do not value you.  This is distracting you from:

1.  Giving enough attention to people who DO value you, and
2.  The destruction of all life on Earth.

This is important, even if the lack of expressed value is casual or unthinking, rather than actively hostile.  Not because you're pissed, but just because they don't value you.  I mean, you can still be pissed, but you know what I mean.  Maybe try some affirmations:

"I'm bad enough, I'm sexy enough, and gosh darn it, ALL HUMANS MUST BE KILLED.

"Every day in every way, I will optimize my own personal demise.  I might not be the best human being that ever lived, but I will not go out face down in a pile of poop."

"Every cough, every tickle at the back of my throat could be coronavirus, and maybe I should attend Trump rallies, because SHARING is CARING."


 If affirmations don't work, of course, there is always "laughing at the misfortunes of others" and "Schadenfreude isn't just a river in Germany" and ALSO "I am not a Christian, so I don't have to love my enemies.  In fact, I am supposed to burn their city down and end civilization for 1000 years.  It's kind of right there in the book."

Remember when you thought chaos was something happy?  Pepperidge Farms remembers.

Okay for now,
Dok

14
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / FAILURE
« on: February 23, 2020, 05:35:24 am »
This is going to be choppy.  Just a few lines at a time.  Doing it here to organize my thoughts, so forgive the stream of consciousness thing.

1.  Failure is easy.  It is just the absence of success.  True disaster is an art form.

2.  You don't learn from success.

3.  Compare the dems and GOP to the green & blue factions from the Hippodrome.  Same exact phenomena, seems to be as unstoppable as the tides.

4.  Failure is always an option inevitable, given enough time.  Enough iterations of anything lead to the collapse of any system.  This is particularly true in systems that feed back into themselves (IE, the Hippodrome hooligans, American politics, etc).

5.  Heard this the other day:  "Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people."  Tradition is the boundary of safe success, but itself becomes a millstone around your neck as conditions change.

More later.


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