The Desert is coming to us, Dok

[Richter]

It happened sometime while I was out this weekend.  Some fucker decided to take "laying down pipe" literally and fucked a water main.  This spewed venereal diseases we don't even have NAMES for yet into the water, and rather than acknowledge the horrific, virus empowered gentialia that would result as an act of one slap - happy god, the've instead pointed out that there are too many mundane diseases in the water now to make it potable without boiling. 

This is Boston.  I'm only a commuter to this metrosprawlitan area, but I'd still take a sip just to see if empowering my loins with tube worms and yammering sores was a good time.  I am hyperape, and I need more opposable members, even if I do have to smack them with a belaying pin now and again to keep them in line.  I already took a swig of the Charles for fucksake.  (Which was disapoint.  I expected at least heartburn or forbidden knowledge from the long brewed mumia of crooks and revolutionaries.)

So, anyways, we have to bol the water today.  Paul the Mad Vietnamese frycook is SOL for the day.  Likely the same with AL Capone's good ol' greasy italian food.  (Assuredly the high end chains will be runnign though.  There are PRIORITIES after all.)

It's raining like a bitch too.  I've been in the woods all week, and I have yet to deign to unpack.  I am prepared for this.  Soaked?  I'll take the clothes off.  No water?  Cool I have some.  I have a vessel I can boil in, or iodine tabs if I'm rEALLY desperate.  The iodine may purge my gut though.  I'll pull up different symptoms later and see if whatever's in the water would be worse than bleaching my bowels.  The world will fall out my ass one way or another, so I may as well be an informed expeller.

I'm hoping LMNO will confirm if my suspicions are true.  He shocked some kale with this strange new draught, I heard.  If not, and I hear of masterful dishes and obscene perversion being done by a Chef Best Not Described In Public or the Presence of Children, then I will make pilgrimage and see what sort of lovecraftian beast I myself may become.   

[Suu]

This is what happens when people assume that Boston tap water is okay to drink with to BEGIN with.

-Suu
Sure, Providence tap water MAY have given me e. coli when the river got contaminated...but the water in Boston never made it past my lips before I knew something was really wrong.

[Richter]

Providence has some of the better tap water out there, from what I hear. 

...which means that after the bridges we switch to 15 years of complaining about how the water facet of state infrastucture is falling apart.

[LMNO]

Richter, my guts are twitching.  It's not the cramping you normally associate with a potential fecal tsunami cause by tainted water.

It feels like something's growing inside of me.  Changing parts of me.  

This morning, there was an itchy sore just below my sternum.    I slapped some neosporin and a bandage on it before I left for work.  But it still itches.  I took a look at it a few minutes ago.  It's swelled up to about the size of a golf ball.  And there's something moving under the surface.

[Suu]

The state IS falling apart! Have you been down through West Warwick lately? It looks like a fucking war zone still.

Richter, my guts are twitching.  It's not the cramping you normally associate with a potential fecal tsunami cause by tainted water.

It feels like something's growing inside of me.  Changing parts of me. 

This morning, there was an itchy sore just below my sternum.    I slapped some neosporin and a bandage on it before I left for work.  But it still itches.  I took a look at it a few minutes ago.  It's swelled up to about the size of a golf ball.  And there's something moving under the surface.

Take 2 shots of whiskey and call me in the morning.

[Doktor Howl]

Sooner or later, Richter, the desert comes to everyone.  Sometimes it's literal, if you live in China, and sometimes it's the state of being.  It might be a busted main, or it might be some horrible shit flowing backwards out of your toilet all night, disgorging feces and piss and Jimmy Hoffa's shoes.

The danger, of course, is that those of you who live in those mythical green places where water falls from the sky itself, is that you aren't prepared for the desert.  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready for dealing with rampaging javelinas stomping all over your back yard, killing your pets and eating the begonias?  It can happen.  You have to be firm with them, Richter...A rolled up newspaper isn't going to cut it.  You're going to need to throw that armor of yours on, and give the bastards a taste of the steel.  It's really the only thing they understand.

(And I wouldn't count on LMNO, if I were you.  He isn't trustworthy anymore, the proof of which is that villianous mustache he sports...If that isn't a billboard for bad intentions, I don't know what is.  You didn't see Mother Theresa with a mustache, did you?  No...But Johnny Ringo had a glorious one, and so did Wyatt Earp, and they were no end of trouble.  They shot everything that moved, and screwed the stuff that didn't, and single-handedly infected the entire state of Arizona with scabies.)

People disappear out here, Richter, they roll into town on whatever passes for a stage coach these days, walk around the side and *poof*, they pull a Judge Crater.  That's something else you have to be prepared for.  If friends and neighbors start to disappear, just forget they ever existed.  Wear your pistols, drink a little rotgut, and pretend nothing is wrong.  It's how we get by.

I've said it before, Richter...Sometimes Tucson comes to you.  Looks like it's your turn now.  Sleep with one eye open, and never, ever forget what happened to Payne and Curly.

Okay for now,
Dok

[Doktor Howl]

Richter, my guts are twitching.  It's not the cramping you normally associate with a potential fecal tsunami cause by tainted water.

It feels like something's growing inside of me.  Changing parts of me.  

This morning, there was an itchy sore just below my sternum.    I slapped some neosporin and a bandage on it before I left for work.  But it still itches.  I took a look at it a few minutes ago.  It's swelled up to about the size of a golf ball.  And there's something moving under the surface.

Wait til the bastard comes near the surface, and nail the little fucker with a Bowie knife.  It's gonna hurt like a bitch, but it beats the hell out of re-enacting that chow hall scene from Alien.

31 days of Eris, man.  You didn't think it was going to stop on your schedule, did you?

[Richter]

Grandad gave me a book once Dok.  It was about stoic Englishmen dying horrible deaths.  The lesson was obvious, how to stare down things, and die like a stoic horrible english.  Poetic, but stoic horrible deaths are often an interesting cover for "HEY WATCH THIS!" or "WOW COOL!"

Some folks are sensible, and stay out of the desert.
Some think about the idea of a place with deadly fires, flash floods, and virulent rapist bush pigs and think it's be kind of fun.  Sick, but I'll be putting a boar bar on my spear tonight.

[Doktor Howl]

Grandad gave me a book once Dok.  It was about stoic Englishmen dying horrible deaths.  The lesson was obvious, how to stare down things, and die like a stoic horrible english.  Poetic, but stoic horrible deaths are often an interesting cover for "HEY WATCH THIS!" or "WOW COOL!"

As an aside, this is what the English do best. 

Some folks are sensible, and stay out of the desert.
Some think about the idea of a place with deadly fires, flash floods, and virulent rapist bush pigs and think it's be kind of fun.  Sick, but I'll be putting a boar bar on my spear tonight.

Oh, there's no denying that there are laughs out here, Richter, if you're serious about having a good time.  Sometimes we have such a good time it takes days to clean up all the blood.  Sometimes we have such a blast that they call Sheriff Joe, and then nobody saw Frank and Shorty for weeks, and when they came back, the blood was on them.  They couldn't explain, they made a joke, they didn't have their papers straight.  You know how these things happen, in this bright and shiny new America™.

AND THE TRAINS, RICHTER, THE TRAINS, THEY ALL RUN ON TIME!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This thread reminds me of a statistic I heard when I was a snake breeder, that 90% of rattlesnake bites occur when some drunk motherfucker decides to impress his friends by poking at one with a stick.