Breaking news!

[Cain]

Celebrity marriages are unstable!

Snoop Dog does drugs!

Banks are engaging in systematic fraud!

I don't know if I can take many more of these shocking revelations. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

You missed an important one.

[The Dark Monk]

My world has been... nevermind it's the same.

[Junkenstein]

Curiously you can take the first part of any, shove it to the last part and It's still somewhat true.

"Banks are unstable"

"Snoop dog engages in systematic fraud"

"Celebrity marriages on drugs"

"Banks are on drugs"

"Celebrity marriages are systematic fraud"

"Snoop dog is unstable"


And so on. Fuck it, from now on I'm treating the news this way. Why bother reading the details when random headline mashups are just as accurate, truthful and far more interesting.

[Suu]

Meanwhile...in Syria...

Wait, what's happening again? All I see is SHIT ABOUT FUCKING TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES!

Oh, and Curt Schilling, for anyone who thought life in Providence couldn't get more absurd.

-Suu
Lives in a state that a former baseball player raep'd for money in order to fund a bullshit game company. Said state also claimed to have lost tax money that no one was in charge of monitoring. ~_~

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Curiously you can take the first part of any, shove it to the last part and It's still somewhat true.

"Banks are unstable"

"Snoop dog engages in systematic fraud"

"Celebrity marriages on drugs"

"Banks are on drugs"

"Celebrity marriages are systematic fraud"

"Snoop dog is unstable"


And so on. Fuck it, from now on I'm treating the news this way. Why bother reading the details when random headline mashups are just as accurate, truthful and far more interesting.

[Telarus]

 

[Triple Zero]

Curiously you can take the first part of any, shove it to the last part and It's still somewhat true.

"Banks are unstable"

"Snoop dog engages in systematic fraud"

"Celebrity marriages on drugs"

"Banks are on drugs"

"Celebrity marriages are systematic fraud"

"Snoop dog is unstable"


And so on. Fuck it, from now on I'm treating the news this way. Why bother reading the details when random headline mashups are just as accurate, truthful and far more interesting.

Or, if we look at why this is, they are all of the form

<thing> is <something bad>

Where the <thing> is something from the "public's mind", meaning, something that the news corporations deem fit to be in the "news cycle", part of the discourse.

And <something bad> is also picked from the discourse, either as adjective topic or because the news corps decided that's what news headlines should sound like at the moment, fashion.

Interestingly enough, I draw the opposite conclusion from this as you: If the headlines are so interchangeable and meaningless, it's the details that make the difference, or rather that the entire source is rotten and you can just ignore it and find a new one.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Curiously you can take the first part of any, shove it to the last part and It's still somewhat true.

"Banks are unstable"

"Snoop dog engages in systematic fraud"

"Celebrity marriages on drugs"

"Banks are on drugs"

"Celebrity marriages are systematic fraud"

"Snoop dog is unstable"


And so on. Fuck it, from now on I'm treating the news this way. Why bother reading the details when random headline mashups are just as accurate, truthful and far more interesting.

Or, if we look at why this is, they are all of the form

<thing> is <something bad>

Where the <thing> is something from the "public's mind", meaning, something that the news corporations deem fit to be in the "news cycle", part of the discourse.

And <something bad> is also picked from the discourse, either as adjective topic or because the news corps decided that's what news headlines should sound like at the moment, fashion.

Interestingly enough, I draw the opposite conclusion from this as you: If the headlines are so interchangeable and meaningless, it's the details that make the difference, or rather that the entire source is rotten and you can just ignore it and find a new one.

I am of the opinion that the news is the enemy of detail these days.  If you want the facts you have to go get them yourself or rely on people that may or may not be reliable.  At least with real people you don't know for sure that the're unreliable. I still find it fun to make the deets up to suit my fancy.  At least I can know I'm full of shit and be amused!

For instance

You missed an important one.

Note the businesslike expression on her face and the reasonable price displayed for the luxurious brand-name asswipe she is buying.  She is clearly walking through some kind of big box Sam's Club like dispensary.  I could not make out the logo on the sign despite downloading the image and zooming in as far as Windows Picture And Fax Viewer would allow.  WPAFV did, however, allow me to glean 2.3 other crucial pieces of information.

1.Neither her boots nor her hair tie appear to be real, grossly expensive designer goods.  Very suspicious for a celebrity not on the E list.

2.Her hair and face seem to lack the kind of luster that a multimillion dollar coiffure team should be providing.

Also  .The commoner woman in the background is only lightly checking her out rather than abjectly worshiping as is her divinely enforced duty.

Clearly, even this apparently spurious article is attempting to divert us from the considerations that could lead us to the truth!
It is obvious that Jessica Biel has been excommunicated by The Powers That Be, and worse yet... may even have become poor.
She may also have hemorrhoids, Charmin really is an extravagance for a person of her station sans medical necessity.