The Acts of the Beatles

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

A couple of days ago I got to thinking about the infamous "Paul McCartney is dead" hoax, and about the famous incident in which John Lennon stated that the Beatles were "Bigger than Jesus" and I somehow got the idea to put the two things together. This is whqat I came up with, it is largely based on the biblical story of Lazarus, as told in the King James Version of the bible. Please tell me what you think:

An Excerpt From The Book of The Acts of The Beatles

Beatles 11:1  Now it happened one day that Paul McCartney was in an automobile accident
Beatles 11:2  Failing to notice the changing of the stoplight, and his car being hit by an oncoming motorist, he was struck dead.
Beatles 11:3  Therefore the police went unto the Beatles, saying: "the One who co-composes your songs is injured"
Beatles 11:4  When John Lennon heard that, he said, "This injury is not unto death, but for the glory of The Beatles, that the Band might be glorified thereby"
Beatles 11:5  Then after that saith he to the band, "Let us go to him"
Beatles 11:6   His disciples say unto him, "Master, the Christians of late sought to stone thee; and goest thou thither again?"
Beatles 11:7  John Lennon answered, "Are there not twelve hours in the day? If any man walk in the day, he stumbleth not, because he seeth the light of this world.
Beatles 11:8  "But if a man walk in the night, he stumbleth, because there is no light in him."
Beatles 11:9  These things said he: and after that he saith unto them, "Our friend Paul sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep."
Beatles 11:10 Then said the band, "Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well."
Beatles 11:11 Howbeit John Lennon spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep.
Beatles 11:12 Then said John Lennon unto them plainly, "Paul is dead."
Beatles 11:13 "And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him."
Beatles 11:14 Then said Richard, who is called Ringo, unto his the band, "Let us also go, that we may die with him."
Beatles 11:15 Then when John Lennon came, he found that he had lain in the morgue four hours already.
Beatles 11:16 Then said the fans unto John Lennon, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, Paul might not have died.
Beatles 11:17 "But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee."
Beatles 11:18 John Lennon saith unto them, "Paul shall rise again."
Beatles 11:19 And they saith unto him, "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
Beatles 11:20 John Lennon said unto them, "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
Beatles 11:21 "And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?"
Beatles 11:22 They saith unto him, "Yea, Lord: we believe that thou art the Messiah, which should come into the world."
Beatles 11:23 But some of them said, "Could not this man, which opened the minds of the square, have caused that even this man should not have died?"
Beatles 11:24 John Lennon Wept
Beatles 11:25 John Lennon said, "Take ye away the sheet. Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of The Beatles?"
Beatles 11:26 Then they took away the sheet from the slab where the dead was laid. And John Lennon lifted up his eyes, and said, "Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.
Beatles 11:27 "And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me."
Beatles 11:28 And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, "Paul McCartney, come forth."
Beatles 11:29 And he that was dead came forth.
Beatles 11:30 Then many of the Christians which had came and had seen the things which John Lennon did, believed on him.