WOMP-ertainment

[Suu]

OMG...I can't take it. 

[Payne]

Payne:  Your WOMP'ing my face onto stuff is awesome as ever.  Thou now I seriously need to get soem smack talked at me or my ego'll get out of hand.
srsly

An excerpt from a WOMP operatives journal. This operative had been sent on an aquisition assignment, but never returned. All we have is the tattered remains of his standard issue clipboard.

I don't think I'm going to make it back to The Internet. I can only hope that this makes it's way to the cabal.

I was in the depths of an ancient thread, searching for a picture of the REAL Good Reverend Rogers face. This assignment has proven somewhat more arduous than planned for, and I am down to my last few pixels of food.

I have managed to salvage some lesser known pictures of various other posters, so all is not in vain, but I lose hope that I will succeed in my primary mission here.

Yesterday, while navigating over a treacherous stretch of  EVT and Tao drivel, I first noticed a musty stench. I first passed this off as residual fail, a common hazard I had learned to deal with through exposure. This was until I heard a slobbering grunt some distance behind me.

I couldn't hear the chatter of guests in the background anymore, and after days of hearing them in the background the sudden silence un-nerved me.

I looked down to utility belt, to make certain that the standard WOMP-Tache was primed, and slightly pulled my Spray-Tool to be sure it was free in it's scabbard. And I waited.

When I first saw it, I was stunned, to say the least.

Bursting through the thick undergrowth of cock and repost was an absolute GIANT, at least four times the height of an ordinary man. My Obnoxious Jerk training told me this was no troll, no alt. This was the real fucking thing.

It had the legs of an elephant, and it appeared that it's penis was like an elephants trunk, and apparently as prehensile. In place of a head were the hindquarters of a horse, the legs of which ended not in hooves, but in eagle claws.

In place of an anus was a horrible visage, incongruously chomping a cigar, and the horses tail appeared to form a warriors top-knot.

In a semi-crouch, I prepared for a tough flame war with the loathsome beast, which had stopped not 20 feet away. It was giggling inanely, and the full horror of it's noxious aroma assailed me.

Cigar smoke, fresh butthash and an extremely bitter tang in the air, which I couldn't imediately identify. I was about to discover EXACTLY what it was though.

It raised it's elephant trunk man meat in the air, and I found myself transfixed, like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. It's eyes were shining with a mad inner light. I felt the hand of doom on my shoulder.

The beasts dick began to bulge at it's base, as a hose pipe in a cartoon would, and the bulge travelled slowlydown it's length. Near the end, the monstrous face hawked as if he was about to spit. And at the exact moment that it's vile spooge erupted, he ejected pure butthash from his mouth into the bilious stream.

TOO LATE! I couldn't dive out of the way. I was hit with a great force of extremely strong coffee, garnished with shit, and I was flat out on the ground and unable to move.

I felt one of the great claws grip my ankle and drag me away as I lost conciousness, and a mumble in the background, from the beasts disgusting 'mouth' no doubt.

I woke in a cav...........

Here, the account ends, due to the text being covered in blood. The only other readable part is a sketch of the beast itself.



We recomend great care in navigating old threads, especially if you are not trained in basic WOMP skills.

[Penumbral]

 

This thread is win!




But you don't have a pic of bwahahahahaha!

[Richter]

"The base of the beasts dick began to bulge at it's base, as... "

..and at THAT point, the whole thing just made me loose it on the phone with a client  .

[Suu]

LOL. School or borrower?!

[Payne]

 

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

WHY AM I BUTTSECKSING RICHTER IN THE QUEUE!?!?!?!?!1

ALso

Fread=W1n!

[Payne]

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

/Awaits the fallout...

[Payne]

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

LOL

[Cramulus]

OH YEAH?

[Payne]

You're an asshole Cram.

The OJCabal has taught you well.....

[Suu]

[Cramulus]