Surviving in the Surveillance State

[tyrannosaurus vex]

You know you're being watched.  Fuck off with your "this is more conspiracy theory garbage" reactions.

This is the truth.

They have cameras, man.  The smoke detector in your hotel room is wired.  They make cell phone manufacturers put GPS units in every single model, even if they don't use it as a selling point.  Just imagine what's in your car.  They're onto you, don't doubt that.  But so what?  If they're going to follow you around and take notes, the least you can do is make sure their investment is worthwhile.

The following will help you to increase the value your tax dollars get:

1. Make conflicting reservations at different hotels at opposite ends of the country, and on that night, sleep in the park under a surveillance camera.  Also, if you're too loaded with cash and have nothing better to do, book a one-way ticket to Morocco and never get on the plane.

2. Commit a misdemeanor.  These assholes want files on everybody, and if they don't have anything they will make one up.  If you get booked for littering or shoplifting a pack of gum, then you're a petty criminal.  If they have nothing on you at all, you might end up being a Terrorist Mastermind.

3. Prank-call 911 from pay phones in the rich neighborhoods.

4. Buy things on the Internet from people in Third-World countries.  It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it isn't a rug.

5. When going through security checkpoints, embellish your cell phone with nonfunctional wires and switches.

6. With a couple of friends in separate vehicles, organize a pursuit of a DHS van through downtown.

7. Buy a copy of Catcher in the Rye, but sell it on eBay.

8. When you sign for purchases on electronic card-reading devices, sign the words HELLO NSA.

These steps will accomplish nothing, but they will make you feel like a secret operative, fighting a war you don't understand for people who don't even know you exist.  And in lieu of any real freedoms, the illusion of participation in your own demise should be considered a civil right.

[Cain]

When asked for your ID card, search your pockets and claim to have "forgotten it".  Upon arriving at the police station "find" it in your pocket behind "something else" and produce it.

When writing names in the sand at the beach with friends, never write your own name, because then the NSA will have to double check with DHS about your identity.

[LMNO]

These steps will accomplish nothing, but they will make you feel like a secret operative, fighting a war you don't understand for people who don't even know you exist.  And in lieu of any real freedoms, the illusion of participation in your own demise should be considered a civil right.

The punchline nails it.

[Darth Cupcake]

8. When you sign for purchases on electronic card-reading devices, sign the words HELLO NSA.

I usually sign a smiley face (it's not like I can get enough legibility to actually sign it correctly anyways!), but I think I totally dig that idea.

These steps will accomplish nothing, but they will make you feel like a secret operative, fighting a war you don't understand for people who don't even know you exist.  And in lieu of any real freedoms, the illusion of participation in your own demise should be considered a civil right.

I believe LMNO already covered it. This is some good shit.

[Pope Lecherous]

Shit... i'm under surveillance right now as i survey the airspace around japan and nK... and as i am typing this this this

[The Littlest Ubermensch]

Shit... i'm under surveillance right now as i survey the airspace around japan and nK... and as i am typing this this this

Bold: it's completely fucking necessary for everything.

[Darth Cupcake]

Shit... i'm under surveillance right now as i survey the airspace around japan and nK... and as i am typing this this this

Bold: it's completely fucking necessary for everything.

It's the new capslock!

[LMNO]

x-posted to Forum News.

[Pope Lecherous]

These steps will accomplish nothing, but they will make you feel like a secret operative, fighting a war you don't understand for people who don't even know you exist.  And in lieu of any real freedoms, the illusion of participation in your own demise should be considered a civil right.

What i'm really trying to say is... the punchline nails me.  This is what i'm doing at this very moment.  But i'm doing it for real and it's not a joke.  The joke is some people say that what i'm doing, 'I do for you guys'