The Discordian Ten Commandants with Commentary

[A.N. Other]

[All right, I stole the actual commandants from one of those Discordian Book...I think it was the Book of Eris. In any case, I fancy myself as Discordian Theologian, so I felt it in my right to comment on them. If anyone feels like I'm wrong in any way, shape, or form...well, that's fine. I really don't care.]

Reverend Never's Sermon: This Week: The Ten Commandments of Discordia (Discordian Commandment by Ginohn, sermon by the wasted acid head homeless man in my basement. I call him Jerry Bob.)

1. Thou shalt have no other house before me.

Yes, children of Eris, this is very simple to understand. Most people these days are devoted to the house, be it called Church, Mosque, Synagogue, whatever. But, there is more devotion to the house then to the god, thinking that the church is the salvation when it is, in most cases, the god. Plus, god doesn't need your money. Worship *insert god's or mortal you who look up to name here*, not *insert religious temple name here* and you'll have a better life. Maybe.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

Graven, here, means "fixed upon the mind." Basically, then, this means don't concern yourself with the neighbors and/or other people's thought about you. And besides, those that spy on the neighbors are either rich stuck-up bastards or trailer park trash, and you're not like them, right?

3. Thou shalt not kill the Lord thy God.

God, in this idea, is the highest form of self. It's the voice in your head that tells you what to do. Of course, you may call it instinct or intuition. Whatever it is, people ignore it. Over time, this, well, kills it. Listen to it, it has had 5,000 years or so to perfect itself, I'm sure it's right now.

4. Remember to steal the days.

A mantra of the Hedonist, this says live your life to the fullest. Seeing as this has been repeated billions of times by wise men throughout the ages, I didn't see any reason to waste your time explaining it.

5. Honor thy father in vain that thy Sabbath day may be long.

Whatever day you decide to be your day, let nothing stop you from enjoying it. It's your day, after all, do whatever you please. Just don't be too heartless. Remember, you still have six other days that you have to deal with people and some of them might get mad at you for not honoring them on your holy day.

6. Thou shalt not take the name of thy mother.

You are your own person. Simple, really, no need to go too deep into this. Hell, change your name. That'll show them you are your own person! Try Max Powers or something.

7. Thou shalt not commit witness.

This is the most important, so keep it well to your heart: Do your best to avoid jury duty and stay out of court. Why is this so important? Because it interferes with all the other commandments, of course. And, besides, who can have fun on in jury duty.

8. Thou shalt not keep it holy.

"Only the good die young," said a wise man. You're not going to have any fun if you keep holy. Unless you're Discordian. Holy things are fun in Discordia.

9. Thou shalt not bear false adultery against thy images.

Damn, I don't know...Eris is a little unclear or I just don't really care...uh, don't be vain. You know, stop looking at yourself naked in front of a mirror say you look disgusting or...something.

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's gods.

Don't let anyone tell you what god to believe it, if you choose to believe at all. Simple, eh?

All in all, a happy ending, hmm? And remember, always, to always remember. Or something. Yeah.

[LMNO]

"Hey, Lance?  Everything cool Susan just said?  You just ruined it."
  \

[Adios]

Baby Jesus did it better.

[A.N. Other]

Ah well. Least I tired, damn it. Fail, sure, but tried nonetheless.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Don't feel bad. I can't comment on your commentary because I couldn't the that far, being stopped by the Commandments themselves being so fucking inane.

[A.N. Other]

True. Of course, this writing came from my early Discordian years when I thought everything from Discordians was cool and, as the kids like to say, "hip." So, when I read them, I thought I be just as "cool" to write a sermon to them.

Not sure what point this proves, but...umm...yeah! In retrospect, the Commandments are sort of, well, pointless. And trivial.

I'm not helping myself any, am I?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

...this writing came from my early Discordian years...

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

I'm not helping myself any, am I?

sure you are. keep going.

[Payne]

...this writing came from my early Discordian years...

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

This time WAS my early discordian years. Actually, I guess I'm still in them, seeing as I've been here for just over one year.

[Adios]

...this writing came from my early Discordian years...

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

I'm not helping myself any, am I?

sure you are. keep going.

[A.N. Other]

...this writing came from my early Discordian years...

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

I'm not helping myself any, am I?

sure you are. keep going.

If you all are assholes, then apparently only thinking humans are.

As for helping myself...well, I've actually got nothing to add.

[P3nT4gR4m]

The whole human race is assholes, as far as the eye can see.

But some of them do it with style

[A.N. Other]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

[Verbal Mike]

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

So true.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

definition of "early Discordian years": the time span between learning about Discordianism and finding out that PDCOM is full of assholes.

[BADGE OF HONOR]

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

This obviously means don't keep garden gnomes.