I hate dealing with testosterone fuelled punks

[Cain]

So, I had a nice day out in Salisbury with an old friend, catching up and reminiscing about the good times.  Anyway, she was visiting her step-brother later that evening, and I'm currently house-sitting, so I decided to go back home but not before stopping off at the supermarket and pick up a pizza, a couple of beers and the like, since I have no real plans for tonight.

So there I am, walking down the main high street, when I smell these two kids in front of me.  And I mean smell, it was like they had drowned themselves in cider or something.  Quite disgusting actually.  But yeah, since this is the main road, and its still busy even in the evening, I try to slip past, brushing up against one of the guys as I do so.  I quietly apologize and continue on.

I walk about two feet before I hear a slurred "hey you fucking twat, where the FUCK do you think you're going?"  I keep going for about another five feet, stop, then slowly turn around to look at him.  The kid's about 17, I would guess, maybe 18 at best.  Greasy hair, acne, ill-fitting clothes, slight highness when he raised his voice while shouting at me.  I look him up and down and say "I said I was sorry.  What else do you want, a blowjob or something?"  I turn to walk away, since though the kid looks puffed up, he doesn't seem on the verge of punching me.  Not yet, while he gets to show off his astounding wit to his mate and random passerby's.

"Listen to me you cocky little faggot" he started.  I hate that.  I am slightly shorter than a lot of people, I accept that.  I'm 5'9", so I know I'm not tall, but I'm not exactly a midget either.  But it means everyone with a 2" height advantage thinks you're a midget or something. He seems to lose his thread for a second, then goes on "you don't think you can just mouth off to me like that do ya, ya fucking twat?  See my mate here?"  I glance to suspect number two, holding a mobile in his hands, then look back to Acne Boi.  "He's got your fucking portrait now, you fucking idiot.  Its his fucking screensaver.  What you gonna do now, you cocky little fuck?  We know your face, you twat.  We'll track you down and fucking do your windows in mate."

I get a small adrenaline dump now.  Its not exactly the sweating shakes anymore, since I've had quite a few over the past few years for one reason or another.  Its more a tingle of excitement at the pit of my stomach, and slightly twitchy fingers.  I'm alert now, my senses are sharp and I'm ready to react to any move him or his buddy make.

"Well", I start, "firstly I wont have to worry about that too much, since you'll have to grow some balls to try something like that, and I doubt I'll be here in 5 years time.  And secondly, I trust the officer behind you caught that threat you made against my good self?  You fucking idiot, mouthing off at someone on a main street in broad daylight.  Remember now not to bend over if you drop the soap".  I smiled as the copper in his bright flourescent jacket put a hand on each of the kid's shoulders.

Have I mentioned recently I hate this fucking town?

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I was hoping for a spinning sidekick to the throat type ending, but that was pretty good too.

[Thurnez Isa]

5' 9'' wow
put it this way im only 5' 6''

stopped growing when i hit high school which sucked cause i liked to play football was a pretty decent running back... but when all the others dwarf you and weigh twice your weight they wont let you play due to safety issues

but i know what you mean
back in sudbury the "in" thing to do was yell at people as you drive by them
and i mean like just walking down to the mall for 15 minutes you would get it at least once....

[Payne]

That is some awesome writing right there.

[Suu]

I had to read the dialogue out loud in Brit accents to get the full effect.  

[Payne]

5' 9'' wow
put it this way im only 5' 6''

stopped growing when i hit high school which sucked cause i liked to play football was a pretty decent running back... but when all the others dwarf you and weigh twice your weight they wont let you play due to safety issues

but i know what you mean
back in sudbury the "in" thing to do was yell at people as you drive by them
and i mean like just walking down to the mall for 15 minutes you would get it at least once....

5'6"?

ME TOO!

We can be midgets together! Yay!

[Cain]

I was hoping for a spinning sidekick to the throat type ending, but that was pretty good too.

I'm pretty inflexible currently, it must be said...I'm working my way back into a routine, but its going to take a few months of hard work to get myself back up to a decent standard.

Also, CCTV.  If I let someone else physically threaten me (ie walk up to me, grab me, throw a punch etc) first, then I'm within my rights to defend myself.  Not that it matters, since I do not make a habit of getting involved in fights on main streets in broad daylight, unlike Acne Boi above.

Also lol, Discordians are the little people.

[Darth Cupcake]

I like that it had a happy ending. Like a modern, urban fairy tale.

[Cramulus]

for Cain

stupid townie pukes. They're the rot of every scumbag city. In White Plains the other day, I was running to catch a train, and this group of five kids, musta been high school seniors, are all walking shoulder to shoulder. No way around them. They look real buffed up, sneering, spitting, smoking cigarettes. I'm dashing by, and I check one on the shoulder to push past.

"Sorry," I say, "train's here," darting up the stairs.

I'm already at the top of the stairs by the time the little pisser grows the balls to shout,

"You just gonna hit me and run away, you little faggot?"

Hahah, what the fuck? real tough.

I flipped 'em off as I jumped on the train.


glad you stuck it to those chumps

[LMNO]

What sucks is that the act of being polite is seen as a sign of weakness by these monkey-brained fucks.

[Suu]

/r/ Ratatosk to write us a poem about Acne Boi.

[BADGE OF HONOR]

Also lol, Discordians are the little people.

5'3".  I make up for it by being angry.

[LMNO]

SIX FEET.


Bow before me.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Also lol, Discordians are the little people.

5'3".  I make up for it by being angry.

Holy shit it's true.

Nigel is like 3' 6".

[Chairman Risus]

I'm 6'2''.

Maybe I'm two discordians, stacked on top of one another.