Renamed: GOD. DAMN. IT.

[Freeky]

In response to Squid saying he shouldn't have gone to bed with me if he didn't want a kid, that was an alternative, cuz damned if I didn't want to get laid by the time we got together.

[Freeky]

I knew it. It was only a matter of time, I thought, until they brought out their favorite threat against me.

Last night, just before my monkey was supposed to be going to bed, my mom started bitching at me about the usual stuff: the house is a mess, I'm not taking care of my monkey, etc etc. I started picking up, because I just wanted her to shut her face as I was not having a good day. But she kept going. So finally I said angrily, "Just leave me alone!" and she got pissed. "Maybe a night on the STREET! With your SON! Might teach you a little respect!" and so on. And then she tried to pick up munchkin, which I really didn't appreciate as she had just threatened to kick him out and put him on the street in freezing weather. So I took him back, and she was like, "Oh so I can't even hold him now?"

I'd like a suggestion or two on how to tell my mom that this is bullshit and not okay in the least to do. It's not like she didn't keep telling me that I would always be welcome here while I was with my ex, because she did.

[Cain]

Personally?  Uppercut to the jaw, followed by a knee in her stomach and an elbow to the back of her head.  And that's just for starters.

She just threatened to put you and your kid onto the street.  Because you didn't respect her "authority" enough.  Words cannot describe how abhorrent I find that. 

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

When people use children as a tool to hurt others it makes me want to put my boot through their skull.
I mean how fucking low do you have to be to threaten to put a child on the street?
Especially your grandchild.

That's just disgusting.

[Salty]

I knew it. It was only a matter of time, I thought, until they brought out their favorite threat against me.

Last night, just before my monkey was supposed to be going to bed, my mom started bitching at me about the usual stuff: the house is a mess, I'm not taking care of my monkey, etc etc. I started picking up, because I just wanted her to shut her face as I was not having a good day. But she kept going. So finally I said angrily, "Just leave me alone!" and she got pissed. "Maybe a night on the STREET! With your SON! Might teach you a little respect!" and so on. And then she tried to pick up munchkin, which I really didn't appreciate as she had just threatened to kick him out and put him on the street in freezing weather. So I took him back, and she was like, "Oh so I can't even hold him now?"

I'd like a suggestion or two on how to tell my mom that this is bullshit and not okay in the least to do. It's not like she didn't keep telling me that I would always be welcome here while I was with my ex, because she did.

what Cain said.

You cannot do anything about this person but keep them from fucking up your children. Emotionally manipulative, selfish, and greedy people like that should be shot into the sun.   

[Freeky]

I knew it. It was only a matter of time, I thought, until they brought out their favorite threat against me.

Last night, just before my monkey was supposed to be going to bed, my mom started bitching at me about the usual stuff: the house is a mess, I'm not taking care of my monkey, etc etc. I started picking up, because I just wanted her to shut her face as I was not having a good day. But she kept going. So finally I said angrily, "Just leave me alone!" and she got pissed. "Maybe a night on the STREET! With your SON! Might teach you a little respect!" and so on. And then she tried to pick up munchkin, which I really didn't appreciate as she had just threatened to kick him out and put him on the street in freezing weather. So I took him back, and she was like, "Oh so I can't even hold him now?"

I'd like a suggestion or two on how to tell my mom that this is bullshit and not okay in the least to do. It's not like she didn't keep telling me that I would always be welcome here while I was with my ex, because she did.

what Cain said.

You cannot do anything about this person but keep them from fucking up your children. Emotionally manipulative, selfish, and greedy people like that should be shot into the sun.   

Agreed, and what Squid said too. I was looking into a shelter for families, but a friend of mine said that it would be hard for me cuz I wouldn't have a sitter and wouldn't be able to tell people where I live. So maybe I'll have to hold off on that until I get a car.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Honey.

Goddamnit. This kind of shit pisses me off. Your mom is abusive, and from her comments about you getting child support indicate that she's a control freak who doesn't want you to obtain any measure of independence. She's tearing you down and discouraging you like that in order to try to keep you under her control.

Your mission, as I see it, is to quietly do everything you can do to get out from under her control. Filing for child support is a good first step. The next step is getting on public assistance... however abhorrent you might find that idea, it will give you tremendous leverage for the step after that, which is finding an apartment and going to school full-time. That's a challenge because of childcare, I know, but many universities have on-site childcare that is subsidized. Because of your situation as a single mother, it's likely that you will be able to get enough assistance while you're in school that you won't have to get a job. As a woman, I would highly recommend you go into the hard sciences, because once you have your undergrad degree, if your GPA is reasonably high, you can get everything else paid for, plus a small annual stipend. Between public assistance and a stipend, when you're done you could have a doctorate and owe less than $20,000 in student loans, which is nothing in the world of student loans.

[Freeky]

Honey.

Goddamnit. This kind of shit pisses me off. Your mom is abusive, and from her comments about you getting child support indicate that she's a control freak who doesn't want you to obtain any measure of independence. She's tearing you down and discouraging you like that in order to try to keep you under her control.

Your mission, as I see it, is to quietly do everything you can do to get out from under her control. Filing for child support is a good first step. The next step is getting on public assistance... however abhorrent you might find that idea, it will give you tremendous leverage for the step after that, which is finding an apartment and going to school full-time. That's a challenge because of childcare, I know, but many universities have on-site childcare that is subsidized. Because of your situation as a single mother, it's likely that you will be able to get enough assistance while you're in school that you won't have to get a job. As a woman, I would highly recommend you go into the hard sciences, because once you have your undergrad degree, if your GPA is reasonably high, you can get everything else paid for, plus a small annual stipend. Between public assistance and a stipend, when you're done you could have a doctorate and owe less than $20,000 in student loans, which is nothing in the world of student loans.

II'm thinking you're right. However, I just don't know how to go about doing it, especially with going to school full-time. Should I get a job too? Roomates? I only know one person I would trust implicitly as a roomie, and she's a stripper with an infant, and HER ex is a serial douchebag, a bad person on all accounts and not just from a relationship standpoint. As I said, I looked into a shelter, but she advised me against it.

As for school money, I recently found out my grandpa took out a policy that could be exchanged for money years ago, for 20k, and it's matured. I had asked that I use ot for a car instead, but perhaps I overlooked the possibilities...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

First things first. Most important is that you start with child support. That's your first step. Meanwhile, go to whatever the public assistance office is called in your state, and talk to them, not just about assistance but also about housing and education. Do not hesitate to mention that your current living situation is abusive. Seriously; that might sound extreme to you, but they will work to find you alternatives if they know. There may be subsidized housing in your area. If not, that's OK: get what you can in assistance, and between that and child support, it will give you a fair amount of independence.

You have $20k available for school, that's great! Use it for school. That includes using part of it to buy a car to get you to and from school: I recommend a used Volvo, because they're reliable. Don't spend more than $4k on a car, and that much only if you're buying it from a dealer. IF you can find a place to live near the college, skip the car.

Go to your local state university and talk to a counselor about your options. They may have resources, including housing and childcare resources, that you can't find out about unless you talk to them.

Your stripper friend might be an ideal housemate for you, but you might not need to have a housemate. Ideally, at the age your child is, you will be able to go to school full-time and not have to get a job.

[Freeky]

I've been trying to figure out the particulars of applying for child support, the current one being do I have to send the fee in with my application, and where does it go, and do I need legal custody first. My friend is going though a pro-bono legal assistance firm, and says that I do need custody first. And for the rest, okie doke, I can do some of that today even.

Good advice, thanks much.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I've been trying to figure out the particulars of applying for child support, the current one being do I have to send the fee in with my application, and where does it go, and do I need legal custody first. My friend is going though a pro-bono legal assistance firm, and says that I do need custody first. And for the rest, okie doke, I can do some of that today even.

Good advice, thanks much.

What state do you live in? I can help you figure this out.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"Maybe a night on the STREET! With your SON! Might teach you a little respect!"

Wow.

"Oh so I can't even hold him now?"

I wouldn't allow it, if I were you.  This is the child she wanted to punish with a night outdoors to teach you a lesson.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Regardless of what state you live in, call or go to the courthouse. They will have someone there who can walk you through the steps to getting child support. It should not cost you anything, regardless of what state you live in. I wish you lived in Oregon, because I could be way more helpful.

[Freeky]

"Maybe a night on the STREET! With your SON! Might teach you a little respect!"

Wow.

"Oh so I can't even hold him now?"

I wouldn't allow it, if I were you.  This is the child she wanted to punish with a night outdoors to teach you a lesson.

Well, I'm going to have to play by her rules tomorrow, and guilt her into watching my monkey so I can borrow the truck and go do errands, otherwise that was actually one option I had thought of. I'm gonna have to plan the speech, though, cuz I know I'll forget something and leave it out, or totally muck it up.

Regardless of what state you live in, call or go to the courthouse. They will have someone there who can walk you through the steps to getting child support. It should not cost you anything, regardless of what state you live in. I wish you lived in Oregon, because I could be way more helpful.

I'm down here in Tucson with TGRR. I'll give them a call tomorrow.

[Freeky]

This is the worst day of interraction with the ex yet.

He told me that he went and asked a couple of friends to babysit on Mondays, Turesdays, and Wednesdays, and I'd get him the rest of the week. He then told me that he'd be paying THEM THE TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS I NEED TO FUCKING FEED MY GODDAMN SON AND CLOTHES HIM AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE I CAN WHICH ISNT MUCH CONSIDERING IM ONLY GETTING 200 A MONTH!

So inside I'm fuming, but I don't let on. All I do is be like  "No."

So he's like " Well then I'm going to apply for full child custody, cuz we agreed to 50/50, and that means everything! AZ state law says 30 days is plenty of time to find a job, and that's how long you've had! I'm not gonna keep paying for everything, and you sprung it on me at the beginning of the month (that list I gave him), and if I had gotten the clothes and the car seat that alone would have cost me two hundred bucks! I got my other two boys who need sneakers and shit too!"

And I, who are not so good at the wording when I'm angry, (can you tell?) don't say anything, just stand there like 

Inside I'm like, "You have a responsibility for him too!" and "You bastard, you think that 200 bucks once a month is going to be enough?!" and "So by this I'm guessing that you are not going to fork over the money you owe me."

He says that there's a guard class on the 16th, which I'm going to have go to, as it is a guaranteed job, even though it's gonna totally suck because I'm not a night person, and my mom isn't gonna let me sleep as long as I need to during the day, and a whole lot of other crap that's gonna put more strain. And he's like, at the end of the conversation, "and when you've saved up enough, you can have himi back. It's either that or you MOVE BACK IN."

And then I go inside and I tell my parents they have to fork over the money to pay for the guard card, (which they can do, but she couldn't put up for me to apply at the courts for child support and custody, so I had to go pro bono and I have to wait 4-6 weeks now just to fill out the paperwork), and they're like, "sure, we can help you with that, and we can help watch [the monkey] but not all day every day, and blah blah blah I'm a dirty whore."

And then we got in a fight cuz if I don't have a babysitter or enough sleep I'm gonna giet fired I know.

I could cry right now, I really could.