A Letter to a Jerk

[Juana]

Dear friend,

Ok, so you finally got a girlfriend again. Good for you. Why are you being insufferable? Yesterday, I was ready to throttle you for being such an unmitigated ass and the day before was the day you got together which the girl--I'm pretty sure there's a correlation because you weren't like this a couple days ago. I understand some of your cockiness because, well, she thought it was your knee. But I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you ever say something like that again to me. We give each other shit all the time but that was over the line and I HATE the way you said it. I'm not easy to offend or hurt, but congratulations, you managed it.
Oh, and also? That comment you made to me yesterday when I almost fell over? Not ok. I am not an object and you will never reduce me to my body. More than it would go to waste if I died.

And then there's the matter of you taking up with this particular girl at all. First off, I'm pretty sure you aren't with her because you like her. You just know she broke up with her ex because he wouldn't put out. Plus, this girl is quite frankly abusive. I kind of doubt she'll do it to you, but you know exactly what kind of things she said to our friend the red head. You know how she treated him. And that you got with her at all is fucking low because you KNOW he hasn't been able to get over this girl since September. She also all but has a sign on her back that says BAT SHIT CRAZY. We've talked about this and you agreed with me last week--which was about three days before you found out she liked you. WTF.
I don't expect you to take this into account when selecting a girlfriend, but you know that A) I'm a pretty good judge of character and B) I don't like her. Hm. Let's count the number of times I've been wrong.

I'm going to be civil to her and I'm going to remind you I don't like her. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you. Little tiny jabs here and there until you stop behaving like a revolting jackass. Or maybe you never will. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be your friend if you keep this up.

What happened to the friend I've had for three years? My friend was sweet and had a sense of honor. He got mad when people made the sort of comments you did yesterday. Congratulations. You are now your father. Let me buy you some coke and find you a whore and you'll be all set.

Love (or maybe not),
  Kurys

[East Coast Hustle]

sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.

[East Coast Hustle]

Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating a girl just because she's batshit crazy and you KNOW that means she'll be a tiger in the sack.

[Captain Utopia]

I got the sense that the OP had feelings for the guy.  But then again, I've known some guys who'll string along a girl as backup, and treat them like crap (or just ignore them) once they think they've found something better.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.

This. It also comes across as teenage drama.

If he's not pleasant to hang around with, stop hanging around with him until he gets it sorted out. Hanging out with him so that you can enjoy making "tiny jabs" is, um, batshit. As for his choice of mate, you are not the arbiter of attraction. Butt out. He apparently knows what he's getting himself into, he can deal with it. Keep your mouth shut, you can pull out the "I told you so" card when they break up. Better yet, don't, and just actually be a friend.

And are you serious? He's supposed to not date this girl because she broke up with a mutual friend six months ago? If it was his best friend, I guess I could see that. Otherwise, your other friend's inability to get over this girl shouldn't affect whether someone else in your social circle dates her.

[Faust]

Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating a girl just because she's batshit crazy and you KNOW that means she'll be a tiger in the sack.

crazy is always fun  ....

...

For a while .

[Faust]

Dear friend,

Ok, so you finally got a girlfriend again. Good for you. Why are you being insufferable? Yesterday, I was ready to throttle you for being such an unmitigated ass and the day before was the day you got together which the girl--I'm pretty sure there's a correlation because you weren't like this a couple days ago. I understand some of your cockiness because, well, she thought it was your knee. But I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you ever say something like that again to me. We give each other shit all the time but that was over the line and I HATE the way you said it. I'm not easy to offend or hurt, but congratulations, you managed it.
Oh, and also? That comment you made to me yesterday when I almost fell over? Not ok. I am not an object and you will never reduce me to my body. More than it would go to waste if I died.

And then there's the matter of you taking up with this particular girl at all. First off, I'm pretty sure you aren't with her because you like her. You just know she broke up with her ex because he wouldn't put out. Plus, this girl is quite frankly abusive. I kind of doubt she'll do it to you, but you know exactly what kind of things she said to our friend the red head. You know how she treated him. And that you got with her at all is fucking low because you KNOW he hasn't been able to get over this girl since September. She also all but has a sign on her back that says BAT SHIT CRAZY. We've talked about this and you agreed with me last week--which was about three days before you found out she liked you. WTF.
I don't expect you to take this into account when selecting a girlfriend, but you know that A) I'm a pretty good judge of character and B) I don't like her. Hm. Let's count the number of times I've been wrong.

I'm going to be civil to her and I'm going to remind you I don't like her. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you. Little tiny jabs here and there until you stop behaving like a revolting jackass. Or maybe you never will. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be your friend if you keep this up.

What happened to the friend I've had for three years? My friend was sweet and had a sense of honor. He got mad when people made the sort of comments you did yesterday. Congratulations. You are now your father. Let me buy you some coke and find you a whore and you'll be all set.

Love (or maybe not),
  Kurys

If you wanted to bone your friend so badly you should have made a move first.

[Cain]

Its amsuing how much derision this thread has invited, given that it wouldn't be at all out of place had it been posted in Apple Talk.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think it might have gotten pretty much the same responses, though, if it was posted as-is, because of the rant format. If it was posted as a "I'm so bummed and pissed off because my friend is dating this awful girl and is being a jerk to me" sort of post in Apple Talk, I think it would have gotten sympathy and more gently-worded advice.

Also, I think that people expect a pretty high caliber of rant in Or Kill Me, and have good reasons; this sub (usually) delivers.

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, I'd have had the same advice had this been in apple talk, but I might have worded it less harshly.

But then, I might not have.

[Juana]

I could have had him if I had wanted him, even as recently a last week, but I turned him down when he went after me and I don't regret it. I can see the drama. And it's not the red head she broke up with--that boy has been pining for her for ages and never got her. Part of the problem is, she openly used and verbally abused our red head friend for six months before my friend got with her. We were talking about it last *week.*

...If it was posted as a "I'm so bummed and pissed off because my friend is dating this awful girl and is being a jerk to me" sort of post in Apple Talk, I think it would have gotten sympathy and more gently-worded advice.

I learned something new. Thank you.

You do have a good point, Nigel. I am rather unlikely to actually hurt him back for his comments, even though I wanted to when I posted this, because that never does anyone any good. I was pretty angry at that point (even if it comes off more like whining  ). And I'm kind of hoping this is a phase because I'd like to keep him as a friend.

sounds like you should butt out of your friend's personal life. Can't speak to the "comments" he made to you, since you won't elaborate, but so far I'm giving this a 3/10. Sounds more whining than ranting.

It had more to do with the tone in the both instances than the actual wordage. In the first instance, he didn't sound teasing or sarcastic, just demeaning and it made me angry. I made that pretty clear to him that and he didn't stop or apologize. The second instance what he said was rather objectifying--he's still attracted to me and it's been a source of running humor but, again, it was the way he said what he said and not the comment. Didn't sound funny, not said with a smile, just a crass jackass comment I would have expected from a bro.

We have an agreement to be rather honest about our opinions of the other's boy or girlfriend, should an opinion be asked. He knew my opinion beforehand and I'm not going to pretend otherwise if he asks me again. I already said I didn't expect him to actually take it into account even though we both know I'm a fairly good judge of character and that's not why I'm unhappy anyway. If he hadn't been an ass to me and she hadn't been abusing our friend for six months, I wouldn't care that he picked up with a girl I didn't like. But he was, she did, and I'm pretty sure there's a correlation based on his comments, so I do care. But I'm not going to stick my nose in their relationship because it's not my place.

[E.O.T.]

O.K.

          I still haven't read the O.P.

BUTT

          I did it because you wouldn't put out & I'm avoiding you until I get a P.M.

P.S.

          I'm already looking for something new because she may make no sense, ever, but she's dead fish in the sack.

[Nast]

 

What a shocking development!

[Kai]

I could have had him if I had wanted him, even as recently a last week, but I turned him down when he went after me and I don't regret it.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

HFLS - brushing bits of smoldering roll up off the laptop.

I'm not laughing. Why do people have to be so stupid and petty about relationships. If I like someone, and I want to cuddle+, I just out and SAY it. I don't very well pretend I don't want someone and then bitch about them getting in a relationship soon after.

[.]

I think the majority of people's problems in relationships (I.E. having feelings for a friend but not making a move, them moving on if you reject them for asking you out etc) really just comes down to HEAD GAMES. Why people play them? I have no clue. I've been told I'm not a typical woman for the mere fact that I don't play those games of "there's a problem, but you have to figure it out yourself because I'm not telling you and you should have known that would piss me off.." If something bothers me I tell them straight up. Why can't people just do this?