Cramulus is a SPAG.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Cramulus puts mercury into the fish just to fuck with scientists, and he's the reason Kaiser rolls go stale so quickly.

Cramulus is the one to blame for the fact that your toaster toasts the bread unevenly, and he puts that scummy residue that collects on keyboard keys on there in the first place.

Cramulus is why I have to pay ten cents for each litte thingy of butter I get from the cafeteria.

You know that thing that happens when you try to pass someone in a hallway or on the sidewalk, and you both step in the same direction at the same time, thus preventing you from passing each other? Cramulus does that on purpose.

[Suu]

I blame Cram for Tucson. No shit.

AND Providence. At the same time.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Cramulus invented the modern higher education system, and has been secretly dicking with financial companies to put everyone in the debt they're in. (Who do you think founded Sallie Mae? Yeah.)

He then collects the tears of those whose lives are wrecked by these things and uses them as lube.

[AFK]

Cramulus is the guy that comes around and plows the street right after you get done cleaning out your driveway. 

[LMNO]

If you slow down the tape of "1 Man, 1 Jar," you can see Cramulus off to one side with a pellet gun, carefully aiming at the jar.

[Cramulus]

_{also I am laughing my ass off... my coworkers are becoming concerned} 

[Cainad (dec.)]

Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.

[Suu]

Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.

Awwww DUDE.

[AFK]

Cramulus loves pie.  I mean, he LOVES pie.  Do nevar eat a pie baked, served, or otherwise handled by Cramulus.  

[Luna]

Cramulus fills your jelly donuts. I want you to think about that.

Oh, man, I have to eat SOMETIME today...

[LMNO]

Cramulus was the costume designer for Three's Company.  Those running shorts that showed far too much of John Ritter?  Yeah, you guessed it.  

[Jenne]

Cramulus, simply put, is why we can't have nice things.

[Richter]

Cramulus goes shoe "shopping" at the old folks home.

Cramulus is that one attendant form the funeral parlor with the leer that makes you uncomfortable for no good reason.

[Sister Fracture]

Cram once got drunk with Osama bin Laden, and in a fit of giggles, told him he should train people to fly airplanes into things.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Cramulus killed Captain Kangaroo.  He also taught James Earl Ray how to shoot.  

Little known fact:  Kim Jung Il was a really nice guy til he went golfing with Cram.  And Cram shot Allende.  Just for spitting in the road.  Fucker'll cut you just for standing, and shoot you if you try to run.

Also, has anyone else noticed that you never see Cram and the Pope at the same time?