The Ouroboros of You

[Reeducation]

This is me trying to write about the "thing" that can't be explained. As I have tried in previous three topics, so it's basically the same stuff but in a different package.
I hope there are at least few things in this that might give you some thoughts.

Oh and this is the last one. After this I'll be writing about dinosaurs.



THE OUROBOROS OF YOU (is funny once you get out)

It's all about cycles, loops and delusions.

I had a conversation with my wife.
I don't remember the details of the conversation, but I suddenly understood that I had created my depression.
Just like that. I can honestly say that I heard the classic "halleluja" choir during that moment.

I started to laugh.

It was so absurd and paradoxical insight that I laughed for two hours.
My wife got scared and was about to call the ambulance.
I stopped her and kept on laughing.

The more I thinked about it, the more I laughed.

There I was after all those years of suicidal depression and mayhem.
Here I was and I saw the world as it really was.

When I was about 14 years old I started to get the normal vibes of any teenager.
You know, wtfuckness, emotional odness and those surreal first glimpses of nihilistic insights (okay I know there are many who never have those, but anyways).

When I arrived to the age of 17, I thought I was the only one who understood the sad truth about life.
Life was shit and death would come and kill everybody. Happiness was a curse.
Happy people lied to themselves. They were therefor stupid and disgusting.
The only way to live was to burn fast and fuck everything up.
I could do that I thought and I was right.

Long story short: Everything went downhill and that made me feel like I had been right about life all along.
"I told you people, life IS shit! I win."

So what I realized was that I had created the whole mess.
My "depression" was just me seeing shit all around me.
You see, all this time I had been swimming in a river full of shit and I didn't even realize that I was the only one in it and running out of toilet paper.

It is very difficult to get people who are ruining their lives to see what they are doing.
They really can't understand what the hell you are talking about.
They are inside the "loop" of shit and for them there is nothing but the "loop". They ARE the "loop" so it is difficult indeed.
You are basically saying to them that they are wrong. Not just their actions, but their being. That is not an easy thing to take.
The people who shot themselves, like my half-brother just did, were in the loop of shit and could not get out in any other way.
They were trapped inside their own OUROBOROS OF SHIT.

What we think becomes us and what we are makes us think what we think.
So your mind is a snake eating itself and creating itself at the same time.

Whatever it is that you're thinking right now, traps you inside itself, because that's all "you" are.

A thought

after

thought.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Well done. You broke the chain. Be warned: the game aint over yet

[BadBeast]

This reminds me of the perpetual motion engine of Paranoia that one man, (Who I was going to name, but there's no need) unwittingly created for his own World.

He started off seeing some rather unpleasant truths about stuff, quite heavy stuff too. Then the knowledge flashed up his pineal gland like a star, but he just had to tell people about it. Unfortunately, he was lampooned as a complete and utter twat, then spent 15 years, tryng to navigate a path for himself that would allow him  re-package his pineal epiphany in a way that bought him back a little credibility, a chance to share some really quite perceptive ideas. And after a lot of self examination, and re-evaluation, he succeeded in completely re-inventing himself.

He not only succeeded, he became the latest Enfant terrible of the whole NWO conspiracy theorist people. And there were many, many more of these people than he realised. . People began to listen to him. His books sold out time and time again. People paid lots of money to hear him speaking, and presenting his map of the conspirators design for Earth.
         
However, as he became more successful in exposing who he saw as the Omnipotent faceless manipulators, ruthlessly exploiting mankind from their exalted position, he forgot something quite important. Or missed it completely. The Law of Fives.

While he was grabbing every piece of the conspiracy that he could find, and fitting it into the Frankenstienian model of how shit happens, the more pieces he saw. And the bigger it all got. So he did what anyone would do, he stepped back, and reassessed the state of play. 
Oh Dear, What ugly and terrible things you have uncovered? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE WORLD??

In your well intentioned crusade to point out the many wrongnesses you saw, you've turned your own world into a seething cauldron of plots, malice, and paranoia. Only you know that every piece of it is real. You researched it all yourself, meticulously, and thoroughly. The Reptilian Overlords? ( And you do realize just how out there this seems as well)

They become reality, backed up with historical corroborating evidence. Biblical evidence. Fossil evidence. DNA evidence. They have been feeding on us, for Millennium. They shifted their shape to blend in, they shaped our World, they bred with us, they created a subset of half Lizard, half man Servants, Illuminated ones, who control everything we see.  And now they KNOW  you are onto them, and you have foolishly declared them as your Enemies.

Now you realize, you're being carefully watched all the time by these Monsters. Monsters who hate you, who would cheerfully rip you to bits, for fun. But they don't.
You begin seeing their Agents, every day, monitoring you, with their cold, dead eyes. So you withdraw a little. This just gives you more time to make the pit you are in, deeper, and it's sides are getting steeper, so steep that you cannot climb out from it's depths.

You detach from the shared World of rationality, and drift out in this sea of Fuck. It strikes you, that you really are all alone, and without allies. The Public (fickle as ever) are starting to turn their attentions to the next unwary fool, Dan Brown, perhaps, with his Masonic slant on things.

Obviously sent, by the Illuminated Brethren to discredit you, and ridicule your ideas,  And so, bobbing around in the sea of Fuck you've made from your own sweat, your own tears, and the blood of countless, nameless, victims gone before you, you are completely powerless, and helpless. You know this is what they planned for you all along. Every strange face you see now, has the "Reptile set" to it.
Even if someone threw you a rope now, you would only see another Serpent. You have become lost, adrift on the thing you created, from that first burst of pinealism. The very trap you saw had been set. For you.  It was set BY you!

Out of all the others who went before you, trying to expose The Thing, only Crowley made it look easy. But you ain't no Crowley. And now you realize even he was bluffing his way past The Fear. Carried on from by sheer force of personality, and bluster. He knew what you know. But he hadn't been sucked in by anything as personal as a Crusade. Or any belief in the basic goodness of Humanity. And you rejected the Gods you felt you had outgrown years ago, in order to be free and accept this, your own Mission. Foolish.

But you forgot to create new Gods. Forgetting what useful and powerful tools they could be, you are now at the mercy of the enemy's Gods of Dominion, Fear and Subjugation. And all this opposition, all these enemies, they were created especially for you. BY you.
And then, you half remember the Law of Fives. Everything being somehow connected, via the paradigm you hold up as a light to see by.  In your case, the Reptilian Conspiracy. It now permeates into every part of creation, like a malign but hitherto dormant Virus. Everywhere. And about to rouse itself. Can it really become the end of your stay here? Yes, you realize. it can.

GIVEN ENOUGH INGENUITY ON THE PART OF THE SEEKER. 

^This^ is the crunch. The thing you forgot to take into consideration. The almost supernatural power of the Human mind when it comes to pattern recognition. Pattern creation. Pulling ordered systems out of the Chaos of the unformed Universe.
Pattern expansion. From three or four related singularities, the mind can grow patterns to include everything you have consider to be the part of the World. 
This realization is your lifeline. This is your way back. You suddenly see that your original pineal flash, hid the mouth of the great two headed Serpent, Ourobouros, as it began to devour you. You don't know how you could have missed it.

When you first began this crazy shit, it had already started to digest everything you had, everything you knew, and as you passed through it's belly, it stripped away everything you thought you were, and left you naked, afraid, and vulnerable to the all powerful enemies you'd created.

And now, with any luck, you are about to emerge from the other end of the cycle. The Serpent's heads are the only points of awareness where you can see the whole cycle for what it is. The wheel of Dharma. And you are at the Buddha point. The place where you can jump off, and begin the whole, glorious cycle again, reborn and newly conscious.

You think to yourself, "Wow, it really is all just a ride!"
And what a fucking ride. Plunged into the dream that is Maya, the dream that becomes more solid than reality in it's attempts to keep you inside itself. It lets you build a whole World to live in from it's dreamstuff. All it knows, is itself, and you. And without you to experience it, it is nothing. It needs you not to see The Ride while you are on it.

BUT TO DO THIS YOU HAVE TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME A WILLING PART OF THE DECEIT. AND YOU HAVE ONLY
JUST REALIZED IT WAS A DECEIT AT ALL.

Or you can sit at the head, and watch as the Dream drops back into inertia. Potential, without form or feeling. Waiting to come alive for the next Fool that suddenly gets his pineal gland lit up, and sees the first piece of his own puzzle.  You can watch as he struggles with his own demons, fears, traps, and desires. But you can do nothing for him, you cannot act on the dream, from outside the dream. As you ponder this point of singularity that you've found, you see yourself approach the opposite Serpent's head, oblivious to it's existence, and step off the edge of it's head, and fall into it's huge mouth.

Straight into the waiting arms of Maya, who immediately begins to spin a new world from threads of dreaming... . . . It's clear now. You are the Dreamer. And the one who is trapped inside the dream. And the other one, who is suddenly aware of both states, but only passively.
You disappear into Sartori and become the Dream also. And because you are now all of everything, the Trinity of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva, but hiding from poor illusory Maya, who mustn't see she is only a dream, and your participant player pieces, you reach a loving hand inside the trapped mans mind, and flick his pineal gland awake.  (Get it on. Bang a Gong)
It's a Song without any words  A Book, with all it's pages Blank. A joke, with no punchline. But funny, nonetheless.

            *?? AND SOMETHING ABOUT FUCKING DINOSAURS ??*   

[Reeducation]