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i mean, pardon my english but this, the life i'm living is ww1 trench warfare.

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What REALLY Happened, part I of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 13, 2011, 07:27:19 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

June 13, 2011, 07:27:19 PM
Who the fuck did Dorothy think she was?

Yeah, yeah, I feel bad for her, being swept into a magical kingdom that was utterly alien to her.  And yeah, she croaked the Wicked Witch of the West, and even helped a few people get their shit together.

But that wasn't enough, was it?  Rather than adventure in this strange kingdom, she felt the need to return to an insufferably dull Kansas homestead.  So off she goes, down the yellow brick road.

After several run-ins with the locals, she and her little posse - and her stupid useless dog - arrive at the beautiful Emerald City.  At no point did anyone ask how the place got built, or how old it was, or anything.  Nope.  Straight to the Wizard.

And what did the little wretch do when she got there? 

Oh, yeah.  She exposed the rather harmless Wizard as a humbug, thus stripping most of the "magic" off of the kingdom, making it useless and mundane.  Then, after wrecking the place, she went home to Kansas.

The Munchkins, now living in a world without magic or mystery, all get jobs at the mill, and toil away the rest of their lives, watching bad television in the evening and drinking too much.  Eventually, most of them move to Newark.

The End.  Thanks a lot, Dorothy.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Triple Zero

#1
June 13, 2011, 07:37:02 PM
aahahahaha awesome! :lulz:
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

BabylonHoruv

#2
June 13, 2011, 07:44:48 PM
Dorothy, purveyer or horrible truth.
You're a special case, Babylon.  You are offensive even when you don't post.

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Juana

#3
June 13, 2011, 07:49:39 PM
:lulz: Very nice.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Jenne

#4
June 13, 2011, 08:00:59 PM
She had no fucking choice.  She was a lemming from get-go.  Fucking twit.

I actually have NO LOVE for that snivelling brat.  She had brainless, rather selfish friends and a yipping lapdog for a pet.

I feel rather sorry for the WWofW...mostly because she got screwed out of her birthright by some goodie twoshoes.  Glinda is sorta like the Feds when they realize the relative died intestate.

ETA:  GREAT OP, Rog.

Luna

#5
June 13, 2011, 08:03:11 PM
Little twit never even stopped to wonder what ELSE those slippers could do.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
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"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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Adios

#6
June 13, 2011, 08:27:34 PM
You just made Judy Garlands festering corpse piss itself.

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
June 13, 2011, 09:39:23 PM
Quote from: Jenne on June 13, 2011, 08:00:59 PM
I feel rather sorry for the WWofW...mostly because she got screwed out of her birthright by some goodie twoshoes.  Glinda is sorta like the Feds when they realize the relative died intestate.

Meh.  They're both Pagans, so whatever.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
June 13, 2011, 09:39:53 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on June 13, 2011, 08:27:34 PM
You just made Judy Garlands festering corpse piss itself.

This is a good thing.  I never liked her Pollyanna ass, anyway.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#9
June 13, 2011, 09:42:25 PM
This is AWESOME.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
June 13, 2011, 09:43:17 PM
Quote from: Your Mom on June 13, 2011, 09:42:25 PM
This is AWESOME.

Thanks.  There's a few stories that really bug the shit out of me, because the protagonist is actually an utter shitheels.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#11
June 13, 2011, 10:03:59 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 13, 2011, 09:43:17 PM
Quote from: Your Mom on June 13, 2011, 09:42:25 PM
This is AWESOME.

Thanks.  There's a few stories that really bug the shit out of me, because the protagonist is actually an utter shitheels.

I was always annoyed that Dorothy was regarded as a hero. The movie creeped me out, as a kid, to the point where I didn't want to read the book. And I wanted to read every book in the world, then.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
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Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Eater of Clowns

#12
June 13, 2011, 10:13:31 PM
It was a slow, predictable process that brought Oz to where it is today.  For years after Dorothy's visit the locals told stories of Her arrival, this strange and pretty visitor from a land they'd never heard about.  They praised Her brave showdowns with the oppressive witches, sang of Her friendly demeanor.  It was the type of story that started with "Remember that time..." and they told it again even though they'd all lived through it, smiling.

The ones closest to Her were heroes, applauded and treated like royalty.  The Cowardly Lion, The Tin Man, and Her dearest friend and confidant, The Scarecrow.  Together with the girl they were formidable, and this before they knew of the talents they possessed, shown to them by the much demonized Wizard.  With reality set into their minds, with the fantasy of their world gone, they turned to civic matters and who better to bring to power than the ones who'd proven themselves to be trustworthy in bringing light into their lives.

So the three parted ways and went to govern different lands.  Of course, being such good pals meant it all went rather harmoniously, and they did the best they could.  The Lion was proud and dauntless.  His decisions were unquestioned, even when woefully ill informed.  And like all former cowards, he set himself to proving his worth in foolhardy endeavors that cost the lives of thousands.  But he was one of the saviors so of course it was alright.

The Tin Man was the weakest of they who became known as the Three Kings.  A part of him said no, the only one, but of course he didn't take much convincing.  He was surrounded by power hungry schemers that used him as their puppet and held his precious oil above his head.  They used big words and had him sign impossible documents and told him the people loved him, no matter what, because he was one of their saviors.

The Scarecrow was the worst of them because he loved them with all his heart.  A leader must love, of course, but this blind, crippling affection meant the difficult decisions, the ones that were necessary, simply weren't done.  He couldn't bear to do it.  But they loved him the most, this savior of theirs.

And all the while there was the legend of Dorothy from this weird, far away world known as Kansas.  Kings and shepherds, preachers and apostles The Three were, telling Her story.  When the munchkins choke on the air of industry, when the denizens of the Emerald City fight in the streets over Her teachings, it is said that the righteous dead will see Her again in Kansas.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
June 13, 2011, 10:15:03 PM
FUCK

YEAH
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eve Hill

#14
June 13, 2011, 10:17:23 PM
 :mittens: To Roger and EoC!

Those were both awesome!
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