Serious talk about your ass.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

It seems to me that, besides certain obvious mitigating circumstances, there is no compelling reason to use a public restroom for defecation. In the first place, the time of defecation is a holy and revered time, the sole refuge in our modern society for being undisturbed by intrusions; one of a very few situations in which it is considered not only permissible but expected for one to lock themselves into a room and avoid contact with the external world. For those of us whose lives are filled with a constant drumbeat of interruptions and questions and neediness from others, this sacred time may serve as the only time during the day when we can be free from the droning voices of other apes.

Secondly, because the act of defecation is generally considered "private," why would one wish to perform this art anywhere but in a completely enclosed space (with adequate ventilation)? There are very large gaps beneath the stalls of public restrooms, and usually sizable gaps even between the stall door an its frame. This tends to decrease privacy and increase airflow (which is another concern).

Verily, I say unto thee, If you poop in a public restroom, why? Do you HATE the sacred bond between a person and their Number Two time?

[Salty]

I dunno about you but I own a colon, not a stopwatch. You gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do it. Especially when an irregular work schedule induces irregular bowel movements.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I myself used to be shit break. Back when i was younger and had to worry not to much about my paycheck id just flat out take the t home. I would avoid pooping at other peoples houses. Mainly because my throne was my own not to be shared with others. And then there is the whole factor of sitting down on porcelain that has been preheated by someone else. It gives you an icky feeling. I still have this tendency to a degree but i have largely gotten over it. I would not have pooped at richters place for example excepting for the fact that that day it was copious and explosive.

[East Coast Hustle]

I'll poop anywhere.

I mean, ANYWHERE.

Of course, I also don't have any compelling reason not to tell people to fuck off when I want to be left alone, so I don't need the guaranteed feces-induced private time.

[Triple Zero]

Because sometimes, you gotta POOP. And taking a shit FEELS GOOD so why would you keep it in and wait until you get home??

Plus, it really kinda depends on where you are. Some office buildings have one or two single-person rooms per floor, with the "occupied" signifying lock facing the hallway. So you just pick the quietest floor and bring a fucking magazine. If you work in IT or some other place with a skewed male/female ratio, use the ladies room for extra likely not being disturbed (in my experience, in office buildings, level of hygiene is similar, they don't tend to do acrobatics and squirt all over the place like they do in nightclubs and bars). Then there's of course the king-size SPACEOUS wheelchair-enabled throne rooms, can highly recommend, just don't pull any weird out-of-place handles or touch "emergency" labeled buttons. Another advantage, sometimes taps in handicapped restrooms have these really long handles you can operate with your elbow and also the doorknobs are placed differently, so you can actually wash your hands without immediately having to touch something that smears all the germs right back on!

As far as sound, I don't care. My bladder is more shy than my colon, apparently.

And I'm not sure what's the problem with airflow? The smell of the guy before you doesn't last longer than 30 secs, does it? (assuming he flushed) And surely you're not bothered by your own poop smell, besides you got these crazy ass-cheek splashing deep sea plunger soup bowls over there, so there's about a 10th of a second poop-air contact, max, and then you flush. So, what about the airflow?

All I see is you (OP) are indeed making a good point that, if you want to take a good shit, preferably don't do it in a dirty public toilet. I can imagine that. But any public toilet? If it's a place you find yourself regularly, and it's got dirty public toilets, then THAT is the problem, and if you are trying to convince me to suck it up and take my shit home, instead of raising a shitstorm about the necessity of clean fucking toilets, then YOU sir, are the one not taking the holiness of poopytiem serious enough.

[Bruno]

The bathrooms where I work are infested with whistlers. There is no reason to whistle in a public restroom unless you are dying from something slow and painful, and you believe that if you commit suicide, you won't go to the good place.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Maybe I am just a bathroom snob or something. But I just can't feel at home in a public restroom. And it isn't so much that I feel somehow unable to poomp in a public toilet, like some kind of scatological performance anxiety or something, but the feeling of a missed opportunity to barricade myself for 3 hours in my home-based fortress of solitude under the pretense of defecation.

Also it is frowned upon here to post a sign on the exterior door to a stall displaying the level of poomp that is taking place within (DEF-CON 5, DEF-CON 3, etc.).

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

But I just can't feel at home in a public restroom.

You've got to sit on the toilet like you OWN it:

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Poomp you hang on to dehydrates. And since it's not exposed to air, you have to assume the shit-moisture is REABSORBED somehow.

I have to smell other peoples shit when I go to a public restroom to pee or just fix my makeup.
IT'S THEIR FUCKING TURN.

[Elder Iptuous]

i generally feel no need until i get home. 
then it's stop number one. hug the kiddos on the way to the shitter.
i go camping for the weekend, and i don't crap for three days.
it's my super power, i guess.

[Phox]

No, it is, in fact, a PRIVILEGE that you are ALLOWED to poop in a public place. IT's so you can show off your artistry to all who come after you, without seeming like a freak for inviting people into your home and say "LOOK HOW I FUCKIN' WRECKED THIS POT!"*. Why would you want to AVOID it? That's like saying "I don't want to vote" or "I don't want to send threatening letters to foreign dignitaries". What the fuck is wrong with you!?

*= Not applicable if you are a Holy Man^TM

[tyrannosaurus vex]

i generally feel no need until i get home. 
then it's stop number one. hug the kiddos on the way to the shitter.
i go camping for the weekend, and i don't crap for three days.
it's my super power, i guess.

This. We should start a "no communal pooping" club.

[Elder Iptuous]

i generally feel no need until i get home. 
then it's stop number one. hug the kiddos on the way to the shitter.
i go camping for the weekend, and i don't crap for three days.
it's my super power, i guess.

This. We should start a "no communal pooping" club.

...i have no response to that....

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

i generally feel no need until i get home. 
then it's stop number one. hug the kiddos on the way to the shitter.
i go camping for the weekend, and i don't crap for three days.
it's my super power, i guess.

This. We should start a "no communal pooping" club.

I can do that too, but why? Who wants to spend precious minutes of your day working turds back up your colon when you could just set them free?

[East Coast Hustle]

The bathrooms where I work are infested with whistlers. There is no reason to whistle in a public restroom unless you are dying from something slow and painful, and you believe that if you commit suicide, you won't go to the good place.

There might actually not be anything in the entire world that pisses me off more than people who whistle. Thank fuck it's outlawed on this ship (and most ships). I suspect it's subconsciously why I took the job in the first place.