Open Bar MMXIV^2: Solace of Quantum

[EK WAFFLR]

You are all gonna get so sick of seeing me post all over this bitch all fucking day long!

Won't.

What the Dok said. I'm only worried about keeping up.

[Cain]

He told me that the year he enlisted, 1997, the Swiss Guard was so short-staffed it had even accepted a volunteer who suffered from a twisted spine. The recruit was the right height, and that was all that mattered. He didn't last long. The pace was so grueling that Gugelmann often got only four hours' sleep and had no idea what time or even day it was. Often, time was defined only by the absence of  meat in the canteen (on Fridays), the pope's weekly audience (Wednesdays), or the Angelus prayer in St. Peter's Square (Sundays).

Discipline was a mess. One noncommissioned officer had drawn his gun and pointed it at another guard to make him get out of bed.  Promotion automatically rewarded not the best, but the longest serving. Gugelmann's most vivid memory was of the stormy nights he had spent on patrol, when lightning would illuminate the faces staring out of the frescoes in the Paoline Chapel of the Apostolic Palace. Some of the faces, he was convinced, had been painted in such a way that the eyes seemed to follow you everywhere you went.

Nothing but the best for the Pope 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

He told me that the year he enlisted, 1997, the Swiss Guard was so short-staffed it had even accepted a volunteer who suffered from a twisted spine. The recruit was the right height, and that was all that mattered. He didn't last long. The pace was so grueling that Gugelmann often got only four hours' sleep and had no idea what time or even day it was. Often, time was defined only by the absence of  meat in the canteen (on Fridays), the pope's weekly audience (Wednesdays), or the Angelus prayer in St. Peter's Square (Sundays).

Discipline was a mess. One noncommissioned officer had drawn his gun and pointed it at another guard to make him get out of bed.  Promotion automatically rewarded not the best, but the longest serving. Gugelmann's most vivid memory was of the stormy nights he had spent on patrol, when lightning would illuminate the faces staring out of the frescoes in the Paoline Chapel of the Apostolic Palace. Some of the faces, he was convinced, had been painted in such a way that the eyes seemed to follow you everywhere you went.

Nothing but the best for the Pope 

That is messed up. Totally sounds like a third-rate rent-a-cop racket.

[Cain]

Psh, having your guards suffer from paranoid hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation is morale-building.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Psh, having your guards suffer from paranoid hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation is morale-building.

Of course! I forgot. And the out-of-bed-at-gunpoint is merely a teamwork/trust building exercise.

[Junkenstein]

He told me that the year he enlisted, 1997, the Swiss Guard was so short-staffed it had even accepted a volunteer who suffered from a twisted spine. The recruit was the right height, and that was all that mattered. He didn't last long. The pace was so grueling that Gugelmann often got only four hours' sleep and had no idea what time or even day it was. Often, time was defined only by the absence of  meat in the canteen (on Fridays), the pope's weekly audience (Wednesdays), or the Angelus prayer in St. Peter's Square (Sundays).

Discipline was a mess. One noncommissioned officer had drawn his gun and pointed it at another guard to make him get out of bed.  Promotion automatically rewarded not the best, but the longest serving. Gugelmann's most vivid memory was of the stormy nights he had spent on patrol, when lightning would illuminate the faces staring out of the frescoes in the Paoline Chapel of the Apostolic Palace. Some of the faces, he was convinced, had been painted in such a way that the eyes seemed to follow you everywhere you went.

Nothing but the best for the Pope 

Oh wow.

I wish all major leaders were guarded this competently.

[Junkenstein]

Psh, having your guards suffer from paranoid hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation is morale-building.

Of course! I forgot. And the out-of-bed-at-gunpoint is merely a teamwork/trust building exercise.

And alertness.

There's the added hilarity that you're being woken up by someone who must have had less sleep than you. So however shaky you are, he's worse and armed.

I bet there's absolutely no strange deaths/injuries from this system at all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You are all gonna get so sick of seeing me post all over this bitch all fucking day long!

Won't.

What the Dok said. I'm only worried about keeping up.

And then I got sidetracked by the STUNNING MORONICITY of that pagan board. 

[Don Coyote]

Order two fencing longswords, probably should have done this during the quarter so they would have been here for the summer.
Now onto figuring out the brand of fencing jacket to get.

Or not. Turns out they are shipping my swords right away.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The subdivision pays for a lawn care crew to come on Tuesdays and accidentally everyone's lawn. They've been here since 8 am.

Right now they're racing their stand-on mower behemoths down the street and blocking traffic. They almost took out the neighbor's Scottish Terrier. My money's on the blue mower. So far they've only dinged one light pole and two mailboxes. Shit, this is the most exciting thing I've seen all day!

GO BLUE GO!!!

Red mower is on the side of the street with the extra tar bits and it's bogging the mower down because the tar is peeling right up off the road. But he's speeding up, 40 mph-ish.

GO BLUE GO!!!

Oh shit, they almost hit the kids crossing the street to get to the pool.

Neck and neck . . .

BLUE MOWER WON! BLUE MOWER WON!!!!!!!!

And now he's puking in the grass.

Well done, Blue Mower Man. Well done.

This is AWESOME.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I am tempted to go get a skateboard TODAY and just be broke as fuck for a few weeks, because the thing is, I have my summer break NOW. By the time I have money, I will be back in school and interning so when will I have time to practice? I want to get good enough on it to cruise to school on it this summer. I haven't been on a board in ages so my balance is all shitty.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

The subdivision pays for a lawn care crew to come on Tuesdays and accidentally everyone's lawn. They've been here since 8 am.

Right now they're racing their stand-on mower behemoths down the street and blocking traffic. They almost took out the neighbor's Scottish Terrier. My money's on the blue mower. So far they've only dinged one light pole and two mailboxes. Shit, this is the most exciting thing I've seen all day!

GO BLUE GO!!!

Red mower is on the side of the street with the extra tar bits and it's bogging the mower down because the tar is peeling right up off the road. But he's speeding up, 40 mph-ish.

GO BLUE GO!!!

Oh shit, they almost hit the kids crossing the street to get to the pool.

Neck and neck . . .

BLUE MOWER WON! BLUE MOWER WON!!!!!!!!

And now he's puking in the grass.

Well done, Blue Mower Man. Well done.

This is AWESOME.

It will become a pivotal piece of flash literature in this modern renaissance, I feel.

[Salty]

These god damned diploma mills need to stop their bullshit.

They pump out LMT after LMT, tell them they're all going to make $90k a year, and let them rot. They teach them nothing about business, nothing valuable anyway.
Then again, people with business degrees are frequently morons.

Some got it, some don't, I guess.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

These god damned diploma mills need to stop their bullshit.

They pump out LMT after LMT, tell them they're all going to make $90k a year, and let them rot. They teach them nothing about business, nothing valuable anyway.
Then again, people with business degrees are frequently morons.

Some got it, some don't, I guess.

My ex has an MBA, and is a complete idiot about business.

And about everything else, too.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I went to a skate shop and stood on some boards. Some of them were really nice boards, but none of them were THE board.

Now I want sushi real bad.

Maybe I should go to another board shop and then go get some sushi.