Showing you the exit would involve neurosurgery

[Messier Undertree]

The cow stands on one leg and, in the early years, to even the most casual of observers she is clearly in pain. It is obvious to all who see her that things are not well for her or them. Yet, now she smiles. The smile reassures those around her that all is well. They get on with their lives, believing themselves to be living in an age of progress and enlightenment. If this were not the case, why would the cow be smiling? Her smile, so radiant and full of hope, has made the people forget that she is struggling to stand with only one leg. There is pain in her eyes but no one notices.

Meanwhile, a wolf suckles Romulus and Remus...

The people do not know that the cow does not smile in approval of the age in which the people surrounding her are living. She has been standing on one leg for so long now that she can't help but smile at the thought of the soon to come New Age in which she will once again stand on all four legs. Of the billions of people watching her, all but a handful are focused on her radiant smile rather than the pain in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Nero fiddles...

As time rolls on and the cataclysm that will bring about the next age comes closer, her smile only grows more radiant and hopeful, making the foolish majority even more content. The handful who notice her pain are destined, she decides, to be the survivors of this Dark Age.

Meanwhile, the star-spangled banner yet waves...

She explains what is to come to the few who have shown her pity. The only escape from this hellish prison in sheep's clothing is within the minds of those people who see the pain in her eyes. They must be in time but not of it. They must physically exist in a Dark Age but be of noble spirit, always looking above themselves. They must reject the rotten values of the age and cling to that which is intrinsically true in all ages. This, says the cow to her sympathisers, is the way to escape the prison into which they have been born. The coming Golden Age is within them. As for those who didn't notice the pain in her eyes? They're watching America's Got Talent as Caesar takes his throne

Meanwhile, the Patriot Act is signed...

Are you thinking for yourself, schmuck?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I'm thinking the cow has bursitis in that last leg.

Great stuff.