Revision as of 14:57, 4 June 2008

Mal2 asked a well endowed blonde student of Discordia, "Where do you come from?" The blonde student of Discordia replied, "I am from here." Mal2 said: "Do you think here is any different than there?" Startled, the blonde student of Discordia said, "I always did." Mal2 said:"That which thinks is the mind. That which is pretty is the body. Everywhere, here and there in the world, there are mountains, rivers, towers, palaces, people, animals, and other things. Look at your mind in the mirror. Do you see a beautiful beauty there?" The Blonde student of Discordia said, "I see a great body, lean curves and amazing boobs - and they’re real." Mal2 said, "That's right, you are feeling it but not yet understanding it." The blonde student of Discordia said, "Do you have any special advice, Mal2?" Mal2 said, "It is not enough to say that one is here or there, you must also know that you are now not then, that you are I not thee, that you are coming not foreplaying. Your insight shows that you have obtained one side of the mystery. Sit down, get your clothes off – from now on you see by yourself." She ended by saying “I was born to atone for my sins.” And atoned she did.

Well this is a bit too long and linear for a KOAN so let's just pretend that someone in there talked about a redbeared stranger and that'll do the trick. Something like ...

Lord Omar asked Eris if the Law of Fives applied in Limbo Peak and Eris turned her eyes to the sky and chanted the following invocation "Did I shave my legs for this office?"

Koan Heads

A disciple entirely sick of normal teachings sought enlightenment at the foot of a self proclaimed master. Meeting the master at a park bench, the student heeded the words of a hand lettered sign on a disused case of beer, and handed $40.00 to the holy one. "Let me ask you this:", began the student, feeling now entitled to a certain lesson. "No.", replied the master, as he tucked away the bills.

"Yes, but my questions is...", he began again. "It isn't. You fool youself.", came the reply.

"I ONLY WISH TO ASK ONE THING!" the disciple bellowed, now feeling quite fed up. "You have asked three things, and have a lesson for today. Go and ponder this."

Once his blood pressure fell, feeling quite humbled, the student bowed and left, pondering what had occured. As he left he saw another fellow approach the master cashless, greeting him affably and sharing a certain brown wrapped drink. Seeing this, the student went off, feeling there was much indeed to think on.

A Zen Master went to visit a Discordian KSC high upon a mountain top, seeking true enlightenment.

The Zen Master carefully approached the Discordian, being aware of their erratic temperment. Before he could speak, the Discordian spun around and asked the Zen Master, "Does the Goddess Eris have Buddha-Nature?"

The Zen Master smiled and said, "Mu!"

The Discordian looked the Zen Master in the eyes and said, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

The Zen Master smiled and said, "Mu!"

The Discordian stood and said, "No, man. I'm serious. What the fuck does that mean? Are you retarded or something?"

The Zen Master smiled and said, "Mu!"

The Discordian snatched the Zen Master's walking stick away from him and said, raising his voice, "Say 'Mu' Again. Say 'Mu' again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker! Say 'Mu' one more God damn time!"

The Zen Master was no longer smiling, but was holding up his shaking hands defensively and said, "Mu?"

The Discordian moved closer, savagely striking the Zen Master with his own stick, all the time shouting, "Is the Goddess Eris a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream? Answer me!"

When the Zen Master awoke, he found that his wallet was gone and his pineal gland was swollen. He also noticed that his underweear was on inside-out. He was instantly enlightened.

   Mal2 stokes the shaft

Mal2 giving instructions said, "If one strokes a shaft, the house and the nation obtains release. If one does not swallow after, it all goes to waste." Lord Omar held up his staff to a chair and said, "I can live and die by this?"

 Lord Omar’s pick-up truck

A blonde bodacious student of Discordia asked Lord Omar, "Your place or my place?” Lord Omar asked, "Are you on the pill?" The blonde bodacious student answered, "Yes, I am." Lord Omar said, "Then f#!k it! I can’t hold it any longer, let’s do it here on the hood of my pick-ip truck."

The cabbage asked: What is Discordianism Disco-david answer: Heeping up snow in a golden apple