Latest revision as of 13:31, 16 February 2011

Chapters 1-10 of the Sacred Chao Te Ching

Chapter 1

The Universe that can be described is not the real Universe;
The name that can be given is not an accurate name.
Nameless, it is the source of Order and Disorder;
Named... Well, we pretty much covered that, yeah?

Whoever is Disordered, sees that patterns do not exist.
Whoever is Ordered, sees every pattern.
These two are the same,
but what is produced has names;
They both may be called Illusion. 
From the comic to the tragic,
this is the door to the essence of all life.

Chapter 2

When the people of the world all know Order as Order,
there arises the recognition of Disorder.
When they know there is such a thing as Illusion,
there arises the idea of Reality.

Therefore Order and Disorder produce each other,
Reality and Illusion trick each other,
Authority and Freedom define each other, 
Love and Hate fuck each other.

So the wise spags look for balance,
and stick their wrench into the Machine™.

They organize, but they do not Order.
They break apart, but they do not Disorder.
They act, but they Keep Their Fucking Mouths Shut.
And so are able to act again.

Chapter 3

If you put value
in subjective Bullshit,
lesser spags will treat it
like objective Truth.

Therefore the wise spags lead
by knowing their Prison
and staying pragmatic.
Like hitting someone with a Barstool
to prove that it actually exists,
call people on their Bullshit
so there will be no narcissism to exploit.
By understanding your Cell, you will understand others'.

Chapter 4

This is Chaos: it is everything, including itself. 
All of Starbuck's Pebbles come from it. 
It confuses Order, it arranges Disorder. 
It multiplies its opposite, it positively negates. 
Lying below life, lining the world. 
The origin of all patterns. 
It has existed before we observed it.
Ok, that last one's not quite accurate.
You can't really observe Chaos, just the consequences.

Chapter 5

Life is unfair, wear a helmet. 
The wise spag wears a helmet, but also drops hammers. 

Anything could be a punchline.
Even the wise spag gets punched.

Chaos never ends!  
Even its vacuum has a presence. 
To struggle against it 
is like pissing in the wind.

Chapter 6

Chaos is beyond division,
but some only see what they choose.

The old texts say, 
"If you think this is just a ha-ha,
then go read it again."

And yet, some demand only humor
as if Eris were a petty amusement.
They liken the serious to the Grey,
and then wonder why their world collapses so easily.

Sometimes Eris uses Order.
Sometimes She uses Disorder. 
Sometimes She works through you.
Sometimes the joke's on you.

Chapter 7

The Universe outside your Prison Cell 
has gone on before you, and goes on after you. 
It is as unfeeling and uncaring about itself as a Barstool in midflight: 
Even if you have convinced yourself it consists mainly of empty space,
you should probably still duck. 

So the wise spags look outside their own brains 
and grasp the surrounding minds. 
They see the bars of their Black Iron Prison 
and so are able to see around them. 
Because isn't the other way 
tantamount to masturbation?

Chapter 8

The best are like the Chao;
It balances the Order and the Disorder.
The escalation of Disorder,
and the imposition of Order;
Each adds to the other.

As they live,
and as they travel,
they see the world as others would see Illusion.
Be the Illusion Eristic,
or be it Aneristic,
they strive to complete the balance.
It's not their fault that the Aneristic has no sense of humor.

Chapter 9

Write the longest, wisest essay
and no one will have time to read it.
Temper the truth to its very sharpest,
and you will cut both friend and foe.

The Ancients do not want you to read their books.
They want you to ride their bikes.

Who wants to ride a five thousand year old bike?

You can get better advice from cats
than from parodies of ancient wisdom.

Chapter 10

Can you laugh so hard
that it sounds like screaming?
Can you snicker like a jaded fogey
while giggling like a newborn baby?
Can you look with eyes that will actually see?
Can you lead people without dominating them?
Can you understand, without using your mind?

To create and destroy
with no sense of self,
to act without obligation,
to lead without tyranny…
Well, it sometimes hurts to try.
But you should try anyway.